DOWNEY JR. SAYS BATMAN CAN SUCK IT
08.13.08
Aussie film site Moviehole recently interviewed Robert Downey Jr, and, though the conversation covered many topics, it was not without smack talked about other movies.
"My whole thing is that that I saw ‘The Dark Knight’. I feel like I’m dumb because I feel like I don’t get many things that are so smart. It’s like a Ferrari engine of storytelling and script writing and I’m like, ‘That’s not my idea of what I want to see in a movie.’ I loved ‘The Prestige’ but didn’t understand ‘The Dark Knight’. Didn’t get it, still can’t tell you what happened in the movie, what happened to the character and in the end they need him to be a bad guy. I’m like, ‘I get it. This is so high brow and so f–king smart, I clearly need a college education to understand this movie.’ You know what? F-ck DC comics. That’s all I have to say and that’s where I’m really coming from."
Oh no, it’s like watching your parents fight! Please don’t make me choose, I’ll be good from now on, I swear!
I think it’s obvious what’s happening here. Robert Downey Jr. just got so used to playing a black dude that he can’t help but keep it super real all the time. Because that’s what the blacks do, you see.
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Someone should have told Jr. Here not to go FULL RETARD before watching Dark Knight!
Blackface RDJ is my dark, hard hero.
I’d suck on RDJ’d dick… Erm, I mean.
GRRRR WAR IS HELL!!!
Thank goodness he’s back on the tweek again.
Robert Downey Jr. later apologized, saying that he thought the DC in DC Comics stood for Dick Chlamydia.
He is against Dick Chlamydia.
I’ve always wanted to do this…kind of a let down. I wish RDJR would help me upload a fucking avatar before everyone made fun of me…oh, god! here it comes…
*RDJ sits in his glass tower *
Things to do today:
1. Create controversy – Check
2. Burn Bridges – Check
RDJ must be exhausted, time for a drink and some blow of a homeless man’s ass. What douchbag, I can only aspire to be just like him.
I kind of felt the same way about TDK. I loved it, but some of it was over my head. I don’t consider myself stupid either. My mom said I didn’t have to listen to people if they didn’t have anything nice to say.
I think Robert Downey Senior should smack the black off his kid…
RDJ must hate M. Night Shyamalan’s movies.
Hellboy 2 was good entertainment.
What?
Dark Robert Downey Jr. probably talked the whole time during ‘Dark Knight’, that’s his problem.
RDJ is now an official fanboy. He is totally wrapped up in the whole DC vs. Marvel pissing contest. It’s like Mac vs. PC, Coke vs. Pepsi, Oral vs. Anal, BTK vs. Dahlmer.
Jr? Sr? All those Robert Downey’s look alike.
I’m with RDJ, fuck DC comics. Dark Knight is overrated. Ironman was way more fun.
I’m officially gay for RDJ. I think if anybody else in Hollywood says this, I’m right now calling him a stupid-ass cockrapist; there’s just something about RDJ that makes me think "Hey, I can dig it"
Also, there’s something about RDJ that makes me lock my car doors and roll up my window when I see him on the street.
Crap, BTK vs. Dahlmer ??? Come on man, every year the Raders win!
Dude, Crap, Dahlmer couldn’t hold a candle to a BTK queef.
I knew I could count on Chod to make the comment I was about to make. Love ya, mean it.
Rader Nation!
(We carry broom handles, the Dahmers can’t step to that shit)
Crapbasket, those aren’t even pissing matches. Your winners are:
PC, Pepsi, Anal, Dahlmer
Dark Robert Downey Jr. is way better than the dark Will Smith.
RDJ’s stock just keeps rising. Your move Heath. Don’t just lie there.. Oh, "him fell over now him dead". Guess RDJ wins this round.
Dark Knight shoulda been called "The Joker" Did Batman even do anything?
Oh Jesus, name818 is fucking dead.
I think you’re 0 for 4 on that one 818.
PC, PEPSI, ANAL, DAHMER?!?!
Get a rope.
Hey, I’m not dropping the Rader Nation banner here guys, I’m just saying some noob catfuckers out there that still haven’t gotten their BTK chops on.
Heath just failed to learn a valuable lesson about not dying from taking lots and lots of drugs. You win this round, Robert.
Gene, would you honestly take oral over anal?!?!?!? SACRILEDGE!!!
