DARK KNIGHT TRAILERS ALSO RADTASTIC
07.09.08
Since I ruined every fanboy’s year by posting a picture of Two Face yesterday before they could see him with their own crusted spectacles at a 6 a.m. screening, I’ll just go ahead and tell you the fantastical trailers that will be running before it so I can ruin that surprise too.
But first:
BRUCE WAYNE IS BATMAN!!!
SPOILERZ!!!
What you can expect are the first trailers for Warner Bros.’ Terminator Salvation (May 22, 2009), which of course also stars Christian Bale, Zack Snyder’s graphic novel adaptation Watchmen (Mar. 6, 2009), and the Ridley Scott-directed thriller Body of Lies (Oct. 10), with Leonardo DiCaprio and Russell Crowe.
That’s cool. If only I watched trailers. They give too much away, like the production company that’s releasing the movie. I DIDN’T WANT TO KNOW THAT YET!
-Christmas Ape
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bullet hole? hello?! All I see is blood.
Smiley could just have been sprayed and not shot.
For real, Two-Face has to be the worst kept secret ever. If anyone is really heartbroken about this, then fuck them.
I still wonder what it’s smiling about – no genitals, no hands, no fun.
I always thought that blood looked like a clock hand. That’s right motherfuckers.
It’s time to DIE
I think there should be a rule now that for something to count as Dark Knight news, it needs to be, well, new. Just telling me that there’s a Batman movie…again…doesn’t really count as news. If that were the case, Local Action 5 at 5 would lead off every broadcast with surveillance video of me beating off at the petting zoo.
That’s why I only go to movie theaters where the previews include a complete list of screenplays that have been purchased.
rotty, which animal were you beating off?
Yeah, petting zoos are the worst…you have to beat off little goats left and right!
…
DOR SHO GHA!
Who is this Two-Face guy?
FUCK YOU TENGO!
I am begining to tire of the Dark Knight Network, and would like to return to our regular programming.
Any of you ladies itching to see my new film Body of Lice?
Same Bat-time, same Bat-channel.
SAME BAT-NEWS!
fekki,
just to let you know, the largest monument to Che is a few miles from where I was born. I hope to go back and light that motherfucker up when the Commies fall in Cuba.
So fuck you ‘mucho mas’, or at least your avi.
The world’s worst spoilers:
Leaving food between 40 and 140 degrees Fahrenheit for extended periods
Bodily fluids to include blood, semen, or snot
Pictures of a movie villain who everybody knows and recognizes
I can’t wait for Watchmen. Can you guys see my boner from here?
Look at it. Fucking look at it!!!
Lord, was that Pablo?
Donk, you left off feces.
I cant LH, I have no access to a super telescope.
If that dude that said yesterday that he was never coming back to the site wasn’t completely serious then, he definitely will be now.
Ape, you’re running off all of VLance’s pussiest readers.
Somebody needs to remind the Batman PR guys that Hugh Grant had 24 hour access to Liz Hurley’s boobs (which I hear can cure RLS and disable car alarms) and eventually, he thought to himself, "Right, I’m a bit tired of that. I think I’d like a $12 blowjob from a scabby crack whore on Sunset Boulevard." Like I told my urologist, there really can be too much of a good thing.
Donk, you left off feces.
Tengo, sorry about that, but I spent so much time picking apart and eating carpet fibers that I haven’t been able to consider my feces a fluid for some time now.
Although, I also left off the list of spoilers "finding out that she was over 18"
Am I alone in thinking Malin Akerman should be in every movie?
fucking watchmen is gonna be awesome i cant wait
Donk,
I’m not a pharmacist but I live across the street from two but I’m pretty sure snorting crushed skittles will take care of that. Or meatballs left in the sun for 6 hours…
Now, if Heath Ledger makes a surprise appearance at the premiere, that would be news.
It’s funny, if you look at some of the names (Cruise, Keanu, RON PERLMAN OMG!!!, Cusack) who were originally tied to Watchmen, you’d think the final product is fucked. But then I remember that Bily Crudup dumped his pregnant girlfriend and I think, "This movie really speaks to me."
i still hope that heath ledger faked his death as the ultimate joke and appears at the premiere
Tengo, I like to mainline Skittles. Taste the rainbow indeed
Darren Aronofsky may be doing a remake of Robo-cop and he’s just wrapping a movie about Pro Wresting.
Tropic Thunder is getting a behind the scenes movie ala Heart of Darkness
New trailer here http://www.tropicthunder.com/intl/uk/home.html
Zombie backwards – Your words cut me like a knife. Sure, i may have a small penis, but I am wicked funny and a killer cook. So you take the good with the bad.
Heather – Pablo honey. Come back to Florida, you bastard.
Lord – I. Love. You.
Lord, I love you too. Thanks for reminding me of these funny fucks.
<———–
*loves Heather back*
Did you wash your ass, Pablo?
With a Biore.
She likes pigeons, it’s gonna happen.
Those were good times.
Prank Calling > Prank Texting
What’s with all this fucking love? I thought we were all about hate. And piss boots.
So fuck you ‘mucho mas’, or at least your avi.
It’s weird, I have pissed more people off with this avatar than any other in the recorded history of mankind. Even after I point out that it is Worf from Star Trek and not Che, people are still pissy with me.
I thought you just really liked Benicio Del Toro.
New post, you ass-licking queers.
It’s ok, Burnsy. My love is based on material things and it’s not unconditional so it doesn’t really count.
I was gone all morning – I hope I didn’t miss any Batman news. Heath Ledger is still dead, right? I have bets placed that they’ll reveal his death was faked on the eve of the film’s premier.
fek, it’s like a hitler moustache without Hitler: It looks like a swatch of electrical tape that feeds on hate, violence and annexing the Sudetenland…