When Adam Sandler teamed up with the director of The Wedding Planner, A Walk to Remember, Bringing Down the House, The Pacifier, Cheaper by the Dozen 2, and Hairspray, I expected the worst. But I’m impressed with the first trailer. Impressed that they took Adam Sandler, the worst director in Hollywood, and Disney, and somehow still made it more horrendous than I could’ve even imagined. The bedtime stories are true? Hey, way to rip off The Fall. Kid with a lisp? Thanks, Mrs. Doubtfire and Jerry Maguire. I want to choke rape whoever decided kids with speech impediments are cute. Puppies are cute. You know why? Because they don’t talk.
This is what happens when you let a guy who was a choreographer direct movies. I didn’t see a single Fly Girl in this whole thing so F him.
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Kids with aren’t cute. They’re sexy.
with lisps, fuck.
But I’m impressed with the first trailer. Impressed that they took Adam Sandler, the worst director in Hollywood, and Disney, and somehow still made it more horrendous than I could’ve even imagined.
I see what you did there…
id fuck courtney cox to keep the race moving along with strong genes.
god wills it.
Vince, you forgot to complete your equation. Adam Sandler + Disney + Kid with Lisp = Donkey tranquilizing people at the theater + Donkey putting RFID tags in tranquilized people + Donkey tracking their movements to learn from their species of subhuman.
I imagine fighting puppies is a lot like playing with midgets….fuckin’ new FilmDrunk. I wish I could remember how that went.
Mimes can’t talk, are they cute too?
Nothin, but nothin says cute like a kids with a post cleft pallet repair speech impediment.
I imagine wrestling midgets would be alot like playing with puppies, its cute for a time, but then you get slobbery and their breath makes you wanna be sick and you start kicking them real hard to get them to leave you alone.
Or soumptin
I actually prefer the 50 year old man that pronounces his “r”s as “aww”s. caww, ice cweam, wetawwd.
i’d rape a mime because i know itll always be consensual.
Kids with ______ aren’t cute. They’re sexy.
Oooh, MadLibs – let me see… I’ll go with “Divorced Parents”.
Close enough, C-Dog. You have a mind like a steel trap for someone who does as much drugs as you do.
Fick Muke that sentence structure looks like Helen Keller’s tinkertoy contraptions.
If I had the power to make bedtime stories come true for a kid, I’d just read the little bastard some Brothers Grimm and be done with the little shit.
In reality, if we had that power, we’d all just sit around reading Penthouse Forums.
ht tp://tinyurl.com/4dynjl
isnt she cute?
Kids with ______ aren’t cute. They’re sexy
Cancer
for a birth signI think the kids should dream up a bedtime story like that 5aw clip, except Adam Sandler has to put his sense of humor in the trap to stop the pendulum.
J, It was:
In my head, fighting a bunch of midgets would be like rolling around with a group of puppies. It’s fun at first, but then their breath makes you nauseous and you hurt ‘em on purpose so they’ll leave you alone.
Kids with lisps are great, except when you put peanuts in their mouth and they tell their parents about it.
{Points to dome}
Stainless steel trap! w00t!
{drools}
Why doesn’t Sandler just tell the kids pornographic stories? If they can make it rain gumballs from the sky then they can make me rain on Megan Fox.
Ah yes. Thanks nePoolp.
::slides shot of Jager and pissboot chaser down the bar::
Fucking hell, wwbd, i had a dream about her last night. We were in a swimming pool and
{finger guns nePoo}
Pew pew!
I had a spedch impediment when I was younger, all it ever got me was kicked in the neck by my speech therapist. I learned to spit out thoes “r”‘s real quick.
::misses Jager with clumsy grab, spills all over his crotch::
Damn, how am I going to explain that to my wife!
Me too C-Dog. Turns out my enunciation was way better when my uncle’s cock wasn’t in my mouth.
…those…
fuckit
Rotten Ronnie ruined Rick’s red awobot.
Please Mr. Rothchild, not the belt again!
As of right now, Adam Sandler’s only hope of being relevant again is to commit hara-kiri.
Goddamnit Dubs, you dirty, sneaky fuckin’ Mexican! That’s the last time I check out one of your links.
