Happy 4th of July. Obviously I’m not working today because I’m not a communist.
…Psst, hey, you guys think they bought the part about me not being a communist? Oh crap, I typed that out loud!
*Lights a couple cherry bombs to distract the crowd then disappears behind the ensuing smoke*
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Dor sho gha! The Mighty Fek’lhr has something in common with Lince????
Obviously I’m not working today because I’m
not a communista slack jawed Faggot that would rather waste his time than do his job.FIXED! QAPLAH!
Happy Canada Day (on Tuesday)!
I’m at work today.
I am not a communist.
4th mall shoppers suck.
My 4th of July haiku. What? Haikus are Japanese?
GRRRR, HIROSHIMA!!
You dropped your Polonium-210!
Well, I’m not really a commie, but I am a member of an anarcho-syndaclist commune…mostly because they’re hilarious.
::mumbles under my breath::
Fucking imperialist bloggers….
Helloooo… hellooo…. helloooo…..
Affleck? Charlie? Bex????
God I’m lonely. Don’t make me do actual WORK today.
America is a stink shit and a gay!!
Oh, are you booing me? Your boos make me want to dance!
I’ve gotta go into my office and get some grading done, but I think I’ll take a break at some point and beat the crap out of an immigrant. I’m pretty sure that’s legal today.
FYI, a lot of firework injuries are self cauterizing…so there’s that.
Your boos make me want to dance!
is that the dance you learned from your cousin Cuban Pete?
Rotty, I’m pretty sure it’s illegal for you to be working today. Go beat up an immigrant and forget about the paper grading. While you’re at it, BBQ something, and blow something else up.
Chick chicky boom, chick chicky boom.
I may wind up barbecuing some of these essays. I don’t understand how my students can sound so normal when they speak and then when they write, it’s like a combination of Helen Keller, Borat and Corky from Life Goes On. I would blame the high school teachers, except I used to be one. So, I think I’ll just blame the gays…on the basis that shiny sequins distract my students from checking their goddamn syntax. Yeesh, I could hear more coherent grammar from someone getting water-boarded.
Hey, that gives me an idea…….
Hey, gringos. Hope the day goes well. I’m about to tuck into some burgers and some Budweiser – it’s brewed in England, but it’s the thought that counts.
Al, if you’re bored check this site out: [aerialtelly.co.uk]
i recently found it by accident and i love it. Loads to read. It’s UK biased but there’s some spot on analysis of all the great US shows too. He loved Deadwood.
Chick chicky boom should be the official slogan of July 4th.
is that the dance you learned from your cousin Cuban Pete?
I spit on you, go to hell!! Ah haha ha!
Rotty, you mean to tell me that you aren’t constantly aurally bombarded with double negatives and verb tense arguments?
You aint’ got no idea how it be for me.
Rotty makes me want to clean up all my dangling participles. And then dangle them again, just to be a tease.
happy 4th of july pinches gringos!!
Rot, your students sound stupid enough to shop at the mall on July 4th. Seriously, people. Drink, cookout, eat, light off some works, sleep, ANYTHING but shop at the mall.
I don’t want to be here right now.
Happy fourth, bitches!!!
what type of store do you work at mless?
Dor sho gha! The Mighty Fek’lhr just spent the morning brewing BEER!
GRRR…FREEDOM FRIES!!!
(Full pictorial essay of brewing forthcoming)
I have to work tonight too
oh well I get off before the fireworks
which is really good if youre a chick
essLeo works at Hot Topic 4 sho.
Some 4th of July advice to Lance:
Keep your thumbs in
Dangle away Al. When I come here, I switch off the teacher part of my brain. I like to think of it as "grammatical free-ballin’."
yeah, thats why I dont punctuate a lot and use capitals and stuff. drove Jack crazy
I miss Jacktion!
I picture Lance’s thumb wrapped in firecrackers, like a tiny little suicide bomber.
wow, a thumb fatwa. or maybe a thumb jihad.
I imagine Vance being the center man for a chorus line of suicide bombers, his thumbs being able to push all the buttons simultaneously as the grand finale.
