ROBERT RODRIGUEZ REMAKING RED SONJA
06.27.08
Robert Rodriguez is producing a film adaptation of Red Sonja (you may remember the 1985 version with Brigitte Nielsen), with his penis once again serving as casting director. His girlfriend Rose McGowan (above right), who looks like a dish soap ad from the 50s, is set to play the lead.
"I was surprised when Rose brought me a script of Red Sonja that she liked," Rodriguez says. …"I found it very entertaining. Sonja was strong, smart, cunning — just about everything she’d have to be to survive."
…Yeaaah… so apparently he also let her choose the script…
"When they first came to me with it, I thought it was funny," says the actress, 34. "I do have a body made for sitting on a veranda with mint juleps and a parasol. I don’t know why I always have to save the planet." [Because you're bad at acting –Ed.]
…McGowan and Rodriguez have not seen Nielsen in the original, and they have no plans to catch up. As the actress explains, "Why put that in my head?"
Instead, the origin story, to be directed by longtime Rodriguez associate Douglas Aarniokoski, will take its cues from the comic books as well as works by pulp novelist Robert E. Howard, father of the original Sonja (then spelled Sonya) and Conan the Barbarian. [USA Today]
You may remember that Rodriguez also tried to cast McGowan in his remake of Barbarella, only to have Universal back out of the project (though he claims the split was a result of a budget disagreement, not McGowan). Anyway, I’m sure this will be really good, and that all the bathrooms on the set will be super clean because Rose McGowan makes Robert Rodriguez pee sitting down. "I’m really starting to get used to it!" I imagine him saying.
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Fuck that. Angie Everhart as Sonja or NOBODY! YOU HEAR ME RODRIGUEZ! FUCK THAT PASTY, WHITE WHORE!
Sweet! A woman about whom I’ve not cared in ten years playing a character about whome I’ve not cared in twenty!
I hope that means this film will make $30…. not $30 million, just $30.
If McGowan were an eighty-year-old male blues harmonica player, her name would be "Fishbelly White."
I like Rose McGowan because if she sat next to me I’d look like George Hamilton.
<========== Verrrrrrry hungover.
Someone pass me some Alka-Selzer.
You can’t ever fuck Rose McGlowan with the lights off.
Meanwhile, Rodriguez’s ex-wife and kids will produce a movie called "We Get Half Your Money, Asshole."
Lose Mcgowan picked the stlip? Lobert Lodliguez ret her? For a Led Sonja movie? Lepursive!
Solly.
I think Rodriguez is falling victim to George Lucas Syndrome. You know, that disease by where somebody gets called a pioneer or the pinnacle of his niche for so long that he believes he can do no wrong, then proceeds to do exactly that by shitting all over good ideas because "fuck everybody else, that’s why"?
If anything at all, she can be the next Elvira.
Aside from looking like she’s been recovered from a shipwreck, she’s pretty hot.
::slides frothy piss boot down interhighway bar-top::
Here Lord H. Chug that fucker and you’ll be right as rain in no time.
If Rose McGowan is playing the lead in this one, I’m thinking now’s the time to horde stock in the tanning sector. I’m buying Hawaiian Tropic on margin.
The good news is that Red Sonja gets raped in her origin story.
She probably has veiny tits and they just look like road maps to the nipple.
I wouldn’t mind giving Rose Mcgowan a
pearltan necklace.She needs to get raped by a tanning salon.
Even when the lights are off, Rodriguez still has to wear sunglasses when he fucks McGowan.
If you take a marker and draw "Boo" on Rose McGowan’s stomach, you can see "ooB" when looking at her from behind.
It’s all pink in the middle does not apply to Rose McGowan.
Donk, that’s why I was dancing around in my first comment.
I’m fucking hungover like a fat man’s belly. Where’s the boot?
Red Sonya could hold her own against Conan — he practically had to rape her to get laid.
Now imagine Rose McGowan and Arnie in a wrestling match.
Pass.
Shit, Pauly… I totall missed that one
*Passes the piss boot of the stepped-on Dick*
So when is she going to play Casper? Cause Casper is always naked.
*drinks the boot*
Ahhhhhh. Little bit of the hair ‘o the dog. Nice.
Thanks JHC! I feel right as rain now.
Lince-no hawt pics of Nielsen for us?
Fek mentioned "3 Old E’s" yesterday. So I drank 3 Old E’s yesterday.
Brigitte Nielsen has that "My Cock Hangs Lower Than Your’s" look about her.
Rose McGowan is apparently pretty skilled at Poker.
I’d rather watch her try Parkour.
The powerful Fek’ lhr no molest, which had struck Marilyn Manson, became even with Perez Hilton’ trouble; S-cock.
Translation: I wouldn’t fuck Rose McGowan with Perez Hilton’s dick.