(at least when I can’t go to the bathroom right after viewing)
Weweese Wadewick.
Puppis are cute because they don’t grow up to be people.
Centuwion, why do they titter so?
Puppies, too.
That seems like a math equation for suicide.
Adam Sandler + Disney + Kid with Lisp is what you get when you divide Hollywood by zero.
Adam Sandler + Disney + Kid with Lisp is the tangent to Funny.
i hope you guys checked the caption at the bottom.
despite the fact that the equation “Adam Sandler + Disney + Kid with Lisp” has nothing to do with fractions, I just can’t help but think of the lowest common denominator.
So, why are the “Fun Size” Snickers smaller than the real thing? Is it because they come in bags of 50?
Yeah yeah, I fucking checked the caption. Even checked out some of the other pictures. Okay, most. Fine, all the others. What do you want from me, huh?
just the truth, J.
Dub, that girl is kinda cute, how old is she? HUBBA HU…
…
DOR SHO GHA!
I can’t handle the truth double dub. Not now, not ever.
I hope Sandler remakes all of Tarsem’s films as mainstream comedies. The Cell could be remade as a cop-buddy flick starring him and Katherine Heigl and called All Wet.
So, why are the “Fun Size” Snickers smaller than the real thing? Is it because they come in bags of 50?
Fek, it’s because smaller may be fun, but going with the real thing is what really satisfies.
Well, if her record label thing doesn’t pan out, there’s always Kenneth Cole…
(youtube Nina Poon if that doesn’t make sense)
Could someone explain to me why the new FilmDrunk refuses to put two spaces between my sentences like I was taught. See? What the fuck? All those days in typing class in school, all for naught.
fek, that chick is a dude, and is like 16
Fek, it’s because smaller may be fun, but going with the real thing is what really satisfies.
You sound like my wife, keyHo
ickna, How much time do you spend searching “transsexual” in YouTube and watching the results? I’m just asking to see which one of us spends more.
Fek is my power animal
inky Pee, our wives would be good friends.
The worst thing about watching trannies on the internet is when you see one with a bigger dick.
So, when a chick sees you tube for the first time, giggles and calls it “cute”, that’s a good thing right?
thats why you kill them afterwards, hifi
…your…
K 2
Isn’t it almost Chodin time?
Is that anything like “hammer time”? Because that reminds me of a story about a guy and a claw hammer…
Ooh, I love stories!
Down goes Uproxx. Down goes Uproxx.
Uproxx went down faster than Vinyard’s boyfriend.
Vince, Did you trip on the power chord again?
-h
Uproxx must be using the fun size version of WordPress.
GPP I understand your obsession with me is reaching new heights, but please, keep your homosexual fantasies to yourself.
I’m sure they were just removing some of the more loved fetures of the site. Soon, you’ll need to use HTML code to capitalize words.
:O
I can’t quit you, Viny.
Adam Sandler is responsible for this. Him and his stupid remote…
Sandler should have used Chyna’s.
Is that an orifice offering bex?
No, you can’t quit hitting the “refresh” button on your computer to add another stupid comment to the 250 you’ve already posted today.
crap, wrong tab UPROXXX!!!
We know you can’t count to 250, Viny. But, keep on dazzlin’.
I thought we stopped all this territorial pissing
VALINCE!! Lunch is over! Time for a new post. Or I’m going too WL and saying something not funny!
The only thing you need to refresh, Viny, is your muffin scented balls. Please respond so you can grace us with your “presense”.
mmmmm…muffins
has anyone seen this Spaceballs cartoon i keep seeing advertised here?
Hey, can you guys read this, or am I just imagining that I have power?
jack! we read you loud and clear
::stops watching HAZ video::
I’ve got adblock bex, so, no.
::resumes HAZ video::
HI JACK!
Hold on, Jack… I had to adjust my gaydar… there you are.
Howdy!
Fek, don’t say that on an airplane.
I got my power back! I would’ve been on sooner, but I was too busy turning the light on and off for several hours.
OCD’s a motherfucker, huh Jack? Kidding, I know you were without power.
