PREPARE TO BE SHYAMALANNED. MORE.
07.23.08
Hot on the heels of his critically-acclaimed smash hit The Happening, Manny Shyamalan has struck a deal to get into producing. He’s partnered with Media Rights Capital and plans to make one thriller per year for three years.
Shyamalan will create the stories and ideas for the films and pick the writers and directors; MRC will finance. Two factors in particular attracted MRC to the filmmaker: Shyamalan typically generates more movie ideas than he can execute, since he writes, directs, produces and often acts in the films he makes. And he has a track record of bringing his films in on budget. [Variety]
First off, writing, directing, producing, and acting in your own films doesn’t mean you have a ton of ideas it means you’re a megalomaniac. Secondly, if by executing Shyamalan’s ideas you mean turning them all into films, that’s a terrible idea. If you mean shooting them in the back of the head and burying them in a ditch or injecting them with poison until they crap their pants, you might be on to something.
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I don’t get it.
"Shyamalan typically generates more movie ideas than he can execute"
If history has taught us anything, it’s that just because Shyamalan has a movie idea, this does not necessitate it being a good idea. Or a this-will-work-well-as-a-film-everyone-will-both-enjoy-and-"get" idea.
I write, direct, produce, and act in my own hobo snuff films all the time and my mom says I’m very talented. So suck on THAT, smart guy.
I’m so mad that I was at lunch during that last post. VaLince, can you cut a deal with Sprint like the ESPN-Verizon deal? We could call it FilmDrunk Dialing. Get on it, champ.
/slaps his ass, howls
True story: the Batman movie was originally called The Dark M. Knight. What, we’ll have a huge hit if we ditch the middle initial? Well, it worked for Jesus H. Christ.
I sincerely hope they are just remakes of Thriller.
Darkness falls across the land, the midnight hour is close at hand…Vincent Price is so freaking hot, am I right ladies? Am I right? Hello?
And for the record, I thought that part in The Village when Paul Giamatti turned out to be a dead superhero was brilliant.
This is entirely backwards: the problem with Shammy’s films isn’t his directing, writing, or acting, it’s the shitty concepts. This is like dating a Playmate but removing her implants, sewing her vagina shut and just listening to her talk all day.
*Chodin enters thread on horseback*
Hello, all you Injuns!
You know who else writes, directs, produces and often acts in the films he makes?
Sexman.
I bow down in awe to the wisdom of Stinky Peet. Preach on, brova. Preach on.
First film in this series:
"The Boogeyman" About a booger-eating 8-year-old boy who thinks a monster is in his closet. The twist is that it is he who is in the monster’s closet.
Director: McG
You know what I like most about Shyamalan’s films? They’re so fucking hard to follow that it usually takes up until the 3rd act for my date to notice that I’ve been fingering her butt for the past 72 minutes.
LMH, I loved the first Gnarls Barkley album as well but it really is time to move on to The Odd Couple.
Oh lord Michelle…you’re going to have to take it easy with that Zule avatar. I can only masturbate so much at work before the parents picking up their kids from daycare start to get nervous.
The first film will be called The Rupture and will tell the tale of how MRC mysteriously lost all of its money.
From writer, director and producer, M. Night Shyamalan comes: ‘Shit On A Plate’
erswi, my only comment is:
????
/35-year-old father of three who hasn’t bought a new CD in five or six years.
I understand he’ll also be doing a Biopic of Chuck Berry.
Shyamalan typically generates more ideas than he can execute…
I also have more perverted ideas than I can legally discuss, but you don’t see me hiring outside help to masturbate on a ferris wheel.
Dude! If you only buy two albums the rest of your life . . . buy two others and pirate the Gnarls Barkley albums. They’re not bad.
Gods have mercy on the Peter Berg to his Michael Mann
I think Shyamalan gets all of his movie ideas from fucking his wife:
6th Sense: wife died for 37 seconds while fucking.
Signs: wife made a strange face while fucking.
Lady In the Water: wife cried for 37 minutes while fucking.
The Village: things got awfully red while fucking.
The Happening: wife asked ‘what’s happpening?’ while fucking.
The only thing that would make a M. Knight movie awesome is if he used a flute to coax a real-life cobra out of a basket.
Then it bit his face,
*incoming transmission*
QAPLAH, forshak-hut dwelling yIntaghs! The Mighty Fek’lhr feels compelled to point out that, on Kronos, the term "Manny Shyamalan" is used to emascualte and embarass stocky female athletes, and club-foot hunchbacked movie bloggers.
Dor sho gha!
*end transmission*
At this point, the biggest twist Shyamalan could put in his next movie is if he doesn’t put himself in his next movie.
I understand he’ll be making a documentary about the first guy to combine chocolate and vanilla soft serve ice cream dispense it into a single cone.
I understand he’ll be making a movie about tornado chasers.
Then there’s "The Swirling". It’s the story of a little boy who possesses the ability to cross over into a magical parallel dimension simply by having his head held down inside a flushing toilet.
So the real reason that originality is so scarce in Hollywood is that we can’t mine all the fresh new ideas out of Shyamalan’s head fast enough?
Look, I know it didn’t exactly work out with the goose that laid the golden egg, but I say we give ‘crack it open’ another shot when it comes to Shyamalan’s noggin.
Banner pic: GIRLY MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!
Shyamalan and Stephen King should be locked in a room somewhere to share all of their brilliant ideas. Then, that room should be set ablaze.
M. Night Shamalamadingdong Big Movie Idea #1002: "The Jacking". It’s the story of a little boy who possesses the ability to make ghosts come out of his dick whenever he jacks off.
Only meteorologists have been given more chances to get it right than Manfred Chamois-a-dong has. Alas…..
"I spooge dead people"
new up! *ppppp! PPPPPPPBBBBBTTTTTT!*
Really? one of the two factors that made them decide on Shyamalan was that he generally comes up with more movie ideas than he can execute?
I can think up more sexual positions than I can actually execute; somebody sign me up to be in pornos. I wanna try out a little something I invented that I like to call "The Waffle Umbrella"
One idea M. Night Shyamalan has been dying to make is called "A Good Movie."
Manny Night Movie Idea #5873: "UnMakeable" -The story of a lone filmmaker who can’t find any producers willing to back his steaming shitstorm of a movie. The Twist? It’s actually too amazing for anyone to fully understand, or a metaphor for something really crazy and cool.
M Night Shyamalan is the Indian Ed Wood of our time
Next Movie: Shyamalanmanon Phenomenon-an Indian movie director discovers the horrible truth about Brett Ratner-he makes more money than he does.