Today our boy Sexman tackles You Don’t Mess the Zohan and The Incredible Hulk – after he gets through his shoutouts, at least. Don’t go all Hollywood gangsta rap star on us, Sexman.  Once he gets to the actual reviews, he saves his choicest words for the Zohan.

It was a piece of shit film.  Adam Sandler needs to get his act together.   

True that. A Sexman review of an Adam Sandler movie is especially valuable, because every spineless movie critic’s review of Sandler movies these days is, “Teenage boys will love it!”  They think it’s okay to abdicate their critical faculties because if something’s dumb and unfunny but still makes a ton of money, it must be teenage boys’ fault, right?  I guess what I’m trying to say is that I plan to become a great movie critic by spending a lot of time with teenage boys.  Lithe, hairless, athletic-smelling teenage boys.  Their innocence and malleable sexual identity will keep me from becoming jaded, and drinking their blood will make me as virile as a wild boar.  Eeep! I fear I’ve said too much!