06.30.08 SOMEONE WATCHES THESE, APPARENTLY

Remember when Nightmare on Elm Street stopped being cool and started being really lame? That happened to Saw seven movies ago.

The diabolical torture in this installment is having to watch Saw I-IV.

Did I miss a field trip or something?

XBox 360 is cool and all, but I can’t wait for Saw Wii to come out. I always wanted to put Yoshi’s head in a rusty, jagged torture helmet for dropping all those fuckin’ red shells on me.

That has got to be the worst hockey goalie mask I’ve ever seen.

Judging by all that chest hair, the surprise killer this time around is America Ferrera.

Remember when Nightmare on Elm Street stopped being cool and started being really lame? That happened to Saw Friday the 13th Star Wars Alien Star Trek your mom seven movies ago.

‘mornin Hooch suckers.

These mud fuckers made a fortune off of Rube Goldberg’s genius.

They should just call this Not Gonna See.

(my imaginary girlfriend thinks verb tense humor is sexy)

It’s a shame they didn’t get Nicholas Cage for Face Off 2.

Doc 90210 is trying some really inovative shit to keep Joan Rivers on the air.

Every time somebody asks me "did you see Saw?"  I always tell them "no, but I played on the monkey bars and the swings."  Their reaction to that decides whether or not I punch them in the throat.

…but before we get started, let’s take a moment to talk about shop safety.  Always follow the directions that come with your power tools.  And, remember that there’s no more important safety measure than to wear these - safety goggles.

The more I read this site, the more I think everyone at Lions Gate needs to be euthanized.

Would’ve been cooler if he was wearing someone’s ass for a hat.

Over/under on how long before we see that poster for Disaster Movie anybody?

The original freaked me out when I was 7.  Reptile aliens having sex with regular people?  That’s deep shit, right there.  A pre-cursor to five minor dismeanors while at the zoo.

Michelle knows what I’m talking about.

Just think, five more of these movies and Bostonians will believe they’ve made a movie about their baseball team.

Hey Jimmy, did ya heah about da new movie commin’ out ‘ta theatahs?  Yeah, it’s called "Sawx."  It’s gonna be freakin’ wicked sweet.  I got no idea why da postah of a guy gettin’ killed on it though; he must be one a da queah yankees fans.  Fack da Yankees!

flux, All your water are belong to us!

Jason Friedberg: "Aaron, I just had a great idea for our next franchise… Horror Movie. It’s like Scary Movie but based on films like Hostel, House of Wax and the Saw movies."

Aaron Seltzer: "Can’t do it. Paris Hilton was in House of Wax. The reference would make sense."

Jason Friedberg: "Then how about Sports Movie and we have a guy who can curve baseballs?"

Aaron Seltzer: "You’re a fucking genius." 

Ohhh yeah I do (what are we talking about?)

*Chodin enters the FilmDRUNK octagon and realizes what he must do: strip for his life*

I’m just going to continue to talk about Daniel Craig mmkay?

Soooo, anyway. I was all "Hey, what’s up?" and he was all "Oy, I’m British, this here be me wanker" and I was all "Tee hee" I think you know the rest. 

Chodin have you been listening to your Robbie Williams tapes again?

*blinks*

/looks at Elle’s avatar

/grabs crotch, turns head

*cough*