ZACK AND MIRI MAKE A PORNO TEASER
05.30.08
The strange thing about Kevin Smith is that, though I’d probably pay money just to hear him stand onstage and tell stories, I’m fairly indifferent to most of his movies. (Except for Chasing Amy, which gives me the overwhelming urge to choke a bitch). His new movie, Zack and Miri Make a Porno, starring Seth Rogen and Elizabeth Banks, has a new teaser out (watch it after the jump) and I have to say it looks like more of the same.
For one thing, the plot sounds a lot like Porno by Irvine Welsh and The Amateurs. For another, the most interesting part of the porn world (the pornogosphere?) to me is not the amateurs or the auditions, it’s the day-to-day interaction between the grizzled (jizzled?) veterans. Like when you’re watching a two-on-one scene and one guy pulls out for a pop shot and it starts dripping on the other guy’s balls. It just seems like that kind of thing would lead to really awkward watercooler conversation the next day. I see a Ricky Gervais sketch…
If you hate YouTube, you can get the trailer in other formats here.
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![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2012/02/bourneleagcyteaserposter-150x150.jpg)
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There’s not a lot of eye contact among people who work in the porn industry.
There’s plenty of brown eye contact though Donk.
J, the use of the word "rimshot" has never been more warranted than it is now.
And that’s the reason why the Donk and J Show got the morning shift.
I’m looking forward to this. I’m an unashmed fan though so I have to look forward to it.
Saw him doing one of his Q&A sessions in London, it was sweet. I met him for like 2 seconds, shook his hand and every thing.
I’m not a fan boy or any thing though.
it starts dripping on the other guy’s balls
That’s why I only
fantasize abouthave threeways with two chicks.I hope this movie has a giant spider in the third act. *bow chicka bow bow*
*chicka wow chicka bow bow*
AAAAAARRRRROOOOOGGGGGGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
My freshman college roommate hung a Dogma poster in our dorm room. In retrospect, I should have returned the favor.
That stripper has bigger calves than a veal ranch.
I do not understand it in the least, but something in that banner pic sets off a subconcious primal urge in me to kill. Must be the
Jewstripper.*Rocking horse crashes through pet shop window. Chodin leaps into the store and begins to grab all the fucking turtles he can.*
COWABUNGA MOTHER FUCKERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*Chodin slams one of the turtles against the floor like a phone.*
You know what there’s not a huge market for: amateur homemade porns featuring slightly in shape 29-year old pasty white males who masturbate into his roommates’ socks.
There should be more Begbie, "It was fucking obvious that cunt was gonna fuck some cunt." He should just be unleashed on random projects. If he was in Sex and the City i might consider watching it.
Sorry Fek.
www.cnn.com/2008/SHOWBIZ/TV/05/30/obit.courage/index.html
TRUE STORY: One of my pals from filmschool worked on a porno. Told me that by the end of the day, with all the sweat and hot lights (oh yeah, and the fucking semen), he said that it smelled like a grilled cheese eaten by a dead baby.
That’s my new fragrance, Chod. It’s called New Jersey.
Chod-deed joo fergit dat dee turtle is also nature’s sooction cup?
*licks turtle and sticks it to the wall*
QAPLAH!
Best thing about porn, is that it doesn’t judge me.
I’m going to brand a new style of porn. It will be where two people sit on oppostie ends of a really long hallway and jerk off while watching each other through binoculars.
The best thing about porn, is the "taint angle" camera shot.
Best thing about porn, BANGIN’ BALLS!
+1 to Fek for the Raul’s Wild Kingdom ref.
You know what, I think I’d fuck Seth Rogan if Elizabeth Banks got seconds.
Best thing about porn is leaving your bedroom door unlocked and then right when you’re about to finish, you yell for your roommate and then spiderman him when he walks in….I mean, HER, when SHE walks in.
Fags.
:D
Watching porn in high def is like interning for a grundle dermatologist.
I gave a girl a cream pie once. She never gave it back.
:(
You know what, I think I’d fuck Seth Rogan if Elizabeth Banks got seconds.
So Seth could judge which of you was better?
HEY HEY HEY! This is C-Dog for the Donk and J shooooowwww! I’m down here at the local Starbucks to ask these mewling narcissists have ever made a porno!
Hey you, emo in the berret, ever made a porn?
With a girl?
Yeeeeeowza!!! Hey you, chick in the sensible flats! Ever made a porno?
With a girl?
<voice low> Hey here’s my card call me later, K…
Hey hey guys time to kick it back to the stoooooodiiiiiiooooooo!!! Back at ya D & J!!
Of course Affleck says that. He’s one of the few people that still gives him work!
PS I’ll watch it even if the premis is shakey…
And here’s The Luchador with traffic:
"FUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!! TURN GREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN!!!!!!"
I wanna make a porn with a camera taped to my cock.
I wanna make a porn with Anne Hathaway.
…no joke there, she’s just fucking hot.
I love porn because it’s so accurate and logical. Like that one summer that I didn’t want to clean my parents pool – I just got some young stud to do it for me and wouldn’t you know, he also fucked for free. Errr-SHE fucked for free. SHE fucked me. Fags.
