HBO FIRST LOOK AT THE DARK KNIGHT
07.15.08
After the jump, I’ve got the HBO first look at Dark Knight, which just aired. Just in case you haven’t heard, there’s this movie called The Dark Knight coming out pretty soon. It’s going to cure cancer, change Coke to Pepsi, find your fucking car keys, etc. Be sure to bring sunglasses on opening night because otherwise it will melt your fucking eyeballs out.
Part 2
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It’s going to cure cancer, change Coke to Pepsi, find your fucking car keys, etc.
Fuck that Coke to Pepsi shit, can it turn Sunny D into purple drank?
Grape stuff, Donk.
As a Batman fangirl who is clearly better than everyone else, I’m starting to hate The Dark Knight. In fact I’m going to start looking down my nose at Dark Knight people the same way I did Titanic people. You’re all fools. True story: I hate everyone who didn’t like Gotham Knight. Die in a fire.
P.S. – It’s one of those days, LOL!
SPOILER ALERT!! The Joker dies before the movie comes out.
Hmmm… let’s see.
Super-hyped event? Check.
Making of involved the death of a famous and generally well-liked guy? Check.
Claims that it will produce miracles? Check.
yep, no doubt about it. I’m pretty sure this movie is the second coming of Christ.
You almost did it Vince. Just a few more hours and you would’ve gone all day without a DK post.
Someone better get a shitload of Methadone for Vince once this fucker finally opens. He’s gonna be shaking more than a chihuahua on speed.
B.K. – You’re a chick? Sweeeeeeet. Howyadoin’?
And why is he the Dark Knight? It’s not like he’s Sir Batman!
(Bowtie spins, hands Pauly exploding piss boot)
Did you see Gotham Knight? No? Fuck you. That’s how I’m doing. I gotta go, I have to castrate some internet retards. Which is basically like 90% of the web, so I’ll be busy.
*sharpens de-balling knives*
So it’s not enough that we’ve basically seen the entire film already in trailer form, now we’re getting all of the DVD extras before the thing even hits the theater.
Fat Asshole In A Sombrero Sez: Lance, you ever cook up The Dark Knight’s pet rabbit?
I saw Gotham Knight.
As a matter of a fact, I WROTE Gotham Knight.
That’s right.
So now I will ask you again.
Howyadoin’?
*Pauly takes piss boot from Burnsy, go to drink*
And another thing. They must have spent a gazillion dollars for marketing on this.
*goes to drink*
And before I forget, they’re lucky Ledger died, cosider it "good publicity".
*takes a drink, exploding piss boot is a dud*
Fat Asshole In A Sombrero Sez: Beek-use The Force.
I take it that little bump on the timeline right before the Earth Crashes into the sun is Spike Lee getting in his time machine to save himself?
Thanks to that banner pic, people are gonna think this is Perezhilton.com.
(checks shipment of ACME exploding piss boots)
Ohhhhhh… UrAnium!
I have used the force on many a mooncup. (Heh — that’s no mooncup… it’s a space station.) Also I have acquired two lobsters totally five pounds of lobster meat which CRCs know is a longstanding dream.
P.S. Gotham Knight was awesome and I hate fanboys.
totalling. FUCK. I think not enough people use the word "totalling" anymore. My brain automatically replaces it with "totally." Also I use totally too much. "All-encompassingly." RIP MITCH.
Also, I had my handwriting expert friend analyze this. He said that based on the fact that the "M" in filmdrunk looks like a lowercase R trying to rape a lowercase N from behind, he’s pretty sure Vance has teh ghey.
*passes exploding piss boot to Donkey, explodes in his face*
Sorry, I ate jalapenos last night.
I just want to know what an EQRTH is.
I dunno, Donk. That n was fucking begging for it.
I dunno, Donk. That n was fucking begging for it.
He seems to be enjoying it by the time they roll around again in the word "Timeline"
Seriously. Look at the way it’s dressed.
How come he spelled "Timeline" with a seagull instead of a ‘m’?
That’s the last time I answer a phone before I hit "add comment" Donk.
Welcome to the Angry Poon Afternoon, where I rant about how people who barely understand English are allowed to have jobs writing for a living. Will I be able to spin it into a tirade against Tucker Max? Stay tuned. We’ll be back after this ad for Summer’s Eve.
Beek, you’re right on. That should say "EQRFF."
Fat Asshole In A Sombrero Sez: Hey! Speaking of Perez, peep this! (essentially work safe)
http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2008/0715081perez1.html
B.K. What do you do for a living?
Also, the first E in Timeline is totally flipping me off.
Beek’s a mohel.
If Sexman’s teeth made a timeline, this is how it would look.
