Last month, former UFC Light Heavyweight champ Rampage Jackson ran from the police, sideswiping a car, narrowly missing pedestrians, driving on the wrong side of the road, and other assorted reckless crap. No one was hurt, though the pregnant driver of a car he sideswiped did have a miscarriage (but if you ask me,if you have a miscarriage because someone scraped the side of your car, your kid was probably going to be a pussy anyway).
Rampage pleaded guilty to various charges and is awaiting sentencing. He faces a maximum of up to three years in prison, but will probably just get probation. Which brings us to today, when more about the events surrounding Rampage’s rampage have come to light. Besides not sleeping for three days and consuming nothing but energy drinks, it all comes down to a crappy movie.
The chase apparently ended in front of friend Brian Talbert’s home. Rampage had spent the night before watching the DVD of “The Secret” over and over again, and then remembered he had loaned a copy to Talbert, and became obsessed with getting to him to make sure he watched it.
I’m including the first 20 minutes of The Secret after the jump. I got through about five minutes of it. They use the usual cult/huckster tactic of going on and on about how “the mystical something” gave the bald guy hair, made the paraplegic walk, and made everyone’s dicks grow without ever telling you what that something is. Luckily someone at Cage Potato actually made it to the end:
For those of you unaware, “The Secret” is a completely ridiculous New Age-type philosophy that encourages people to change physical reality through the sheer force of thought. It is, in other words, alchemy for the modern idiot.
I like Rampage. But someone should tell him giant scary black guys who beat people up for a living don’t need positive thinking to get what they want. Seriously man, just holler.
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They should shoot his ass for having gigantic pictures of himself on his gigantic truck.
I’m certain this isn’t compensation for the roid damaged scrote and winky he’s slinging.
Anybody else keep hoping that Rampage Jackson turns into a giant ape and starts climbing up buildings, punching them until they collapse?
Also, thanks for giving away the ending. If I didn’t already have an account, you can be damn sure I’d be signing up for one now just to bitch.
Jesus, just think what he’d of done if he watched even a minute of The Happening?
I just want to see him swallow the contents of a dump truck and then vomit all over a bunch of cops.
{finger gun wink to keyHo
That movie is made for a woman but strong enough for a man.
*catches wink, shoves hand down pants*
So he was watching the movie and wanted to make sure that a friend he gave a copy of the movie to also watched it?
Is he going to get hit with that $250,000 fine for illegally distributing copyrighted material too?
I too have pictures of a giant penis painted on the side of my car…
What odd behavior from a guy named “Rampage.” I haven’t been this shocked since Marcus “Ho’ Slappa” Davis got rung up on those domestic violence charges.
The secret of The Secret is that they made you pay money for nothing. NOTHING! It’s like paying for a copy of Meet Joe Black…
You wanna’ know my secret? I fuck like a dead dolphin.
* places hand to ear like a telephone and mouths the words “call me” *
Mmmmm… new batch of Sarah Palin photos. Excuse me, friends.
*Well hello there, my penis.*
Its pretty stupid to have a picture of yourself on the side of your car. That’s why I chose the more muted appearance of 4 foot magnetic flames for my Honda Accord.
If you see that truck driving through a forested area, it’s really fucking creepy. Thanks to the paint job, it looks like rampage is floating backwards.
I had a picture of myself painted on the side of my Vespa. I even updated it with my new black eyes.
He used to be such a sweet guy back when he was known as Civil Disobedience Jackson.
Also, I’m still pretty new, but “4 foot magnetic flames” would be a good name for an 80s cover band.
I took my cue from ‘The Secret’ and now having sex with women just consists of me talking for three hours about what may happen at some point.
I think as part of his punishment, the judge should decree that he has to change his intro music to “I Fought the Law.”
I wonder why Vince didn’t have the same sense of urgency when he gave Chodin the “Lost Boys: The Tribe” DVD when Chod won it for CoTW.
HEY! Remember when we had a CoTW?
*sighs*
Those were the days…….
Maybe if we all think hard enough about it, it’ll happen.
change physical reality through the sheer force of thought
I don’t have nearly enough brain power to pull this off, so I focus it with beer goggles.
Besides not sleeping for three days and consuming nothing but energy drinks
Lets get him some meth and see what he can really do.
If you really had to, like you could use a baby squid as a condom, right? Like, if you really had to, really.
My cousin forced me to watch The Secret in entirety and I daresay, if for some reason I was retarded enough to spend the day watching it over and over again by choice, I’d have embarked on something much more heinous than sideswiping pregnant chicks.
The theme is basically “you can THINK yourself thin/sucessful/wealthy/cancer-free”. Rampage obviously thought he was invincible and above the law.
So, basically, The Secret didn’t work for him, either, no matter how many times he watched it.
One day I hope to “successfully” think myself into a better speller.
If my cousin tried to force me to watch The Secret, I’d tell her I would stop having sex with her.
Dennis Rader’s secret was that he “loved too hard”.
RADER NATION!
My secret is to tickle the taint.
Shhhhhhhh…..don’t tell anyone.
My other secret is to read Cosmo’s “100 wild ways to please your man” article while I’m taking a shit.
You want to know my father’s secret? He doesn’t love…PSYCH!!!! Hahaha, that’s not a fucking secret, you lying cunt snakes!
I’d like to know the sceret to beating Contra without the code.
My pastor and I have a secret.
*motions jerk off hand gesture*
Burnsy and I have a secret.
*Pauly glances at Burnsy, “Secret Lovers” plays in the background*
I like Rampage Jackson’s cousin Lovable Lawrence better.
I’d like to know the secret of who just left a strategically placed pube on the toilet seat here at work.
Jesus Christ, Rampage – how about picking a less conspicuous vehicle next time? He could have rolled through downtown on the back of the Cloverfield monster and attracted less attention.
In Jackson’s defense, his friend didn’t pick up the phone on the first ring. The only logical course of action is to smash your way across town in a monster truck.
New up, less roids, more Leo
And Toyo Tires just called. They want to give Rampage Jackson the direct number to Firestone’s marketing team.
So this movie is basically the same premis as in ‘LOST’? And this dude even did like Hurley with the driving around crazy and evading the police? This just proves that you CAN have an influence over reality through the powers of conscious observation. This is EXACTLY what I was hoping wanted to happen.