07.16.08 BRETT RATNER EXPERIENCED WITH VIDEOS, TRANNIES
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This interview with Brett Ratner in The Advocate is almost a year old, but I missed it when it came out, and ripping on Brett Ratner is always timely. Let’s start with something embarrassing and out of context:
[Ratner] There’s no hair on my ass. I have no hair on my balls.
Swell. What else can you tell us that we’d never want to know?
[Advocate] Rush Hour 3 follows a trend in action films. Being gay has increasingly become a punch line. It happens several times in this film.
[Ratner] Which ones? Where? I don’t remember.
[Advocate] What about when the girl takes off her wig and Chris Tucker becomes angry and accuses her of being a man?
[Ratner] No, no! That’s from my personal experience. My first blow job was from a man, but I didn’t know it was a man.
That’s where that comes from. It’s based on personal experience. It happens to a lot of people.
Well, perhaps not a lot of people, but I can see how you’d think that when you’ve been hanging with Eddie Murphy. But back to the interview. Could you explain comedy to us, oh brilliant gagsmith?
You meet a girl in a bar, and it turns out she’s not a girl. I think a girl should tell you if she’s a girl or a man–that way it’s your preference. It’s comedy. Look, in this movie we don’t pull any punches. We make fun of black people. We make fun of Chinese people. We make fun of French people. We make fun of gay situations. We make fun of whites. It doesn’t matter. It’s the type of movie it is. It’s a fish-out-of-water comedy. You have to have those types of situations to have the comedy. That specific idea was because it’s happened to me. It’s happened to my friends. We’ll get together with a girl, and it’ll turn out to be a guy. The reaction is “Oh, shit!” if you’re not gay, which is funny, I think. Getting into the situation is funny. I laugh whenever I see one of my friends talking to a girl, and I’ll ask, “Is that a man or a woman?” It’s funny, especially if you don’t know about it.
LOL! That is funny! Of course, to make a proper comedy you must have those situations. Slip guide rod A behind curtain junction screw D (see fig. 2b), add Chris Tucker, and voilá, you’re on a speed train to laugh city! But wait, Brett, you haven’t told us what makes you so great!
I love Jackie and Chris. They’re my friends. I’ve known them for years and years and years. They’re a great comedic duo. There are very few of them that exist in the history of film. The combination of Jackie’s physical comedy and Chris’s verbal comedy, it’s just an amazing combination.
Wow, that was douchey. Could you name drop some more?
[Advocate] Roman Polanski? He plays a cop that gives Chris and Jackie a body cavity search in Rush Hour 3.
[Ratner] Legend! I mean, he’s my hero. The guy is like…He’s a fan of Rush Hour. That’s how I got him to be in it. We’re friends, but we met because he saw Rush Hour and loved it. Then we became friends. I asked him to be in the movie, and he said, "OK, you’d better write a sequel." I called to tell people, and they said “Roman Polanski is not going to be in this movie.” I said, "Yes, he is," but they didn’t get it.
Thank you. And yes, I’ve often thought of Money Talks as a modern-day Rosemary’s Baby. What other embarrassing things can you tell us?
[Ratner] You don’t like the finger up the butt? (apparently referring to a scene in Rush Hour 3) Is that the gay thing you mentioned?
[Advocate] That’s one of the things.
[Ratner] But that feels good sometimes!
Thanks, Bret. Just to ratchet up the creepy, I’ll leave you with this recent Ratner-directed video for jailbait sensation Miley Cyrus’ “7 Things”. I can see why they let music video directors direct films. Experience shooting center-framed girls singing against a white wall background is to clearly invaluable.
There are 71 comments about:
BRETT RATNER EXPERIENCED WITH VIDEOS, TRANNIES
"No, no! That’s from my personal experience. My first blow job was from a man, but I didn’t know it was a man until the thirteenth we fucked and he got mad cause our balls banged."
There’s no hair on my ass. I have no hair on my balls.