Dahlmer and Pepsi? Wow. Pepsi only if I’m drunk but Dahlmer ain’t got shit on D. Rader homey.
<Starts BTK van, puts in Engleberg Humperdink CD>
Engleberg always gets me extra stabby.
Gimme a "Bind"!
Gimme a "Torture"!
Gimme a "Kill"!
RADER NATION!
Burnsy, Pauly, JHC. Could you change your avatars again? This is reminding me of a pedophile chat room I was once in. And I’m still on probation.
RDJ is just upset that they wouldn’t let him into the private Dark Knight screening at his country club.
Name818,
Did you just say you "take" anal?
Homo…
Sorry name818, you just stepped into some shit that you can’t get off your shoe, Holmes.
"I’m the dude who thinks he’s the dude who’s playing the dude who hates The Dark Knight."
Seriously, has anyone else seen Tropic Thunder yet?
My problem with The Sandlot was the rascist insinuation that only kids of latin origins are any good at baseball. Fuck the Dominican!
Name, if you are offering me both, yes, I will choose oral. Where should we meet?
Richard Dreyfus thinks George Lucas is a fucking ass clown.
*chodin attaches trailer to the BTK van and starts loading bodies*
PRE-SEASON WARM UP!!!!
Along with The Dark Knight, dark RDJ also doesn’t "get" to drink from the white’s only water fountain.
Crap, all you have to do is look at the Tigers record this year to know that shit ain’t true.
Gene, dont go full retard on me now…no smart male would chose getting sucked off over fucking some chick in the ass. That’s a very DC decision to make
Blackfaced RDJ probably showed up late to The Dark Knight and missed important plot points.
Who said anything about a chick?
Blackface RDJ thought he was at a Tyler Perry movie called The Dark Night.
You know what was bad in TDK…when his Batpod did a fucking cartwheel off a building wall…and that raspy voice may scare little children when he shows them his penis…but not me.
I agree with Morton Downey Jr. The Dark Knight was o.k., but it wasn’t the best movie of all time. To further make my point, when a movie is really special, the negroes all go out and shave the movie into the back of their heads, and I haven’t seen a single negro with a bat shaved into his afro as a result of seeing The Dark Knight. So there.
no smart male would chose getting sucked off over fucking some chick in the ass.
Sorry name818, I’m just too lazy to work for a nut and clean-up afterwards.
So blow me.
You know what was bad in TDK… Maggie Gylendayghlynhall Droopy Dog impersonation.
When asked for his opinion on Heineken vs. Colt 45 BRDJ said, and I qoute, "Nigga please. You wouldn’t catch Billy Dee drinking no Heineken. That shit is for the white man".
Sorry name818, I’m just too lazy to work for a nut and clean-up afterwards.
So blow me.
TOUCHE!
Huh, usually when a black dude says "Fuck DC" it’s because of the high poverty and crime rates in neighborhoods with a high percentage of minority residents.
hmmm, ya know, if Obama gets elected for President. The black community cant say the white man’s keeping him down anymore.
Is it possible that BRDJ had a bad experience with a battery as a kid and prefers outlets for his electricity?
I don’t know what he’s talking about. I did tons of blow and I got The Dark Knight.
RDJ is just claiming to be dumber than he is so as not to be accused of being too white by his brothers.
I just hope that every time RDJ had to take off his blackface makeup, he had that scene from Ghostbusters playing in the background where Ray Winston is saying "I’ve seen shit that’ll turn you white!"
Moviehole: So, how did you think The Dark Knight compared to other movies based on Marvel comics?
RDJ: DC comics walk like this. Marvel comics walk like this. *motions his fingers like they are walking*
Moviehole: Mr. Downey, for the last time, stop flashing gang signs.
Getting blown by Batman would be awesome, you could grab those handlebars on his dome and steer him around on your cock. And when he pulled up and said, "You don’t have to grab my ears! I know what I’m doing!"
You could say, "Then why don’t you have a mouthful of jizz yet, Batbitch?!" And pinch his nipple really hard.
I can take the popup ads and the occasional site outages, but I will not sir, I will not stand for a Carlos Mencia ad. GOOD DAY TO YOU.
Christian Bale and RDJ need to just get into a pit of chocolate pudding wearing nothing but their individual comicbook characters underoos and fight this out. Because that’s how my
fantasysense of honor says this should play out.Carlos Mencia is samoan. That’s code for fake mexican and the sound a whore makes when you pull out and shoot it in their face.
