Toby Keith’s Beer for My Horses has a poster, and it’s scientifically engineered to appeal to dipshit rednecks everywhere (keep in mind I’m from the country myself).
- Water Tower? Check. The only surprise is it doesn’t say “Anytown, USA” on the side.
- All forms of redneck headwear represented. Trucker cap (even if it is sorta faggy and Asian looking), cowboy hat, and something silly for the silly guy to wear so you know he’s silly.
- Familiar-sounding-yet-nonsensical play on words tagline. Look, it doesn’t need to make sense, it just needs to sound like something you’ve heard before. Things that are new are scary.
- Speaking of which, of course you need your menacing-looking Mexican. Just look at him, he looks like he’s about to steal someone’s job. You can just imagine him sticking a gun up to somebody’s head going, “Okay, mang, ju better lemme landscape jour house. Y ju better payme less thang meeneemum wage. Or else.”
- Ted Nugent. He gives it street cred. He probably just ate something raw that he shot with a bow and arrow. What, he’s just a wild man, it’s not like he’s compensating for anything.
So that’s about all the analysis I can take for today. I think I speak for everyone here when I say that I hope Toby Keith dies in a fire.
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I think I speak for everyone here when I say that I hope Toby Keith dies in a fire.
Yeah! A barn fire! Like on of those 100 year old barns in the Amana Colonies!
I think we should use the flag and lighter fluid to start that fire
I was about to argue with you and say where is the objectified T&A, but then realized that his sunglasses are showing the reflection of a hog tied woman. So in summary this does have everything a redneck could want…
Wow, that girl tied up and gagged in the reflection of his sunglasses ALMOST makes me forgive this poster.
Wow, those two posts must have been fate!
I have no funny in this comment, I’m just here to say that if you’re not watching Generation Kill (what, are you too busy watching JAG reruns on ABC Family or something?), then last night you missed out on a brilliant scene where two marines in the middle of invading Iraq were talking about how only gay retards enjoy Toby Keith.
still, a surprising lack of horses…
they must be in rehab.
Yea, only hardasses listen to Damn Yankees.
THe Mighty Fek’lhr liked this movie better when it was "Goodbye Horses".
I just hope they have a pissin’ Calvin big enough to put out that fire while still letting people know how he feels about people who drive Chevrolets.
I’m betting that Rodney Carrington’s motivation for his role revolved around Doofy from the first Scary Movie.
Yeah, yeah, I saw it. Go fuck yourselves.
Folks, that isn’t just some girl — that is Claire Forlani in bondage reflecting in his glasses. I, too, often reflect on Claire Forlani in bondage. Fuck, I’m going to have to go see this thing, ain’t I?
The Mighty Fek’lhr has it on good authority that Toby Keith and Ted Nugent do a tribute to the Jennifer Connelly double dildo ass 2 ass scene.
J-He saw it, too. :(
Pretty sure just looking at this poster is making my future first born autistic.
*answers from previous thread*
CHODIN, ZOMBIE BACKWARDS – CAPS LOCK…Well, you see, it all started back when I was in 8th grade….
*flashback wavy lines*
It was the first time I ever had to take a shower in gym class. I was nervous and embarassed to be naked around my peers, but I figured they were all naked too, so what the heck.
In the shower, some of the older boys started pointing and laughing at my extremely small penis. It wasn’t my fault it was so small, "it’s the way the good Lord made me" is what my father would always tell me, with shame in his eyes.
I was labeled "Wee-Willy Winky" for the remainder of my schooling career. So, after graduation, I got a job at a steel factory, building car parts for Cheverolet. My body became strong, but my penis stayed small.
I saved enough money to get an experimental surgery done which involved skin grafts, nerve extensions and a witch doctor.
After the surgery, I had a 13" cock. Thus the name "Lord Humungous". But then tragedy dtruck. I was involved in a freak bathroom accident which severed my beautiful cock from my body.
Now I wear that cock on my belt as a reminder to always make sure I am wearing underwear before I zip up my zipper after I take a piss.
True story.
Just looking at the poster made me dumber. I can’t remember the titles of any Shakespeare plays and for some reason I blame Mexicans.
BONG!!!!!!!
Lord H is not invited to my son’s bris.
They took yer bard!
I can’t remember the titles of any Shakespeare plays and for some reason I blame Mexicans.
The Merchant of Venice Beach?
Hamlette con Papas?
Twelff Night?
By the way, I’ll bet fifty bucks that every one of those fuckers in the poster would spell "vigilante" with a "y."
If this movie were a baby I’d drown it.
Are you saying this movie reminds you of a chinese girl?
I’m also pretty sure that Toby Keith thinks "quesadilla" is Spanish for "what’s the deal?"
Vygilante?
Dammit Donkey, I just dursted my own opportunity for a "Troilus and Quesadilla" joke. Shit.