Yup, it’s the real Jack! Chicks with dicks and all that good stuff. (Well, as long as they aren’t “bigger”…)
A few questions:
1. Why is there an “a” in your name, Fek?
2. Are Vinyard and GPP going to have a fight to the death?
3. If so, is it wrong to hope for a draw?
New up!
oolPa, I just got back from a meeting.
The truth is that I was searching for videos of hot ninja sluts but left out a “j”. Like Sheryl Crow, it was my greatest mistake.
The fighting is just a schtick. I do it for the make-up sex.
curse you bryce, there is no new new up!!
*enters crowded room. farts. leaves*
Jack!: The New Filmdrunk doesn’t approve of The Mighty Feklahr’s former “apostrophed lifestyle” choice.
GPP, if I killed every creature with a bigger penis than me… I think it’d just be you and me drinking some beers arguing over who gets to choke rape Viny next.
See how I keep things relevant? Vince said “choke rape” too! Man I’m fucking good.
Is “make up sex” sticking lipstick up your ass?
Fek, I didn’t realize it was a lifestyle choice. I thought you were born that way.
I’m sorry, I meant “made-up” sex. That’s the only kind I get anymore.
is lipstick what you call a doggies thingie
so how bout them hackers hacking sarah palin? pretty weird stuff am i right?
Naw, I call that a dog bone.
“Lipstick” is what I call head from Lisa Rinna.
Stoney, I’m appalled that I beat you to that riff, you laggard.
I thought lipstick was what they called an Alaskan hockey mom’s thingie?
Or something like that…
Lesson of the day: Either read the caption before jerkin the gherkin, or don’t read the caption at all.
New up?
I can’t make ‘em, just announce ‘em.
DAMNIT!!
GWSNU, you talk besides just saying “New Up!”?
My whole sense of reality is shaken by the New Up Guy saying something else. Next, The Guy That Says Fuck will say shit or something
Did we ever determine what happened to Pauly? Who is the closest to check? The Mighty Feklahr suggests ditches, Taco Bell drive-thrus, morgues, state penitentiaries, court mandated AA meetings, and
transgenderbordellos.SHIT!
FUCK!
SHITFUCK!
Name that movie!
Babel?
Babel?
Why on Kahless’ Green Forshak-Hut would you think The Mighty One would know a quote from a yIntagh movie like that?
BONG!!!!!!!!!
Blind Fury?
I knew you would get it, J.
Children with mullets aren’t cute. They’re sexy.
New up for reals with Seth Rogan.
*steeples fingers, smirks*
I knew it was a Rutger Hauer joint, just not sure if it was that or Wedlock/Deadlock. Can’t really go wrong either way, I suppose.
Bryce….why do you love to make me cry?
Bryce, His Fernghi Lawyers will be contacting you shortly.
Up the ass.
flux: I can only cum when they cry…
You see, the last name of His Ferengi lawyer is actually Fernghi!
…
LOOK! A ROMULAN!
*quickly dashes out the door and gobbles down a “twinkie-wiener-sandwich”*
Someone help me out here. All goddamned thread I’ve been trying to remember the quote from Lebowski involving a cleft asshole. Zero, I’m looking at you in particular.
This one, J?
The Dude: Who the fuck are you, man?
Knox Harrington: [giggles] Oh, just a friend of Maudie’s.
The Dude: Yeah, a friend with a cleft asshole?
Well, its not really much of a quote
NEPOO! Fine, you can have it. Its not like I need that for my ego or sense of self worth.
*frowns, plots revenge*
Sorry, MIZ. I’m just bored out of my mind and my plaything has left the thread.
Thursday afternoons on FD is apparently Pissboots & Trivia Night.
Its cool. I wish that guy would bring us good (new up)s. This is always the let down of the afternoon.
That’s the one.
Kids with ______ aren’t cute. They’re sexy.
cleft assholes
ethnic joke!
nepoo is a gay!
hahahahaha!
DUUUUUURST!
New rule: If I go inside of a fast food joint to order my food to go, the grease slingers behind the counter still need to put napkins in my bag.
New Up!
you sand baggin son of a bitch! he’s back!