THE NEWS YOU’VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR
06.18.08
I know how you’ve all been waiting on pins and needles for this moment, and praise Allah it’s finally here. That’s right, the official Disaster Movie plot synopsis!
"In DISASTER MOVIE, the filmmaking team behind the [s]hits "Scary Movie," "Date Movie," "Epic Movie" and "Meet The Spartans" this time puts its unique, inimitable stamp on one of the biggest and most bloated movie genres of all time – the disaster film.
DISASTER MOVIE follows the comic misadventures of a group of ridiculously attractive twenty-somethings during one fateful night as they try to make their way to safety while every known natural disaster and catastrophic event – asteroids, twisters, earthquakes, the works – hits the city and their path as they try to solve a series of mysteries to end the rampant destruction.
Taking aim at everything and everyone, from "Indiana Jones" [Not a disaster movie] and "Iron Man" [Also not a disaster movie] to Amy Winehouse [A disaster, maybe, but clearly not a movie] and High School Musical [Only a disaster if your male child is obsessed with it], DISASTER MOVIE lampoons the blockbuster movie, pop culture icons and public figures along the way as Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer satirize everything as only they can.
If by “satirize” you mean take things that were funny to begin with and make them unfunny and filled with totally unrelated pop culture references, then yes, I’m sure that’s what they’ll do. Who are these guys? I’m not sure they’re actual people so much as a biblical plague. Seriously, I would drink 10 gallons of lamb’s blood if God would smite them. That’s how it works, right? I can’t remember, I stopped going to church after one of the snakes bit pa.
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Did a bee sting Alfonso Ribeiro?
Sooo, where are the ridiculously attractive 20 somethings. These kids just got off the tard bus.
damn you michelle and your thunder stealing, rodent avatar!!!!
Alfonso Ribiero looks like shit.
Aww Hell Naw Amy Adams is super cute and adorable and these fuckers try to satirize her? this time they’ve gone too far
JHC, coming from you that really means something.
This movie would be so great if someone beats that pregnant chick in the stomach with an anchor! SWEET! RAD! BODACIOUS!
You too Burnsy.
::gotta start reading these fuckers first::
ridiculously attractive twenty-somethings
Pictured – satire.
Qaplah! The Mighty Fek’lhr just got back, He had let a Jehovah’s Winess in to use His bathroom and…
…
DOR SHO GHA!
I’ve got even odds that the Juno character craps out Wall-E.
I’m thinking she gives birth the a Cloverfield-esque monster Burnsy.
Why do these things even have to be movies? Aren’t they just sketches? Surely tv is their natural medium. Do they make more money as movies? Answer me! I want the man who knows.
I was going to go with her having a Kuato…cause that’s an older pop culture reference that we’re cool for getting. I’m also cool for getting in the back of the car with that guy..at least that’s what he said. Oh God no.
Hang on, let me get him.
I put some ‘questionable’ milk in my coffee, hoping it would still be ok. It wasn’t.
DISASTER MOVIE lampoons the blockbuster movie, pop culture icons and public figures along the way as Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer satirize everything as only they can.
I used to be able to satirize like them. When I think back on that time, I really hated who I was when I was in sixth grade.
Cloverfield makes more sense, because everyone hated it.
Did you find it in the bathroom?
I’ve got even odds that the name of their city is a play on Cloverfield.
Anyone who willingly lays down $8 to watch this should be neutered like one of Bob Barker’s dogs.
Did you find it in the bathroom?
Are you watching me?
Is that the Mad TV crew
WooT
What’s going to be a disaster is trying to convince the judge that it was "very necessary" to decapitate my girlfriend after suggesting that we see this hunk of shit.
The people who produce these monkey farts make Lorne Michaels look like Robert Evans.
I have a camera in one of the many plush teddy bears you have surrounding your desk.
I would rather let an entire Chinese South African polo team fuck my girlfriend than watch this movie.
I think grabbing Lorne Michaels cheeks and yanking them towards his ears would also make Lorne Michaels look like Robert Evans.
Man the range of parody on this film looks crazy!
I hope that they make fun of the disaster movies that aren’t even out yet like "He’s Just Not That Into You".
It’s a good thing your girlfriend can’t read English!
Sorry, just not funny today. $2,500 for a new mixer. I’m about to crawl into an oven.
I’m going to spoof all these spoof movies and just send the producers a video of my asshole flexing.
I have a camera in one of the many plush teddy bears you have surrounding your desk.
Liar! The bathroom is no where near my desk OR my furry fan club.
Call it Sex & The Shitty
Should I start saving now to have you make a cake for my son’s first birthday?
I’d give you a big discount : )
Sorry, just not funny today. $2,500 for a new mixer. I’m about to crawl into an oven.
Is that the going rate for skinny white dj’s Michelle? Does he come with a complimentary bubble machine? That could be a deal breaker.
Spoof movies are like the herpes of the motion picture crotch sac. You can forget about them, you can ignore them, you can try and scrape them off with a cheese grater, but they always come back.
I don’t know why I put that apostrophe in "djs", but I’m guessing it has a lot to do with my lack of education.
I’d give you a big discount : )
I’m in.
The Mighty Fek’lhr recently read that there are still people that think D&D is genuine occult activities, demonic, satanic, and dangerous to the youth of America.
Do you know what else is demonic, satanic, and dangerous to the youth of America?
Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer.
I was visiting a friend in Arizona last August and we went hiking into the desert. We ended up climbing a few relatively small cliffs. Around midday we took a break and had some sandwiches that we brought with us. My friend put his sandwich down for a minute. When he picked it up, I shit you not, there was a scorpion on it. He freaked out and fell off the cliff, probably a 20 foot drop, to the closest landing. Luckily it wasn’t further. Well, when he fell off, his scrambling loosened some rock and a boulder the size of a cow landed on his arm. I don’t know how it didn’t continue to roll and fall onto him. Well, his arm pretty just fucking burst right open. There was no way we could save the arm. So I had him bite down on a belt while I sawed off his arm with a pocket knife. To stop all the bleeding, I had to satirize the wound. My friend is dead now.
YAY BUBBLES. Are you a good witch or a bad witch?
Satire- I do not think that word means what you think it means.
New up
New post! With boobs!
Michelle, just use bottom shelf orange juice. It’s a cheap mixer, tastes like fuck in a bucket, but hey…it’s a chepa mixer.
flux: lucky guy, dying before he had to read that post.
Peet: SCOUR!!!!!!!
mmmm fuck in a bucket.
Muahahaha! All that reading for a stupid pun!
Yep. The only disaster will be that this crapfest will make around $225 million.
Chod,
You flexing your asshole, Diddy waxing his nuts, Hilary Duff eating hot dogs right out of a hotdog cart’s bin. That may be worth $8, right there. All it needs is a name…
Who keeps giving these shitbags money to make more of this crap? Hollywood is such a taint. This is a prime example of why I transferred out of film school. Their loss!!! (in your face, Hollywood)
I dropped out of film school, does that count as putting it to The Man? Take THAT, Hollywood! I failed Algebra!
You know if you remove the redundency in the movie titles it becomes "Date, Scary, Epic movie" – which kind of sounds like my last blind date
A-ha-cha-cha!
Play me out Jerry!