After the jump, I’ve got the full poster and trailer for Nothing Like the Holidays. Debra Messing accompanies her new husband John Leguizamo home to celebrate Christmas with his family and, ¡Ay Dios mio! They’re all Mexican Puerto Rican! (Seriously, does Hollywood have something against Mexicans? “Mexican” just has a nicer ring to it.)
I’m not gonna lie, despite the cheesy concept and horrible poster and the fact that it’s a Christmas movie, it doesn’t look that awful. John Leguizamo, Alfred Molina, and Freddy Rodriguez are all fine actors. But still, no Danny Trejo? He better show up during the climactic dinner scene.
“Deedju meess me, puto?”
*pulls out a shotgun and blasts Molina in the chest*
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They’re just a typical American family. Minus the American.
Where are the fuzzy dice ornaments?
The other 50 members of the household must be behind the tree?
Everyone! To the tune of “Feliz Navidad”:
Po-lice stop my car!
Po-lice stop my car!
Po-lice stop my car!
They want me to have a sober Christmas!
They want me to have a sober Christmas, from the back of the squad car!
Santa Claus’ beard is actually a flag.
It’s simple math, really:
With the Christmas tree tilted at a 45 angle like that, it makes getting over the ten foot fence way fucking easier.
Vince, would you mess with the people who clean your house, tend to your lawn and garden, and raise your kids?
If only all Puerto Ricans could be the whitest Puerto Ricans I’ve ever seen…
*shrugs shoulders and continues to sit on the back of his Ford pickup*
On Datsun, on Hyundai, on Geo, on Escort!
Vanessa Ferlito’s lack of nose bugs me. I keep wondering what she is supposed to look like
Rudolph the Red-Nosed Civic CRX
I call bullshit on the lack of a gold crown atop the tree.
You know what Mexicans have for Christmas dinner? Tacos.
You know what Mexicans do on Christmas Eve? Eat tacos.
You know where Mexiacns go to celebrate the birth of Christ? The migratory workers pick-up area off the highway.
Toby Keith would like this movie deported.
Carlos Mencia will also star in a Latino Christmas film, directed by DJ Caruso.
My family once had a bunch of Puerto Ricans come over on Christmas. Of course they all crawled through the doggy door and stole everything, but nevertheless we were together for the holiday.
Tim Allen is contractually obligated to be in this; he’ll play the mechanic that welcomes Debra Messing to the neighborhood by altering her car’s horn to play ‘La Cucaracha’
Hilarity ensues when the ground clearance on the tree is set so low that nobody can fit any presents under it.
Rosie Perez and Jennifer Lopez were so upset that they were excluded that they put their hands on their hips and pursed their lips.
Alfred Molina, Alfred Molina… is he the one that pitches for Cleveland?
If Vanessa Ferlito showed up for Christmas at my house, I sure as fuck wouldn’t be eating turkey.
I call bullshit. For one thing, there aren’t 25 little ankle biters running around tearing shit up and screaming while their parents seem not to notice or give a fuck, and two, there isn’t one set of cankles anywhere to be seen.
The presents are actually just boxes with little notes inside that read: “In six months this will be a DVD player.”
The last time I saw that many Puerto Ricans together, I was in Puer-outside the Home Depot.
I guess the women in the poster are getting their giant gold hoop earrings as presents.
Lince, when you post these stories is your first thought, “I know this is gonna be bad, but…”
Where are all the fucking kids? It is a known fact that the adult to kid ratio in a Mexican family is 1:10. They start shitting ‘em out at 12. “Oh you can walk now mija? Go make me some tortillas dammit! Pinche cabron!”
Puerto Ricans pretending to be mexicans? America really needs to put the brakes on this immigration thing or else one of these days we’ll be seeing Korean christmas movies starring a bunch of dang ching chong chinamen.
Puerto Rican advent calendars open to reveal a gold tooth each new day.
Tom Arnold will undoubtedly play the goofy white neighbor to contrast the sanity of this 18-person household.
Puerto Rican Santa Claus has his reindeer jump in unison to simulate hydraulics on his sled.
Mexicans is such a harsh word. Can’t we just call them “Racially Impaired”?
During a Puerto Rican Christmas, the turkey isn’t the only one getting cut.
The Mighty Feklahr is sure Debra Messing will “act white” in this movie.
Michael Richards better not light his cigar with that sparkler.
Not once did I get what I wanted for Christmas. I just got what the neighbors wanted for Christmas because we would break into their house and steal their presents.
Reached for comment, Jose Feliciano said he definitely wouldn’t be seeing this movie.
VIRGIN MARY SPICMAS!
