Kyle Newman is taking back Fanboys. Remember, Fanboys? That movie that sparked worldwide protests? Yeah, well the original director and crew are back to do another cut that’ll probably never get released. I’m excited about it. In fact, I’m about to lose control and I think I like it, a hoo hoo.
Ed Helms & Billy Bob Thornton in Manure. "Story revolves around a trio of manure salesmen in 1960s heartland America. Helms will play Chet, a womanizing manure peddler." I’d be excited about this if the writer wasn’t previously known for The Astronaut Farmer. As Kevin Smith says, in Hollywood you fail upwards.
AlfMo & Special K Join Prince of Persia. Ben Kingsley and Alfred Molina board Jake Gyllenhaal/Jerry Bruckheimer joint Prince of Persia. If I was an Oscar-winning actor and my agent got me a job in a Bruckheimer-produced video game adaptation, I’d crap down his sunroof. Man up, Kingsley, you’re not Ghandi anymore.
Tim Burton and Johnny Depp doing Dark Shadows. Based on the supernatural soap opera from the 60s-70s. To borrow a few words from David Spade, "Tim Burton is not a genius, I have some bad news for you people." And, "Ooh, I put colors in my hair, I’m Johnny Depp." On an another note, why not do an adaptation of Passions? That’s a supernatural soap opera and I can’t watch more than three minutes without feeling like I’m on psychadelics.
Yoko Ono Loses Lawsuit Against Ben Stein. Say that five times fast and then hit yourself in the nuts. I dunno, just because.
Universal Fire Was Caused by Blowtorches. Those spunky hipsters at Truth also want you to know that cigarettes cause cancer. I can really relate to their subversiveness and youthful sense of irony.
Sandler, Rogen, and Leslie Mann to Star in Apatow Dramedy. Supposedly centers on comedians – Sandler claims he’ll be making the rounds of LA comedy clubs in order to prepare. In other news, using the word "dramedy" made me die a little on the inside.
I want more like this!
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