RDJ walks into the room with a cat stuck on his dick and a T-shirt that says "If you can’t drink it, smoke it, or snort it, Then Fuck It!" and adressing the room, laments, "Sometimes you can’t trust a t-shirt.
RDJ also thinks Uproxx is a hunk of shit.
Taekwondo is the poor man’s gun.
Samoan is code for "fuckable girl scout cookie"
I’d like to put Uproxx in blackface and then take him to the Apollo.
Maggie Gyllenhaal was miscast – or maybe her role underwritten – because when her character gets killed it just didn’t have any impact. I did enjoy the movie but there were a few aspects of The Joker’s brilliance that just made me want to say "Oh, fuckoff.": All the fucking bombs. Fuck me. Just how easy is it to plant bombs in Gotham City? Evidently so easy that the filmmaker didn’t need to show us how; And I don’t know how it works in the Police Force but where i work i tend to recognise my colleagues and notice people i’ve never seen before, so, during the funeral for the police chief, how the fuck does the most wanted man in Gotham (and his gang), under a state of high alert, get to be the salute detail WITHOUT ANY FUCKING COP NOTICING?
I’ll probably have to watch it again, but not out of love, more out of curiosity.
Shitoutta cunt!! I just figured out what keyHos‘s avi is.
KAH LI LA!!!
Or some such bullshit.
I’d like to rape Uproxx up against a pinball machine with a couple of my friends.
Cuz Uproxx is asking for it.
*Donk offers C-dog a skull filled with blood*
you wanna hit this? The black sleep is the shit, yo!
It’s OK CB, if you suspend your dissbelief, I’ll suspend mine.
Wicked skull brah!!
Charlie, I don’t know how to break this to you, but it’s make-believe.
Kali Mal, Crappy. KALI MAL!!!
In retrospect, that was quite easy to do. Next bit of difficult news: babies don’t really come from storks.
I SAID GOOD DAY!
What about Santa Claus, B.K.? How does he make it to every house in the world in one night?
Ya! Well fuck fizzy lift drinks! Fuck everlasting gobcockers! And fuck YOU Wonka!
Beek, as the resident Batman authority, is The Dark Knight Strikes Again hard to read, or am I just not getting Frank Miller?
What I don’t "get" is if Batman is the "Dark Knight" then why in thw fuck is my boner so sore?
JHC, as a Batman fangirl, I fucking hate Frank Miller.
I think Blackfaced RDJ is mad because when he ordered a Gotham City Pizza, it didn’t come the "black box" he had intended.
plyau; Herpes?
The Black Syph?
Vaginal Dentata?
No. I don’t wear a hair piece, Crap, but thanks for AKSIN’.
I gotta "go play solitaire."
Good Beek, because I am pretty pissed that I just spent 15 bucks on that piece of shit and didn’t want to get on your bad side. I could’ve seen TDK two more times instead.
But I am reading a miniseries by Denny O’Neil called "Gordon of Gotham" and in the first couple of pages a young Jim Gordon makes sure to tell a hippie exactly what a useless piece of shit he is, then gets in a screaming match with this wife because she didn’t have dinner ready on time (which apparently doesn’t matter because her cooking sucks, anyway,) and she’s constantly nagging him about having kids. Plus he’s apparently a ninja because he beats the shit out of everyone with his bare hands. It’s safe to say that I find it highly enjoyable.
Whoa, hold on a minute there, Beek. A screaming match? You mean to tell me that Jim Gordon doesn’t have the stones to drop the hammer on his wife when she’s outta line? No wonder Gotham City needs Batman.
It’s more like "WOMAN I SAID SHUT YOUR FACE" and she pouts (cries) for a while and then BAM! two pages later there’s a subtle "your penis is too small" implication.
It’s worth it just for the full-page rant against hippies, I have to say.
Adam West is Batman. Those other guys are a bunch of fags.
<— changed for GPP and because I want to
stalkbabysit her.Also, Gene, regarding Santa: Wizards don’t have to explain the source of their magic. That’s what makes them fucking wizards.
Does suspension of disbelief mean Mr and Mrs Brain get the night off? What i did think was well written – especially when compared to that fucking Star Wars movie – was Harvey Dent’s fall from grace.