You might be out of Batman jokes if:
you start making fun of MS Paint quality handwriting.
And:
you steal a Jeff Foxworthy bit to point it out.
Hee hee… Fek, when I exterminate most of the Earth’s population and then use only people that I hand-pick myself to rebuild the universe according to my own personal vision, I may let you live. I’ll need someone to organize my cd collection.
"First Look"? How about just a plain ol’ fucking look. It’s time for this movie to shit or get off the pot (oh, oops, that wasn’t how Ledger died was it? No? Elvis? Okay, the idiom stands).
BK, I think Lord Humungous is coming onto you. If you keep rejecting/ignoring him, he’ll wind up marrying you.
I’m just warning you.
Pass me the mooncup, please.
Well, coming ON to you, not onto you. Actually, now that Rotty’s here, I’m not sure. Someone please sort out my grammar.
Don’t make poon angry. You wouldn’t like poon when it’s angry.
Thanks Beek for making me google mooncup. I was hoping that it was a dirivative of a moonpie. Sadly, in only goes in pie. :-(
Also – Vance, thanks a lot. Your timeline totalling* ruined the whole movie for me.
*BK I found your "totalling" and will replace it for my "totally" just for solidarity’s sake.
If you keep rejecting/ignoring him, he’ll wind up marrying you.
Oh, you saw that movie, too? I kind of enjoy spontaneous poetry, though.
I heard the Joker dies. And so does Commissioner Gordon. And so does Alfred.
Gay suicide pact.
By this point, I’m almost hoping that all this movie is is seven minutes of a guy holding a popsicle stick painted like Batman and a popsicle stick painted like the Joker, banging them together and making fighting noises.
Oh my Gotham Knight,
How your wings make me shudder.
I feel safe with you.
I know this black, Jewish guy…I don’t know his name, but what we call him rhymes with "Dark Knight".
Vince, I think you should put SPOILER ALERT before "Earth Crashes Into the Sun."
^ Did I miss the haiku thread?
Dune Coon doesn’t rhyme with Dark Knight, chodin.
No Al, you did not,
I just started this one here
so wrtie a haiku.
Fek, when I exterminate most of the Earth’s population and then use only people that I hand-pick myself to rebuild the universe according to my own personal vision, I may let you live. I’ll need someone to organize my cd collection. However, we will have to sterilize you. The last thing we need is your idiocy in the New World Order’s genepool.
Fixed! QAPLAH!
Dune Coon doesn’t rhyme with Dark Knight, chodin.
Neither does "Sammy Davis Jr Jr".
Fat Asshole In A Sombrero sez: My last hope is that Lance reads my rabbit post and noms it. :(
Vin-O,
Just after "Earth Crashes into Sun" you need a spot for "Cubs Win World Series."
That, or "Luch Gets Laid".
Hello?
BK, dont hit me..
We call the black, Jewish dude "Bar Fight" because we always take him to the ba- ah, fuck it I’m lying. We don’t call him "Bar Fight".
That, or "Luch Gets Laid"
Followed by "Al gets flowers on Valentine’s Day".
No one wants to hit you Eib (except me. I’m feeling punchy today.)
Luch-sometimes I identify with you WAAAAAAAAAY too much.
That, or "Luch Gets Laid"
Followed by "Al gets flowers on Valentine’s Day".
Followed by "Luch disputes charge on Credit Card"
That, or "Luch Gets Laid"
Followed by "Al gets flowers on Valentine’s Day".
Followed by "Luch disputes charge on Credit Card"
Followed by "Eib wins COTW"
That, or "Luch Gets Laid"
Followed by "Al gets flowers on Valentine’s Day".
Followed by "Luch disputes charge on Credit Card"
Followed by "Eib wins COTW"
Followed by "Fek’lhr’s dick gets sore from all the fucking."
All that.
Followed by "Donkey lets his son marry a man."
Followed by "Al gets flowers on Valentine’s Day".
Followed by "Luch disputes charge on Credit Card"
Followed by "Eib wins COTW"
Followed by "Al gets charged with fraud"
HBO also had a "First Look" at my puberty. "Thank you" taxi Cab Confessions!
Latvia has no idea this movie was even made.
I am listening to Dane Cook right now.
Why? you may ask. Because it was either this or cut myself. Either way, I need to feel pain to remind myself that I am still alive.
Dane Cook? next time, cut yourself. It will be less painful
I heard that the character arc for The Cockpuncher in this film is pretty amazing for such a small cameo.
Boy, that Maggie Gyllenhaal. She sure is ugly, right fellas?
Do you think Ed Norton will show up to recruit Bruce Wayne into the Avengers Initiative?
Why the fuck are you looking at me like that? Every fucking movie I’ve seen so far this summer has the lead from the previous movie do it….
