Sean Faris’ prison rugby movie Forever Strong today released some new viral teasers about what happens when you mix rugby with other non-tackly sports like Badminton, Golf, and… uh… Football. The best part is how they shake the camera around all crazy. I can’t tell what’s going on, but it really makes it look like them newfangled YouTube videowhatsits the kids are always talking about nowadays.
I’m pretty excited. I really think Forever Strong has a chance to do for American rugby what Air Bud Spikes Back did for beach volleyball.
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When does the Cloverfield monster come eat them?
Are those guys doing the hokey pokey to warm up? Gotta stay loose.
Prison rugby? I’m pretty sure I already saw enough of that in Midnight Express.
Funny, that reminds me of a commercial ESPN ran a long time ago when they were still cool:
http://www.metacafe.com/watch/842735/bowling_would_be_better_if_it_were_hockey/
If I drink too much, I become Forever Dong, because it takes FOR EH VUR for me to get off. Momma doesn’t mind though.
Hookers were always the screwy ones in the scrums
Like rugby, those clips were mildly diverting, but nothing to get too hung up about. He should have hit one of the girls with the sweater around the shoulder look though.
Hey guys. Did I miss anything?
My local prison also has a viral campaign. Syphillis, I think.
I’ll see this movie if Rod Stewart does the soundtrack.
Prison rugby? Like, "Bend over and grab the rug-byaatch!"
This guy would have his shit pushed so far in prison that he’d never need tinted glasses.
My favorite thing about prison were the sleepovers.
How come the All Blacks aren’t all black?
My favorite things about prison were the free accommodations and yummy food. Oh, and the anal rape.
My only criticism is that he didn’t tackle the other guy with the popped collar. That and the "quarterback" who throws like my wife.
This movie looks so bad that I’d rather watch Michael Phelps do some dumb-ass shit in a pool.
Spike Lee doesn’t think this prison movie has enough black people in it.
The tribal sleeves mean he’s tough.
My favorite thing about prison were the showers. I always had a friend to wash my back when I didn’t have my loofah.
Football, baseball, rugby, weightlifting, fencing (to some extent). Man, are there any sports they DON’T do in prison?
There’s always money in the Banana Stand, wink wink.
Burnsy, those tribal sleeves are just something to look at when you’re getting a hand job.
Brokeback Redemption?
He’s from the ancient Soapa Droppa tribe.
Donk – Hockey was difficult at mine.
Tribal sleeves were what my fellow missionaries in Rwanda called our condoms. Guess what our favorite sexual position was.
Gene, hockey wasn’t difficult at mine. We won by means of forfeit everytime. Some of the "other" inmates weren’t down with being anywhere near water.
DMK, Jarome Iginla and George LaRaque would like to have a quick word with you.
LaRaque would go FULL BLACK on my ass.
LaRaque isn’t a hockey player so much as a boxer on skates.
Yep that viral alright. In that I feel like I need a shot of penicillin.
I’m gonna’ take my ex girlfriend to this movie. Then, right after we get out, I’m gonna’ scream at her "isn’t Sean Faris FUCKING GREAT!? Hey, remember that time you cheated on me!?" right before I tackle her ass into a wall.
What, no video of the Junior Varsity Salad Tossing competition?
‘Forever Strong’ are my ironic "safe" words.
Spike Lee wants LaRaque for his remake of Conan the Barber-ian 2: Back in Business
Does anyone else miss Craptastic’s avatar?
Football, baseball, rugby, weightlifting, fencing (to some extent). Man, are there any sports they DON’T do in prison?
The pole vault, for obvious reasons; prison funding won’t allow for suitable crashmats.
Those tribal sleeves probably looked pretty fucking sweet when they were attached to a Miller Lite in Lake Havasu.
There was some reason they left out the shivelin toss from the track and field competitions.
If I had a grenade for a dick, I’d like to fuck Sean Faris with it.
Stool pigeon shooting?
Come to think of it, rugby is a natural choice for a prison sport. The entire point is to slam your balls down inside your opponent’s end.
Having your arms sleeved in tattoos doesn’t mean your a tough guy. It means you can take a shit load of pain without pissing yourself. Ironically, that’s exactly what they look for in prison for obvious reasons.
I haven’t seen this much latent homosexuality since Hillary’s campaign ended.
Sean Faris is to tough guy what a ferris wheel is to a thrill ride.
Sean Faris is to tough guy what I am to great lover.
