ANOTHER ANIMATED RAT MOVIE
06.27.08
After the jump, I’ve got the trailer for The Tale of Despereaux, an animated film from Universal. Normally I’d say no one but Pixar should be allowed to make animated movies, but after watching this… My position hasn’t changed.
Starring the voice of Matthew Broderick, the movie tells the story of Despereaux, a mouse who is French, because the law of movie clichés says all mice are French. Despereaux isn’t like other mice, because he’s not afraid of people. Like many children’s stories, this would have us believe that animals are intelligent, sensitive beings capable of speech and wearing clothes, and the only reason we don’t know is because they’re taught to fear us. It’s the kind of thing that’s a real downer if you’re stoned and you just squashed the fuck out of a spider.
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The Richard Gere joke has already been taken for the day.
Does Matthew Broderick’s wife play an animated horse?
The trailer for this and Bolt were in front of Wall-E, because you can’t show trailers for R-Rated movies during a G-rated movie. And that is why I hate seeing G-rated movies in the theater.
Also, they showed the "trailer" for Beverly Hills Chihuahua, which people promptly booed and heckled. When the trailer for your sucky movie sucks, you’re in trouble. Congratulations, Jamie Lee Curtis.
In conclusion, children are fucking idiots. Thank you. Goodnight.
They should just make an animated movie about a misunderstood terrorist.
Dor sho gha! The Mighty Fek’lhr put "Desperaux" into the universal translator, and it said it meant, "cock hole tickling savage".
…
Then again, He has been having problems with the damn thing lately…
Does Despereaux mean Departed 2?
That picture makes me think the kid had just chewed a piece of Mentos gum and the rat is thirsty. Right down to his upturned, pig nose.
Is Antonio Banderas going to star in this one with Selma Hayek?
Despereaux
Isn’t that an Eagles song?
I don’t want to be picky about movie animation, but if I’m Kevin Eastman and Peter Laird I am calling bullshit on that Splinter ripoff.
JHC – The human in the picture is actually a woman. True story: this movie is going to suck.
Will I see this? Neaux.
FUCK YOU, DONK! THAT WAS MY DESPERADO JOKE!
Des is a stupid name for a mouse with huge ears. His American cousin Ross got the good name.
This reminds me of the time I poisoned all the mice in my attic and they all ran outside in search of water, only to meet an horrific death by dehydration just before they could reah the life-giving puddle of clean rain water. It was truly heartwarming.
Ugh. Another Shrek movie?
Rot, I am glad to see there are other Venture Brothers fans here. You earn a free hand job.
I’m sorry for yelling. I’m just really hungover.
Now we’re even for that Rose McGowan silliness earlier.
B.K., I was wayyyy too happy about getting my "Guild of Calamitous Intent" t-shirt this week.
I am all for any movie that teaches children that mouse traps countain treats if you are brave enough, knives are beautiful wonderful toys, and disease carrying vermin may be able to talk and take you on an adventure, so should be picked up whenever possible.
Lince, that banenr pic is really freaking me out, will you change it pretty please?
From my experience, mice aren’t animated; they’re mostly taciturn and sulky.
Judging from the banner pic, this is just another movie about a creepy, foreign dentist.
TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES, TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES, HEROES ON THE HALF SHELL, TURTLE POWER!!!
Donk, let me get us a boot.
*Motions to bar*
Bartender. 1 boot, 2 straws.
Does that mouse look jew-y to anybody else? I don’t quite know why though… I feel like the answer is right under my nose…
Stupid ass French mouse is climbing into the wrong hole.
I need to go eat lunch, but I don’t know what to eat.
Suggestions?
I’m thinking Ratatouille.
Fuck me, I suck.
::slams nuts in file cabinet::
So…you guys must have really liked my dream about getting high with nuns and watching Vern Troyer ejaculate on a girl in a Satanic temple, huh?
So I went to the Kung Fu Panda last night.
Sure, it was predictable, it was just like every kung fu movie you ever saw. Not a bad thing because it was a kids movie.
Sure, the characters weren’t chosen with any particularly creative thought. But it’s a fucking kids movie.
But, I will coin a new phrase here (if it isn’t origional, fuck you plagarist cocksucker who had my thought before I had it) Creatively Predictable. Sure you knew every bit of what was coming, but there was some creative animation, well coreographed and fun action, and in all it was very entertaining.
For A KIDS MOVIE.
My awesomeness gives it a solid B.
Thanks to bex for the tip.
Andy Richter’s gonna eat the fuckin rat
AAAAAAAHHH!
I know what it is Donk, because we all know that little fucker is going after that person’s gold fillings.
Crap, welcome to the "we saw Kung Fu Panda and were pleasantly surprised" Club.
*tries to pin a button on Crap’s shirt, accidentally jabs him*
i hope the mouse shits and pisses everywhere and cannibalizes the other mice he lives with. cause thats all those things ever do.
i mean rat. rats do the same thing. SORRY!
"we saw Kung Fu Panda and were pleasantly surprised" Club
Where do you have your meetings?
The Mighty Fek’lhr wants to incinerate it.<shakes nsmust‘s hand>
I like yer style, dood.
I love your avi. Burnsy
My I falache you to show my approval?
Everytime I see that "Are You Emo" banner ad I have to stop myself from punching it in its stupid fucking face!!
Yup…I took a nap
WHAT THE FUCK A MOUSE KILL IT KILL IT KILL IT
?
Really, this banner pic disturbs me. I might actually go do work.
