Sorry, that was sort of a misleading headline. Actually, Chuck Palahniuk (author of Fight Club, Choke, etc.) has a new book coming out, and they made this fake movie trailer (for "The Wizard of Ass") to promote it. It stars “Cassie Wright, star of ‘Chitty Chitty Gang Bang’ and ‘The Twilight Bone’.”
The book’s called Snuff, and I’m sure it’ll be a movie at some point. Here’s the rundown:
Cassie Wright, porn priestess, intends to cap her legendary career by breaking the world record for serial fornication. On camera. With six hundred men. Snuff unfolds from the perspectives of Mr. 72, Mr. 137, and Mr. 600, who await their turn on camera in a very crowded green room.
Darn, I was hoping it’d be about tobacco, LOL!
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I’m a little bit disappointed that’s not a real porno
I suspect the cowardly lion has ED
I think this is what was going on when I went to work and my baby mama was at home "doing laundry."
You pre-posted me you fucking assholes!
I bet Mr. 69 left with a bad taste in his mouth.
Sloppy 600′s has to be bad.
So, is the dick-tucking issue resolved to everyone’s approval?
The I’s have it.
and the brown eye’s took it.
Have you ever seen the guys that go to "World’s Biggest Gangbang"??? It’s like if all of us were in ONE ROOM!
Ex wife joke. Blah blah blah. They write themselves at this point.
the thought of a new chuck p book gave me a hard on.
Anyone know when Choke comes out?
So, it’s about hundreds of men, all together in one room wth their dicks out, waiting to fuck an American?
Congress: the Movie!
Since she’s gonna fuck 600 dudes in a row, does she carbo-load the night before, or just catch a streamer every now and again for a quick protein hit?
I bet that thing ends up smelling like a burning tire after about dude 33.
Donk, let’s not try to get political. Some of us are felons.
Dude #600 better be hung like a fucking oak tree. Gnome sayin’?
The joke was too easy not to make, I’ll get back on topic…
Did they just randomly let 600 guys get in line or did they order them from largest to smallest for her comfort?
I’m still waiting for a Chuck Palumbo book. I want the real story behind the breakup of the Natural Born Thrillers.
This could be the inspiration for the sexiest "Where’s Waldo?" ever.
I don’t think they’re gonna let all the guys finish with her. It’s probably going to be more like the porn version of smoking a joint with your friends: pump, pump, pass.
Brunsy-nice!
I hope it wasn’t too hard for Chuck to trick my ex-girlfriend into signing over the rights to her story.
Did they just randomly let 600 guys get in line or did they order them from largest to smallest for her comfort?
Well, by length or girth? Either way, I’d get to be first! Gnome sane?
…
DOR SHO GHA!
what if you dont pass and just keep on going until you finish her off?
fuckin color.
Do you have to play High card Low card to see who goes first?
what if you dont pass and just keep on going until you finish her off?
Then you get a lucrative contract with the producers of the film. Especially if you’re mister 500 or later.
I imagine that after 600 dudes, a girl would come out looking something like an open-face sandwich.
That snatch is busier than a mailbox on April 14th.
Number 600 is going to have to strap a board to his back so he won’t fall in.
nigga, chode!
We should do
anothera Filmdrunk gangbang with a dead hooker!So 600 is the sequel to 300?
Mr. 72, Mr. 137, and Mr. 600.
Or, if your’re into steak: Mr. Pink, Mr. Swollen, and Mr. Bloody.
That innernut protal is getting some serious hits.
Another question, do they provide a sack lunch?
I’d be down just to let the fluffers gimme head and not give them the courtesy tap. A nuts a nut, right? Wrote? Written?
There’s more people sliding through that tube than the Green Monster at Hurricane Harbor on a hot August day.
Another question, do they provide a sack lunch?
Yeah, to her. Nutsack soup.
By days end, more pieces of shit will have plopped in that hole than in a Porta-potty at a chili cook off.
Piss will just fall out that bitch.
The next morning she tried to get into her Volkwagon van but instead, it got in her.
DUB: what it do nephew!?!?
*Pauly looks around, sounds the horn*
Here ye. Here ye, No Poon Afternoon has begun.
A recent USGS survey added her to the Grand Canyon National Park.
The real twist comes when she accuses number 432 of rape.
That kooz could spacedock a shit zepplin.
I heard she goes through six periods during production.
Lanky, can we get a poll up here?
Gangbang: Would ya? Yes/No
Oh! And separate ones for the boys and girls!
That tube is getting more traffic than the Chunnel.
That kooz could spacedock a shit zepplin.
That is so fucking boss!
Cassie Wright’s porn name is Au Jus.
When all was said and done, NORAD moved into that cavern.
*Chodin rips pnats down. Stands on head*
Hey, look at me!!! No Poon Afternoon with cheese !!!!
Knew you’d like that one Fek.
