WEEKEND PREVIEW: WALL E VS. WANTED
06.27.08
Opening this weekend in wide release
Wall-E
If you think you’re cuter than this robot, you probably hate yourself deep down and are subconsciously trying to make yourself feel better by overcompensating. Maybe you were molested as a child. I mean, I’m just sayin’. The robot’s pretty cute.
Wanted
I’ve read good reviews of this from critics I respect, but from the clips I’ve seen, the fancy visuals don’t outweigh James McAvoy’s facial gymnastics, the constant whining, and the bad, annoying accent. Fancy action scenes in a movie like this seem like putting lipstick on a pig, or a monocle on a retard. Okay, that second one might actually be pretty sweet.
![[avatar]](http://p.uproxxcdn.com/global/images/default-avatar.jpg){kind=avatar}
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2011/09/Sack-lick-lion-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2010/11/127hours-150x150.jpg)
*Michelle’s eyebrows shoot up…monocle falls out
I think I may see both of these this weekend. I have a popcorn problem.
Yup. I’ll be seeing both of these.
For those of you following along at home, that means taking Lord Humungous, Mrs. Humungous, Hunter Humungous, Caeden Knight Humungous and baby Abrianna Humungous to see Wall-E. That will cost $31.50.
Then I will be seeing Wanted by myself. $9.50
I will spend $41.00 to see two movies this weekend.
Note to Holywood – Blow me.
*Donkey stands still, mouth agape. Monocle falls off his eye*
I. Cannot. BeeWeave. Yoo. Just. Said. Dat. I. Am. So. Tewwing.
*Runs off crying*
Damnit Michelle!
Weekend Preview: Self-Respect vs. My Pecker (actually, I know how this one turns out)
Lord Hu – if going to the movies with a total of 5 people costs less than $60 for you BEFORE popcorn and drinks, you can kiss my shiny metal ass. This is why I don’t have a family.
<Pulls monocle out of ass>
These things are for your eyes? I always thought it was for your brown eye.
id rather see the pig with the monocle and the retard with the lipstick
she aint gonna tell the cops if she thinks im her doctor
Because we can’t really get out of the house now, I’ll be reinacting these new movies at home. I’ve painted eyes on our Roomba, and will be letting the baby fire a hand gun. He already makes the McAvoy faces.
I saw James on the Daily Show, and I kinda liked the guy.
<hangs head in shame, walks off>
Donkey…when I gaze into the mirrow I see you. You…you’re…magnificent.
I think I may see both of these this weekend.
These what?
DEEZ NUTS!
Al – I am the asshole that brings the newborn to the theater. So I only pay for the four of us, plus Caeden Knight Humungous is only 3, so I can usually get him in under the radar. If he gets in for free, then we get popcorn and drinks.
Also, I would love to kiss your shiny, metal ass.
Love,
Lord Humungous
I saw that too Crap, he was also kinda funny on Leno. Seems like he falls down a lot in real life and I respect that.
*Double handgun wink to Michelle*
Woohoo! The first weekend for a while that I was planning on seeing two movies and I don’t get to see either. Yay road trips!
I’ll expect a bunch of spoilers out of you assholes on Monday so that, by the time I get to see these movies, I won’t want to anymore because I know what happens.
Wall E + Wanted + booze = waking up Saturday morning thinking you had a threesome with the Tomb Raider and Johhny 5
Or like putting a condom on a Eunuch
LH – movies are $11.95 here plus multiple taxes, which winds up at roughly $45 each. If you want a discount because your kid’s a student or an infant or borderline retarded, good luck with that.
Canada sucks.
(I haven’t seen a movie in the theatre since 1994)
Wall E sounds like Wally! My shit is blown!
I’m going to take my kid to the movie too.
Just don’t know which one…….
*Pauly opens door leading down to dungeon of HORROR!*
*Chodin returns from woods dragging an empty keg:pants around his ankles and a beer bong around his neck*
This is the best-worst camping trip ever!
the Daily show has that effect on people. I liked John Mccaine when he was on
<jumps in bath tub with hair dryer>
I’m gonna be travelling/otherwise preoccupied all wknd too keyHo. We can just hang out in the corner plugging our ears repeating, "I can’t hear you!"
