BONER ALERT: TONY JAA EDITION
06.17.08
WATCH THE PROMO REEL FOR ONG BAK 2 AFTER THE JUMP
Compared to Tony Jaa, all other martial artists are made of girl parts. Feel free to mess with his elephants, but only if you want everyone in your family to get kicked in the face. In fact, he’ll probably travel back in time and kick your mom in her big, stupid, pregnant uterus. But only after he does a couple backflips just to warm up. Then he’ll shrink himself, crawl up your dad’s pee hole, and punchasize all three million of his sperm in a 7-minute steadycam shot, saving the one that became you for last.
The point is, Ong Bak 2. After Ong Bak and The Protector comes Jaa’s third starring role and directorial debut (this morning’s erectorial debut for yours truly). This time around, the plot concerns some people who do something to piss off Tony Jaa, and the spectacular ways in which he beats the shit out of all of them.
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Tony Jaa’s stare could throw an elephant, but he doesn’t do that, because he loves them dearly.
Wait, is this a trailer for the sequel to Ong Bak or The Descent?
You can tell they’re running out of fighting styles when they get to "One Cut With Sword"
Does "Ong Bak" stand for "Showing off Tony Jaa’s Fighting Skills"? Cause this looks like it has nothing to do with the original.
I have three different fighting styles.
Ok, maybe that last one technically isn’t "mine", but I pay for it, so I considered it pwnd.
Tony Jaa is just like John Cena, except without the whole being a fucking joke part.
I love Tony Jaa, he makes proper action films, little plot, lots of bones snapping.
Ever since those cocksniffles over there stole the Electric Boogaloo joke, I get upset when I see 2 in a movie title.
Is this the one where he gets on the pummel horse and kicks the shit out of the angry mob?
Lisa Rinna once called Tony Jaa a queer. Once…
My vietnamese is a little rusty but isn’t Ong Bak 2 a spicy noodle dish topped with prawns.
Fek, it’s no fun if you don’t get angry when I prepost.
<pouts>
Fucking twitch videos, they never fucking load for me.
The Amazing Soupnak holds an envelope marked ‘Ong Bak’ to his head:
"What did Lou Ferrigno say when he returned from the store?"
Jaa’s pimp hand is strong.
If you’re ever playing Scrabble with a Vietnamese man and he drops TONYJAA on the board, dont’ ask for a definition.
I now have a reason to live another 6 months.
Fek, it’s no fun if you don’t get angry when I prepost.
Wait…then who in the hell did I throw the cup of semen on???
Oh, that was you angry? I thought that was a gift.
Jokes on you! The Mighty Fek’lhr has teh Klingon Klapp.
My fighting style:
Stinky Pinky Potty Pummel
Don’t worry, my army of crabs will consume any unclean material.
Remind me to make Michelle angry.
So what do you call parkour with elephants? I’m going to go with "pachydourm," it’s sure to be all the rage in India in 2009.
The Mighty Fek’lhr hopes Dustin Diamond is the bad guy in this movie.
New up! :D
Mike Myers. :(
The part I don’t get is the part in the quotes.
Apparently, the moves in this movie are so good, they’re the supporting cast.
If there are tigers in this movie, why mention the taming staff? Just show the tigers.
Ohhh, that’s a move.
Looks like he’s gonna throat punch me wearing hemp socks. I would just stand there yelling, "Why?! Why the hemp socks?! I’m so confused!"
Tony Jaa once fought Gary Busey and Bruce Greenwood was the special guest referee.
Busey won via DQ because Fred Durst, well, you get where I’m going.
WHA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!
Caption:
"And you thought he wasn’t going to need the stupid rope."
You know you’re badass when everybody yells your last name while executing a karate move.
this guy is totally jucin’…
Tony Jaa is this generation’s Bolo Yeung. Except Jaa is always the good guy.
http://www.iht.com/articles/2008/06/17/america/feet.php
AAAAALLLLLLLLL!!!!!! You wine addled Canuck! You were supposed to put rocks in a bag with the feet and throw them in five feet of water. Not throw the five feet in rocky water ya bag!
Busey won via Dairy Queen? Delicious!
Nice Bolo drop, Pauly.
You know you’re badass when everybody yells your last name while executing
a karate move.the wierding way. Muahdeeb!!!Craptastic, is that article what the "boner alert" was for? Cause I totally have a third leg you could attach one of those feet to.
I think that may have been a failed marketing gimick for Russel Crowe’s band coming to Vancouver.
Crap-nice Dune drop!
Tony Jew sues people to death.
"Sweep the third leg"
Speaking of badass uncut unbelievably long steadycam scenes, Children of Men. I had to watch the car ambush scene like three times before I got my jaw back into place. Anybody? Anybody???!!
Tony Jew sues people to death.
WITH BLOOD!
WHAT THE FUCK Plyau! Why ya kick me in the dick?
..fucking greasy fucking mothfucking fucking…
I was leaning on that.
Hit my head on the bar.
Fucked up my game.
Dick.
Yeah, we have a real foot-infestation problem in our waters this past year. I swear it has nothing to do with how I’ve been
disposing ofbreaking up with my exes.new up
New post, stop dwelling on Vancouver’s dirty little secret game of chopping off tourists’ feet.
As a canuck, we’re proud of Vancouvers attempt to outshine Mexico in the ‘Well, I thought I wanted to go there for vacation…’ sweepstakes.
This is an exact quote from the Canadian Press
"The Mounties say there’s no evidence the feet were removed from the legs they were once attached to by force."
My foot just came off once in the ocean. I think its something to do with pollution. I’m not sure.
In a totally not-gay way, i got such a hard on when Tony Jaa kicked the first guy. Actually, it was before that. When the kick landed, though, i put a hole in my laptop’s keyboard. By the end of the video, I had a new skylight. And i was on the first floor.