Her gynocologist later found five dead coal miners thought to be forever lost.
By the end of that day, her cootch is going to look like Lisa Rinna’s mouth.
No Chodin, I’m here lurking in the shadows, so behave yourselves kids.
Thousands of Chinese school children suddenly burrowed out of her.
Her gynocologist later found five dead coal miners thought to be forever lost.
And my class ring. :(
She later took a job as a "coyote" smuggling illegal immigrants across the border. Unfortunatly on a smaller than usual delivery she was caught by INS when three "burrows’ lost their grip and fell out.
Al? Yes or no!
*Chodin pulls pants back up. Looks ashamed and walks in opposite direction of Al*
8=D;(
SJP was quoted as saying, "It’s bigger than a $500 Coach purse."
Keep your eyes peeled for the Astro-Glide and Brawny paper towels product placements. *spoiler alert* They’ll show up around her asshole.
She probably keep a urinal cake up there.
Fek, I’m not going to dignify that question with a response beyond this really snotty one.
J-have you seen that Melissa Midwest is doing guys on camera now?
I pretend it is you when I watch.I’m betting "video head cleaner" will have a prominent role in this book.
Sorry, Al, sometimes He still thinks you are a guy. Because you have a guy name and avatar.
I did see that Fek. Don’t be ashamed, I pretend it’s me when I watch too.
And if you didn’t get that, fuck you I’m an anteater.
Try to think of my racy Facebook pictures when you read me here, Fek. That should help.
Dude, The Midwest 3 need to go to one of her shows, get ripped, and get arrested.
think of my racy Facebook pictures
BOING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
BRB, I gotta…um…just go to…the bathroom…TO FORSHAK! Yeah…that’s it…
The room after the 600th will look like
my rooma crime scene.After you fuck 600 dudes, you can’t really un-do that, right? Like, there’s yet a legitimate way to un-fuck 600 dudes, correct?
::dub tucks it in and keg stands a heinekin mini::
LOOK AT ME, HOMOS!
I’ve actually seen her live. One of my little brothers friends had her for his bachelor party. It wasn’t as good as I hoped for.
The only way to forget about fucking 600 dudes is to fuck 600 more dudes.
Al, I’m here to make “it” up to you. At least for the next hour…ish. Where do I begin?
*looks at Dub* Dor sho gha!
Well, The Mighty Fek’lhr feels about a tablespoon or so lighter!
J-you should have called the cops on her and taped it! BOOSH!
Heather – see these 600 guys we have in the room right now?
If ever there was a time to leave a "First!" comment…
Can I answer that after you follow it up?
They were just looking for some "entertainment" is all. And I have a headache.
Imagine how Mr. 600 would feel is Mr. 599 walked up for his turn, but instead of corking her, just blew her fucking brains out with a 9mm!
high life: the cham-pagne of burs
The Mighty Fek’lhr gives lots (every) of girls headaches. :(
*cough
Oh, I didn’t know you guys were here. What’s up?
fek- that made me piss my pants. gold.
Ohh, well I, of course, only have eyes for you right now. So, headache schmedache. I’m all yours for 45 minutes.
*Chodin takes a break from his pinball machine*
Oh…um…hey Heather, fancy seeing a girl like you in a place like this.
Luch, are you having a prostate exam?
Guy’cha! Guess who just got cast in the roll of Mr. 599???
Hint: His name rhymes with "My thigh hurts!"
I once got a schmedache. That shit is painful. You never know how much you use your schmed until it hurts.
Oh great, Chodin’s here to steal my
thundersunshinegirl.Hey, Chodin. The name is Cindy, actually.
if i were amongst the 600 i’d like to be in the middle of the asians and black guys
*bex are you sure youre gonna post that? it does read a little gayish
*hey bex’s consciouns trust me on this, I’ve been appearing in COTW for the past 3 weeks, what could go wrong?
I wonder where my schmed would be if I had one.
Al, no one could do that, muffin pants.
Cindy, I don’t suppose you work at Wal Mart, do you? I could have sworn I bought a pair of scissors from a girl with that name?
Definitely not up your Schmass.
What? who said that?
Prostate exam Al? Not exactly.
So, do you reckon these 600 have some sort of reunion a couple of years down the line? "Hey remember that girl we all fucked that one time? Too bad she couldn’t be here to celebrate with us. That AIDS doesn’t take any prisoners." "You guys fucked a girl?"
That depends. Were those scissors sold for less? If the answer is yes and you parked your garbage truck between my front teeth before entering, then you bought those scissors from me. By the way, Chodin, in the future, it’s sprinkling.
What do you mean Luch, that someone’s finger is up your butt but it’s not your doctor?
Donkey, just tell me where it hurt.
Correct Al.
bycicle repair man was kryptonite for my comedy maybe i will be funnier as speedy, just read all my comments in the speedy gonzalez voice, maybe that will help
raddenberg balgerdash?