I met Bridget Nielsen about two years ago.
She was standing in line in front of me at Jamba Juice and I decided to talk to her.
Lord H: Hey, uh, aren’t you that chick from Beverly Hills Cop and The Surreal Life?
BN: *slightly annoyed* Yup.
Lord H: So, like, what’s Chyna like in bed?
BN: Better than you, I’m sure.
Seriously. That really happened. She laughed, I laughed. Good times.
Lord H – was she about a foot and a half taller than you? Or is your name here an indication of your actual size?
Arnold was not Conan in the Red Sonja movie. He played Kalidor… who only looked like Conan.
But the only hot amazon woman in Hollywood is Jessica Biel. And she also has no acting ability. so it fits perfectly.
Thanks a lot, dHumung! We were just starting to put Chyna’s click
in our behindsbehind us!I was wondering if anyone was going to call BS on Sonja being able to stand against Conan.
Hint: Nobody stands against Conan.
I dont know what to say, she makes me just icky, in a bad way
I thought I saw Brigitte Nielsen once, but it was actually Dolph Lundgren. I said "Hey, where’s that fuckin’ cool ass ear necklace? Oh and no, I’m sorry. I don’t have any spare change."
Al – I am 6’3" plus change and I weigh somewhere in the vacinity of pure unleaded. She and I were nearly eye to eye. It turned me on, except I couldn’t get Chyna’s click out of my head.
How many years later and Rose McGowan still can’t wash Marilyn Manson’s face makeup off her tits?
I’ll take the chick on the far left of the banner pic and a Little Mermaid outfit to go, please.
How many years later and Rose McGowan still can’t wash Marilyn Manson’s face makeup off her tits?
I’ll take the chick on the far left of the banner pic and a Little Mermaid outfit to go, please.
Al, she isnt that tall. Jeez
Eib – no, not compared to a professional basketball team she’s not.
she is only and inch taller than me, Al
Eib – She is pretty damn tall. She’s 6′ 1"
Eib, are you a monster? You’re a monster, aren’t you? Damn, I thought I was tall for a woman. First you trump me on the boobs, now you’ve got the height advantage too.
I love you.
…except I couldn’t get Chyna’s click out of my head
Here’s a hint, close your mouth.
Eib is a girl?
I hate being new.
I am the only one who thinks Rose is hot…hmm
*backs out slowly*
I am a nice monster, not the Aileen Wournos kind, Al
smooches
Yes, Lord H. A 6 foot tall girl, with boobs and all
I think Rose is hot the same way the naked chicks I drew in my notebooks in high school were hot. I’d still rub my dick all over them, but I’ll be damned if I’m admitting to it publicly.
I can’t be the only one who religiously read those Conan tales when I was a 13-year-old. In them, Red Sonya would make an appearance, Conan would wrestle/rape her, then they would help each other out in some way.
I wasn’t speaking of that abomination of a movie.
Hahah, I just realized that Eibmoz is Zombie backwards!
I went to community collge.
Rose McGowen is hot. White hot.
Consider renaming the remake to Sonja Menstruation Journey
I wonder who will win the Batman Bluray?
The accompanying theme song to this movie will be “Crank Dat Ghost Rider” by Sonja Boy.
Fuck…I’m slow. First, I had to be told Donkey Hodey = Don Quixote, and now Eibmoz is zombie backwards.
Anyone else want to tell me something I’m probably missing? Like what does JHC stand for? And who is Al’s avatar?
I’m mexican
Fek is a Klingon.
And I don’t mean he’s just pretending to be one.
Flux, if you don’t know who my av is, you are Deadwood2me.
Al, I was hoping the "What does JHC stand for" would let people realize that I was joking.
Well, about his, anyway. I don’t have HBO. :(
I’m like the Jokey Smurf or Fozzie Bear of this site. Nobody here laughs at my jokes, which I think are hysterical.
I’m also mexican.
new up, more hate crime
I’m Asian.
wooooooooooooooooot ima gonna go se get smart tonight, i refuse to join the steve carell sucks bandwagon
I’m a Bohemian, therefore I win due to being able to read and write in spite of being a bohonk.
What are we playing anyway?
me either bex. I just don’t go see the movies that I think he’s gonna be bad in. Like the Dan in something something movie.
I’m not just a mensa member, I’m also the president!
Dear Hollywood,
Goddammit.
Sincerely,
Nominus
[Because you're bad at acting –Ed.]
Aww, seriously, she’s really really great when she’s playing a raving bitch.
I wonder why that is.
"Anyway, I’m sure this will be really good, and that all the bathrooms on the set will be super clean because Rose McGowan makes Robert Rodriguez pee sitting down. "I’m really starting to get used to it!" I imagine him saying."
Good one. However, I think Robert is a great director. He can make it work.
*fap fap fap*