WEEKEND PREVIEW!
05.30.08
OPENING THIS WEEKEND
Sex in the City
The reviews haven’t been so hot (and shockingly, there seems to be a gender divide). Like it matters, you’re either going to see it or you’re not, and you probably knew the answer months ago. One thing’s for certain though – if you used the term "Manolo Blahnik" at any point during your media coverage or review, congratulations on being an unoriginal queefstick.
The Strangers
"Inspired by a true story," they say. The story? "The movie is inspired by an event from the director, Bryan Bertino’s, childhood. A stranger came to his home asking for someone. Later, he found out that empty homes in the neighborhood had been robbed. With that memory in mind, Bertino created this, his debut screenplay." I don’t know who gets killed in the movie, but the meaning of a phrase got killed during marketing.
Bigger Stronger Faster*
WithLeather had the review on this earlier this week. It’s also tracking 100% recommended on RottenTomatoes, out of 24 reviews, which I think is good. People often ask me if I’m on steroids, but sadly, my nuts have always looked like this.
![[avatar]](http://p.uproxxcdn.com/global/images/default-avatar.jpg){kind=avatar}
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2012/02/bourneleagcyteaserposter-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2012/02/Spider-Man-150x150.jpg)
Wow, this never happens. Vance working late (on a Friday no less!) in sympathy for his westcoast dwelling fans?
Since I’m all alone in here, I have a confession to make. I’ve never seen an entire SATC show. And the ones I’ve seen in part, have been completely by accident.
And I didn’t enjoy it.
Much like most of my sexual encounters.
OK thanks a lot Vance, ya big tease. You put up this post so I could hang out and play by myself? BOOOOOORING.
Screw you guys. I’m going home.
Its just us baby! Break out the pillows and the handcuffs! Whoo hoo!
More men were in line for castrations than the Sex in the Shitty movie.
I’ve got the wine coolers!
Ladies, ladies, ladies……
What the fuck? Since when do we have All Poon Evenings featuring Pauly D. and the Sextronics?
<runs in with filthy hemorrhoid pillow>
Did I miss the fight?
I feel like I’m at the Sex in the City premier….
wine cooler? Did you bring any Guiness?
TAKE THAT BACK PAULY!!!
Fuck machines, Burnsy. Not Sextronics.
All this poon is making me queezy……
It’s the No Peen Evening, Burnsy
I haven’t been around this much vagina commenting since the last post over there.
If you are nice, we will touch your weenie. If not,well, you just better be nice is all
I feel like I’m in a can of sardines……
I’ll touch a weenie but I’m not giving up the remote control.
EVER!
Hey, I’ll do all the weenie touching around here, Eibz.
Hey now. only if we wear this:
http://www.perpetualkid.com/index.asp?PageAction=VIEWPROD&ProdID=1700&dc=froogle0807
I love the look Eib, have you done something new with your hair?
Wine coolers are a choice beverage on a hot summer’s eve (heh) Chino. I like your style.
<drops pants>
This was just like the orgy I was in last week. All the girls are in action, and I’m in the corner sitting on my hands.
Im really good at it, Pauly.
That is disgusting
True Story: We use to drink wine coolers mixed with Everclear in middle school. I named the drink "Sweat From My Balls"
I drank Everclear once. It got me felt up in my church parking lot. Good times.
Last time I got felt up at Church…..
well, it was last Sunday.
I had a friend light himself, me, my friend, and most of my kitchen on fire with Bac 151. One of the funniest moments in my life.
*chodin’s sled slides to a stop at the bottom of the hill*
Hehe, that was fun…I’m ticklish, homos.
My friend Brian did the same shit. I took him a couple of seconds to realixze he was on fire, but when he did, he was jumping around like he just got de-tounged. Now, he’s a Border Patrol agent.
Go fig.
Al, can I borrow your dick? Mine is broken..
:-(
I’ve seen dumbfucks get burned by that shit, but the way this thing came off, it was like a three stooges skit… WITH FIRE!!!!!
The testosterone/estrogen ratio is suddenly way wrong
All you need is some yakety sax music in the background and you got yourself a YouTube classic.
Throw in a punch to the balls and you could win big on America’s Funniest Home Videos
If I only had it on video…
…common noMore. Just think of it like being the last chick at a party at 3 am, you get all the attention.
Hey, you guys want to know what’s NOT opening this weekend? Give up, asshole? Corey Haim’s wallet, that’s what!
