MOVIE PITCHES: GUIDO BEACH
08.06.08
Every once in a while, a video comes along that makes me really proud of my people, especially the New Jersey subspecies. This one’s called Guido Beach, and though it’s not a movie yet, I’m keeping my fingers crossed. You know, if you see yourself on video and it crosses your mind that people could reasonably assume you’re a new Sacha Baron Cohen character, it might be time for a lifestyle change. I’m just sayin.
For some reason, they keep taking this video off line. I found it again here, if the embed below disappears.
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The Mighty Fek’lhr is sure this video is hilarious
to people like Lince.Guido Beach – featuring 100% less Brazilian synchronized swimming twin hotties.
"I was a fuckin’ lumberjack, and I was okay."
Ah yes, Seaside Heights. 25% French Riviera, 75% Buick Riviera.
Wow.
Just Wow.
After that first staticky cut, was anyone else hoping/expecting a Cloverfield parody?
I made it 1 minute 12 into the video. Do I win anything?
Dude, I know it’s long, but the ending is the best part.
Do some Italian mother purposely slam their son’s noses into a wall when they reach puberty as a right of passage?
I’ve seen Vince’s photo on facebook, so I ask this with all honesty, because his seems normal looking, unlike some of these bags of dicks’.
This will be good for the recession, as Jordache and Drakkar sales will be through the roof.
Seaside was definitely the Guido bomb capital of NJ. Belmar is a close second.
Since I’m outside of AC now, it’s Ocean City. aka, Philly on the Coast.
Now thumbs, that’s a different color of Sarah Jessica Parker all together.
I actually watched almost all of it. Vince? I thought you liked us. I’m going to stare at a Snorg girl for a half an hour to make the pain go away.
I’ll have to wait till i get home to savour the true majesty of this. I hope someone gets called a "fuckin’ mook."
Tengo – I didn’t know you were in Jersey too…
Belmar is the underage version of Seaside, or at least it was.
Belmar officials actually outlawed Beer Pong…
This is here?
On Earth?
OK Vince, you were right. I ♥ that chick’s mom. She should call me.
Steven Baldwin will sue to get his look back.
Dude, I know it’s long, but the ending is the best part.
I agree, it’s gold. "Liquid gold".
Aimy, somebody’s been watching The Chin on Burn Notice, I see.
Great. Now Filmdrunk has turned into TheDirty.com.
Man it looks like there is a hell of a lot of "product" used on the shore.
I blew my knee out, tore my ACL, fractured my thigh, grew a second forehead.
Stoney,
I grew up in the war zone that’s Perth Amboy. I still joke that I’ve been shot at more times than most cops (3, to be exact). I’ve lived in Edison, Woodbridge, and North Brunswick. Now, I’m just outside of Atlantic City.
Oh, and that fucking mook (CB!) that’s from Edison with the popped collar and douchehawk should be sterilized.
Pauly, this is the typical north Jeresy asses we had to deal with growing up.
Most embarrassing thing that ever happened to me? I shaved with an Etch-a-Sketch.
Burnsy, that was no forehead. That was another knee.
BTK, the mammoth in the leather vest is Cro Bagnon, for those of you who visit Hot Chicks with Douchebags.
Burnsy,
I think he meant he blew a knee-grow.
Does the beach have to be closed down once every couple of weeks to allow the oil slick to dissipate?
If there are any Al Qaeda operatives reading this site, listen up: I know we have our problems, and we’ll never be able to forgive you for 9/11. But maybe the first step in rebuilding this bridge would be a few strategically placed dirty bombs on the Jersey shore.
Pauly,
WebMD has an article on when you should start controlling your cholesterol.
Thought you’d want to know.
Dude, I know it’s long, but the ending is the best part.
I’ve been in prison, I’m not falling for that line twice.
Is it too much to ask for some hypodermic needles to wash up on shore with enough force to hit this crowd of douchebags?
Burnsy, I asked for a dirty bomb once in Wildwood and all I received was an absinthe and Red Bull.
It took clean up crews months to remove the hair gel from the wild life and surrounding shores.
TW, there is enough hair grease in that video to clog an elephant’s aorta.
Couldn’t Democrats and Republicans use these people as a reason to unite for once?
That dude with the funny beard must be a really big fan of Labrynth or something.
Why didn’t he just carve words into his face?
Or advertising: "Reo Diner. New breakfast Specials All Summer!"
Pauly, no shit, amn. Except for one thing. Most of these douches don’t go into the water.
For a few reasons, it’s really cold and you’ll end up with shrinkage; and, if they get their hair wet, they all look like hairy nutsack-faced ethnic types.
*chodin strolls into thread*
EYYYYYYYYYYYY, MUDDA’ FUCKAS!!!!!!!!!!!
There’s no way that I could work on the set for ‘Guido Beach’, unless producers let me walk around with a bucket all day, jacking off into it from fits of laughter.
BTK, while twelvehead claims to have had two threeways in one weekend, he conveniently left out the fact that it was two dudes and one really passed out broad. GABBAGOO!!!
Erswi, what wrong with watching The Chin on Burn Notice?
You wanna fight me?
When I first moved to NY I let one of deese guys take me out from sheer boredom. He picked me up in his camaro in Manhattan and drove me to Jersey to watch his pick up basketball game. He did not get laid, the super hot icee man on the corner did though. Heyoooooh
Twelvehead looks like a Jeremy Piven stunt-double.
I only bang dudes who chug beer on one knee and then slam their red party cups at the earth. Looks like that very last dude is in fucking luck.
Wildwood is 90% French Canadians in the summertime.
I cant watch the video, it crashed my internets. I think I may be better off, as its hard to clean grease and hair gel off a hard drive
New up, more bad hair.
Speaking of Democrats and Republicans- I think I’m gonna call my congressman. I want them to pass a bill to have the bible changed to instead of reading "Adam and Eve", reading "Atom and Eve". If the Kansas School Board wants to let idiots change the science books, then I get to change stuff in that bible.
Eibz, by not watching that video, you’re only missing out on the best orgasms of your fucking life.
*skeet*
Isn’t this from the people who brought us douchebag beach?
http://ca.youtube.com/user/DouchebagBeach
Cho, why do you tease me so?
Interviewer: Tell me some of your pet peeves.
Guido: Like my dog?
Michelle,
Mr. Softee is good for that.
When I was a kid, the ice cream man was really two super hot sisters that went around in tank tops in their little truck sweating and needless to say, they were really popular. One of my ex best friends’ dads bought a truck and eventually ran them out of business. I am so glad I beaned this kid a few years later playing baseball. Fucker.
Mr. Softee…don’t let the name fool you.
I wrote a blog about ice cream trucks.
I don’t care if i am late to this gang bang. This bitch is going to win an Oscar.
I just worry about all of those poor animals; That much hair product and ejaculate in the ocean must be damaging to any surrounding habitats. It must look like the Exxon LA Looks wrecked offshore when the sun hits the water, motherfuckers out there trying to clean the chemicals off birds with toothbrushes.