Bullshit, I can see that beard just fine.
Insert junction rod A into rear plug B, remove rod A from rear plug B, insert rod A into rear plug B, remove rod A from rear plug B, repeat until orgasm.
Would someone PLEASE tell me once and for all if Miley Cyrus is attractive or not? I mean if I’m going to go through the shame of masturbating to an underage girl I at least want to be sure it’s actually a hot one. Oh who am I kidding…they’re all hot…
[Ratner] You don’t like the finger up the butt?
By finger… he means that other comic situation where it’s actually a [dick / fist / Vern Troyer]? Oh my… that’s hilarious.
Getting into the situation is funny. I laugh whenever I see one of my friends talking to a girl, and I’ll ask, “Is that a man or a woman?” It’s funny, especially if you don’t know about it.
Working with such a "great comedic duo" as Jackie and Chris, it seems Brett has reaped the benefit of having some great comedic timing rub off on him. That sounds like one of those classic jokes that never gets old. Good things the valet drivers and sock puppets he hangs out with don’t understand concepts like humor or English.
brooklyn. Yes, she is hot, in the future, so it’s okay.
I’ve been jerking off to Natalie Portman since “The Professional”. I knew she’d be hot later.
And don’t get me started on that little dish from “Little Miss Sunshine”.
I just threw up in my mouth. why does he have money?!
*kicks puppy*
Miley Cyrus is attractive in that "I look like Chaka from Land of the Lost kinda way"
Miiey…please help my codgerd relationship experience understand "love". Please bitch, I’m going to die soon and I need your fucking help.
I’m not out to defend Ratner, but seriously - the interviewer is inferring that being freaked out that your date is not a woman is a slight against gays?
It is, however, a slight against comedy
Ratner realized that it wasn’t a woman as soon as his uncle knocked on the door and asked if he could come in to suck his dick.
brook,
she’s attractive in a Thai streetwalker kind of way.
plus you want to know how many stiches it’s going to take to stitch her back up when you tear thru her.
Looks like he blew the pouty-lipped guy in the striped shirt behind him.
Inquiring minds want to know…
[Ratner] You don’t like the finger up the butt?
[JHC] Hell yeah! I stick my finger up my lady’s butt all the time bro! ::tries to high five Ratner::
[Ratner] No. A finger up your butt.
[JHC] Dude. ::shakes head and leaves for closest bar::
true story:
one time i hooked up with this cute little hispanic girl i met on the metro. we made out and she was rubbing my junk, but she couldn’t take me up to her place so any further fun would have to wait. the next day she told me by phone she was a transexual.
totally killed my wood.
i wish the bitch would have blown me before she went and ruined the experience.
it can happen to anyone.
Dor sho gha! The Mighty Fek’lhr just slingshotted back from the future around the sun and has startling news:
Brett Ratner’s next movie will feature Chris Tucker cage-fighting a kangaroo, and then going ass-to-mouth on morbidly obese GAY Siamese Twins! The movie climaxes when Fin Fang Foom flies in from outer space and fills a volcano with piss!!!
The Mighty Fek’lhr had no idea X-Men 4 could possibly suck so much.
Pulling off a chick’s wig, in the middle of a blowjob, only to find out that she’s a man is nowhere near as funny as going to pull back her wig and the entire head comes off.
Hahaha, oh man…kids.
Thanks for stealing my thunder, chod.
chod,
so you got head ‘to go’. Alright!
It’s good to know that Ratner will blow a dude just for the comedic effect.
kiss_my_ash, I think your first mistake was…um…how do I say this…
MEETING LITTLE HISPANIC GIRLS ON THE FUCKING METRO.
I got nothing on this one. I come back from being out that the doctor’s office for this?
Ratnertouille fucked her. If he didn’t, HE’S the child. Douchebag.
[Ratner] My first blow job was from a man, but I didn’t know it was a man.
I didn’t know that VegasHustla was Brett Ratner!
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