The common noMore is found at lower elevations, while the Grant’s Speckled noMore resides in the arboreal highlands.
I’ve been that girl. "Attention" is code for jizz.
Faith noMore is in my iTunes.
Gives ADHD a whole new twist.
Mr. Bungle is in mine.
Me too! You must be old like me.
I would like to have Mike Patton in my Bungle.
Fuck this, it’s close enough to five for me.
Drunk on drunks!
Old is a state of mine.
Patton has a phobia of all things "sewer" so he shits in a bucket.
OK bye really!
Hal and Oats is in my iPod.
By iPod, I mean penis fold.
Tootles!
Damn it, Pauly. My post was supposed to be under Crap’s. Now it looks like I’m in here just saying tootles.
It’s better than "First".
ive got policy of truth playing on winamp now
ok, I’ll leave you CJC’ers alone. See ya!
bye chino
Chino is my step-Dad’s name. You don’t fuck my Mom by any chance, do ya?
I guess I’m splitting hairs with that question.
looks like its only us beaners here today
BEANERS!
Gonna kick you in the face……
This may be the Tecate Light talking, but I feel like I need to steal something now.
well this weekend is the street fair and you can drink in the street in front of cops and its all good, muchos culitos too, also i’ve been hearing some great news from the arab taco stand, it’s gonna kick ass
TKT light can do that to you sometimes
Is that here in Tucson?
no here in hermosillo a 5 hour drive away from you
I haven’t been there since I was a little mocoso.
theres nothing to do here except when there fiestas del pitic are on, or during spring break in kino or san carlos, but then again rocky point is closer to you and a lot more fun
What did you do when you were here in Tucson last time?
just went to the concert on friday, saturday went to walmart, bestbuy, and the tucson mall and drove back
This is what happends when you get drunk!
No after hours action after the concert?
BTK, check out this r0XX0r SATC review!
http://tinyurl.com/3lezgs
fek your link didnt work homie
pauly no action we were dead tired
Fuck Bex, I’m still filling in the blanks on that Friday night. The last I heard, I was doing the slalom between constrution cones downtown.
i havent gotten that drunq since september i woke up without any pants ina pouddle of dried dorits + tostitos + vomit since then i can eat that shit no mo
I was bad on Wednesday. I started drinkin that gallon of Seagram’s that was in my avatar early at work. Had a softball game and then I polished the rest of it off with a friend. Then I guess I ended up at a Country Western bar singing Eagles’ song on the karaoke machine. I don’t recall any of that.
im gonna have to try that 7 & 7 sounds tasty
well im gonna leave early today see you alls later im gonna go do some hood rat stuff
HOOD RAT STUFF!
FUCK YEAH!
I think I just eavesdropped on a phone conversation between Bex and Pauly.
I feel so
ashameddirtyarousedleft out.Did I miss the pussy party? Damn.
Oh good, I’m not alone in here. Looks like it’s gonna be a quiet weekend. Nice of Vince to post a late one for us westcoasters, though.
I’m not a westcoaster. I’m just a late worker.
I didn’t feel bad about my going to the Sex and the City movie alone until I started reading all these fucking articles about how you have to go dressed up with a pack of
wild dogsother women in order to "properly enjoy the experience." Apparently it’s all about sisterhood and blah blah fucking blah. I thought it was just dick jokes and shoes.Bah! The review He linked to was pulled. Well, basically it said, "Sex and the Nursing Home". Boo ya!
*Donkey shuffles in with his pants around his ankles, a look of pure shock on his face. He doesn’t say anything to the other FilmDrunkards in the room as he shuffles to the bathroom and locks the door only to bust out two minutes later with his pants pulled up under his nipples, wearing bright red lipstick smeared all over his mouth"
WOB A WIQUOR STOWE?!?! I DUNNO, JACK DANIEWS… SOUNDS WHISKEY!
Donkey is officially cut off
but he’s also spot on.
conundrum…
Whuddafuck choo jus call me? Yer the cumdrum.
I called you a cumbum, silly
I love the smell of Chumcum in the morning…
Yer alright, Chino.
Hank, stop calling your father a crumb-bum.
*curtsies*
Thanks, you’re alright, too, rumcum
I like commas
Blazing Saddles is on TV, we’re paying our respects to Harvey Korman with the help of a couple of bottles of our best friends.
he was my fave on the Carol Burnett show
(sad face)
I know he was old and all, but every time one of the cool ones dies and one of those idiots from The Hills lives, it feels like a slap in the face from God.
