CHRISTIAN BALE IS ROBIN HOOD?
06.20.08
Question marks in the headline can mean only one thing: it’s time to prognosticate! Does Xenu rule the heavens? Do drugs really make you thinner? Does this skin suit make my ass look fat? No one knows for sure, and that means we’re free to speculate wildly! Yee haw!
Today’s rumor comes from the Daily Mail, a newspaper based in England that doesn’t seem to use English in the headlines. No matter, they say Christian Bale is in talks to play Robin Hood in Nottingham, the new sympathetic-to-the-Sheriff (Russell Crowe) take on Robin Hood from Ridley Scott.
Nothing is signed for Bale, but director Ridley Scott is exceedingly keen to cast him.
Keep in mind this Robin Hood isn’t going to be a fox, or a guy with a really American-sounding accent, he’s going to be a real bastard. I don’t know about you, but I can’t wait to see Robin Hood with his shirt off, banging the happily-married Maid Marian from behind while flexing in the mirror, as the Sheriff looks on, shedding a single tear. Plus it’s Medieval England, so he could be eating a raw rabbit or squirrel with the other hand. What, it’s gay to have fantasies about Christian Bale flexing during sex now? Screw you guys, I’m normal.
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I can’t wait ’till he says, "I schteel from the ritcsh and give to the poor".
Man, I’m gonna catch sooooooo much hell for that.
(From Vince)
What, it’s gay to have fantasies about Christian Bale flexing during sex now?
More like it’s gay not to, cowboy!
Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiighhhhh
Since this is never gonna happen because he’s doing three McDouche Terminator movies and whatever Batman movies follow Dark Knight, I want to see Ridley Scott beat the crap out of McG.
I’ma be Robbin’ clit hoods!
Apparently there’s also going to be a McG Terminator teaser before the Dark Knight. And a Michelle writhing on the floor.
Weekend Preview up!
I don’t care how well Ridley Scott puts this together, there’s no way you’ll be able to make me root for Russell Crowe over Christian Bale.
GRRRR…MAGGIE GYLLENHAAL LOOKS LIKE A WRINKLED SOCK MONKEY!
WHA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!
With all these reinterpretations of classic characters, can we expect a gritty, alternative "contemporary" Robin Hood that spends time pilfering doodoo nuggets from the Sheriff of Nottingham instead of gold nuggets?’
I mean if Daniel Craig can say he wants to make James Bond gay, then all bets are off right?
I can’t believe it took 5 comments to get to a clit joke.
I can’t believe it took 5 comments to get to a clit joke.
And a lame one, none the less.
This one makes six since Pauly’s post, and I still don’t get it.
GRRR…….SHELTERED CHILDHOOD!!!!
(i get it)
i fucking hate russel crowe i wish he was emo and here in my town so i could throw rocks at him and hide behind the crowd
I don’t care how well Ridley Scott puts this together, there’s no way you’ll be able to make me root for Russell Crowe over Christian Bale.
Oh, I dunno, I rooted for Russell Crowe in that one Ridley Scott movie about love and… uh, the French… and wine… GRR, RUGBY
"I was booorn to rub you
I was booorn to lick your face"
nanananananananananana
GRRR…….SHELTERED
CHILDCLITHOOD!!!!*Gives Pauly a piss boot for sticking to his guns and finding the good clit joke in there*
Yes another exceedingly frustrating post where I can’t see the picture. I’ll just have to use my imagination. He’s naked, right?
Yes, yes he is.
*Takes piss boot from Donk*
I knew I had it "in me".
*Pauly and Donk share a laugh, then an uncomfortable silence as the truth sets in*
Al, the banner pic is reminiscent of myself, while I’m doing your dishes in just an apron on.
I’m on the phone with my Dad and he just said "Pomegranite Smurf" is that a stroke sign?
Jeez I really need to stop smoking weed at lunch.
Pauly, if this is indeed true (and everything to date I’ve read/seen on the internets has been so far), I invite you over to drink some vino and take the place of my current floor layer.
… plus, bring your weed.
I personally don’t like the picture because he’s apparently got frostbite and his eyeballs have been replaced with blue water balloons. And also, he’s not Gerard Butler.
Weekend Preview up!
Al, it’s a date! But I don’t plan on laying floor as much as I plan on laying pipe.
*Pauly’s Mother storms through his office door and slaps him in the back of the head*
What in the fuck?
You guys need to put your dicks and clicks away and join us on the new post.
Why do I have to go to the new post? Why can’t we blow up the second to the last post of the weekend? That’s right, let’s have 12 pages of comments on Christian Bale’s hardened abs.
YOU GOT IT!! What I like most about Christian Bale’s Abs
By Michelle07 (really, I couldn’t come up w/ a better code name? ass)
1
I really like how they smell like madeleines. And how the little madeliene crumbs get stuck in his button and when you pour tea on them you’re instantly transported back to the gas station where you met this Christian Bale impersonator
2
You can play Inigadadavita (I refuse to look it up) on his abs but you MUST remember to bring your own xylophone hitting thingies, he really won’t let you borrow his
3
The way they call me baby
4
That they’re the last thing I see at night and the first thing I see in the morning (thank you ceiling poster of C. Bale)
5
They are delicious with a nice chianti and fava beans
Why do I have to go to the new post? Why can’t we blow up the second to the last post of the weekend? That’s right, let’s have 12
globsofejaculatecomments on Christian Bale’s hardened abs.FixedWow, Sarpedon. Way to misuse the strikethrough tool and not be funny at the same time.
Michelle gets an A+ for her effort and also a little pat on the ass if she makes me some cupcakes.