To refresh your memory, Outlander is a movie about a guy from outer space crashlanding on Earth during Viking times and joining forces with them to fight a space dragon. The guys who wrote it are also working on the latest draft of Conan the Barbarian. The studio released this new clip this weekend, featuring spaceman Jim Caviezel getting interrogated by the suspicious Norsemen. I really like the way they edited it. Carefully choreographed fight scenes are so passé, the new cool thing to do is thump sounds spliced between guys going ‘Oof.’
On a related note, Outland was a great cartoon. There’s a cat wearing underwear, LOL!
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The Mighty Fek’lhr has a large collection of plush Opus dolls.
That Norsemen came up on a fine pair of piss boots.
“Hunting Dragons” is what I do around last call.
He has to be an outsider because he doesn’t have a beard, right?
Jim Caviezel is really getting typecast as "that guy who gets fucked up and crucified".
OUTLAANDERRRRRR!
That’s the whole reason I picked this avatar. Good times.
Typical actor, going from Christianity to Scientology.
Nom-Shouldn’t it be more like, "GRRR…DIE CAPITALIST PIGS!"?
Fuck vikings and space dragons, it’d be cheaper to just beat up and rape a homeless guy…more fun too.
Spaceman to Vikings: Hi. You all seem like reasonable folks, let me lay out this situation for you. I’m from another planet. I know you don’t really know what planets are, or how I could be from one other than your own, but just go with it.
Now, here’s the thing. There’s a big dragon that’s on its way here from my planet. With your help, I think we can defeat it.
Vikings: AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! KILL HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I haven’t watched the clip, but I imagine that the alien is a chick that’s on the run from Sean Connery because she resisted arrest and he slapped her. Then she hides out with vikings. Typical.
Caviezel’s "space tank top" makes me want to blow Robocop.
Originally I thought this movie was about a guy from the future with a huge penis that he called his "space dragon", and that he used it to impress viking women and little boys.
"Hey kid, the space dragons coming! Quick, pull down your pants, bend over and stick your ass in the air!"
THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!
I’ll wait for the sequel, and then a follow up movie that disregards anything from the sequel.
"Hey kid, the space dragons coming! Quick, pull down your pants, bend over and stick your ass in the air!"
I believe it was either Sophocles or Ali Lohan that said "fool me once, shame on you–fool me twice…and I kinda like it."
Is an "Outlander" what you get when a Toyota Highlander and a Subaru Outback fuck?
I think I liked this better when I kept going back and forth between The Last Starfighter and The 13th Warrior.
My roommate once crashed his car drunk into the front of an Arby’s near our house. Oddly enough the "my ship crashed and a space dragon is coming" defense didn’t hold up for him in court.
The communist appearance of the av is just a spectacular added bonus, fek. I’m much more passionate about tracking outlanders through fields of corn with a sharp blade. Hey outlander, in soviet cornfield, sickle cuts YOU.
You know, Jim Caviezel isn’t the first guy to come to and realize that he’s been tied up by a group of bearded men.
Some chick in college once told me to, and I quote, "Fuck me like a Viking!"…and so I chopped her head off.
PD,
How about a Mitsubishi Outlander: [tinyurl.com]
just being by itself?
If these guys were really vikings, they’d get run over by 6 german infantry divisions and surrender quicker than France.
I actually think a movie about Jim Caviezel and the Minnesota Vikings fighting a dragon would be cooler.
TW, I was aware Mitsubishi made those but I’m totally into car fucking.
"Space Dragon in his pants"?
"No, he just has to wear a big asbestos diaper because he likes the way it chafes. Sicko".
Chodin hits on girl during church communion: "Oh come on baby, le’ts go see Outlander- I’m Norwegian and you’re all gay for Jesus Christ, come on, it could be really fucking fun for us?"
Nom just reminded Him, why did NBC make it a point to show that smack-talking surrender-monkey getting hid gold fucking medal, anyway?
GRRR…FREEDOM FRIES!!!
Wait, is Fek "He" who walks behind the rows?
I’m waiting for the sequel, Outrunner, in which Caviezel and his blonde girlfriend get in his red convertible and run out of time before they get to the sixth fucking checkpoint and have to put another goddamn quarter in the machine.
Shhh.
Fek’s that really old guy in Poltergeist who tells everyone they’re going to die.
All I can think of when I hear the title is this [www.imdb.com]
Suck it, Trebek
Fek is the clown from It, everyone knows that
PD,
I totally fucking knew that. That’s what makes it almost funny.
YOU’RE ALL GOING TO DIE!
It smells like Uproxx in here.
Ok, prophet Fek’lhr, that is not really a prophecy. We need something juicy
That was not how I pictured Vikings.
I was thinking more beer, rape, and horns.
Why didn’t they cast Matt McConaugay and call this, Reign of Fire 2: I Was Needlessly Eaten In the First One But This Time It’s a Space Dragon and I Will Try Harder
Shirtless Matthew McConaughey: In this one I act twice as good!
I hope this movie is boring and they make a boring sequel, Outblander.
TW, I have that same shit-eating grin on my face as your avatar when I’m watching cars fuck.
Twist, it’s not a dragon, it’s a big, angry male goose: Outgander.
Matt McWeed’s performance in Reign of Fire is one of my top 10 favorite from the past decade.
/completely serious
Uproxx keeps daring me to take a Harry Potter quiz. Look Uproxx, just because I sucked your dick, it doesn’t mean that I’m gay.
Vikings? I picture a couple of black dudes in purple and yellow.
Fucking white women on a boat.
chodin, what was your answer for number three?
I put "GAY AS FUCK!"
PD,
That’s my Billy Bob Thornton "I’m nailing Angie" look, or so I’m told…
Damn, I got a big forehead.
Matt McWeed’s performance in Reign of Fire is one of my top 10 favorite from the past decade.
Why does he jump all dramatically in slow mo with that big axe, just to get eaten? They couldhave at least let him get a few shots in with that axe.
Jim Caviezel and the head of the vikings have a disagreement and start spreading rumors about each other in the village: Outslander.
I miss Jack.
Agreed. The only thing that could stop that character was "lack of budget."
New up
Queers
Prophecy, huh?
"One of you will go to the drug store over their lunch hour to buy Prep H wipes to help soothe their sphincter after the boiling hot, non-stop diarreah that has plagued them for the past few days!"
I’ll give you a hint: His name sounds like, "My-Thigh-Hurts" and he was burned by anus eggs!!!
I know that Outlander has Jesus in it, but yet when I look at the freeze frame in the player above, and then look at the Sexy Jesus that is rocking me in that Hamlet 2 ad, I can’t help but wonder — does Outlander offer me a double dose of Jesus?
If so, is it Jesus vs. Jesus, or is it like a buddy cop movie, with wise-crackin’ sidekick Jesus grounding me in my humanity while tortured hero cop Jesus unflinchingly explores the dark edges of the human heart?
A retarded 33 year old 1st grade overcomes his extraordinary retardation to get a D- on his spelling test…he missed word glad…he missed the word phone…but he wont miss the word apple!!!!
Retard: LOOK MOM I CAN SPELL PHONE…APPLE A-P-P-L
MOM: SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GET BACK IN THAT CAGE!
Jim Caviezel is….OUTSTANDER
The last time i saw a viking movie (Pathfinder), i took a hatchet to my crotch. The last time i saw a space dragon movie (Donnie and the Space Dragon go to Apple Land:An Anime) i was on a two day PCP bender. After a combined 32 hours in surgery, i’m sure to be a fucking dead man after this pile is released.