I’m getting really fast at changing diapers.
That’ll come in real handy during the next few years, Stoney ;)
The faster you change the diapers, the quicker you can get turned down for the blowjob you ask for. It’s simple physics.
Congratulations, Nomidurst . . . way to go buddy.
Stone, keep changing them diapers. Eventually, that will guarantee you blowjobs. I promise. Do a load of laundry or two as well. You’ll be so money.
Erswi: take note. You’re next. Times two.
Who’s side are you on anyways, chino?
Chino is correct. We both know from experience.
For 29, I still drink like I’m 17. Time to crack open the next batch and get ready to watch Kimbo drill some shit tonight.
I just want to go on record as saying The Replacements is one of the best movies ever made.
BTK, we may not have a bun in the oven yet, but the Mrs. and He are "getting the kitchen ready", so to speak. ;)
Dor sho gha!
You guys aren’t all conspiring to breed some sort of FilmDrunk army, are you? Because I want no part of that. This generation of FDers is scary enough as it is.
Al, I promise to never replicate ever.
Burnsy’s been watching TNT too. Tough call between that and "A Knight’s Tale" on TBS Both are entertaining enough, but not so engrossing that I feel badly for falling asleep in the middle to help my hangover.
WooooHooooo!!!!
What it is fakalakers?!?
I’ll change somebodies diaper for a BJ!
Promise!
ies= y’s……. with Seagrams!!!
Well, I’m gonna get more drunk and cook some T-bones. Bite it.
Hard!
Wow, someone ^^^^^^^^ is having a great weekend…
Sorry, my finger got stuck on the ^
My ginger got stuck in my @, and by @ I mean asshole.
But it wasn’t a gay thing, I was wiping…really hard…and the TP broke.
Yup, that was it.
You have ginger in your ass??
Cool.
Let Jack! out yo ass. We miss him.
The Mighty Fek’lhr has Jamaican Rum in His veins.
And lots of it.
How come Lince hasn’t written his SATC review yet? He was at the premiere, right???
Nah, he stayed outside the premiere holding a tube of aspercreme and a bag of Werther’s originals. Cougar hunting.
I mean, GRRRR HOVAROUND!
Oh, yeah! That fucking dipwad kid that used to call me "My thigh hurts" added me as a freind on Facebook! Is nothing sacred any more?????
Robo- I would ask what you are doing up, but it would be hypocritical.
Someone will have to explain cougar to me some time. I need to go puke for a wehile.
True story: I was at a wedding in Daytona yesterday and the bride ordered a cosmopolitan fountain because her bachelorette party included the Sex and the City movie. Her father wasn’t pleased when I kept yelling, "Fucking RUN!"
She had her bachelorette party the day before her wedding?
Whoa, man. When I ask questions it looks like my avatar is asking the question.* I’m freaking out here.
*Either that or he’s smelling a fart.
She had like 12 of them.
B.K. that’s why I had to change off Henry Rollins. It looked like he disapproved of all of my posts.
FAAAAAAARRRRRRRTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!
Cosmos give you cancer, and teh ghey.
CHICKEN FRIED STEAK!!!!
<Runs out of room, jumps in Jeep, burns rubber to the corner choke and puke>
Hey, you guys hear that Sex and the City galloped into the #1 spot? I thought for sure it would have to jockey with Indiana Jones to a photo finish, but it looks like SATC handily won a substantial purse. Sugar cubes and carrots all around. Preakness.
Remembering this has helped me sleep at night:
http://news.xinhuanet.com/english/2008-03/21/content_7830660.htm
http://dirtyhairy.blogspot.com/2008/06/beating-dead-horse-i-hate-satc.html
QAPLAH!
Nah, BK, your avatar just isn’t used to seeing naked grown men
/turns on the light and watches the DrunkRoaches scatter
Aw man, who’s been marinating steaks in the piss boots again?
Not me, Burnsy. The only thing I marinade in the piss boots is my liver.
good morning bird rapists and piss drinkers. Piss Drinkers magazine….
The Mighty Fek’lhr feels you guys should use Klingon boots for piss. A little trade secret to Klingon boots is that the horns on the toe of the boots double as a sippy-cup!
CoTW is up, Fek!
New CoTW….
Nicely done Mighty One.