These two new posters for the G.I. Joe movie come from the Cinema Expo in Amsterdam. They feature Ray Park as Snake Eyes (another faceless role for the master) and Sienna Miller as Baronness (I barely recognize her – maybe it’s because she has clothes on). The posters employ the same style as the earlier one of Duke, in which everything is black and white except for a small red patch that confusingly draws attention to a confusing aspect of their weaponry. Though I guess I can see why Snake Eyes’ samurai sword would need a serrated edge. Just in case you slay the dragon and want to celebrate by slicing up some tasty sourdough.
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That’s a gun that Baroness is holding? I thought it was a bottle of shitty European cologne.
Preeeety sure that’s Sheryl Crowe. Crow? Who care.
I’m talking about snake eyes of course.
Hey! More Kirstie Alley! He is on a roll! (work safe):
http://img225.imageshack.us/img225/2324/durstyalley1qc3.jpg
Now, I gave her a wonky eye, missing tooth, and a moustache, but that HAIR is all HER!
I think it’s an ear piercing gun. Bitch will accesorize your ass.
And I do mean she’ll put some jaunty studs in your scrot. Scrote? Fuck you. I’m surly.
Everytime I see the tag line on these posters I am sure it reads
GI Joe
Piss Of Cobra
Blood shitty dark posters
The red in the Marlon Wayans Ripcord poster is watermelon.
/slaps knee and screams, "YEEEEEEEEEEHAWWWWWWW!!!"
When they show Spirit in a poster, his face will be red. :(
The red in the Brendan Fraser Gung Ho poster is Satan’s hand notorizing the contract.
If Snake Eyes would just pay off his gambling debt, he’d be allowed to show his face again.
*chodin slides down fire pole*
Hey, who left semen on the pole!?
These posters make me wish that I had spent MORE time 69ing Ken and Barbie.
Ray Park?! JG Jordy LaForge is gonna have to read some more rainbows to pay off those space mobsters now.
Glowless dilithium crystals :(
I tried to roll the dice on that Baroness picture, but i just came up snake eyes …
Michelle: Preeeety sure that’s Sheryl Crowe.
Nah, can’t be, I’m preeeeety sure I see breasts.
If shitty movies were a country, the colors of their flag would be black, white, and red.
It works the other way too. I wouldn’t go see a movie about the Third Reich or Trinidad & Tobago.
So, The Baroness’ secret weapon is a blackhead gun?
GRRR…EXFOLIATION!!!
I honestly thought that was Connelly. Nice safety glasses BTK. Work on a lathe much??
You know, we’ve pretty much spoiled these posters for the colorblind.
The Mighty Fek’lhr likes the part where Snake Eyes cuts through a tin can then fillets a TOMATO!
I love Ray Park. There I said it.
*Michelle activates her totally awesome battery operated light saber and charges into a wall.
G.I. Joe – Helping parents convince themselves their son isn’t gay since 1963.
*Spoiler alert* Destro has the Baroness executed because, while she seemed really cool and hip at first, now she’s just getting clingy and she calls twenty goddamn times a day to make sure that he’s thinking about her and she demands to know if he misses her and she accuses him of hitting on every girl he talks to and while the sex is good and it was fun for a couple of weeks, she’s fucking smothering him and NO I WASN’T FLIRTING WITH THAT BARISTA I JUST WANTED A GODDAMN CUP OF COFFEE AND SINCE I CAN’T USE MENTAL TELEPATHY TO ORDER I ACTUALLY HAD TO MAKE EYE CONTACT AND EXCHANGE FOUR WORDS YOU CASTRATING WHORE!
Um, go joe.
The Mighty Fek’lhr was not aware that Snake Eyes was a practicing mohel.
The red means The Baroness’ disintegrate gun is set to disintegrate. And brother, when it disintegrates, it disintegrates.
The original version of the Baroness poster had "Photoshop Goggles Here" written on her face.
Snake Eyes must be a pretty energetic guy. Picnicface gives him a shoutout in their Powerthirst commercial.
Snake Eyes needs to pull the bar code off his fucking Katana. Faux Pas!!!
Jesus, more period blood. The ladies on that photo shoot might want to try a tampon and a pad.
Snake Eyes still owes four more EZ-Pay installments of $29.99 for that sword.
Meanwhile Ray Parker, Jr. wants to know "Who You Gonna Call… and Do You Have Spare Change?"
The next poster will be the pic of Cobra Commander pointing at you saying this movie’s gonna be AWESOME! and his eyes will be red.
Even though they are all against each other now, they never really cut their ties to the Bloods.
Side note: This will not be the last time I use a Daffy Duck reference.
Little know fact: The team motto "Yo Joe!" was inspired by Duke’s first shore-leave in Bangkok.
"Fi dolla sucky sucky" was rejected.
Now im gonna have to pretend to be interested while my friend explains why his replica Snake Eyes sword is more authentic than everyone elses.
Lester Hayes will have a cameo in this movie as "Stick’um"
Is Tunnel Rat being played by Richard Gere?
Cause he stuck a gerbil in his butt…so he’d be the perfect candidate….
Speaking of candidates, how about that Obama…
Fucking Disaster Movie trailer….made me stupid.. FUCK!
The red in Dennis Quaid’s poster will be his kids’ heart monitors.
sienna miller looks good mostly she looks filthy and smelly she cleaned up nicelly here
Obamanopoly. Just thought of that, tittered to myself, thought i’d share. Back to selling handjobs now.
new up, jokers.
Burnsy, I thought I was low for making fun of Sheryl Crow’s cancer, but you sir, you are my fucking hero.
Funny, I wouldn’t have thought Ray Park would have serrated edges on his sword. I’ve always found him to be a "hack".
Huh? Huh? Serrated? Hack? Bad actor?
LeapinLizards spits fire!