After the jump is the trailer for the new Nic Cage paint-by-numb3rz thriller Knowing. The I in the title gets replaced by a 1 in the trailer, a clear indication that the script was texted to the director by retarded teenagers on lunch break at Best Buy. In it, Cage gets a piece of paper out of a time capsule with a bunch of numbers that tell him bad shit gone happen. It’s like a Beautiful Mind crossed with the Number 23 crossed with some plagiarism from a Donald Kaufman script. Do the numbers tell how it’d get burned?
-Christmas Ape
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Knowing is half the title.
The other half is that this movie is going to suck shit, and YOU STILL BOUGHT A TICKET?!?!.
If I get numbers from the future, they damn well better be for a winning lotto ticket or the date that Nic Cage finally goes batshit and launches into a four-state killing spree using only his forehead to beat toddlers into the ground like little sticky tent stakes…cuz that’d be awesome on Youtube.
It’s a sad state of affairs when mistakes made by people become the popular thing to do. For example, pwn, !!11, and the like. I just wish it would’ve become the "in" thing when I got caught beating off by my mom.
Absolutely, I swear to Kahless this is true:
The Mighty Fek’lhr’s brother works at Best Buy on the Geek Squad. Recently, he was helping a lonely MILF and her teenage daughter with a
back alley abortioncomputer problem and she started saying things to him like, "You have a nice voice.", "You have beautiful eyes.", and "My daughter thinks you look like Nic Cage!"Here is His brother (with a bunch of Chinese f4gs{work safe}):
[img399.imageshack.us]
HIS FINGERS ARE HORRIFYING.
What’s in the fanny pack *falls to ground crying*
WHAT’S IN THE PACK?!?!?!
Fek, that pic of your brother looks like the next poster for Bankok Dangerous.
That number 1 in the title is basically threatening us with a sequel (which I imagine will be called Oops, I 2-ted…somebody open a window).
WHAT’S IN THE PACK?!?!?!
Milkbones for the dancers.
Fek, those are the ugliest damn prom dates I’ve ever seen.
I will assume that any hand I can’t see is jazzy.
Kal-el
Needed
Orthodontics.
We’re the
1′s
Nick
Ganks!
I feel like I’m going to need a Spike Lee joint to appreciate this movie.
Is Nic Cage in like everyone other movie this year. Everyday i come hear and more often than not I’m faced with the talentless forehead. Fuck Nic Cage and fuck his forehead.
Why is Nic Cage in a glass ca……oh, nevermind.
I dug up a time capsule that had a bunch of numbers in it, but they were all box office figures for Valley Girl.
I have a prediction for the disaster that happenes on the release date of this movie. Ok, not really a prediction, but I know I’m killing everyone who sees this.
See ya March 20th, 2009!
Aaron Seltzer: "Hey Jason, should we spoof one of Nic Cage’s new films in Disaster Movie?"
Jason Friedberg: "Why? He’s fucking brilliant!"
Fek, that picture may be the gayest thing I’ve ever seen. A fannypack?
/just checked Fek’s link
What in the name of Kahless?
Unless he keeps his weed in there, he’s dead to me.
According to The Mighty Fek’lhr’s little brother, if you do not lock your money in a fanny-pack whilst visiting China, those fucking little gooks will rob your white ass in a Shanghai second!
Also, it conceals the remote for the vibrating anus egg.
that picture may be the gayest thing I’ve ever seen. A fannypack?
The Mighty Fek’lhr is honoured. Coming from you, it is like the equivalent of having John Holmes tell Him, "That was the best blowjob I ever had, good job, li’l Klingon buddy!"
…
DOR SHO GHA!
John Holmes? So it’s not good enough when I say that?
Anyone else having trouble viewing these TrailerAddict videos? I can’t decide if it’s a network issue or if my PC has become sentient and refuses to play anything starring Nic Cage.
Let me know where you got that PC, Peet.
So it’s not good enough when I say that?
Since when is, "You drunk fucking fat retarded hick" the same as, "Li’l Klingon buddy"???
Touche, honkey.
I would have figured the numbers were Nic’s forehead measurements. That shit is in 4-D
Good Morning, Drunkards!
By the way, my prison nickname was "Fannypack." Now, who wants a smoke? I’ve got a whole carton here.
Was this interview held at the Hellen Keller School for Taxidermy? I only ask because that stuffed Nic Cage looks like shit.
From left: Nic Cage, the dog he stole while filming "Peggy Sue Got Married"
new up
the only numbers in my life are 4815162342
"Given the choice between a feral badger and a brotoxed Nic Cage, I wisely chose to fight the badger."
867-530ni-eee-iiine
Wait, is this the one where trees kill people?