MOVE OVER, LARRY THE CABLE GUY
06.19.08
Roadside Attractions has bought the world rights to Beer for My Horses, a movie written, produced, and starring Toby Keith. It’s a good thing they didn’t just buy domestic rights because the Glasgow football hooligans would surely shout incoherently and the Parisian beatniks would likely organize baguette riots if denied the chance to see such a film.
Directed by Michael Salomon, the road trip story tracks two local deputies who defy the sheriff to save a girlfriend from drug lord kidnappers. [Variety]
Why would the sheriff want to keep them from saving their girlfriend, I wonder. Could it be one of the deputies was kicked off the force for unauthorized facial hair and excessive man breasts? Since no one will ever see this movie, let’s go with yes. I think I liked this better when John Cena was in it.
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Most of the "cowboys" in Iowa are short, skinny little hicks with Napoleon Complexes. You can ground them up and make retard fertilizer out of them.
That better not be a piss boot he’s putting in peoples’ asses.
Jesu Christo! This is gonna suck-out-loud!
I just figured out how to ENTER w/o double spacing!
Yay me!
Beer for my horses, peanut butter for my dog.
Looks like some of his cowboy buddies mistook him for a mensroom stall.
The Mighty Fek’lhr feels that Toby Keith is about as rough and tumble cowboy rugged as an ass hustling Las Vegas tranny. (Which is pretty tough!)
Is his collar semi-popped?
DEAD2ME!!
How do you like me now?
Well I think you’re a big honkin’ douchebag actually.
If Leatherface makes an appearance, maybe I’ll check this shit out.
I see one of the things written on his shirt is, "Can’t get even," which is the same thing I say every time one of my bullets miss him.
I’m just going to assume you mean 14 year old boy when you say "girlfriend"
I can do
that too. WOOOOOOO
Call it a hunch, but Willie Nelson will probably show up and drink moonshine.
Sorry, I have so little interest in this I didn’t have any thing else to say.
J.J. Abrams is directing a film about his shirt.
Toby strikes me as the kind of guy who thinks it would be more offensive to fuck a dude than a horse.
I liked this better when it was Without A Paddle.
by "girlfriend", he means "keg".
Surely real Cowboys don’t have time to attend to their facial hair as much as this guy obviously has. I call shenanigans, he’s not a real cowboy.
What happens in Mexico, stays in Mexico
I wish that applied to Toby’s dead carcass.
I dunno…I’m preeety sure he used to be a womens tennis player. Just a hunch.
Toby also recorded a country version of LET BODIES HIT THE FLOOR for the soundtrack.
No plaid. No cowboy. Go fuck a haystack, wannabe.
One time I heard him say "How much for the whole Buffalo?" in a commercial. It was pretty funny, but now that’s associated in a different way with him and everytime someone says Toby Keith, I say out loud: "How much for the whole Buffalo?". No joke.
One time I heard him say, "How much for the glory hole?" And he kept tapping his foot under my stall wall.
Was that the stall in the men’s bathroom at his Las Vegas bar?
Nice shirt, I didn’t know that cowboys shop at fucking Nordstrom.
Cuz I woulda just ran out into the middle of the bar and yelled: "TOBY KEITH (how much for the whole buffalo?) JUST DID THE TOE TAPPING THING IN THE MENS ROOM!
End of career.
You know what sucks? These pictures only load for me half the time. So I have no idea what you guys are talking about.
Oddly, it was in my own home!
Think of a gay cowboy then multiply that image a few times then you have what this dick looks like
MOVE OVER TOBY KEITH, UP NEXT IS BROOKS & DUNN MAKE A PORNO!
YEEEEHAWWWW!
There is a gay bar, Toby Keith, toe tapping joke around here somewhere, but I’ll be damned if I can find it.
Al, the same thing happend to me in the Spike Lee post. I finally could see it AFTER I posted my Knicks comment. Now it doesn’t seem that funny.
Let me describe it to you, Al. He has a black pilgrim hat on, with a half-popped collar, purple shirt, with what appears to be feces smeared across the chest, cause, you know, toilet paper is for pussies. He’s giving the Josh Hartnet "wish I were asian" stare. His lips lead me to believe he’s Lisa Rinna’s cousin, and he’s got setting #2 stubble. Fag.
Lazer, would that be the Poop Shootin’ Boogie?
I got the joke for ya JHC: Toby Keith’s I Love This Bar – Las Vegas. It’s the size of a Champs Sports and it’s lodged in the middle of a casino, not out by the streets where people can park.
Did you know there were pilgrims that were black? No? Fucking whitey.
I’ll wait for the sequel: Big & Rich Make A Porno. The title will be, well, Big & Rich.
Burnsy, that’s just one of the scenes off of their acclaimed DVD Workin’ Man Hard
Did you know there were pilgrims that were black? No? Fucking whitey.
Well to be fair, every time someone made a painting of the Mayflower they were stuck in the back of the boat. You can hear the whole story of the black pilgrims in Spike Lee’s latest joint, How We Stow.
My favorite scenes are Red Brick Load and She’s Not the Skeetin’ Kind.
You fuckers sure do know quite a few of their songs….
HMMM, closet Cowboys perhaps, or just lovers of fine gay porn?
::scratches chin, then balls, then sniff checks fingers::
New post, kraut eaters.
True Story: When somebody asks me who sings the country song that’s playing where we are, I never know so I just say ‘that blonde chick’ just cause I’m usually almost right. Even when Toby Keith is playing.