Thanks bro. Is that the 8 year old or the 11 year old? The problem with eating out the Chinese Women’s Gymnastic team is that you’re hungry 15 minutes later. And that you’ve been summarily executed by their security team.
Sexy German Olympic bitches for those of you brave enough to go to WithoutLaughter.com
Also, if you don’t know which site I mean when I say WithoutLaughter . . . DEAD2ME!!!!
That Gene, is the bootylicious, and legal, Alicia Sacramone.
Charlie, it’s American cinema. You shouldn’t be bringing your brain. We’re trying to lobby to have that printed on the backs of packages of Violet Crumble in the UK but so far we’ve been unsuccessful.
Robert Downey should just be quite because…people like stuff that sometimes other people don’t like…and maybe their father’s don’t approve, but that’s the way God made me.
I saw those erswi. The sure make small areolas in Germany. That’s a shame.
Sorry JHC. Yeah I fell for Alicia last night. It’s mutual ’cause she fell for me a couple of times.
Everybody [fags] also thought Tim Burton’s Batman was the best movie ever made [negros shaved bats in their heads] and wouldn’t shut up about it [no matter how stupid it was], and Taco Bell sold lots of burritos and Pepsi in Bat cups. What I’m saying here is Batman fans take greasy shits.
It’s true that sometimes people have contrary opinions to my own but that’s why in my opinion those people are fuckwits.
I wanted to console her so bad last night GPP. By console, I of course mean put my penis in her. Repeatedly.
Good thing you clarified that, J. I was thinking "console her" meant to beat her to death with an X-Box.
I don’t think I’ve ever seen actual tits on a gymnast before. I think they throw off her balance. I also feel she would be less nervous performing in my basement rather than in front of a billion people. Well, maybe not. I don’t know how comfortable she is in dungeons.
Her teammates wanted to cuntsole her last night. And by that I mean hit her vagina with a shoe.
Seriously, if those Chinese gymnast girls were older than 10, then perhaps the Chinese Olympic Committe can explain to me how come I found them sexually attractive?
::hits up dictionary.com to verify console’s spelling and meaning::
Goddamnit Donk. The way you made me doubt myself, I was beginning to think you might be my Father.
One of the Chinese girls fell so hard in practice her fortune slipped out.
Wow, looks like some of ol’ Hitler’s eugenics paid of.
They should count their lucky rickshaws that they didn’t get a needle to the soft spot when they were born.
*Also checks "console" at Dictionary.com to look for better ways to make fun of JHC*
"give solace or comfort"
If the thought of repeatedly pounding your dick into her gives comfort to a gymnast, then no wonder the fundies say you died a virgin.
Tune into Donk & J in the morning tomorrow where we’ll be having a ‘yo mamma’s so fat’ contest!
Hey, where the fuck are Peet & Fek today?
Somebody check the port-a-potties.
Last thing Fek said was Immigration was raiding his building. I think he’s currently trying to explain Ricardo Montalban to some landscapers in a holding cell.
I may not have the greatest game with the ladies Donk, but it’s not like there weren’t hookers back then too.
KHAAAANNNN!!!
::shakes fist like he’s got parkinsons::
*takes out two boots, fills both with piss, hands one to JHC*
Cheers, my friend!
*chodin dogpaddles into Filmdrunk olympic pool*
Man, that Michael Phelps is a fucking gimp.
So uh, did I miss anything?
Time to punch out and let the night crew take over. And by punch out I mean jerk off on the time clock.
Mark Spitz, so you know, that’s a bummer.
Oh Michelle’s back. That sexy time clock just might have to wait.
Mark Spitz will always be king of mustaches.
Beek, we call them "dick rooms".
Dane Cook thinks they photoshopped Mark Spitz mustache on his movie poster head.
Mark Spitz’s parents couldn’t afford braces resulting in a debilitating lisp and crazy teeth.
HAHAHAHAHA poor. Funny.
*shakes head, rubs sexy clock on belly.
What’s crazy is just last week I was thinking "Wouldn’t it be tits if my cock was a balance beam?"
Place that clock wisely M07. I can’t control the spray.
What’s crazy is that just last week I pummeled a horse. And by that I mean masturbated.
::drinks half of piss boot::
Damn Donk. Did you fuck a goat or just eat some alfafa sprouts? This shit’s a little gamey.