We’re saying they’re the same right?
I fucking sucked an elephant cock on my SATs. Whodathunkit?
Sean Faris is a fucking horrible and terrible person. I once saw a commercial for ‘Never Back Down’ so I know what I’m talking about.
Sean Faris bathes in man sweat.
Stop me if you’ve heard this one: Sean Faris walks into a Burger King and the kid behind the counter asks, "Hey, are you Sean Faris?". Sean Faris says, "Why yes I am" and so then the kid behind the counter goes and dunks his fucking head in the deep fat fryer.
he suffers from inverted penis
you know you’re lame when you pop collars and not cherries
Seriously? He couldn’t see that dude about to tackle him before he tee’d off?
I have to tell you, the camera work on these are exactly what I’d expect from people who would rather shoot off 250 text messages over a 10 minute period instead of just dialing the fucking phone and talking for 30 seconds.
Sean Faris studied a lot of carpet in preparation for his upcoming rugby.
Of course football is played with 3 linemen.
If the guys from Jackass don’t sue these douchebags, I’ll shave my ass.
Sean Farris really thinks he should get to be the next Catwoman
Sean Faris always keeps the bubble wrap to himself until all the bubbles are snapped. I think we all know how we feel about those type of people…
Sean Faris volunteed to be naked in Playboy when Anna Faris said no.
Sean Faris’ mom is a bad kisser.
Sean Faris’ mom is a bank temp this week.
Sean Faris’ mom is a stickler for eating your vegetables.
Sean Faris’ mom is fat and fucking stupid.
Sean Faris thinks they chose the wrong Sean to kiss James Franco’s psuedo-dong.
Sean Faris’ mom giggled when she heard the Attorney General of Michigan is named Mike Cox.
Sean Faris’ mom didn’t take her folic acid
Sean Faris’ mom is a nearsighted ho.
Sean Faris’ mom thinks, "boys will be boys".
Sean Faris’ mom jills off to old school photos of Sean.
Sean Faris’ mom only wants one thing for Christmas: to not get beat up again.
Sean Faris’ mom picked the worst phone plan Verizon offers.
Sean Faris’ mom cooks a mean Oriental Ramen soup
Sean Faris’ mom burried her mother in the backyard. Alive
Sean Faris’ mom lost fifteen pounds…but then she picked the Henekin mini keg back up.
Sean Faris’ mom is going to vote for John McCain in the election because she thinks he was just so good in all those Die Hard movies.
Sean Faris’ mom threw her panties on stage at the Steve Miller concert last week.
chodin – Did you make up "jills off"? I can’t believe I’ve gone 41 years without hearing or thinking that up myself.
/punches self in cock
Sean Faris wishes Batman would suck it, smack it up flip it and rub it down.
Sean Faris’ mom blew the guy who delivers the bread at the local corner store.
Sean Faris’ mom owns every book Oprah recommends.
Sean Faris’ mom is 49 and horny.
Sean Faris’ mom finds it difficult to remove semen stains with store brand pre-treatments.
Sean Faris’ mom prefers rape to consensual sex.
Sean Faris’ mom hopes he appreciates all the dudes she had to blow to get him to where he is today.
Sean Faris would rather watch himself undress in the mirror than watch Anna Faris get a train pulled on her by the Bang Brothers.
Sean Faris’ mom will play your video game when you pause it to take a piss, and then get you killed.
Sean Faris’ lipstick is always closest to the balls at rainbow parties.
Sean Faris’ mom has a bumper sticker that says "Soccer M.I.L.F"
Sean Faris’ mom decided to go back and finish her degree when Sean started kindergarten.
Sean Faris’ mom doesn’t shave her legs from the knee up.
Sean Faris’ mom will let you fuck her in the shitter, but won’t swallow your jizz because, "that’s demeaning towards women".
Sean Faris’ mom thinks Jockin Jay-Z is edgy.
Sean Faris’ mom sounds like a right cunt.
Sean Faris’ mom is more likely to kick your ass for making fun of Sean than he is.
Sean Faris’ mom asks that he calls her Jocasta.
Sean Faris’ mom wants you to tell her when you’re gonna cum, but don’t.
Sean Faris’ mom prefers you call her a dyke-ass bitch instead of Brenda.
Sean Faris’ mom has had, like…she’s had like eight root canals.
Sean Faris’ mom enjoys a good Rodgering.
And Williaming, and Steveing and Timming, and Leroying. They make Leroy go last because he wears that shit out.