For some reason I keep thinking about The Squidbillies when I look at this.
donk, you’re my hero.
How ’bout Rico Suave III?
Don’t worry, Rot. As soon as there’s a place to nom it, your Quesadilla comment is going up there
Any way we can start the rumor that this is a sequel to Brokeback Mountain?
A Midsummer Night’s the Best Time to Cross the Border
Much Ado About Nada
"I think I speak for everyone here when I say that I hope Toby Keith dies in a fire."
Hhahahahaha!!! It’s funny ’cause it’s true!
The Taming of The Shrubs.
Oh Fellow.
If we could somehow get Koby Teith drawn and quartered, I’ve give those four horses all the damn beer they cound drink.
What do you get when you cross a variable annuity with Sponge Bob Square Pants?
The Nuge thinks Coriolanus is butt-raping either Feldman or Haim.
Oh, almost forgot:
Julio Ceasar
Lettuce Labour Lost
The Mexican guy who hangs out at the back of McDonald’s all day and looks suspicious:
King Leer
The Nuge and that fake Mexican look like they know what to do when they got a girl tied up.
You want to know how I know you’re gay? You thought about seeing ‘Beer For My Horses’.
The Merry Wives of Windshield Cleaners.
Vin Diesel is already signed on to make the sequal, 2 Fast 4 My Horses
Love’s Labour For Half What It Would Cost To Pay An American
YOu want to know how I know you’re gay? You post all day on movie forums
I wouldn’t even watch this movie if it was playing on the back of some chick’s head while I donkey punched her.
Pericles: Prince of Tire Shops.
I hope they greenlight the filmdrunk memoir: ‘Piss For My Hombres’ .
Any way we can start the rumor that this is a sequel to Brokeback Mountain?
What’s next, Stone, Billy Corgan jokes? BONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This only time I’d watch this movie, is if it was part of the Ludovico technique.
By the way, if this movie were a baby, it would be wearing a muddy diaper and playing with broken beer bottles in the front yard. Also, it would suffer from Fetal Alcohol Syndrome severe enough to make it the perfect demographic for itself.
Holy shit, Eibz is gay?!? That’s hot. Lipstick or butch?
Vin Diesel is already signed on to make the sequal, 2 Fast 4 My Horses
Personally, I’m looking forward to 4 Horses 2 Rapture. Or its competition, She Got God.
This movie actually makes me want to give Roadhouse 2 a chance.
um… the taming of the shrub?
The Nuge thinks Cymbeline is that shiny thing his drummer hits.
There are no drugs that can Take Me High Enough to see this movie.
Lance, if you are really from the country, what is the proper response to "Howdy!"?
(no help, you guys {Robo, J})
If I walked in on two of my sons and one was jacking off to gay porn at the computer, but the other one was sitting quietly watching ‘Beer For My Horses’ on the television. I’d karate chop the fucking head off the one sitting on the couch and then tell his brother that he was a queer.
Already done, Ash
The Merchant of Used Tires
i guess i just suck.
Something vaguely familiar about the Nuge in that picture makes me think twice before pulling a switchblade on him.
The Nuge likes to kill what he eats, it makes him feel more like his hero, Rambo.
Crocodile De-da-dee?
(I can’t believe I just borrowed from Carlos Mensteala)
"That ain’t a knife…this here’s a knife. Now git!"
Dor Sho Gah, Fek!
"that’s not a knife… THIS is a knife."
hey allright, you guys just got me off the hook for pulling out the Crocodile Dundee reference in the first place.
Alternate title: Tulsa Doom
Dor sho gah, indeed, Stoney!
Because of the mullet factor, if you stood at the back of a theater and looked at the crowd during this film you would think it was full of women. However, if you stood at the front you would find that it was full of chicken fucking slack jawed mouth breathing dipshits with mullets.
Witty-if Lance wasn’t getting fucked in the ear by a Klingon dick and had posted COTW, He would nom the shit out of that.
Holy balls, witty nickname, that’s awesome.
You really can’t blame Toby, I mean, lord knows that if I sang country music I’d make some fucked up movies.
That poster would be sooo much better if The Nuge was holding a double-ended dildo.
Mullets: business in the front, fire hazard in the back.
Thanks, Rot. I was late to the game on that Digimon post, so I’ve been hanging on to that joke all afternoon.
oh, and Fek
That’s not a knife. That’s a spoon.
…I see you’ve played knifey spoony before.
Fek, be very careful. If you steal from Carlos Mencia and Dane Cook in the same lifetime, the universe will collapse on itself.
Git er done!
GOD DAMMIT! Does anyone read my fucking posts???
Fuck it, I saw TDK this weekend, my life is complete
C’mon, Fek… do rock ‘n roll quotes!
Burnsy-luckily I have never seen any Dane Cook material EVER. I am dead serious.
I read it, but you told me to shut the fuck up.
