BEN STILLER IS ACTING ZOOLANDERY
07.15.08
Ben Stiller and Co just released a bunch of fancy new web pages as part of the marketing for Tropic Thunder (trailer), which just had its opening moved up two days to August 13th. The sites are all pages for Stiller’s character, Tugg Speedman and his movies, and they’re actually pretty funny.
What’s so cool about my website? Well, I like to think of it like a really rad bridge, that lets my fans walk over all the mean stuff the internet says about me. Then at the other end of the bridge, is all the cool stuff dudes say!
From the Simple Jack the movie page:
[After an "I can talk to any retard I want!" sound bite] Set in the depression era Midwest, down on their luck farmers Chet Chetkinson and his wife Rebecca get dealt a winning hand when a traveling carnival leaves a “freak” behind.
From the Scorcher the movie page:
“If you can’t stand the heat, get outta my face!”
In 1994, audiences held their breath when for the first time in history, the earth’s rotation came to a halt, leaving all of North America on he hot side of the globe. In one week, the sun had scorched half of the earth completely. Luckily, construction worker, divorced father, and ex-navy seal Deke Logan thought the unthinkable. He told the entire population to “stand back, this may sting a little” as he let rip the worlds biggest nuclear cardiogram, again, knocking the earth back onto its axis and back into action.
Pretty rad, right? Problem is, mother earth picked up a habit she just can’t kick. Now she seems to stop spinning every two or three years. Reprising his role for the unprecedented sixth time in the Scorcher decology, action juggernaut Tugg Speedman comes to save the human race again, armed with nothing but his ironic quips and trademark flamethrowers. But consider yourself warned… in this sixth installment, America finds itself stuck, with apocalyptic consequences, on the cold side of the planet, and this time, you better bring a sweater. Because this time, it’s different.
These all remind of Zoolander, and, much as it puts me in the company of some pretty giant douchebags, I loved Zoolander. I really hate it when I like something and next thing you know a bunch of dickweeds and asswipes like it too. I mean, how am I supposed to prove how much better I am than you when we like the same things? Oh well, I guess there’s always my looks.

I don’t want to see this… I want to see Scorcher!
I look at Zoolander the same way I look at Anchorman — I got all the jokes, and not just the jokes meant for fucktards.
I really hate it when I like something and next thing you know a bunch of dickweeds and asswipes like it too. I mean, how am I supposed to prove how much better I am than you when we like the same things?
This is exactly how I feel about kiddie porn.
The picture on the left is the new poster for his upcoming remake of Deliverance.
Maybe it’s his spoof of Sex and The City though.
::checks IMDB::
Nope, he’s not co-starring with SJP on anything right now.
I really hate it when I like something and next thing you know a bunch of dickweeds and asswipes like it too. I mean, how am I supposed to prove how much better I am than you when we like the same things?
This is exactly how I feel about this web site.
Wait… what?
If not for Zoolander and Anchorman, how else would I earn high-fives at the sports bar?
I once liked the same chick as this blind dude I went to high school with. I was all like, "How can you like her too? You can’t even see what she looks like." And that little blind bastard looked at me with those cloudy, fucked up, malfunctioning retnas of his and said, "Yeah, but she’s got a big dick dude!".
these sites are brilliant ben stiller is coming up with some great shit i cant wait for tropic thunder
Ben Stiller is like those two Nickelback songs for me. I’m going to go ahead and like them, I’m just not going to make that very public.
Which two Nickelback songs you ask? Fuck You, queer!
Why does he have a bear?
Bex, someone stole your period and comma keys again, huh?
i loved zoolander too
i left my period in an old mooncup
I hate zoos because they don’t let you fuck the endangered animals.
I just hate it when I’m trying to give somebody my "seriously, shut the fuck up" face and they look at me and ask them why I’m giving them Blue Steel and I have to respond by headbutting them repeatedly until their broken and bloodied corpse stops twitching.
…Always gives me such a headache.
Ben Stiller is like those two Nickelback songs for me. I’m going to go ahead and like them, I’m just not going to make that very public.
I’m calling shenanigans, keyHo, everyone knows Nickelback only has one song.
I hate zoos because they don’t let you fuck the endangered animals.
Or the common ones, for that matter. Fucking tan hat wearing cock blockers.
Bullshit, Peet.
I suppose you can’t hear the difference in the beats between Under Pressure and Ice Ice Baby.
dun dun dun duh da dun dun
dun dun dun duh dah dun dun.
Totally different, man.
Goddamn you, JWIADH, i’m going to have to trawl through the Other Place’s archives
nowsome time later, maybe, to relive some of those times when that place was fun.Male Boy Shaun De Wet R.I.P. [Rolling in Pee]
"Simple Jack" is what the ladies at the massage parlor call me.
The only good thing Nickleback ever did was get pelted with rocks in Portugal.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vQzhOyHTarU
What this clip needed was some men pretending to be women pretending to be men launching a boulder at ‘em in a stoning scene from Life of Brian stylee. The hatred i have for thee…
I suppose you can’t hear the difference in the beats between Under Pressure and Ice Ice Baby.
Wrong. Under Pressure:
Dun dun dun duh da dun dun. Dun dun dun duh da dun dun.
Ice Ice Baby:
Dun dun dun duh da dun dun. Dun dun dun dun duh da dun dun.
Ice Ice Baby has an extra "dun". Everybody knows that.
the panda poster would be so much better if the bear was playing air guitar
I saw David Bowie rollin’ is his 5.0 with the rag-top down so his hair can blow.
Rats! Foiled again by The Thumb!
I knew I should have gone with Superfreak/U Can’t Touch This.
Dun dun dun duh da dun dun. Dun dun dun duh da dun dun. Isn’t that the intro to the theme from The Pink Panther?
"His athletic ability off and off the field…"
Damn you glorious wit, Ben Stiller. Stuff like this almost makes up for Envy.
Dun dun dun da dun dun.
Those lyrics just seem so…bland.
"… seeking the help of a spiritual advisor named Bong…"
This shit’s priceless.
Technically, is it still plaigarism if you’re ripping off your own material?
Also, have you heard the latest Nickelback single? Remember a few years ago, someone merged their first "two" "hits" in a single file, with one playing in the left speaker and the other in the right? The new single sounds exactly like that with the balance centered. Those motherfuckers are rolling around in Loonies laughing their asses off at us right now.
"What he doesn’t have in his head, he makes up for in his heart."
What I don’t have in my pants, my wife makes up for in her nightstand.
GRRR………BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED!!!
I really hate it when I like something and next thing you know a bunch of dickweeds and asswipes like it too. I mean, how am I supposed to prove how much better I am than you when we like the same things?
This is how I feel about http://www.filmdrunk.com
Technically, is it still plaigarism if you’re ripping off your own material?
According to John Fogerty, no.
I am only anti-semitic towards Ben Stiller. I hate that fucking Jew. I hope the bear remembered to take a piss and pitch a big runny turd on that humorless fuck.
New post
Simple Jack: A rock and a stick.
I would like to apologize to Jews and bears for my last comment.
"Rolling in Loonies" — the currency or the afflicted?
This makes me heart Ben Stiller even more than i already do:
http://www.tuggspeedman.com/
VS
http://www.tomcruise.com/
pwnd!