Woops. Sorry, Luch.
I heard in the future there’s also white guys who try to “wear” other peoples afros during business meetings- read about it once. And hey, did you also know that unless it’s a yacht, a boat is completely fucking useless on a deserted island? I read that too…somewhere.
I knew it! No apologies necessary babe. I guess I’ll pull my finger out then too.
Oh sure, I was all worried about Chode stealing your heart, and now you’re all up in The Luchador’s ass. Fine.
Sorry I’ve been incognegro today. Anything good happen?
::scans through the day’s headlines::
Nope. Good.
I know how you feel though. I can’t keep my hands off him, either.
I’d say there’s plenty of me to go around, but I’ve been on this new diet…
When I was in 2nd grade, I saw a kid get punched in the nuts on the playground. I ran to the teacher and said "Mister Morris, Rosemary just punched Justin on the playground!" Mister Morris was an asshole and asked me to explian where exactly on the body the playground was, so I punched him in the nuts.
I’d do Luch…but only if 599 dudes went before me.
I’m a prude.
I had no idea. But I will remember that next time I’m preparing a deserted island get(hyphen)away. You know what I bet would be really useful? Sunglasses. Nothing like showing those coconut trees and sand crabs that you’re a true badass. Oh, and don’t you need my phone number? For when the aliens attack?
Chode, how bout I do Heather and Al 599 times first instead?
Ok sexy ladies. Off to pay my respects to the dead. Really.
Thats not even funny.
Al… I almost used the “that’s how Missourians say hello” line, but then I remembered you would know that we really do much more than that. Here, my hands are all yours.
Heather: Al, we should get together for dinner sometime.
Al: Nights are no good for me. I know, let’s do Luch!
Donkey: I know, I know…
*Goes and sits in corner*
Not necessary Heather, there’s only two things that frighten me: birds and Asians, not aliens. Though I’m not a big fan of gum or salt either. By the way, who the fuck decorated my desk with apples!?!
Well now that Luch is off the table (for now), we still have each other.
*Pauly walks in with a Spin Art T-shirt and matching leotard*
Ohhhhh I wanna dance with somebody.
I wanna feel the HEAT with somebody….
i put those flowers there, chode.
oh, and the apples.
You mean you’re not a fan of SUGAR. But I understood. I hope Mexibat is at the gym tonight. Oh, and I’ve been meaning to ask you, have you ever had waffles for dinner? Seriously.
DUB: I can always count on you to make my life “pudry”.
Donkey, please. Al and I can only seduce one taken man at a time.
there’s only two things that frighten me: birds and Asians
It’s a good thing I just got this Parakeet Taiwanese surgery. BOO!
…wow, you guys sure like talking about dicks.*
*ghey
I leave to kill a drifter an you guys ket GIRLS in here? Please tell me, one of you has the piss boot….
Spelling is for the pussy ones.
Speak for yourself, Heather, I can seduce legions of them at once. I just choose to use my powers for good instead of sex.
My wife doesn’t read this site. We’ve agreed that she won’t read the coments I leave here if I don’t read the comments she leaves on iammarriedtoanassholeandidesperatelywanttocheatonhim.com.
Crap. Well now that I have made a spectacle of my inferiority, I should probably go. Al, I don’t really feel like my job is done, but I think I might go ahead and blame it on your headache?
Oh. Well, Donkey, I think it’s safe to say she leaves family recipes and home remedies for chigger bites on that site.
Dear Diary; Today i got hollowed out by 600 of the world’s most eligible bachelors. One guy said he wanted to treat me like a princess. I hope that doesn’t mean he’ll hire a drunken driver to crash me at high speed into the wall of a tunnel.
Dear Dairy; No more milk ’til Friday. My cludge is like a bill poster’s bucket. No more white fluid for me until then.
Dear Fuckbucket, thanks for Tuesday night. Love, all the boys at the dairy.
Yes, let’s blame it on my headache. Which was Fek’s fault.
Donkey, are you saying you need some attention from your female imaginary friends?
Waffles for dinner? Are you fucking retarded or something: of course I have! Though it’s never been quite as romantic as if I were eating them with a 50-year-old dude in zebra striped pants and a spaghetti tank top.
She tells me it’s a discussion group for all of the books that Oprah recommends. Did you know that Oprah recommends books such as "The Insurance Rules Regarding Spousal Homicide" and "How To Change Your Identity" ?
don francisco > oprah
don julio>oprah
I second Bex, I love watching Sábado Gigante because the girls on there are wet dreams walking.
Don Pepin Garcia > Oprah.
Also, bex, your new av . . . it looks good on ya.
Andy Garcia > Oprah
I have no idea who any of those other guys are. I just think Andy Garcia’s hott.
