BLACK GUY PEA IS A REAL HARDASS
06.20.08
In X2, the teleporting mutant was played by a bisexual star of broadway musicals whose name is “Cumming”, and that was still way less gay than foppish dandy Will.I.Am, who plays a similar character in X-Men Origins: Wolverine.
"I’m a teleporter. … I’m here, I’m there, I’m everywhere. Boom, boom, boom!" Will revealed. "My character’s name is John Wraith. He’s a black Texan. He’s not a cowboy, but his gear suggests that he is. He’s just a badass who’ll whoop your ass."
Yeah! And I bet he wears leather and grows facial hair! Which he keeps nicely manicured! For, uh, the ladies! Grrr!
"You see that little scar I’ve got on my knuckles?" he asked, holding up his hand. "I’m a newbie when it comes to big action films and stuff. … It was my fight scene. I was real into it, and then I missed my mark, and I punched the camera and broke the lens! But that goes to show you," he grinned. "I ain’t to be messed with, because I break lenses!"
That’s right, fool. And don’t even make him go all creative punctuation on yo ass. Heck, I may have to change my name to Vin.Cent to keep up with all these fancy hippity hoppers.
MTV
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Allan Cummings actually came out with a mens fragrance called Cummings
I guess you were supposed to spray yourself?
You see that scar on my ass? It’s from crapping chunks bigger than you.*
*being a delicate flower that is of course a lie. I poo strawberry soft serve. YAY
I’m a little afraid Chodin is about to yell at me.
I don’t have any scars to speak of, buy my chin in indented in the shape of testicles.
What? I was born this way!
::begins having high school flashbacks::
Fergie will also be in an upcoming movie, playing a woman who looks good from a distance but gets uglier the closer you get.
"You see that little scar I’ve got on my knuckles?"
THEN
"I ain’t to be messed with, because I break lenses!"
How can you cry like a little bitch about a scrape on your hand, then talk all badass?
Fag.
This is why I never made it in the rap game as Dick.I.Suck.
Michelle, WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!
"I’m badass" sounds more like you’re a spaz.
HE HATES LENSES, GET AWAY FROM THE LENSES
I’m pretty sure that admitting that you hurt yourself because you failed to throw a punch correctly is not the way to get a back alley full of men to leave you alone.
Oh. I get it. Well-played Mr. Will.i.am.
You should see this bruise on my hand from punching my pillow yesterday. I know i shouldn’t lose my temper but my mom made me so mad!
He’s a black Texan
Only steers and queers come from Texas, and you don’t look much like a steer to me so that kinda narrows it down. Do you suck dicks?
Great Chodin, now my pants are full of delicious soft serve ice cream.
I bet he spends a lot of time teleporting himself out of the gallows.
It’s obvious that William (I refuse to play the game Mr. Am, (fuck I just did)) learned how to punch from the "Official guidebook to looking like a limp-wrister" with foreword by Christian Bale.
So, if you’re built of glass and have a shallow depth of field, "William" will fuck you up?
That kid from the Wonder Years had better watch the fuck out.
So…in the new Wolverine movie….he’s playing Cleavon Little?
Careful JHC *jingles a handful of rusty nails
From what I’ve learned, the more your music sucks, the bigger the film role you get.
*checks Mariah Carey, Jennifer Lopez, and the Black Eyed Peas on IMDB*
So far so good
*Checks Tom Morello on IMDB*
I think I’m on to something!
Jizz.I.Throw couldn’t stand up to the intellectual haranguing of Dr. Lecter.
From his picture it looks like he should have played the X-men mutant with the power to make his head inflate until his hat looked fuckin lame.
Film Exec Metting:
"Alright people, we’ve really got our work cut out for us here. We need a black guy, with talent…hmmmm…someone who can form words with their mouth…hey, isn’t there an African in that one gangster rap group my kids love?"
If Will wears contacts, I’d like to break his lenses. While they’re still in his eyes.
(Racist aside)
Will.i.am? More like Sim.i.an!
Ship.I.Crash still feels bad about that whole Exxon Valdez thing.
Ass.I.Rape was very disappointed in his performance in this years NBA finals.
keyHo, why o why in the fuck, do black mothers name their sons Simian? I mean, come-the-fuck on. Do you bother looking these names up before you toss them on your kids, or no?
Will.I.Am’s brother Sam would like to offer you breakfast.
I heard some of the words in that hippity-hop. And lemme tell ya, that music don’t make ME wanna go hippity-hop.
I think Bee.Tee.Kay will be my rap
emoniker.I don’t get it either, aptast. One of the local high schools had a kid that made in into the NBA, his name was Wayne Simien. I don’t know anything about his family history, but I’m pretty sure I’d take on a new last name if I were him.
Boy the line through that e didn’t show very well did it? Fuckit.
The talented Simien Rice of NFL fame should have thought about that fact that millions of people (with educations) would wonder why this guy was named Monkey Rice.
I need some tacos.
The only the gayer than William in a fight, is the choreographed knife fight in the “Beat It” video.
DING DING DING!!!
Donkey has put this bastard to bed with that round house, and I’m not saying that cuz we share a tickle and a laugh, err, radio show.
Crap- I laugh(Never to his face though because he’s a D end in the NFL) every time i hear about Simien Rice. It’s like his parents did it just for me.
Now we have a 3-way teleporter gay-off with Cumming, I.Am.Will and Hayden Christenson.
I’d like to see a film of Simeon Rice getting arrested by the LAPD so you could say they were all over him like white on rice.
I have a scar on my hand, from where a glass broke while I was washing the dishes.
CHORES DON’T WANNA FUCK WITH ME!
New, wonderful news filled post.
BLACK GUY PEE
When did R. Kelly join the group?
That’s my 2nd R. Kelly joke thus far.
They don’t write themselves, people.