Executive Produced by, Dan Halen Sheetrock
I hope Toby Keith goes out to start his horse one morning and the fucker explodes on him.
I can’t be the only one getting eye fucked by that water tower…Goood, it’s just so freaking sexy.
Fek – You are really missing out on some class A comedy. Go pick up Retaliation by Dane Cook.
……….hahahaha, just fuckin’ with ya. Go by Yani’s greatest hits. You’ll enjoy that a lot more.
Isn’t Toby Keith the sheriff in this film?
Doesn’t that kind of take away from the whole ‘vigilante’ part of things?
furthermore, why am I thinking so hard about this movie?
*pulls out piss boot*
My feet fucking stink.
So once you get the beer and then give it to your horses…what the hell do you do with a bunch of fucked up horses?Â
Looks like that Mexican dude has been cleaning out some extra splashy toilets no? Si.
I once saw a chick blowing a zebra. I never thought, "Why?" I thought, "Where’d they get a fucking zebra?" But when I think about this movie I think "Why?"
J-not that post…the ohter one…you know, with the thing.
Burnsy, that’s just this post…your fucking feet are fine.
So once you get the beer and then give it to your horses…what the hell do you do with a bunch of fucked up horses?
*unzips pants*
also missing from this poster: the obligatory confederate flag.
Every single one of those guys in the movie poster pees sitting down. On a horse.
"So once you get the beer and then give it to your horses…what the hell do you do with a bunch of fucked up horses?"
Seriously? I would date-rape them.
Hell yes.
Ted Nugent is the Hillbilly version of Gary Busey.
B.K. – you’re a prude. I fuck my horses when they’re wide-the-fuck awake.
Same goes for Lord Humungous….prude.
*zips pants back up*
*hangs head in shame*
*hangs pants in shame*
*hangs horses in shame*
This is like a 2008 episode of The Andy Griffith Show. But they just don’t call the Mexican "the other kinda ‘colored’".
According to the reflection in Tk’s Ponch-glasses, hes staring like a pedo at a tied-up chick.
Toby Keith thinks a Mexican standoff is what happens on street corners when you can’t decide if you want to buy fresh produce or tacos.
Luch, Toby called dibs first.
…and Dexatrim for my Donkey.
you callin’ me a fatass, Michelle?
The reflection in Toby’s glasses looks like that chick is grinding her ass on that brass pole and loving it. Extra fucking credit for the mouth gag, too.
Toby Keith’s M.O.:
1. write song
2. wait for song to hit the Billboard Country Top 20
3. exploit the fuck out of it!
Exhibit B: http://www.tobykeithsbar.com
No no…not at all, you just looked like you could use some "pep" that’s all. I swear. You look great. Oh GOD NO DON’T SIT ON ME AIOGHSDFOHSGOIHG
Spike Lee got pissed because of a lack of black actors in this film. TK responded, "You didn’t see ‘em all hangin’ in dem trees in da backroud?"
Vigilante justice is…THE TITS!!!
Did someone say something about tits?
If you try to tell Toby Keith that this poster isn’t really sepia toned, he’ll call you a fag and challenge you to a fight.
Fuck horses.
Toby Keith? More like Toby Queef!!!
Amirightguys?!
Toby Keith is going to tell bad men to do the boot scootin’ boogie right out of his town.
I’d love to see the Dixie Clicks ball gag a gang rape this stupid fuck with a ten gallon hat full of shit and razor blades.
I prefer my vigilante just go through the vigilante courts and, if necessary, a vigilante appeals process. If you can’t afford one, a vigilante defender will be appointed by the state.
TK is gonna gives those bad men achey breaky faces.
Fuck… I’m important, I’m the phonebook.
Quite frankly, I don’t know what we are all complaining about:
justice not just, in case any of you assumed I’m actually retarded.
TK is gonna gives those bad men achey breaky faces.
Fek, this movie is gonna suck more than Toby Keith’s sister at a family reunion. That’s all I’m sayin’.
Donk-that fat sister or the harelip sister?
Trick question! All of his sisters are fat harelips!
All’s Well Who Digs Wells.
Damn, is it too late for another entry to the Shakespearian/Mexican jokes?
There are lols in the Madonna thread second page at the other place.
Ok, person who takes the name of Bruce in vain, that line makes me think of Wolf Creek
Oh, and Crap, Im only really gay after a couple of glasses of wine.
new up, more sexy advice from Fek’lhr!
I SAID NEW UP, TURD BURGLARS!!!
I’d rather watch The Dark Knight than this horseshit.
As if by magic, a new post appeared.
Timing.
The only reason Toby Keith hired that mexican to be in the movie was because he heard they work fast and he had to keep the run time under 100mins.
Why, Ted? WHYYYYYYYY??? He is so awesome, but damn…
Toby Keith makes me sad to be American.