Leave it to me to fuck this whole thing up for everyone else.
*Bex puts on some white face make up, then paints lips red, spreads black paint around the eyes*
Hey fuckers, anyone else like The Cure?
GRRR…FATAL ATTRACTION COOKS THE BUNNY!!!!!!
I do, Bex, but wash your face, sir!!
*Bex puts on some white face make up, then paints lips red, spreads black paint around the eyes*
Bex, that’s not The Cure. That’s Donkey’s wife when she doesn’t have dinner ready on time.
hahaha marital abuse is funny cause its true!
I kid.
She’s only got the one black eye.
I stopped watching HBO after I saw my parents on Real Sex:26 Gang Bang Nation.
female inspired DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURST!!
p dang you drank my mooncup
My favorite show is HBO First Nook.
She’s a quick healer!
Bex, build a bridge and get over it, buddy.
*passes Bex a piss boot, drops moon cup in it*
* dranks it up*
thats one good piss boot bomb
No one said you guys could use the mooncup.
Al i took it out from you while you were sleeping
Sneaky mexicans of da world unite!!
Here is the JWIADH timeline: Big Bong Hit——-Write Something Stupid—–Another Big Bong Hit
Bex just simultaneously grossed me out and turned me on.
How come he spelled "Timeline" with a seagull instead of a ‘m’?
I once tried to spell timeline with A Flock of Seagulls. That was the worst bunch of cheerleaders I’ve ever seen.
Duke, where does beating off to Dirtylatinamaids.com fall in that timeline?
Is that a timeline JWIADH or a blueprint for living?
I’m kinda hoping that it’s called "The Dark Knight" cause Mr. Nolan decided that batman would have been better as a monty python sketch…
Hey, can you nice people help me out and Digg my image:
http://digg.com/movies/A_timeline_of_the_Universe_vis_a_vis_The_Dark_Knight
and hey… is that an apersand or a "B" in between the dark knight and the earth crashing into the sun? I’m hoping ampersand – I guess we’ll find out on saturday.
No, but I can put a gold star on it and hang it on my fridge.
From Dirtylatinamaids.com preview page: "Seth’s place is a real pig’s sty. It’s such a shit hole that he hires a cleaning service cuz’ he can’t seem to pull himself off the couch. But when the lovely Latina Kira Kums arrives, his dick takes over and before Kira knows it, she’s getting her chocha cleaned out!"
Anything for you, fearless leader.
HAHAHA Burnsy. I was gonna line my birdcage with it, but if you want it for your fridge for a while, go ahead and pat Vince on the head.
Is chocha Latina for oven? What’s the big deal about Digg? Was this explained already? Why am i asking so many questions? Tune in next week for more shit.
thats classy JWIADH
BUT i’ve never met a beanerette named kira or have a last name like Kums
He gonna clean our Kira’s chocha shell?
More Dirtylatinamaids.com? Well sure, why not: "Slim and Laura are off to Hawaii for their Luna de Miel and will miss out on Matt’s birthday. But leave it to Slim to arrange for not one but TWO housekeepers to make sure things are ship shape around the house…and don’t forget about the weenie tip, the shaft, the balls and that little bit of skin between the sack and the butt hole!"
From Lazygardenworker.com : Jose came over to mow the lawn, but drank a beer and is now sleeping in my pool.
Jose might be related to my flooring guy.
Your flooring guy might be my Jose!? QUE’ QUE’ !?!?!?!?
you got Jose in my flooring guy!
you got flooring guy in my Jose!
Pound for pound, interracial taint licking is way more better than any Batman movie, unlessof course Batman gets his taint licked by a dirty Latina slut housekeeper.
Hey fucker, I put a space in there goddamn it!
Duke…and I give you:Â Â Dirtylatinamaidslickbatmantaint.comÂ
I’m at work, so I can not partake of dirtylatinamaidslickbatmantaint.com, but Chodin, if that is a real site, you my friend are one fucked up web surfer.
Guys, it’s called the Bat-Taint.
From Dirtylatinamaidslickbatmantaint.com: "Bruce Wayne had a big party Saturday night and his guests really made a mess of stately Wayne Manor, so he ordered for a maid to come over and help Alfred clean up. So Carmen came right on over and licked his taint for a while as he whacked her face like a pinata with his Bat-Dick."
If you lick his Bat-Taint, webbing shoots out his cock like Spiderman.
Umm….sooo I’ve heard.