Sean Faris’ mom feeds your Oedipus complex. Because she’s a whore.
Sean Faris’ mom gets livid when you drink from the cartoon, but will let you piss on her.
If you think I meant to say "carton", you should go find a corner and fuck yourself in it.
Sean Faris’ mom will fuck you in church, but not on a Sunday.
I drank from a cartoon once. Once.
Sean Faris always volunteers to take home the leftover corn cobs from the barbecue.
When Sean Faris got famous, he gave his mom a hummer. Also, a car.
Sean Faris and his mother are the first mother/son first chair rusty trombone duo in history. They are awesome.
Sean Faris’ mom told him to "go play in traffic". Then Frogger was born.
Sean Faris’ mom makes a very interesting pasta salad.
Sean Faris’ mom thinks she can taste her pregnancy in your piss.
Sean Faris’ mom named him "Sean" only because they didn’t know if it was a dick or not until he was 6.
Sean Faris’ mom keeps a rolling pin in her purse.
Sean Faris’ mom always brings the shittiest dish to a potluck.
Sean Faris’ mom has a viral campaign in her fucking panties.
Sean Faris’ mom licks dick and sucks clit.
Sean Faris’ mom in convinced that this is the worst thread all menstruation.
Sean Faris’ mom cheated on Chodin?
When I think about viral campaigns and prison, I’m thinking Hep C, Herp, Syph, HIV, anal warts, et al. Is that what the vid is about because I can’t watch it?
Sean Faris’ mom is on the conjugal visit squad to the local prison’s rugby team.
Sean Faris’ mom said "New up!"
Sean Faris’ mom is the best worst girlfriend I ever had.
Crap, I’m as lost as you are. Apparently the vid is about what a whore Sean Faris’ mom is.
I’d like to meet her.
But of course Sean Faris’ mom is a lying cunt snake.
Sean Faris’ mom would appreciate a new post.
Sean Faris’ mom had me working like a dog there for a few minutes. Cunt.
When she’s horny, Sean Faris’ mom says she’s "in season".
I’m right there with ya, J. I hate when that bitch gets that way. Fuckin time of the month or something.
Sean Faris’ mom can never find the pen in her purse when you’re in a hurry and she’s in line in front of you paying with a check.
Sean Faris’ mom had heard that if you get pregnant with an ass baby that you can abort it with Ex-lax. She heard wrong.
6 hours later and Sean Faris’ mom erection still has not gone down..
Sean Faris’ mom offered me $50 to try to durst this thread.
So there I was, fucking
Brian Seelos’ MomSean Faris’ mom, when all of a sudden, his dad burst in…Sean Faris’ mom’s favorite movie is Back to School.
Hello, Mom fuckers
Mom!
One time I was fucking Sean Faris’ mom in the ass without lube and it started hurtin’ like a motherfucker. When I tried to stop, she yelled, "Never Back Down!". It scared me into nutting in her butt accidentally.
Sean Faris’ mom gave birth to Sean Faris.
That was an odd and awkward story, JHC
!moM
It wasn’t true. I would never have sex with Sean Faris’ mom. She’s out of my league.
Oh you girls!
Sean Faris’ mom texts him things like "44444 11133266 55566688833 66666"
Sean Faris’ mom keeps a chapstick under her tit.
Sean Faris’ Mom told me you were all bad in the sack.
Sean Faris’ mom practices MMA – Manly Mammary Assault
Sean Faris’ cum farting whore of a mother was the inspiration for Mamma Mia!
Sean Faris flew out of his mom sideways riding a wave of stagnant spooge.
Sean Faris’ turd chomping slut mom cries herself to sleep every night ona bed of dirty diapers.
Sean Faris’ mom enjoys long walks on the beach with mancini. that’s why were still on this tired thread…
Sean Ferris turned down the role of Frankenfurter in the Rocky Horror Picture Show remake because he thought the part was "very manly."
I told Sean Faris’ mom to "Get off" and she jumped out the car……
Sean Faris’ mom has 9 toes. If you ask her why, she’ll explain that she was "just hungry is all".
Sean Faris’ mother prepared him for his big break by always laying him on his stomach, never back-down.
Sean Faris’ mom assures him that all penis’ look like that…god only makes perfect beings…
Sean Faris’ mom fucked the square peg into the circle hole.
Fuck all! Looks like I picked the right day to be slammed at work. We’re still on this weak-assed thread?