I imagine Vince’s thumbs embarassing him by gettin’ all liquored up and singing loud, off-key versions of Toby Keith’s Courtesy of the Red, White & Blue. He just can’t take them anywhere nice.
Rotty, I guess that would make him stick out like a sore thumb…
Listen to this message. Ol dude is a mac, straight out of the 1994.
[www.youtube.com]
And a little video to express my patriotism, through a spoofy country video
[www.youtube.com]
Donkey, I think those thumbs specialize in making other things sore. He should name the right one "Sonny Corleone" and the left one "Milton Berle."
Rot, its a good thing Im not at work, or I woulda been Hustlad!
I imagine Lance’s thumbs have the arthritis!!
Thumb like it hot, thumb like it cold!!
Ah haha, your boos are music to me, go to hell American!
I don’t understand. What happens on the 4th of July? Is this some kind of socialist protest celebration?If so I’m there. We’ll play soccer, talk about how great Stalin was, punch bald eagles, riot inside a baseball stadium, bake pubic hairs into apple pies and hang the Cuban flag from the tallest buildings in each major American city.
The store I work at is:
a) Open today for some fucking reason
b) The kind where I have to deal with shithead customers for hours on end before I can come back here and comment again
c) The kind where I can’t see the vids you guys are posting
d) Why, do you guys want to come visit me or something?
e) All of the above
Your Bush President make a statement, ah haha ha!
[img356.imageshack.us];
And your day is wreck.
Al, I was up till 6am watching Rome. I blame you! Also, I am available for parties.
The gig is up, Fek.
Speaking of thumbs, I’m picturing Iraqi Pete doing Elaine’s dance to our boos in my mind.
Wait, who the hell is booing him? Is it us?
BK, there is rumour of a Rome movie!
Funny you should mention it, I’m having a "Rome"-themed party this weekend. Toga party (naturally), we’ll be drinking mead out of mooncups, and the evening will wrap up with an orgy. At least I hope it will.
which room are you turning into the vomitorium?
And a final ruin
[en.genzu.net]
Type in your FILM DRUNK, become SEX CHANGE!!
Ah haha! You are the gay!
Boooo! Boooo! I dance to it!
Donk, I know that was common practise among nobility, but it was never featured in the series so I didn’t feel the need to include it in my upcoming party. Just all the wanton sex.
Also not featured: blades through the jugular, incest, unrequested torture.
Well then I am going to have to decline.
Wait, can I bring my own torture?
A vomitorium was just an exit, wasn’t it, rather than a room where over excessive Roman revellers felt the urge to purge.
True story: I got food poisoning one time when I went to Transylvania, so I think of violent projectile vomiting as Romanian rather than Roman.
I’ve never seen Rome, so I’m going to assume a vomitorium is the sexual act of puking in your partner’s ass. You can imagine the planetarium joke I’ve got lined up for that.
something involving uranus?
Yes, bex, but it’s more complicated. It has to do with the orgasmic space-time continuim fuckup of sticking the entire planet of Uranus up your partner’s ass. Then displaying the event in a planetarium.
I always wanted to take a whale penis and lay inside it like a sleeping bag
I’m pretty sure that’s called space docking Leon.
it’s not ‘whale docking?’
WOO WOO!! Finally off work! Time to get drunk as fuck and hit the planetarium! Happy 4th, fuckers, I’m out!!
just in case any of you chicks with dicks wanna check out the trailer for the day the earth stood still (jennifer c. looks hot in this and keanu reeves still looks like a tool with the iq of a horse shoe):
[tinyurl.com];
Howdy, turd burglars. I hope none of you lose any fingers to fireworks tonight, unless it means less competition for some sweet prize for COTW. If so, please consider amputation by means of a rapid and patriotic explosion.
I’m an American, but an immigrant did the tile and drywall in my house.
Only so some American won’t over-pay and another won’t work hard.
GRRR….CHEAP LABOR!
I went to the grocery store about an hour ago, and I was one slack jawed mouth breathing goon stopping in the middle of the aisle and not understanding what "excuse me" means away from totally loosing my shit and flaying someone to death with some Italian sausage.
But no I’m drunk and everything is A O K!!
