TWILIGHT TRAILER – NOW WITH POSTER
05.06.08
In case you missed it the other day, Twilight is a hugely popular book series about a teenage girl who falls in love with a vampire, soon to be a feature film (trailer after the jump). The vampire is perfectly groomed despite not being able to see his own reflection – pretty much the perfect man.
But the chick who wrote it is also a hardcore Mormon. It’s a trap, man! I just know the second you finish one of these books you’ll pass out, and when you finally come to a couple of days later, you’ll have a bland haircut and will be wearing magic underwear.
Though, to be fair, I also thought Harry Potter was a cult. American Idol? Cult. Deal or No Deal? Cult. High School Musical? The Hills? Negro music? Cult, Cult, Cult. Cults are the biggest threat to America. That’s why I had to stab that cult leader down at the DMV.
UPDATE: The poster just hit the web over at MTV. It poses the question "When you can live forever, what do you live for?" Teenage poon seems to be the answer.
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Possible AGB sighting????
http://www.topix.com/forum/news/evolution/T3JCGKHJJJTB418F6/p171
She posted as Lalala AND is from a Vancouver IP!
Did you, um, just say…”negro”?
Is that a chick or a dude on the far right?
Fek, I just dropped a line to her. Keep an eye if she responds.
Link-jury’s still out on that one…
The Magic underwear burns the skin of Vampires, that is why I am getting some.
Fek – I’m the one in Vancouver, Lala’s in Toronto.
I was really excited to start dating this gothy vampire chick, but then later I came to find out that she just had leukemia. Sorry Angela, I’m into chicks who LOOK like they’re dying, not ones who actually are.
Slut.
Lisa Lisa and the Cult Jam won’t be threatening anyone anytime soon.
I stopped listening to Living Colour because they wanted me to join some sort of "Cult of Personality."
She can suck the blood… out of my COCK!
Yeah!
*High 5′s to all*
why do they go to high school? I have to be missing something.
Al-Yeha, I know, but if it had been like Quail Springs, Mississippi, I would have written it off. At least it’s the right COUNTRY. :D Besides, if she has shitty dial up or something, her ip could easily show Vancouver.
IT COULD!!!
Or, it could be a coincedence.
I was just thinking that, Ishoudlnt. I found that if you are trying to avoid the urge to kill humans, hiding out amongst high-schoolers is not the right way to go about doing that.
Nor is getting a job at an old-folk’s home.
I hope that isn’t lalagb spewing that dellusional shit. It would empty my jenkem balloon.
Crap-if she is a fundie, it might explain why she doesn’t post here any more. :(
Donk, or drive a car across town at 5pm.
I don’t say this very often, but could you please stay on topic?
If I was a vampire and I wanted to “blend” in with the human race, I’m pretty fucking sure that I’d work at Wal Mart. Wal Mart is like the Mos Eisley cantina of the United States.
Well… <thinking about old lalagb posts> …her ass must have been kidnapped, reprogrammed, and released back into the societal flow in record time.
I seem to remember that her last post was about being totally swamped at school.
So, teen vampires huh? Neat-o.
Do bitch vampires menstruate?
Ishouldnt–nice observation…what the hell would be the point of going to hs if you’re a vampire?
The thumb has spoken;
Vampire teenagers, eh? I bet they still haven’t got a fucking summer job and it’s almost June. Because if they think they’re gonna sleep all day and party all night like last summer, there’s a lawn that needs mowing and plenty of stuff to kepp ‘em out of trouble this year I tells ya!
New post! :D
SJP :(
Teen Vampirism? So they suck dick too?
Pauly, look at the guys in that pic. What do you think?
Vampires sure use a lot of product* in their hair…
*sperm
From this point forward, I move we refer to this film as Dawson’s Crypt.
Also, you guys have about forty seconds to tell me if the female lead in that trailer is under 18….
Why the hell are those vampires out in the day? You see, it’s things like this that make Mormons look foolish. If you can’t get your vampire mythology right how can you expect us to believe the stuff you write in those pamphlets to save our heathen souls?
