After the jump, I’ve got two trailers for the hilarious Russian spoof, Hitler Kaput.  As you can see, Hitler is to Russian comedy as cross dressing is to British comedy.  Both trailers are in Russian without subtitles, but I think you’ll enjoy them regardless of whether you speak the language.  Plus, the part where the big-titted Eva Braun sings a Britney Spears song is still in English. It’s very historically accurate - scientists say that if Eva Braun were still alive today, that’s what she’d be doing.

[Thanks to Robo for the tip]

We know from this interview that Matthew Fox from Lost is already great at being able to laugh at himself, and now it looks like he’s going to get some more practice. Today it’s being reported that he’s set to star in the totally not gay-sounding Warner Bros project, Billy Smoke.

The story centers on an elite hit man who’s nearly killed during a botched job and realizes that his only way to find redemption is to rid the world of all assassins.

The comicbook series, written by B. Clay Moore and illustrated by Eric Kim, will be published by Oni Press next year.

That’s right, another comicbook has been greenlit before it’s even been published.  And with a name like Billy Smoke, I’m guessing he somehow rids the world of assassins through elaborate song and dance numbers.  Or maybe he’s a tobacco ad from the 30s.  In either case, I see myself not caring.

According to Page Six, Quentin Tarantino is remaking Russ Meyer’s Faster, Pussycat, Kill! Kill!, and he wants pornstar Tera Patrick for the lead.

"Quentin loves her, and she’s a dead ringer for original star Tura Satana," said our source. Patrick gushes [hehe –Ed.] over the Russ Meyer 1966 cult film about three women on a violent desert road trip. "It would be the hottest remake ever, and I’m honored to be considered," she told Page Six. "I was built for this part."

She means she has huge tits, in case you didn’t catch that.  I know, she’s subtle.  Anyway, I’m pretty excited about this.  Every time I see Tera Patrick let guys come on her face for free on the internet, all I can think about is how much I’d like to pay 11 bucks to watch her pretend to be a Charlie’s Angel. 

I think I’d like this movie better if the title referred to an actual pussycat.

With Hancock, Hulk, The Dark Knight, Wall E, Wanted and everything else that’s out or opening in the next few weeks, it’s almost like Hellboy 2 has slipped through the cracks - like a fart, or queef.  To jog your memory, they’ve released the third official trailer (above), a featurette, an animated comic, and a clip introducing Johann Crause (all after the jump). 

With a signature blend of action, humor and character-based spectacle, the saga of the world’s toughest, kitten-loving hero from Hell continues to unfold in Hellboy II: The Golden Army.  Bigger muscle, badder weapons and more ungodly villains arrive in an epic vision of imagination from Oscar-nominated director Guillermo del Toro (Pan’s Labyrinth, Hellboy). After an ancient truce existing between humankind and the invisible realm of the fantastic is broken, hell on Earth is ready to erupt.  A ruthless leader who treads the world above and the one below defies his bloodline and awakens an unstoppable army of creatures.  Now, it’s up to the planet’s toughest, roughest superhero to battle the merciless dictator and his marauders. [Apple]

I watched all of these videos and didn’t see any kittens.  I call false advertising. 

Johann Kraus

I keep ignoring the franchise, hoping it will go away, but someone out there keeps making Saw movies.  This is the new poster for Saw V.  Would’ve been cooler if he was wearing someone’s ass for a hat.

[Source]