Coming up on Burnsy’s Afternoon Mayhem Madness Zany Shenanigan Hoodnany Show, Dire Straits frontman Mark Knopfler stops by to share gardening tips.
I wanna make a porn with a camera taped to my cock.
Cool, I wanna film that then.
Best thing about porn is when your pal “Dave” gets a milfhunter account and sends a mass e-mail to 45 of his friends with his login information…
…and then dies, but the milfhunter subscription keeps going strong.
Chdoin, you are exactly right. I ordered a pizza the other day and the delivery guy came to my door with his cock in the pizza and said "Who likes there pizza with sausage?"
Ok, that’s not really how it went down. I just fucked a Pepperoni Pizza Hot Pocket.
Channel 5 had a sex series called the 21st Century Girl’s guide to Sex which had miniature (presumably) cameras everywhere. Inside and out. Few things are more disconserting, well for me anyway, than an extreme close up of another man’s yogurt explosion, all under the guise of an educational programme.
The best thing about porn is the look on the girl’s face when you return it to the church donation drive.
I asked a girl to make a porn once and she said "What’s a porn?" I called her a dumbass. She said "What’s a dumbass?" I said it’s a stupid person. She cried and said "I’m telling!"
…cocktease.
I’d wanna make a full contact porn. Where the dude gets a running start to dick slap the actress.
“Few things are more disconserting, well for me anyway, than an extreme close up of another man’s yogurt explosion, all under the guise of an educational programme.”
But you still whacked off to it, right?
I just don’t like the looks of the clerk when I buy my pornos. I mean, yes, I’m beating off at the counter but they know I’m going to do it anyway.
I tried to convince my ex-girlfriend to let me film us having sex, but she got on her Big Wheel and rode home.
I’d like to film a porno where an actress in a cop’s uniform pulls people over for speeding, and then pummels them to death with her night-click. After the dude buttfucks her, naturally. It is a porno after all.
"The table wasn’t glittery until strippers started dancing on it"
Well then why aren’t all the walkways at the local colleges glittery too?
Rocco has already done that aulyP.
I’m going to do a puppet show with my cum cocks.
I was going to mention that Bronze. It freaked me the fuck out…. I like my porn graphic but was ridiculess.
I just found an excerpt from the script online. Of course, someone replaced the word "fuck" with "cuddle".
http://www.cinemablend.com/images/news/5551/_1182748724.jpg
This is the sound of The Mighty Fek’lhr blowing out Marlene’s brains with a 9 and fucking the brain hole:
http://omg.yahoo.com/one-of-hanson-brothers-becomes-a-father/news/9462?nc
I was going to meet one of the American Apparel models for a date at a restaurant. Things would have been a lot better if her dad hadn’t threatened to have me arrested if anything happened when he dropped her off.
But you still whacked off to it, right?
It was a curate’s egg of a show. Very explicit, but in all areas. They covered a different STD each week in great detail. Kind of killed the mood. Like that book Shannyn Sossaman had in Rules of Attraction
TRUE STORY: This one time I was jerking off in my bathroom and then right when I was about to “manifest destiny” I accidentally looked in the mirror at my own O face (for the first time).
Not to ruin the excitment for any of the women out there, but I look like a stroke victim with cerebral palsy.
True story: I rented a porno once "porno Bloopers". It was fascinating how casual they all were. It should have won best documentary award somewhere
I thought Screech already made a porno that nobody watched?
I’ve been told that I look like "a very excited Terry Schiavo"
God, if my wife had a dick, she’d be absolutely perfect.
Donkey, American Apparel models are like cousins.
They’re “kinda” hot and you “kinda” feel guilty, and yet at the same time you “kinda” keep jacking off to them.
haha, those Hanson brothers. I thought you meant the guys from Slap Shot
I saw my own O face once and I looked like Richard Simmons.
I thought you looked more like Gene Simmons. Er, i was on a stakeout at the time and i just happened to catch you through my binoculars.
Fek, at the top of my screen is an ad that says "Be the first to test and keep a free* Mac Book Air"
On the far right of this ad is a gray rectangle that says "Click"
All I can think of is Chyna. Thanks a million.
I saw my O face and it dawned on me why my wife prefers the lights be off. I don’t blame her one bit.
New post.
But you still whacked off to it, right?
Yeah you did.
OK, that was pretty good.
"Channel 5 had a sex series called the 21st Century Girl’s guide to Sex which had miniature (presumably) cameras everywhere. Inside and out. Few things are more disconserting, well for me anyway, than an extreme close up of another man’s yogurt explosion, all under the guise of an educational programme."
I saw that video. It was posted on Gizmodo for a while (has since been taken down). I bet if you looked hard enough you’d find that whole show in torrent form somewhere. You know, if you were such a porn addict that regular hardcore any-kind-of-fetish porn no longer did it for you and you’d resorted to fanticizing about B. Arthur watching old re-runs of The Golden Girls and then getting pissed when Stan had the balls to show back up after having left her (How long ago, insensitive prick!?), because you think he’s going to ruin your shot of having hot psuedo-man-love with her.
I’m so lonely……..