I hope you’re ready for another craze that’s sweeping the nation that you don’t understand. See, this is the first cast photo for the upcoming Twilight movie, an adaptation of a book by Mormon housewife-cum-novelist Stephanie Meyer – first of a series of three that sold 5.3 million copies.
The book, which supposedly has an upstart following rivaling the early days of Harry Potter, is about a teenage girl who risks everything when she falls in love with a vampire. It sounds like Babysitter’s Club meets Chick Lit meets Anne Rice – and it might be some sort of undercover abstinence parable. I’m cool with that because usually all the abstinence crowd manages to teach chicks is how to enjoy anal.
Anyway, the movie is set to be directed by Catherine Hardwicke of Lords of Dogtown and Thirteen fame, and stars Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, Michael Welch, Justin Chon, and a bunch of other asswipes I’ve never heard of. All I can say is that as long as this doesn’t lead to a bunch of private school douches playing competitive quidditch, I’ll be able to keep my punk stabbin’ knife a-sheathed. After the jump you can watch G4′s visit to the set.
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U2 fucking rocks!!
KOOL AID?
OH YEAAAAAAH!
David Boreanaz?
I’m confused.
What is up, Chad?
Jesus Fucking Christ, can somebody please drive a stake through the heart of this fucking vampire trend once and for all? Gary Oldman was the last cool vampire and that was despite having hair that made him look like the queen of England.
Gary Oldman can do no wrong.
That dudechick in the back right should have gotten the gynecomastia surgery before getting vamped.
the vampires in 30 days of night were a breath of fresh air, im tired of these goth wannabe tortured soul vampires
this bit from bill maher has always given me a chuckle:
‘apparently the abstinence movement has seen the rise in anal sex among the teen demographic. – i can just hear it now, ‘i’m saving myself for marriage, so just stick it in my ass tonight, ok? i’ll blow you afterwards, i promise…’
now THAT shit is funny (and probably too true).
If I was a vampire, I don’t think I’d waste so much time putting product in my hair.
That dudechick in the back right should have gotten the HPV shot
WIIIIIIIIIZARD!
*Come and get your looooove!*
damn-straight, bex.
Seriously, is this an oil paining on black velvet?
I think it’s much more effective with Elvis portraits.
Maybe the next poster for this movie will be vampiric dogs playing
pokerbite her.Vampirism is the unpopular kids’ reaction to the increased use of tanning beds among the popular kids.
plot synopsis:
"in this original spin on the mythos, instead of fangs, the vampires develop hardened knee caps, and supple lips which they must use to coax vital man butter from japanese business men in front of the only liquor store in Salt Lake City in order to survive. and they like kool-aid because it’s delicious."
tagline:
"They’ve gone from suck to blow!"
In reference to the picture:
WHAT THE FUCK IS EVERYBODY LOOKING AT!?
ok, i got through about 45 seconds of that director bitch talking before i wanted to become a vampire myself and suck her DRY. shut the fuck up!
^ seriously?
These douchebag vampires are awfully well groomed for creatures who cant see themselves in the fucking mirror.
The poster looks like Thomas Kinkade meets romance novel artwork.
arson? only in the most ‘please die now’ sense…
and, yes, i’m ashamed to admit that i watched that much of the clip rather than just responding to these drunkards’ quips.
Finally a medium which will allow the merger of the Goth and Douchebag cultures. It won’t be long before we’re overrun with blood stained Abercrombie and Fitch clothes and dead Starbucks Baristas with curious puncture marks on their necks.
One thing about dating a vampire is that their all too happy to earn their "red wings".
bne-
The comment was intended for
Frankie MercuryNintendogs.I’m just not quick enough to respond, quick… enough.
I’d like to see a movie about vampire guidos, who starve to death because they spend all their time in the gym instead of drinking blood.
Except for the ones who commit suicide because they can’t admire their abs in the mirror anymore.
So what? I get sick and you guys have to durst?
AROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOGA!
This movie is such a rip of of that season of Life Goes On when Becky couldn’t sleep with Chad Lowe cuz he was a vampire.
My profound lack of interest in this movie is so galactically immense that it might actually create a black hole; so if the Earth is consumed in a well of gravity from which nothing can escape, sorry…my bad.
yes, no, yes, no, yes, yes…wait, is that last one a dude?
Oh, and this whole HDR photography thing has gotten way out of hand.
Ok, so I read the article linked about how it may be a parable for abstinence. I disagree. I think it’s a parable for marriage.
To paraphrase: Edward has to suffer from competing urges to have sex with her and rip her throat out.
…yep, that’s marriage.
This movie is such a rip of of that season of Life Goes On when
BeckyCorky couldn’t sleep withChad Lowea doorknob cuz hewas a vampirelikes to make werewolf MOVIES.FIXED! QAPLAH!
Rotwangchung says
My profound lack of interest in this movie is so galactically immense that it might actually create a black hole; so if the Earth is consumed in a well of gravity from which nothing can escape, sorry…my bad.
>img src ="[www.lolz.se]
*shakes head
The guy on the left looks like Matt Damon and Ben Affleck had a kid.
From my experience as a teacher, the "straight edge" girls are the ones mostly likely to not wear panties and blow anything that stands still for more than three seconds. In completely unrelated news, they also get very good grades.
I overheard a bit of my ex-wife’s phone call that made me think she was a vampire. Luckily, I was wrong. She explained that she had actually said the word ‘Pud’, not blood.
What the fuck is up cockteasers and cockpleasers? I’m out of the loop all morning and now I come back to this shite? Fuck me, I’m gonna go work on my house.
Is "house" code for "penis"?
Yea, I’m gonna go "work on my house" too.
*gets power tools
No. "Dick" is code for "penis"
No Chino, he’s going to go blow Hugh Laurie.
the ‘G4 Haunts’ text makes me want to enter it in a security validation field.
Sadly, I’m supposed to be working on my house right now.
So, apparently, this coven of vampires has sworn off drinking human blood and survives by hunting wild animals. The one on the back right justifies his kills by screaming "they’re heading right for us" in the middle of farmer Johnson’s pig pen.
Lanky, The Mighty Fek’lhr takes back His Sisterhood comment…THIS is the gayest vid you ever posted.
I once thought I was a vampire. Turned out I just couldn’t get laid.
This banner pic makes the gay hairstylist in me cry.
I once had an emo kid show me his fangs outside of Hot Topic in the mall. I said "so what are you supposed to be, a Waaaah-mpire?" Then, I gave him a noogie and high-fived all of my cool jock friends. I’m such a bad-ass.
How are they going to arrange a work pass for Wesley Snipes?
…
… …
GREAT KAHLESS’ GHOST!!! NO BLADE FOR THIS MOVIE?!?!?!?
FAIL!
I thought I was a vampire. Then I accidentally earned my red-wings. I’m no vampire, and she is a distant memory for not warning me.
This banner pic makes the gay hairstylist in me cry.
What are you going to do to keep him from coming before you put your diaphragm in? Also, why is he crying?
I once thought I was a vampire. Turns out my ex wife just wanted to stab me with a wooden stake for the heck of it.
*Chodin comes sliding into home plate. Slides in “safe”…keeps sliding…goes through dugout…slides across street…up and over bridge…keeps going…*
*Keeps sliding…right through the DURST…*
TechTV > G4
I’m glad you brought this up. I went to Junior High in Arizona, and one of my teachers was this "Stephanie Meyers" sister-in-law, so she came to our school to talk about her awesome vampire novel, like twice. I read it and told a bunch of kids it was a book "for kids who don’t read books." I’m only in high school so this was like 3 years ago, but the point still stands. Fuck this book.