05.28.08 SPIDERMAN CASTING: CALLING ALL DOUCHES

Lance, it  must suck to have to write about all these awful movies, which are a joke all alone.

What happens in these Spiderman movies, thought, is that the new Spidey "experimented" with the old one, resulting in radioactive sperm, making them spider boys

If someone around me said “I actually thought Led Zeppelin was one person.” I would drop kick the fuck out of there face. Until there was no fuck left.

I ask you to go buy a money counter and you come back with a stoned girl and a bag of fertilizer. 

Fugit, after removing a dick from his mouth, "Which one is Pink Floyd?"

You know who makes a good superhero?  A 30-something actor who looks like he’s seen some shit, he’s mad as hell, and he’ll kick your ass regardless of his bum knee and lower back pain.  You know who doesn’t make a good superhero?  A 25-to-look-younger actor who looks like he’d roll into a ball and cry if he had to buy car insurance or schedule a dentist appointment without his parents’ assistance.

I once actually had sex with Carmen Electra pictures. I wish you coulda seen it, I don’t mean to brag, but I was a pretty good lay too. Like an animal.

Hey, if they need someone to play The Blob, The Mighty Fek’lhr is your Klingon!

Pink is back at the hotel, he’s not feeling very well

You can’t, like, own pwn a Klingon, maaan, it’s one of mother earth’s creatures.

Hey, if they need someone to play The Scoutmaster, Lince is your gay guy!

Anyone of us could pwn a Klingon!

Really? Well, my teacher DID say that this is the land of opportunity. Look at me now, ma! I am Nominus, proud pwner of a klingon! Bet you’re regretting that whole kicking me out of the house thing now!

Hey, if they need someone to play…aw, qovlpath…

PWN a Klingon, huh? Bring your Magic cards and PROVE it.

Hey, if they need someone to play Aunt May, Nic Cage is your dick-tucker!

I don’t have magic cards, I have magic fingers. I can’t seem to find them at the moment though. Perhaps they’re "on topic", if you know what I mean.

patrick fugit? more like patrick fugly am i right fellas?

I think the real villains here are acne and premature ejaculation.

The more you know. Doodo de dooo. 

This is awesome. If Sony kill the franchise then it leaves the door open for Marvel to snatch the rights back then we can see Spidey in the Avengers movie……..

Fuck comic books.

Affleck, you would papercut your dick. Ouch

Neeeeew post.

*spirit fingers 

i feel ill. It reminds me of watching Hard candy the other week…..I was nearly sick.

If they really want Spider Man to be played by a dinky, weak wilted choad, my dick is willing to sport red and blue.

Someone at Sony must’ve been smoking some serious crack when they were watching Almost Famous. It seems that person thought the two actors who play William in the film were in fact the same person. Lance, I’m kinda disappointed in ya for not mentioning that.

huh?