Sean Faris’ mom is a bum. A bum i tells ya.
Charlie Bronze, I had no idea you were Uncle Charlie from My Three Sons.
Sean Faris’ mom has wicked morning breath. That could be because she goes A2M I suppose.
Soooo, judging from the complete lack of activity here last night I can only assume 1 of 2 things happened. Either everybody got drunk, got laid and passed the fuck out . . . or . . . the interweb is fuckin broken. Guess we’ll find out.
::clicks Add Comment::
::crosses fingers::
Fuck! J! Where’d you come from?
I’m part of the Slapahoe tribe, erswi. I’m sneaky like that.
You’re Slapahoe? Fuck! We’re practically brothers. I’m Smackahoe!
As a proud member if Chokabitch, I think we need to open a casino.
I’m not allowed to have a liquor license. Could be the DUIs. Could be my rough tongue.
I’m a member of the Pussyfoot tribe and I’m not so sure that’s such a great idea, Gene.
A Pussyfoot! J, slap him! Gene, choke that bitch!
* smacks hoe *
My wife had Pussyfoot once, but antibiotics brought back the normal two day room temperature tuna smell.
My only criticism is that he didn’t tackle the other guy with the popped collar. That and the "quarterback" who throws like my wife.
Yeah, sorry Erswi. We’re what made the trail of tears smell so bad.
Sean Faris is an anagram for pussyfoot
* chokes bitch *
/pissed that Uproxx took away my italic priviledges
Morning you applebottom jean-wearing workaholics.
Burnsy, It’s like you’re peeking through my window. How did you know I had a rough night of workahol?
I won’t smack Donk. I need the supplemental income from the radio show. Hookers don’t work for Ramen Noodles. Anymore.
I’m from the long lost Poke’man tribe. We need more coffee.
If you offer them Roman noodles you can get one days work out of them, they don’t know that it’s just Ramen noodles you stick up their butts.
Michelle, I saw that in the recent comments thread and hoped and prayed that it was Robo who did it. I’m glad you’re here though. This place was starting to smell like gym class.
I’m afraid Robo’s been working to much and neglecting us. Good to be here, everyone stop staring at my boobings.
Did you say something Michelle? Sorry, I was looking at your teats.
Sean Faris’ mom….I’m exhausted with this thread. Come on Guy Who Says…
Allll six of em. Oh yeah.
*air humps, spills coffee, questions wisdom of physically acting out everything she’s typed after an asterix, wonders if everyone else truly acts out them out, feels duped.*
Hey, everybody remember the Brazillian Synchro Swimming Twins from last week on WithoutLaughter?
http://www.spike.com/video/bia-branca-feres/3017180
not safe for work, kittens
I do everything I claim to do on the interhighnets. Honest Injun. ::Sammy Sosa chest pounds/finger kisses, points to heavens with testicles crossed to counter-act the lie::
Hey Chelle, you know that comment I made earlier about smackin a hoe. Yeah, I did that. Now this bitch in my office is calling up HR. Whore.
*Michelle nods appreaciatively, wonders how to spell appreaceatively. Calls lawyer, acts like she’s talking in phone and taking notes, spins around in chair and eats twizzlers for breakfast.
I’m starting to worry that Lance went to watch the Jonas brothers filming in Central Park yesterday and just had a total man crush meltdown.
HR=Hoe Resources?
Here, I’ll write the post for you.
Bleep bloop bing bong boop beep Bigfoot.
That’s harder than it looks.
Jesus Christ, why are you guys here so fucking early?
<—-Olympic Fever!!!!
My guy may not swim as fast as Phelps, but my guy is strong like bull.
I’m only at work today because I have alot of designs to do for "Nebraska Boiler".
:nods knowingly at JHC::
Bigfoot in a freezer would be my new avatar if Uproxx would let me.
Gene, is Uproxx not letting you change avs? I’ve changed mine several times since the Uprisssssing.
Bigfoot? Did someone say Bigfoot? What time does the Hoax conference for that start today? I can’t tell you how proud I am that they found that beef jerky-eating mother fucker in my fine state. If the thing doesn’t end up looking like Harry, I’m going to bitch slap John Lithgow.
HR=Hoe
Resources?Recources.New Up!, Bigfoot Pussyfoot fuckers.
East Coast Babayyyy
Hmmm, I’m slightly aggressive/agitated this morning. I gotta slow down on the Redbull and vodka for Friday breakfast…
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