::finishes piss boot, and refills::
I didn’t say I didn’t like it.
I’m hung like a pummel horse. (Don’t even know what that means)
Can someone from Double Dragon poor me a piss boot?
*chodin fills the boot for Pauly*
Careful mate, there could be a little blood in there today.
Who put a hat on my ‘u’?
Geez guys! It’s only 2:15 and your getting pissed already?
<shrugs, sit at bar>
If’n ya caint beat um….
::slides Pauly his boot::
There you go homey. That shit’s fresh.
Blood in the piss? BUST!
Chod, blood in the boot is like Clamato in my beer. Only good for a couple rounds, though.
Alright, who’s holdin’ my legs and cock for the dual-piss boot stand?
*chodin sucks piss off the foot of a table dancer*
Damn bro, your feet taste like shit!
*washes down taste with another boot*
No Poon Afternoon begins….NOW
Is it too late for mooncups or are you guys just getting warmed up?
I call legs!
Beek, it’s never too late. Unless your period is late.
Can I suck Batman?
please
If I google mooncups am I gonna get fired?
YAY more poon. There is strength in our numbers.
*Michelle dismounts from bar stool. Swings arms up, hits ceiling fan
FUCK!
Seriously, I had no idea one of you was sitting on that stool. You could have tapped me on the shoulder.
I never understood having and armored codpiece. Because, if you’re like me, you get boners alot and that would be terribly uncomfortable.
makes a fun tappimg noise though
You won’t get fired Crappy, but you’ll forever be a changed man.
All we need is Al to show and then you gals can to the 4-chicks-one-upside-down-stool-carousel-of-fun-and-giggles! And we men folk can throw quarters covered in spoo at you and try to get them to stick!
Weeeee!!
Pauly, it is to distract your enemy with the thought of how large your penis is. As they ponder this, you cleave their skull in two with an axe.
Michelle, I don’t know how to break it to you, but by the looks of it’s nose, your dog may be an alcoholic.
Well if worse comes to worse, Lester, I can always tuck my cock in my utility belt.
Pauly, it soumds like you have a ferret in there. What did you have for lunch?!?
<comes back from mooncup adventure>
Fucking really?
I’m glad I’m a dude.
Michelle’s av is was my "great balls o’ peanut butter" see right before go time.
*Starts screwing the legs onto his Tumbleweed Stand table*
these table legs are fucking hot for me!
You wanna let a pit bull go at your nads be my guest. Her name is Katie and she likes long walks on the beach, licking her ass and scooting around in a circle. And of course…belly rubs.
Did someone call me? More work is getting done today by 6 people than has been accomplished in the entire year to date, me thinks…
Mooncups are gross, can we come up with something else? Maybe we all get together to eat cheese. That we made. Of course, one of us will need to start lactating so I can make some cheese.
My son is making me watch Bindi the Jungle Girl…
send help please……….
Sweet, you ladies have your fourth. Guys, we need to ge to work on those quarters!
How about we call them "lunar modules" . I will feel so much better about it
Eibz, is she rapping? That girls got mad skills.
thank goodness NO, Mich
Michelle, piss boots are gross. Touche.
A quick note on mooncups . . .
GAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!
/vomit
The Mighty Fek’lhr is almost sorry He missed the cross dressing pimp Hutt.
ALMOST.
BTK, flu sucks.
It can be gross, it’s just tons of blood makes me throw up. They can be lady juice. HAHA Lady Juice Boxes. Get it? Get it? Fine, mooncups or lunar modules it is.
Ah, good, erswi. I always suspected that women creeped you out.
Michelle we can fill your mooncup with sparkling wine and pretend you’re an ovulating grape.
Instead of a boot, what about a pump? A breast pump? Wasn’t someone requesting one of us lactate?
I AM I AM an ovulating grape! Awesome!
re: Mooncups: I will have a difficult time not spilling the wine and shivering the next time I take communion. Thanks for the image, ladies!
I presume the mooncup doesn’t work so hot with a thong at the beach, right?
*chodin finishes reading about these "mooncup" things*
So it’s like a shot glass full of estrogen?
Yes, Chodin, exactly like your mom.
BTK, re: the banner pic
Can I nominate "Whatchoo talkin’ bout, retard?" for COTW?
Do mooncups taste like pennies?
Breast milk cheese and menstrual wine? You ladies know how to party!
B.K., so the mooncups beat my dad?