Happy Fuck the Fucking Limneys Day! (CB not included)
Oh sure, I show up and everyone leaves…
<sniffs pits>
…Hmmm, beefy.
Al, I love that you love Rome. I love that I love Rome. That being said, I want to go all Octwavian on ya.
BTK, spelling is for wimps.
And
You want to know what me ignoring my guests looks like?
A smashingly good looking crackjer siiting at my PC with a 100 octane 7&7 in my hand FilmDrunking, and flippping off anyone who tries to talk to me.
GGGRRRRR…something!!!!11!!1!!
Fuck you guys.
Properly.
Break out what the Seag’s, Crap.
Cracker ass, Cracker.
Well, I would go into a rant about how being American is the best, but this shit session is over and I have to wipe my ass.
*Pauly waddles over to the mirror*
You gotta trim that shit and use baby-wipes, Pauly!!
Merry Forf of July!!!
Happy Fuck the Fucking Limneys Day! (CB not included)
Whoa there Crap T. If there’s any Limey fucking going down then this fella would appreciate being considered. Or at least allowed to watch.
Anyway, today is the 5th and i’m gonna party like it’s ma birthday, gonna sip Bacardi or some suitably refreshing beverage like it’s ma birthday.
Happy Birthday CB!
Happy birfday Charlie! Sure, I wasn’t first, but you like me better, right?
Sooo…I checked in today because I thought yesterday was Thursday, which would make today Friday, leaving one day left for posts.
Hungover, I’m fuck.
Anyway, I’m assuming it really is your birthday and you’re not just sippin’ Bacardi as if it were your birthday. In which case, a big HB to you, CB.
…one…two…three…four…five…
<looks at other hand>
…six…seven…eight…nine…nine…nyyyynnn… uht oh…
I think I left some finger in the yard…
…shit, I must have had a good time!!! I think… don’t remember…
*Crap’s phone starts ringing*
Donkey: Hello? Yeah, I found what I think it a finger that has tattooed on it "If found, please call 555-CRAP" is that you? Ok, yeah, I just want to make sure it’s yours. Can you please identify the smell on the finger?
Shit. Semen. Gunpowder. Blue cheese.
Crap, just let him keep it. That way you can say you gave Don Quixote the finger.
Wocka wocka wocka!!!
Oooh, close. At first I couldn’t smell the semen so I wasn’t going to give it back. You’re lucky the taste was still there. I’ll go ahead and drop this thing in the mail to ya on Tuesday.
Oh, and snatch… lots o snatch…
Donk consider the finger a gift, I have nine more and I’m not stingy. stingey sting… how the fuck do you spell shtingey?
It’s Stingy, the 8th Jewish Dwarf.
I don’t watch TV.
I don’t… uh.,.. something
I don’t watch TV, I watch monitor.
I watch monitor. Nothing happen. Where Zog?
Don’t mind me, I’m just passing through.
How come it feels like the 5th day of this 3-day weekend?
What’s a nice tumbleweed like you doing in a neighborhood like this? You should know better than to wander these streets alone, especially dressed like that.
Back in Iowa.
SWEET! My brother just forwarded me his archive of Dio/Black Sabbath MP3s! QAPLAH!
Howdy pardners. I think i’ve just boosted my post hangover blood sugar levels by watching WALL-E. That is one sweet movie. Really rather wonderful, but to restore my coeur mechant misanthropy i thing i’ll go watch Faces of Death again.
I’m saving money as we speak. I’m watching Wall-E and Hancock at the same time for free on FX. It’s also known as "I, Robot".
Ride the tiger
You can see his stripes but you know he’s clean
Oh don’t you see what I mean
Dio is having sex with tigers? That’s what he means right?
Robo, you mean to tell me you HAVEN’T fucked a tiger?
Talk about some “killer pussy”, let me tell ya.
if you’re done with all the 4th of july fireworks, facepainting, beer drinking and unconcious girl nailing, some of us non-americans would like some new shit to read, the way its going, i might have to stop obsessively checking this site. jesus christ.
Husk-we are never done nailing unconcious girls.
fair point, but maybe get a post on while nailing, its not like she would notice if she is blitzed on shnapps or nat ice, or whatever it is americans drink.