This is the time of year when studios dump the crap they know no one will see anyway. Don’t believe me? Opening this weekend (click titles to watch trailer):
Babylon A.D.
Even the director says this sucks. I do not disagree, sir.
College (up top)
Ugh. That is all.
Disaster Movie
You know it’s good because Kim Kardashian’s in it.
Traitor
An action movie starring Don Cheadle based on an idea by Steve Martin. If this was any good we would’ve heard a lot more about it. The best thing I can say about it is that it looks like something I’d watch on an airplane.
There you have it, folks. This three-day weekend is a great time to be outside.
Friday Free For All is the time of the week when I can post any damned video I feel like.
Today’s Friday Free for All clip has a little backstory. See, back in the day, legendary fighter Bas Rutten put out some self-defense videos. Though Rutten’s videos were pretty funny in their own right, Canadian comedian Daryn Jones decided to parody them, and unlike Seltzer-Friedberg, his spoof is actually as funny as the original. Check out a few more videos after the jump, including Rutten’s response. They’re all hilarious, and all less than two minutes long. See people? This is how you make an internet video.
The poster for Body of Lies came out today. A have the full version after the jump. Mostly, it begs the question of what looks worse, Leo’s totem pole head or his creepy octopus hand. Hands off ladies, that’s a wedding band. I think.
Last month, former UFC Light Heavyweight champ Rampage Jackson ran from the police, sideswiping a car, narrowly missing pedestrians, driving on the wrong side of the road, and other assorted reckless crap. No one was hurt, though the pregnant driver of a car he sideswiped did have a miscarriage (but if you ask me,if you have a miscarriage because someone scraped the side of your car, your kid was probably going to be a pussy anyway).
Rampage pleaded guilty to various charges and is awaiting sentencing. He faces a maximum of up to three years in prison, but will probably just get probation. Which brings us to today, when more about the events surrounding Rampage’s rampage have come to light. Besides not sleeping for three days and consuming nothing but energy drinks, it all comes down to a crappy movie.
The chase apparently ended in front of friend Brian Talbert’s home. Rampage had spent the night before watching the DVD of “The Secret” over and over again, and then remembered he had loaned a copy to Talbert, and became obsessed with getting to him to make sure he watched it.
I’m including the first 20 minutes of The Secret after the jump. I got through about five minutes of it. They use the usual cult/huckster tactic of going on and on about how “the mystical something” gave the bald guy hair, made the paraplegic walk, and made everyone’s dicks grow without ever telling you what that something is. Luckily someone at Cage Potato actually made it to the end:
For those of you unaware, “The Secret” is a completely ridiculous New Age-type philosophy that encourages people to change physical reality through the sheer force of thought. It is, in other words, alchemy for the modern idiot.
I like Rampage. But someone should tell him giant scary black guys who beat people up for a living don’t need positive thinking to get what they want. Seriously man, just holler.
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Not only are Seltzer-Friedberg’s movies worse than cancer, now they’re insulting New Orleans or some shit. Because some people think releasing a film called Disaster Movie on the third anniversary of Hurricane Katrina is in poor taste. Writes Nikki Finke:
The studio that has hawked torture porn for years has now decided to make a buck off the suffering of hundreds of thousands of people, and on the eve of another terrible storm about to strike the Gulf states. “Around these Katrina-scarred parts, Aug. 29 is still — and will be for some time — a black-armband kind of day,” criticized Mike Scott, the movie writer for the local newspaper The Times-Picayune.
Well that’s enough for me. Burn the witches, burn them! I’ll bring the marshmallows! Meanwhile, Lionsgate of course pleads unfortunate coincidence.
“The film does not depict or parody any actual natural disaster, and the release date of ‘Disaster Movie’ is in no way a reference to or joke about the anniversary of Hurricane Katrina,” read a studio statement prepared for The Times-Picayune.
Hold on, Mr. Obvious is shoving me out of the way, he wants to type something - Hey. Why the f-ck did you name the movie Disaster Movie if it has nothing to do with disasters? Okay, I’m back. Getting your feathers ruffled about the name of a stupid movie seems a little silly, but if it means something bad happening to Seltzer-Friedberg, it’s hard to argue with the outcome. It’s kind of like that scene in Schindler’s List where the Nazis make the Jews run around the track naked. On the one hand, that was a really mean thing to do. On the other hand, titties!
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