You wanna let a pit bull go at your nads be my guest.
I’ve been looking for a pit bull.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mmZj4ZcL4Zc
Yes Chodin, the mooncups are magic. And Batman is real, and candy is just as healthy as vegetables.
How come Isaac Hayes’ funeral is going to be at a regular Presbyterian church? Shouldn’t it (according to Hubbard law) take place on a spaceship heading towards the center of the Earth?
So how is the 4-chicks-one-upside-down-stool-carousel-of-fun-and-giggles coming along. I have three man cheese topped quarter hors d’vours ready!
Too many y-chromosomes funkifying this place. Ladies, to the
Bat CavePFC lounge!** someone please bring the stool **
*Michelle looks up and wipes the sweat from her damp brow before returning to the butter churn full of lovely lady milk.
I for one home RDJ made Bale feel bad enough to accept a pitty fuck. Just sayin. I feel bad for him. Reeeeallll bad.
No way, Al. You get up from that stool you have to call "seat back" or else 4 of us guys are gonna steal that prime real estate.
You guys, I totally finished masturbating like fifteen minutes ago.
I totally started.
Damnit Beek, you always finish first.
What can I say, I’m efficient.
I’m going to need a nutter butter peanut butter sandwich cookie over here to finish
:: Takes a moment to ponder why BK is masturbating when we have the likes of Chodin, Pauly and Crapbasket in the room ::
You’re right, that probably was the most efficient way to go.
Marky Mark should have been a female because "Good Menstruations" is a way better song title.
Feel it! Feel it! Feel the menstruation!
Hey, I can’t help that my being a smashingly good lookin dude drives the ladies to a big O with aclarity. It’s a curse.
Chuch, Crap.
*Clacks piss boots with Crap, chugs entire boot, then cartwheels after a tumbleweed*
Did somebody say bake off? Oh, "jack" off…rats.
*throws hands in pockets and kicks an empty can*
Al, I have to wait like a week for chodin or crapster to make a salient point. I ain’t got that kind of time for tending the wedding vegetables.
*Michelle would high five but she’s lasciviously churning butter now
B.K., I’ve got a salient point for you…
*signals with eyes to his penis hanging out*
Expecting a salient point on FilmDrunk is like expecting me to come up with a simile about how dumb waiting for a salient point on FilmDrunk is.
*pop*
<Crap makes own head explode>
See, that took like, two weeks. When are you guys going to understand that the penis is basically all we’re interested in. No, I don’t want to hear about your fantasy football league or why measuring horsepower from the rear wheel something something is stupid something else something blah JUST TAKE OUT YOUR PENIS, GOD!
"…JUST TAKE OUT YOUR PENIS, GOD!"
Wait, so were you talking to us or to God?
Sorry, I didn’t use *exasperated* before it. I don’t know what emoticon would properly convey "TAKE OUT YOUR PENIS." I bet Pauly knows, though.
Either way, my dick’s been hangin’ out since October of ’04.
Well you see, measuring horsepower and torque at the crank gives flawed numbers because only a dyno run of the power output at the rear wheel gives empirically pure data for the calculation of the power to wieght ratio, which is of course, the only true expression of a vehicles performance.
<scratches butt crack, sniffs finger>
Hmmm, garlic.
zzzzzzzzz…………
Haha! My plan unfolds exactly as it should.
<runs over to sleeping Al for teabag shame photos>
Yes, that’s exactly what he was saying last night when I stopped paying attention. Funny how that happened just now, too. I like candy.
Beek, you girls sure do talk about "cack" a whole lot. What are you all, queers?
<applies Dirty Bulgarian Gasmask to Al, takes photo>
Somebody say CACK!?
Al, when I sleep it’s more like this:
8=D8=D8=D8=D8=D8=D8=D…
Until one rolls over and the other falls out
What is that, Ass to Equal sign? Ass2Skis
What kind of team is 7 players a-hole to cake hole? Do you wear jerseys or chaps? Are there sticks involved?
It’s a train of dicks, ladies…I mean…I think it is…well like, not me personally, but this guy I know, see he told me that it looks like a train of dicks.
I flip a coin before I go to sleep to see wether I’m sleeping face down, ass up, or in the trunk of a car.
Choo! Choo!
ALL ABOARD! The DICK TRAIN is leaving town!
Pauly, can I have your 3-sided coin?