"This is wrong, Edward. She’s not one of us"
…so just give her a quick bite and have the whole "dilemma" resolved. Movie finished in a grand total of one sexy transformation scene.
…And EDWARD?!?!? I wouldn’t be scared of a vampire named "Edward" either. Plus, apparently he’s ALSO spending his eternity in high school…
Man, Mormon vampires are pussies.
Fuck it, I’ll just repost it:
OK, I am going to come clean about Lemonade Tacos. The deal is, the carnies in Iowa have these stands they always use in Iowa, one is a stand that sells a little bit of everything. Well, they just have words all over the fucking thing, and on one side all it says is "LEMONADE TACOS", instead of "lemonade AND tacoes" or something like that.
I couldn’t find a picture of the actual, but these should give you an idea of what I mean:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/only-connect/204336668/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/devilsniff/493560571/
So you killed a negro leader at the DMV?
I have a cat named Edward. He shtis in my flowerbeds.
It poses the question "When you can live forever, what do you live for?"
Um, forever, dumb ass.
i already saw that explanation fek posted my response in the horsey bradshaw post!!!!
Ooh, is this directed by a woman? I can’t wait to see the director’s cunt.
A group of friends and I wandered off of the midway and into carny trailer land and saw this out of the way food stand. the menu;
What the fuck… is a carny sandwich?
What the fuck… is a carny sandwich?
Remember in the Hancock post about statutory rape? That’s what it tastes like.
chilli con carny?
Chile con carny Wilson?
CHilr con carny Wilson Pickett fences?
Do these people not understand that they are only encouraging a subset of disfunctional goth emo vamp wanabe looser highschool dipshits to accelerate their fall into the downtown music scene filled with their horrible poetry about how unfair the world is that will eventually lead to suicide?
Where do I donate for distribution aid?
If I’m gonna get bit in the neck and live forever for a word…..my word is "poontang".
Carny sandwich? I’m guessing it is small and smells like cabbage.
Did I ever tell you guys the story about my lemonade anal eggs???
I’d live for SEGA!!!!
I think the cast in the poster works in the Hot Topic at the mall.
H’mm, having watched the uninspiring trailer, and as Token Black Guy pointed out, what’s with the vampires mooching about during the day? Was this covered in a previous thread? The girl on the poster with the red hair, on the end, looks like she’s got a nice pair though.
Is that anything like Disco Lemonade?
I think the reason this is so popular is that they dont do it. Teenage girls dont like to read about that icky stuff. Stephanie Meyer is making bank of these idiots. I like how they got the dead guy from Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire to be the vampire.
I figured that people who were immortal would’ve outgrown the goth phase after the 60′s. The 1660′s.
badump-bump-cymbal crash
See? This shit is what happens when you send Blade to jail for three years…
Its true, when you are a teenage girl, you actually think boys want to know you and love you, not just pork you. Like they really do.
FOR EV VERRR
That’s why there are laws against having sex with 16-year olds Eibz… they’re gullible.
X up bitches.
"Yes, Your Honor, she looks 15, but the bitch has been living for at least 200 years!"
Of course i’ll love and respect you for who you are and no, we don’t have to do anything until we’re absolutely ready. inner monologue or subtitles a la that scene in Annie Hall with Woody Allen and Diane Keaton Fuck this shit. Why can’t you be more like your sister? I hear she gives her boss a handjob every morning.
1. How long have you been 17? Really. Seriosly. When do you get to say that? When the kid starts spouting off about Russian literature in the years following the Red Scare?
2.You save a girl who has her Ipod ear-jacks in the whole time. Does she really get the true meaning of the dire situation or is she still hearing “You’re Beautiful” on auto play by James Blunt. Maybe more exciting, definitely more gay.
4. (Yeah, jumping from three to four is pertinent to this)
“I’m not scared of you”
“Maybe you shouldn’t have said that”
And then he takes her onto his back to what, show her Narnia? An eternal abyss which is less damnable than starring in this film?
On can only hope.