You know what I fuckin’ LOVE about being hungover, when the AC breaks in your office.
HEADS!
WILL!
ROLL!
I really can’t tell if Wanted is going to be cool. I think I’ll wait until Monday and see what all the kids at the junior high school are talking about.
*Chodin glances around parking lot, wipes mouth, rolls up window and speeds off in his 87′ Oldsmobile Cutlass Sierra*
wall-e > wanted
Wally is a friend of mine that got throat cancer and has to use a voice box to talk.
Sure, Wall-E way be really cute, but do you want to fuck it?
Pulls out old joke box:
Wall E looks justs like how I see women, a box with a head on top.
If you replace monocle with testicle, it gets alot funnier, but makes less sense.
I like to tease Wally that he got throat cancer from all those dicks he sucked just so I can hear him reply "Bzzrkrt Ou Sahn Of A Itch! Bzzrkt!".
I guess I shouldn’t complain. He’ll still suck my dick, and if he uses the voice box while doing it, it acts as a vibrator.
For some weird reason, Wall-E kinda’ makes me horny. It must of been something from my childhood, definetely not the time I fucked a toaster oven, but it’s got to be something from my childhood.
Ya know elle, I have a popcorn problem too, I’m the only one finding my dick poking through the bottom of the tub.
Jellybean Tempo Monk :(
I was molested as a child by a robot, so I still don’t think Wall-E is cuter than I am.
Sure, Wall-E way be really cute, but do you want to fuck it?
That depends, does he come with a fleshlight attachment? Actually, I guess it doesn’t depend.
Chodin you gotta be shittin’ me with the fucking Cutlass.
Chodin, I know what you mean. there’s something about a fresh faced Jr. high boy that really revs my engine
I think Wall-E is the result of C-3PO’s and R2D2′s drunken one night stand.
WTF? Am I the only one that sees "Addict" at the bottom center of the banner pic?
I am taking my kids to see Wall E. I will enjoy it, so there. I am a sucker for a cute robot.
I molested a robot as a child, so yes, I’m very erected to see this movie.
Crap, that’s your PO telling you something
C-3D2
I thought it was my mom. "Look you fucking hag! Drinking 7 gallons of whiskey a week and having a liver carved out of stone is normal! You have the problem with your ‘functioning organs’ and ‘pink lungs’."
they should utalize bullet time in Pornos for the popshots
in a Keanu reeves voice: "Woh dude its like your mixed in with the seman when it hits her chin."
I just popped some microwave popcorn (and very carefully spelled popped)
Yup…I checked the bag to make sure it was weiner free.
8===D : ( it was
Reflux, that was not a Robot, but I will never forget that halloween.
I invented Halloween.
True story.
I thought you said that you hollow ween, mung?
Pauly, no.
The Mighty Fek’lhr is officially on vacation (and has the beer to prove it).
Pauly, no.
That brings back good rape memories.
Im writing a script about a Rollerblading crime fighter. I call it
Masterblader
Fek, I envy you. Enjoy!
I am also supposed to be trying to get my wife pregnant this week. This is going to be the best vacation ever.
I can help
The only way it could get better is if Lince FINALLY announced the winner of the Batman Bluray!
(pick me pick me!)
I can help
Can you use a mop? Knockin’ womens up is dirty bidness.
well fek if you sent in those delightfull kristey alley pics you probably already won
Because your rapist was disappointed in the lack of pride you take in properly caring for your asshole?
Fek, good luck!
I should consider referencing to whom I am speaking on occasion.
if you dont reference it heather we just thiunk you’re addressing chod
Hey, it’s hot and my ass is sweaty.
WHATAYAWANTFRUMEEE?!?!?
Good Luck Fek. Remember it’s from behind for a boy and you on top for a girl.
I recently built a full scale model of WallE. It really helps
getting kids in the back of the vankeep me young at heart.Heather and Chodin sitting in a tree, F-U-C-K-I-N-G
Pauly in the corner watching everything, B-E-A-T-I-N-G O-F-F
I only address Chodin as my e-lover.
