Two of the most annoying things about Hollywood – comic books and Tom Cruise – are together at last.
Together with [Evil Dead and Spiderman director] Sam Raimi, Cruise is setting up "Sleeper" at Warner Bros. Cruise is loosely attached to star in the adaptation of the DC Comics/Wildstorm comic that Raimi would produce…
…"Sleeper," which ran from 2003-05, centers on an operative whose fusion with an alien artifact makes him impervious to pain and allows him to pass it on to others through skin contact. He is placed undercover in a villainous organization by an intelligence agency and falls for a member of the group, named Miss Misery. [THR]
Cruise called the role "a chance of a lifetime", and "practically an autobiography." Later adding, "People have been calling my wife ‘Miss Misery’ for years."
…It feels like I should be working harder for these jokes. But I figure why make steak when you have a parrot that craps Big Macs? God I’m awesome at metaphors.
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I infiltrated a villainous organization and fell for Rosey Palms.
/sticky jazz hands
The truth is you want me to read that Picture Book for Retards™. You need me to read that Picture Book for Retards™.
I’m awesome at metaphors.
Oh yeah? Well I’m bag-slappin’ awesome at similes. I can think of them like…um….er….
Tom Cruise reads comic books because one of these days he will find x-ray glasses that work, goddamnit!
a parrot that craps Big Macs?
More WHY?!?!? than Who? Get it? Anyone? ugh.
Sleeper was also the original name of Lions For Lambs.
Tom Cruise is also impervious to reason and logic.
I dont think you should call it sleeper. Call it something not associated with boredom. Maybe call it Bryce’s Grandma.
The Mighty Fek’lhr was sure that Cruise was a shoe-in for Henry Pym.
They’re tabbing him to star because he’s the only A-list actor who can fit into the footie pajamas.
He is trying too hard to regain his glory days. Give it up Tom, the only way to get back into the worlds good graces is to drop Xenu and act normal for half a second.
It works for me
Tom Cruise is a robot dildoe. He obviously thinks the "alien artifact" was sent by Xenu so that Tom wouldn’t feel pain as he took it up the butt. Why does Xenu want Tom Cruise to be his ass slapping Jesus Christ for Scientology?
The Mighty Fek’lhr was sure that Cruise was a shoe-in for Henry Pym.
You don’t say that Fek…never again.
I figured the next thing up for Cruise would be a musical. Something like Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Batshit Crazy Balls Out Insane Dreamcoat/Straightjacket.
The Mighty Fek’lhr was sure that Cruise was a shoe-in for Henry Pym.
Someone find the mexican/sleeper joke here. I’ll be damned if I can.
Nice owl, Soup. Fek, he was too short to play Ant Man.
Apparently, a protagonist called “Leper” didn’t play too well with focus groups.
Ohhhh Fek…You’re gonna need that crazy Xenu artifact now, cause I’m gonna cry like a pussy and it will hurt your ears.
I imagine Cruise’s agent gets tired of him returning scripts he likes with "This is Xenu-tritious!" scrawled all over it in crayon.
The Mighty Fek’lhr would like to assert that Henry Pym is also famous for abusive behaviour towards his wife.
I figured the next thing up for Cruise would be a musical. Something like Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Batshit Crazy Balls Out Insane Dreamcoat/Straightjacket.
You know Rot, the way Raimi jazz handed the shit out of Spider-Man 3, you may be on to something.
cause I’m gonna cry like a pussy and it will hurt your ears.
The Mighty Fek’lhr does not have ears.
J, other than Mexicans being lazy and always taking siestas I got nothing.
Is it weird that everytime i read the word jazz hands, I want to do some hardcore jazz handing.
Also, jazz handjobs comes to mind…picture that in your head. That’d fuckin rock. A HJ with production value!
So…this movie is about Tom Cruise raping little boys in prison?
Me too erswi. Where the fuck is Pauly? Prawly sleeping, I suppose.
*Pauly lifts up sombrero*
I no sleeping, Señor.
Did watanabex just decide it wasn’t worth the effort to come up with a new account or did he come to the realization that no matter how much fun it is, FilmDrunking most of the day will never, ever pay the bills thanks to Uproxx’s takeover?
HOLY SHIT! I though Indians were sneaky fuckers.
Is Uproxx really gonna show me my credit score if I click the banner above?
The selling point for Tom Cruise is that they told him that this was based on a true story.
Alien artifact that makes him impervious to pain…
Kirsten Dunst’s toybox?
Firefox + Adblock Plus > UPROXX!!!!!!!!
Let me know if you want me to help you hack your PC at work so you can install Firefox.
I’m with Fek. The only down side is that now I don’t get to see my Snorg girls anymore. Fortunately for me, our company is only half a mile from campus and our street is one used quite often by the ladies that enjoy jogging.
new up!
(and yes, I can really help you hack your PC)
Thanks for ruining my fucking week Film Drunk, you asshole. If Tom Cruise ends up playing Holden Carver I’m going to shoot myself in the face.