"If you lick it, they will come"
-From "Field of Taint"
Go on then
From BelligerentIrishfathers.com: Declan staggers in, determined his mousey wife, and mother of five ungrateful sods, is going to give some up with whether she wants to or not. "What time of night do you call this?" "Aww, shut your face woman, is there anything to eat?" "I hate you. I gave you the best years of my life" "Mammy, mammy." "Shut the feck up and get to bed" "Don’t you talk to her like that." "It’s my feckin’ house, i’ll do what i like." This goes on for half an hour
From EW.com:Â Gawd, Rebecca and the girls just loved using the internet to its full potential! That’s why they saunter their fat little fingers over to EW.com and check out all the major horse fuckings of the last 24 hours.
Horse fucking?
*saunters fat fingers to EW.com*
"The Penguin was at it again and allowed his pet penguins to shit all over the Batcave, and Batman thought that cleaning up after penguins was for the birds, so he called the maid service. To his surprise, when Maria got there, the only shit she was interested in cleaning up was the kind found on Batman’s Taint! So she licked his Bat-Taint for about a half an hour, collected the $20 bucks and took the bus back to the sexy latina maid ghetto."
From Impalemytesticlestothefloorwithafuckingnailgun.com: Johnny the Nam vet of no fixed abode was misinformed when he was told that there’d by twenty bucks and sex with some prostitutes if he turned up at the abbatoir at three in the morning. Christ, he knew it was too good to be true but walked straight into it. Compulsion’s a bitch. At least the pain reminded him he was still alive. He’ll miss the testicles though, they’d been through so much together.
Another post about taints? Why doesn’t Lance ever post anything about the upcoming Batman movie? It’s always "taint this" and "taint that" with him. Walk away from the taint and smell the roses, Lance. There’s a whole world out there just waiting for you to explore, but you’ll never see it with your nose buried between a butt hole and a sack.
Duke, I taint complainin’
From Relivethenightmareofthattimeyouwalkedinonyourparentshavingsex.com: It’s dark and all Timmy can hear is a steady rhythmic breathing coming from the next room "What’s going on in there? He’s strangling her. No. No. Got to do something. Can’t just let him kill her." Timmy reaches for the bat his father bought him and goes running into the room, crying and trembling with fear. "Get out!" yells his father, his authority somewhat undermined by the Little Bo Beep costume he’s wearing and the fact that his mother, dressed as a wolf is ramming a rolling pin up his asshole.
Does the picture look different to anybody else? This is just like the time my wife came home with a tattoo that said "Kevin"
From AimlessLeon.com: Aimless is reading some FilmDrunk comments and is thinking, "right about now, my Av is funnier than I am." He cums across dirtylatinamaids.com and starts to reminice about his fun filled nights alone while his girlfriend was stuck in North Dakota for 2 months. When he heads his cheap ass over to morpheus to get back to tha free downloadin’, he’s in for one wild night of jackin’, baby!
WATCH TRAILER HERE DOWNLOAD FULL MOVIE HERE
Leon, does Best Buy know you’re surfing porn on their display PCs?
Wait, you can surf porn on the Best Buy display PCs? Holy fuck, I thought all that shit was blocked!!
*grabs car keys*
I got 45 minutes till the fuckers close!!
Watching the All-Star game, I officially hate Josh Groban for opera-izing "God Bless America" while wearing his girlfriend’s jeans. During the 7th inning stretch, no less.
Fat Asshole In A Sombrero sez: We should be Digging my new avatar, fag!
COOK THE FUCKING RABBIT!
Fek, is your new Av demanding that my new Av should be digging it? If so, I would like to keep an "I" on your hat.
*slams an 8 pound "I" on Fat Asshole’s sombrero, laughs hysterically while slapping the
tablecounterbar.*zzzzz…huh? wha? What time is it? Holy shit, I dozed off and I’m missing TMZ! What the fuck!?! The fucking All-Star Game is STILL ON!?!
BTK, I was only kidding. Fuck TMZ.
Aimless – holy shit dude, just stop.
The Cock-gavel has been slammed.
Court adjourned.
Sorry, Al. Got I Am Legend syndrome for a second, there.
Aimy, you’re a black man wiff a dog and no other friends left alone in a post-apocalyptic major metropolitan city? And you’re re-enacting a part first done by Chuck Heston?
AWWW HELLLL NAWWWWW!
lance, this is the funniest pic in a post (pig in a poke?) in many, many moons…you just made my day. i think i just filled the cup. the shark has jumped the fence. wait. what?
This movie is sooo Transformative…it turned JAKE Gyllenhal straight and fixed Kirsten Dunsts ’SnaggleTooth’!!!!
They reverted back to themselves when the movie ended though!! I’m pretty sure that for a few seconds in the middle of Kate Beckinsale somewhere in the world touchs her breast and thinks of ME!!! (she doesn’t even know me!)….This Movie is MAGIC!!!!