I ment as a fluffer. We gotta keep you hard boy
I wonder what Wall E got busted for? I had to spend my community service time picking up trash too.
Good Luck Fek. Remember it’s from behind for a boy and you on top for a girl.
And, from personal experience I can tell you, behind the Del Taco for a crack baby.
And in the mouth for a snow job.
i bet you wally can be used to smuggle little asian sex slaves in him
Good Luck Fek. Remember it’s from behind for a boy and you on top for a girl.
Dor sho gha! How many different positions do you think I can actually do????
And, from personal experience I can tell you, behind the Del Taco for a crack baby.
I wonder what I will get from behind the live bait shop?
I had to spend my community service time picking up trash too.
Don’t you have a fucking library in your town? That is the easiest fucking community service ever!
…
That’s what my friend told me…
Remember the mini series V? you’ll get one of them.
Everyone go see Wall-E. But go at one in the afternoon to avoid idiot teenagers. A room full of teenagers is worse than a pit full of toddlers, true story.
A pit full of toddlers? Do they have that at Chucky Cheese?
what if you offer all the teenage girls some zima and smirnoff?
just a thought.
In France it’s called Charles E. Fromage. And the the animatronic animals all sing about death and smoke clove cigarettes.
Pit full of toddlers < Basement full of Cub Scouts
in mexico its Carlitos E. Queso and the robots sing about fiestas and piñatas
Shit yeah Bubb. Nothing tastes as good as when it’s eaten off the belly of a naked cub scout*
*that’s a stolen joke, I just can’t remember who from.
All this talk of Boy Scouts and cheese has gotten me feeling a bit randy.
*zzzzzziiiiiippppp*
Yeah. That’s it.
*thirteen seconds later*
Towel please!
So, Fek, what should I watch next on the Netflix list? Star Trek 6? Star Trek Generations? What’s that? You want me to watch Steel Magnolias? Well, okay. Blush and bashful.
DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURST!!!!
DAMN i missed announcing the dursts it’s what i do best here at FD
I can’t hear you; there’s armadilla cake in the carport.
Dream for the fences, guys.
I dream for the fences pauly and all da white womens
<a rustling sounds can be heard as somewhere near, a tumbleweed gets whats cumming>
Have a great weekend drunkies!!!
later mung!!
Peace my Lord
Beek, you don’t own all the Star Trek movies (save V/5)? DEAD2ME
Armadilla cake? i can make anything you want except snakes, I dont have the counter space
just saw Wall E . that shit was fucking pro
WOO! UNEMPLOYED!!!!
Happy long weekend Drunkards, I of course will take a REALLY long weekend…
hey labido where you from?
oh great now its gonna look like i dursted it
Bex dursted it.
damn you nom!!!
**takes a bow, the, night is over, something something somethiiiiiiiiing*
Wassup, tuckers! Aimless Leon clockin in for third watch! Wait, there are how many comments about this post? Fuck, not even gonna bother catching up. Just carry on.
*sits back, cracks open a High Life*
wassup aimless gonna catch wall-e thsi weekend?
Nom, where have you been? I miss your complete lack of arrogance and humor
Is that lack of arrogance AND lack of humor?
Well, I just spent my last 5 bucks Eibz, and not getting any more money for the foreseeable future. You all might be cursed with me for a bit, since I can’t afford the hookers anymore. empty pig sty:(
Wall-E might be the first kids movie you could bring a date to and the popcorn bowl trick might actually work. Bonus points if she doesn’t get emotionally scarred in retrospect.
Uh oh, a friend called. Gotta go overstay my welcome at his house. But I’m gonna leave the TV on so you guys don’t get wise and try to rob my house. Thieves. Later.
Shee-it, if you leave the TV on, it only means I don’t have to locate it in the dark.
*puts on a black ski mask*
Nominus! Asks! A! Ninj! A!
yes Pauly, I was wondering if anyone would ask.
Watanabex- i’m from Phoenix, Az.