Hey Chodin, have you ever heard of the new craze sweeping the nation? It involves actually putting your tounge in a girl’s mouth!
I know, right?
I wish I could train my dick not to sick up and beg at improper times, like when I’m sdressing the Ladies auxiliary of the Knight of Columbus, or giving eulogies at funerals, or at a bris, or…
Hold up, Chodin. Let me give it tonite’s flip.
*flips coin*
Looks like I’m sleeping inside of you, Buuuuuuuddy!
*A drunken Charlie Bronze passes through on the back of a hay cart pulled by a miniature Mediterranean donkey that is singing – a bit like the pony in Top Secret – Temptation by New Order*
"Oh you’ve got green eyes, oh you’ve got blue eyes…"
…or changing granny’s diapers, or…
Tongue in a girls mouth? What’s the fucking point Pauly, to keep her from talking I bet?
…or at the thought of what exactly a dick "sick up" would smell like, or…
you’re not getting my gold teef that easy
…or peeling that week old roadkill off of my tailpipe because it finally stopped stinking so bad and had become just plain tacky, or…
… or when trying to decipher what things like "sdressing" might mean?
Crap, put down the piss boot and back away slowly. Slower.
I said SLOWER. That’s Pauly behind you, you know.
He knows. He can feel it.
Any of you girls ever nick your balls when you’re shaving them?
Oh I feel bad for you hairy nut broads, really. Lucky for me, my scrote is hairless like a Sphynx. Also, I have been told they are shiny.
And they smell ever so faintly of puppy chow
And it sphynx down there
My Ben Wah Balls make a noise if you giggle them.
Chelle, that’s from Katie *coughs* I mean, I gotta let them air out, with the humidity and monsoon season……
Speaking of which, have you ever strated a funny story with "So I was taint deep in some dog I met at the pound……"?
Funny? no. I have started out epic tales of love and deception that way though.
Like when you told all your friends* that you were going to broke-up with me, and it was for good this time, Michelle?
*stuffed animals
Yeah, and then I get a call from fuckin’ Teddy Ruxpin on my cell* and he tells me how you guys were bangin’ for 3 months before you were even going to break with me….
*two cans connected with a string
…or like when I’m washing my bitch and she’s all sudsy and clean, or…
…or when I was driving with my black friend and he got pulled over and that dude cop was searching me and the chick cop was watching, or…
…when I was riding my bike and I saw a cucumber laying in the gutter with a shitty bloody condom on it, or…
…when I was "love stabbing" that homeless woman, oh wait Crappy you silly goose! You’re always gonna get a boner during a BTK frenzy! What a mindless Martin I can be sometimes.
<slaps knee, turns on stool to take long pull on a tall piss boot, sporting a boner.>
Glad to see you guys missed Him. :P
*Donk walks in, slips on a spooge puddle and jams his big toe into a mooncup*
Hey, who wants to go get pizza?
*nom stands on the other side of your neighbors privacy fence, hits Pizza Hut delivery guy with a squeegee handle when he arrives, takes your pizza, leaves your Wing Street Wings*
*Donk runs across nom’s yard naked, red sauce covers his eyes and genitals*
AAAAAAAAAH! WHY DID I GO WITH SUPER-HOT AND FORGET TO WASH MY HANDS?!
I knew the night crew would rock. Who’s left?
Pauly is in the corner holding my beanie babies. He’s all upset about something, will only talk via speak n spell. I’m making lewd pictures on my lite brite.
Hey guys sorry I’m la….Where did everybody go? Looks like more brew for the Doc.
*puts feet up on table. Turns TV to Bravo for rerun of last night’s Shear Genius.*
Pauly, the cow says mooo! And I think she wants it!
Ha Ha Dr, that Paulo!!
Wow, 268. On a Wednesday. A lot has changed since I quit the nightwatchman job here and decided to
bring the funnyshow up in the morning instead.Good thing you crossed out bring the funny. Cause if I know anything, its about not being funny
BTK, am I the last to know that bex can’t comment here anymore?
Well, maybe he can at home, but he sure as hell can’t do it at work.
No New Up! yet, but you Miniature Mediterranean Donkey Fuckers are on your own today. I’m fucking swamped at work today. Sorry, Jabba slabbaers.
Lemme guess; you work construction and it’s your job to inform your company’s clients when a building is done?