TWO THINGS THAT WON’T HAPPEN
05.12.08
LatinoReview has a couple rumors that everyone’s rushing to pick up on, that the studio is "looking at" Bruce Willis for the role of John "Hannibal" Smith in the A-Team movie, and that Brad Pitt’s name is "being tossed around" for the role of Thor.
The main similarity between these two things is that neither will ever happen and both of these movies are stupid ideas based on dumb, derivative characters who weren’t that cool to begin with. …Oh, and I guess both their first names start with B.
Really? There aren’t any better stories floating around than a Viking superhero with a magic hammer and a group of mercenaries who drive around in a van? We had Vikings and guys in vans in my neighborhood, we called them homeless people and child molesters. …I guess what I’m saying is, combine them a lá Justice League and maybe you’ve got something. Until then, suck me, beautiful.
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EPIC FAIL!
Brad Pitt just told me, "WHOA!"
Bill Kaulitz just told Him, "Hey, sold-ja! ME SO HORNY!"
Brad wants to show you how to "walk like an Egyptian".
Another thing that won’t happen? Brad putting his sex-wee in Angelina’s love tunnel.
I’m guessing COTW is the third thing that won’t happen today?
But seriously, Brad would have made a great Blossom.
Bruce looks just like the Priest that used to bum me.
Sorry, I meant ‘give me communion’.
I was going to make a joke about how Ice Cube shuld play B.A. Baracus but then I look at the IMDB page for the A Team movie……
Why would Bruce Willis get the role of Hannibal when Ben Stiller’s had every 80′s show locked up for years?
They should just sign them both up for a live-action version of Pinky and the Brain.
In the future there is a shortage of O’s, and everything is in the present tense.
Pauly, I much prefer the IMDB comment thread that suggests Kimbo Slice for BA.
Given current movie trends a 90 pound jewish kid will most likely be the next BA…
Stoney and Fek – I have it on good authority that the CoTW will happen first thing tomorrow.
Ben Stiller will be Murdoch.
Also in the cinema pipes;
You’re sleeping with Lance, aren’t you, Al…
Most likely the character of BA will be all CGI. They can use all the Hulk animation they have and just turn him from green to black and add some gold chains. THERES your movie!!!
Only because of his thumb, Stone.
Pauly shore will play Face
Burnsy, I Kimbo was B.A. all I can see is him fist fighting the enemy saying "FIGHT ME, NIGGA! C’MON FIGHT ME!"
Donk, you don’t know how mad I get when I see "Pauly" with Shore behind it.
Al, you forgot to call them "Douche queefs"
Pauly shore will play YOUR Face
Crap, can’t we just all live in the fantasy erotic dream-world where I’m sleeping with Vance?
Pauly, Sure I can help. What’s that land called that borders the ocean, Pauly? Shore?
OK, but I don’t have to imagine I’m sleeping with him right? Just you?
BA SMASH! BA NOT GET ON DAMN PLANE. FOOL. BA LIKE KIDS. HIM REALLY LIKE KIDS.
Why is Bruce showing his dome melenomas to the camera? "Can ya see that? Eh, ya see that boy? That’s cancer motherfucker!"
I’m at ease with that, Donk.
BTW lover, thanks for the unsexiest pic you could possibly dig up of Brad Pitt. Fucker.
I don’t know how to feel about the idea of a THOR movie. I mean, his character just ain’t that fuckin great. He works as a gimmick character in the Marvel universe, but a movie revolving around him?! I think they should chill on this whole "Avengers" idea. Avengers fucking blew.
And on that note, what’s up dudes! Sorry I keep disappearing!
Al, you don’t like the idea of Brad Pitt being hired as a day laborer to paint your house?
Actually I like that idea quite a bit, Donkey. He can "paint my house" anyday.
I painted a girl’s house one time. I didn’t like it much. The pay wasn’t great, the work was boring and she kept trying to distract me with offers of sex. Bitch.
If you threw Brad Pitt’s clothes on a federal mail box, I’d fuck it until stamps fell out…
…I’m just saying, that gear is nice.
PS – new post, douche queefs.
Al…again with the life preserver.
All Brad needs is a good pair of L.A. Gear shoes.
If were casting people that won’t be these characters I say Larry King for Thor and Suri for Hannibal. I am stupid and I can’t believe I did this as my virgin post. Run-on sentence. My mom was right, I am a moron.