GUILLERMO DEL TORO GETS BUSY
09.05.08Filmschoolrejects reports that Guillermo Del Toro is already signed on to projects through the next decade. Smart man. When the world ends in 2012 (as Mel Gibson prophesied), Del Toro will have already gotten advances on several projects and can use the money to buy — oh I don’t know — let’s say whimsically large teeth and hooded sweatshirts.
Right now Del Toro is signed on (or rumored to be signed on) to do two Hobbit movies, a Frankenstein remake, a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde remake, a Slaughterhouse-Five remake, Drood, a third Hellboy movie (or “H3llboy”), and a segment of Heavy Metal, as well as still being involved in an adaptation of H.P. Lovecraft’s At The Mountains Of Madness.
The movie Del Toro will most likely be filming after the Hobbit movies wrap is Drood, based on a novel by Dan Simmons that hasn’t been published yet. This is how Dan describes his novel, and I’ll have to take his word for it as it hasn’t been freaking published yet:
Drood looks at the lives and secrets of Charles Dickens and his novelist friend Wilkie Collins in the period 1865-1870. History records that Dickens was in the terrible Staplehurst train accident of 1865 and suffered injuries – both physical and psychological — from which he never recovered. He died suddenly on the fifth anniversary of that accident on June 9,1870. Drood fictionally explores the dark secrets that came to obsess both Dickens and Wilkie Collins during those five years — secrets that not only ended their long friendship but brought each writer to the brink of murder.
Brokeback Dickens? Probably not, but if a guy is named “Wilkie” I just assume.


It’s safe to say their murderous love resulted in their union, and the world’s greatest gift, Bootsy Collins.
And that girls hair looks SQUEAKY as hell!
I like the idea of a Slaughterhouse-5 remake. The existing version was a near miss, although worth it for Valerie Perrine’s tits.
I swear, I got to the point in that where it said it’s based on Dickens, realized it doesn’t mean chicks getting dicked by more than one dude, then stopped reading.
In related news, I am booked solid for the next 14 years with projects. They include:
Running a manufacturing company, paying off a first and second mortgage, saving for two college educations, abusing alcohol, masturbating regularly, and being yelled at by my wife. Damn you Will of the Bull!
Shit are there any original screenplays out there? Even a dipshit like me wrote two screenplays that weren’t based on comics, monsters or adaptations.
Good morning to you too Gene. Jesus Christ I almost slit my wrists reading that.
Man, Busey’s gonna be pissed off at Del Toro when he sees this picture. What kind of man steals another man’s dentures?
The guy behind the teeth looks really pissed about some thing. Maybe it was the teeth getting a better part than him.
If I’m not mistaken, those teeth played the part of Selma Blair’s cliteratae
Dickens and Collins travel forward in time, enjoy moderate success, but misplace their transportation in: Drood, Where’s My Car?
Gene: If it weren’t for that manufacturing company part I’d swear you were me.
How long does it take to wind those teeth up? I think only Kevin Sorbo could do it.
Del Toro has the unfortunate ability to look like he’s just finished working out, all the time. Or struggled with a poop.
4 out of 5 dentists agree: we’re gonna need a shitload of floss.
New Up! Pandalovers.
Those aren’t teeth, that’s Del Toro’s ironically painted bedpan
At last our national nightmare is over. Julia Roberts is dead.