Hey that’s right up the street from my house, Labido
ooooooooooooooooooooooh its a cammel toe!!!!!!! i get it now
Hey, I USED to be funny. Much like chickens crossin the road, or tricking chicks into thinking I’m wearing a rubber by wearing a cock ring. Actually, that second one still gets me every time.
Wait, I think I missed something. What’s so funny about chickens crossing roads?
Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
She was bouncing of a wall??
So toodo pedo!!!
I have no… no… fucking idea what I just said.
Movie, Science Fiction. (1983) Reb Brown, Corinne Clery, John Steiner. Caught in a time of dinosaurs, lasers, caveman Yor seeks a mate and finds Ka-Laa. LB.
^COTW
Just got back from imagining seeing "Wall E" and my favorite part was when Wall E got his first physical and he told the doctor to stick another finger up his ass because he wanted a second opinion.
Hi Duke, what the fuck is happenin’?
Cuz she wasn’t wearing a seatbelt.
WHA HAHAHAHA
chino you are evil and i love it
QAPLAH! THe Mighty Fek’lhr will drop a message when he gets to NH.
Damn Chino I waited all night for that punchline.
It was worth it.
I have decoded Fek’s comment left at 16:00 - He will drop a "message"/Instant Message=IM when he gets to NH. IM+NH=NIMH. Fek is going to drop the sleeping powder to Mrs. Brisby to put Dragon to sleep and save the rats at 1600pm.
It’s a slow night, people. Even for a Saturday.
Oh, and drunk, I’m fuck.
Thanks to the Wanted trailers, I really want to see if I can roll my car over a police road block.
I don’t care what anyone says, Wanted was the balls. I’m not allowed to go to the gun range today for fear that I may actually try to curve bullets.
And now you know: You can curve bullets, but you can’t retrieve that hat you lost at Six Flags. Cuz Batman is taller.
Chino, I thought I loved you before, but this seals it!
A “HAPPY BIRTHDAY” WISH GOES OUT TO GARY BUSEY.
You fucking crazy bastard.
Gary Busey bought himself 100 acres of land on the moon for his birthday. His plan is to plant a bunch of trees and bring in all sorts of animals to play with; a bear, an owl, two kangaroos, a retarded tiger, a baby pig, and a donkey.
Gary Busey blew out his cake and ate candles. Then had a bunch of pinatas hit him until he shit candy.
Donkey, you’re joining Busey on his moon acreage? How cool!
(how come he’s not bringing a batch of coyotes??)
One of the women I work with is secretly nicknamed "Wall-eye." I would go see Wall E if she were somehow included in the film.
Michelle, you’re so mysterious and sexy. I love you.
And I you Al. And I you.
*poof*
Of course I’m joining Busey. My job is to mope around up there.
Phone test – 1 2 3 4. Works like a charm.
Are you on an iPhone? I can only post enigmatic highlighter swipes with mine.
Fuck you Iphoners*.
*I want one.
I second erswi’s jealousy. Actually, I’m getting the Instinct next week. I heard it got its name because it automatically calls my ex-girlfriends at 4 am on the weekend and plays a recording of me sobbing. In the morning I ask it why it did that and it says, "I just had a feeling."
Me too Burnsy. I’m kinda forced to get the one that works with Sprint. I live 20 minutes away from their world headquarters and I heard they send out murder squads to find people in the KC area that own iPhones.
Is the Instinct . . . Fatal? That is the Iphone knockoff by Samsung right?
BTK, http://tinyurl.com/6637lh
Donkey . . . you’re in KC? Next time I’m up that way we’re goin to Herford House! That place is paradise for carnivores!
Fuck yeah, Erswi!
iPhone would be perfect if I could post on here and if I didn’t accidentally eat it. MICHELLE HUNGY NO HEREFORD HOUSE HERE. GRRRRRR
Yeah, the one that brags about lightning fast Internet, but since it has Sprint as a provider it means that the service is only available if I curl up in a ball in the center lane of a major highway while wrapped in tin foil. But Sprint’s kind enough to include a nice case with it, so really it balances out.
Damnit, Donk. Where was that website for all eight years of my college? Would have saved me a shitload on flowers and peroxide.
COTW up.