Johny, are you another alter for pepper, because that guy could fuck up the spelling of "dog"? Not to rag on you for shitty spelling, I typo all gaddam ass aff day long.
I agree fek. Worse, there’s no new post in the works yet. I would get pissy like a lil’ bitch if we get stuck with this fucking post all weekend.
Are still listening to Oingo Boingo? YAY!
Crap-there will be weekend preview.
To me that human looks like ever white guy from about 1930-1948.
no, I just get ta typen and don’t realy check to see how I spell shit.
I have ADD pretty severely and I was edjucated by the Los Angeles Public school system
my moms, a junkie/whore, and unfortunitly readin a hole lot dont not help me spell good much
That mouse is about to go oral on W.C. Fields.
See, I’m more of a "two birds with one stone" kinda guy. That’s why I like to go trick or treating on Halloween, and at the same time, fulfill my obligation to let the neighborhood know that I’m a registered sex offender.
In France, I bet even the mice stink like ass and clam chowder.
NO, NO, NO! For that last time, you’re at the wrong end of the alimentary canal! Dumbass rat.
That mouse if trying to surrender to that person’s tounge.
Sacre bleu, I queet, I queet!!
i have fond memories of alimentary school
Michelle – I have about 5 Oingo cds on shuffle on my iPod that I have been listening to all day.
Also, this movie will blow more than Britney Spears at a boner convention.
If you make a movie about a french animal, shouldn’t it be a frog?
<finger guns at CB>
God damned French and their extraneous letters. Here’s a suggestion, instead of wasting time adding eaux’s and re’s to every fucking word, take a shower.
AMERICA, FUCK YEAH!
That rat looks like he’s responding to the off-screen command "Show me on the human where Mike Meyers touched you."
It’s like Ratatouie and Dr. Giggles, but creepy.
As greasy as they made the hair look on the human, I would’ve figured it to be the french part of this little abortion of an idea.
I came in here looking to eat brains, but a zombie could starve today.
zing
I had some chinese once and got despereaux. I was on the toilet for days. I won’t be seeing her again!
Eibz, I thought you were a backwards zombie.
Wouldn’t that mean you eat ass?
Zing Zing!
It shouldn’t be this hard to come up with a joke about a French mouse.
Despereaux…why don’t you mend your fences…um..you’ve been out riding’ fences…um fuck you stupid mouse. Go have 10 thousand babies so I can keel zem all!
Mouse jokes are hard!
GRRR…FREEDOM FRIES!!!!!!!
Is it me, or does Rose McGowan look like she was recovered from a shipwreck?
(desperately seeking validation for my only post that made me laugh today)
Only for you Donk!
I had a joke, but it got stolen.
So this french mouse walks into a bar and starts grabbing all the guys’ cocks in the place. Everybody is pretty upset about this. He goes up to the bar to order a drink and the bartender asks him "What the fuck man, I thought you were a titmouse?" The mouse downs his liquor, slams the glass on the table and cooly responds, "Fuck you, I’m French"
*Winks at Eibz*
That’s the best French Mouse joke I could come up with. Fuck it, you do better.
I understand Mathew Broderick only accepted this role because he was jealous that his wife gets to play a horse.
YAY DONK!
*winks at Eibz*
The only mouse I feel bad for is my computer mouse, right after a quick glance* of porn.
*beating my dick like it owed me money
Eibz, did you know Wonder Woman is only 5’10" and 150 lbs.? I think we could take her. And then split up her outfit amongst us like a retarded set of super twins.
Something about this av and copious amounts of allergy meds has turned me into quite the tard.
*Michelle slides off chair into puddle*
Dude, Stoney…second post of this thread???
So there’s another Carlos Mencia in the house. Fuck. I’ve got nothin going for me.
Flux-there be spix all over this muthafucka
Dude,
StoneyMichelle…secondninth post of this thread???5′ 10"? My childhood dreams are shattered. Short bitch. DAmn
GOD DAMNIT
They need to make an animated film with a lying cunt snake as the sympathetic anti-hero witn an urchin side kick named Phil.
Fek, not only am I slow today, my skimming posts has clearly caught up with me. God damned work getting in the way of the important things.
By the way, how about that Rose McGowan looking pale?
That’s ok, Stoney, tell us baby stories to redeem youself.
"Sass and spice’s all American cookoff in Maracco"
now that I would watch
My pee smells like ham.
Is your wife swooping in and attacking your head when you get too close to the baby?
Well I gots to build some PC’s and install a server
any one want the admin password to CIty Halls network?
Because of my pork sword!
nyFla, yes.
Is your wife swooping in and attacking your head when you get too close to the baby?
Is she Asian? I guess that would make her name Bird’s Nest Soup.
Is your wife swooping in and attacking your head when you get too close to the baby?
Yes. I’ve called animal control. They should be there right now, poking her with those electrified batons.
I had an anxiety attack this morning because I kept think that if I left my mouth open while I slept, a mouse would try to climb into it.
Good thing it was all just in my hea…HOLY FUCK! THAT MOUSE IS TRYING TO CLIMB INTO THAT DUDE’S MOUTH!!! I KNEW IT!!!
*freaks out. Takes Xanax*
So why wasn’t there Freedom Bread, and Freedom Kisses, to go along with Freedom Fries?
As hotly anticipated… Weekend Preview up.
…mouse…moose… mousse…
Here jokey jokey jokey!! Here boy!!
NEW UP MOTHERFUCKERS!
and Marky Mark
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!