There, He got it out of His system. (It’s a shot on Catholics AND Latinos [and Latino Catholics, if any.})
Nope I don’t believe this one. A Puerto Rican family and not one of them is a total flamer?
They took arrrr jobs
Professor Monty: don’t worry, Ricky Martin will make a cameo.
That’s a good point, Professor. Where’s Hank Azaria’s lisp?
Nice Aquabat, too.
You know, if you take out the “typical” you get “They’re just a American family” which is pretty close to how a Puerto Rican would say that.
If this was a Mexican Christmas, they would be asking to “pass the wire” at the dinner table, instead of the mashed potatoes.
The best part about a Puerto Rican Christmas is when they all get so hungry that they eat the tree.
In Puerto Rico, “Fifi” is a dog name.
In Puerto Rico, there are ACTUALLY “bird rapists” in jail.
Robo
Ah good I was starting to get worried there!
Hey thanks Burnsy!
In Puerto Rico, they take their forshakking seriously.
The only thing Mexicans unwrap on Christmas are tamales.
In Puerto Rico, Manwiches are burned at the stake!
At least it’s PG-13, I mean I just don’t think I could handle sitting in the theater, having to explain to some 12-year-old why a Christmas movie about Puerto Ricans is classified as a science fiction film.
In Puerto Rico, Chuckles the Clown is the biggest hit on stage!
Puerto Rican stocking stuffers include broken toothbrushes, bottles of Cool Water, car CD players with cassette adapter, and Marc Jacobs sunglasses that cost half their rent.
In Puerto Rico, Geroge Washingto figures prominently in classroom texts.
Hey Burnsy don’t forget in that stocking a small gold chain steering wheel.
At least it’s got a green card trailer.
I’d let Vanessa Ferlito toss my salad until she looked African American.
They all put their shoes out the night before Christmas so the Chupacabra will come and leave presents in them (he craps in them)
off topic for a bit
Hey Fek, since we can’t pm here at the new FilmDrunk. I just wanted to say hey! This is Lisa from “over there”.
This movie is kinda’ like the time I brought a Puerto Rican girl home to meet my family…well, I didn’t exactly mean for my family to still be awake when I brought the hooker home, but I suppose everything happens for a reason.
In Puerto Rico, they use jenkem instead of “frank incense and myrrh”.
Daddy Yankee will make a cameo as a Christmas caroler
I love how they take this enormous hispanic family, then cast the whitest person they could find to put in the middle of them, and then have Debra Messing play his wife.
A Santa le gusta la gasoliiiii-na! dame mas gasoliiiii-na!
That Frank Incense guy reeks of patchouli.
Lisa? Over there? The Mighty Feklahr has no idea what you mean. He would NEVER go to an inferior site like Turden. EVER. EVER!!!
(Glad to see you made it.)
Dor sho gha! Where’s that kid that says, “New up”?
On the first day of Christmas, the Puerto Ricans tried to eat: a partridge in a pair tree.
Burnsy: Puerto Rican stocking stuffers include [...] bottles of Cool Water, car CD players with cassette adapter
I’m Puerto Rican?
SPOILER ALERT! After each individual family member tries to chop down the tree and fails, they finally realize they must join together and cut the tree down with their switchblades and pointy shoes.
Not one of those bitches has drawn on eyebrows and razorblades in their hair.
hrmm this movie is innacurate, i dont see thee hot close to 40 year old tia anywhere in this poster.
How to tell the difference between Mexicans and Puerto Ricans:
- Mexicans wear tighter jeans
Fek, Huh?
boPa, I think we’ve all got a little Puerto Rican in us. Or maybe I’m just being stabbed right now.
WHA HA HA!!!!! Keep hitting refresh! It’s there! *snicker*
Jew don’t know what your getting for Christmas.
New Up!
un nuevo post!!
If HAZ doesn’t do the soundtrack for this, muerta dos mi.
Fuck you if that isn’t right, I took German in High School and don’t remember shit of that either.
I took drugs in high school. I know there’s an instant rimshot sound effect but is there a drops drumsticks and cymbal falls of stand effect? Oh, and still missing the formatting tools.
Tyler Perry must be furious
Naw he’s cool with it. Tito Perro is his homeboy.
Hey guys, when is the next “I Joined KKK.com and All I Got Was This Free Book Weak Jokes” meeting?
Hey, I’m Puerto Rican and I laughed at most of the jokes. Which is sad considering they’re about the dirty ones that live on the USA that give the us others (that live on the island) a bad rep. I mean cankles? Give me a break.
Hey guys, when is the next “I Joined KKK.com and All I Got Was This Free Book Weak Jokes” meeting?
I don’t know, but maybe this time they should give out books on grammar, or typing, or mixed metaphors.