Cherry Garcia > Okra
chicks with dicks > oprah
Dammit Pauly! You know I’m from the Souff! Don’ choo be talkin bad bout no okra!
Also, is that the dog from Double Dragon?
Jerry Garcia > Orca
I’m sayin’ he’s fat, and I’ve got just the shovel to prove it.
This is the time of day when I’m reminded you’re all having a nice home-cooked meal with your families and I’m still at work with nothing more than a TV dinner and my cat to look forward to. Thanks a lot, jerks.
I’m still here witchoo Al. I just gotta keep my FD on the DL.
Andy Garcia’s softball-sized twin > Stedman.
I’m at work, working on a bottle of Seagram’s. And I got my FD all out in the open.
FD means Fat Dick right?
My family was killed by a pack of wild mutated cats that escaped from Dr. Stouffer’s microwave laboratory.
So, thanks for bringing it up, Al.
Well I won’t be enjoying that sweet, sweet cobbler dessert with my Hungry Man tonight. Thanks for extinguishing the only glimmer of happiness in my life, BK.
*Chodin comes crawling into thread, pants down around ankles*
Man…I feel like I just got fucked by 600 dudes!
So I take it you’re in a good mood, Chod?
ulaPy with the BOOOOOOSSSSSHHHHHH!!!!!!
(picking up where I left off)
When the 600 are finished up with her, that bitch will be able to go tubin on the river on those blister lips.
She’s got more tools in her the a Snap-on box.
After this she’s gonna get rented out at school cavnivals. She’ll lay on her back with her feet in the air, and the principal with sit on her feet. Then for $3 for 3 balls if a little kid hits him in the throat, she’ll open her legs and he’ll go <sploosh> into her dood jooz love puddle.
Her pooter = Orca training pool.
Crap, you got a good batch of coke going on?
She’s gonna have to change her vag’s pet name from "Miss kitty kisses" to "Jesus fucking god that’s a huge fucking pussy!"
Nope.
During her period she throws a stuffed animal up in her and caps it by duct taping a 64 oz big gulp lid over her balogna holster.
well i got in my 45 minuto quota of work for today
Her snatch is so big, we’re all in it right now.
I thought it smelled a little gamey.
A spelunker recently fell, broke a leg, and starved to death in her gigantic jizz culvert.
She doesn’t lob ping opng balls during her strip show, basketballs. Three at a time.
*Chodin wakes back up and stands up*
Anyways…about those 600 dudes…
She was watching a show about the 60ft gash that brought down the Titanic, got insulted, and left the room.
Are we still talking about my ex-girlfriend?
No it’s just the echo from her cock crevice.
The new Yankee Stadium was moldeled after… you got it.
The new Yankee Stadium was moldeled after… you got it
That just means it can roof more than 600 dick heads.
Trojan payed good money to have their logo tatooed above her baby exhaust.
Cassie Wright’s FATgina is like the Bates hotel: mother fuckers check in, but then they fucking die!
But then realized they got screwed and should have gone with the 30′ billboard.
She gets paid $1000 a head to bring illegals into the US in her grande love split.
She makes 100 mil every run.
That submarine dock from the first Indiana Jones was filmed in Cassie Wright.
She is known as the 8th wonder of the world: The Grander Canyon.
WTF, they couldn’t get Ron Jeremy to play The Lion????
I want a cord of Cuervo right into my veins.
Did I mention Cassie had a huge cum chasm?
Cassie Wright’s gigantorvag could Durst a FilmDrunk thread.
Prac, it could bring down tehe whole server.
Gee, I can’t imagine why more girls don’t post here.
BK, you mean you weren’t thinking that these all sound like boys you’d like to date? Cuz I sure wasn’t.
That’s a double negative, which is proof possitive, Al loves us!!!
Especially you, Crap. And not just because I think you’re the only one here right now. No, I’m much pickier than jumping on the only man available. Or am I…
congrats Al you got yourself a durst
Yay me! My first durst!
Wait – not if you go and fuck it up like that, Bex.
Is about an hour enough for a Durst? I gave you like 53 minutes.
I actually watched the video accompanying this post. It got windy and all her clothes fell off. God, I hate when that happens. I lived in Chicago for a while and had to buy all Velcro bras.
Filmdrunk does it all for the nookie.
I don’t Durst. I like to think that you guys are in awe of my comment, and simply can’t conjure up a retort.
I’m afraid to say anything since Nominus called me "annoying", but I know it’s only because I
am awesome in bedput out on the first datehave no redeeming qualities.Final Durst of the night.
Hey, I didn’t call you annoying. I equated a female dursting to a chick who is so annoying that she’s even annoying when offering up bj’s. Guys can be annoying when constantly offering up bj’s much quicker. Much like it’s easier for them to durst. Durst.
That makes me feel so much
worsebetter that I need the final say. Fuck all y’all. No beej for Nom.