LOOK, IT’S SPELLING T-U-R-D
05.29.08
As expected when Universal’s deal with Hasbro was announced a few months ago, Michael Bay’s production company gearing up for some board-game-based movies. First up, Ouija Board the Movie. That’s right, Michael Bay is making a movie called Ouija Board.
Elsewhere, I hear Brett Ratner’s doing pre-production on Grabass the Musical and Mayor McCheese is finding a distribution deal for The Pass Out Game.
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is that a remake of the classic Witchboard?
Was The Mighty Fek’lhr the only one that had a Ouija board that could only spell things like, "Turd", "Boner", and "Fart"???
Fuck! Lince used "turd" in the title!
GRRR…FECES!!!!!!!
Someone should make a movie about the game Mousetrap! That game was fun as hell.
Any ladies wanna star in my new film, Tune In Tokyo?
They’re also making a movie based on Monopoly. Spoiler alert: the surprise twist is an earthquake that overturns everything while a voice from sky yells, "Fuck this! It never ends!"
I hear they’re making a Trivial Pursuit movie too!
Hey, at least it’s not a remake. Fuck me, we’re doomed.
They should make a Hungry Hungry Hippo movie, with the story being that they just had the muchies like a mofo.
Who am I kidding, this movie is a trivial pursuit.
Eib, didn’t Witchboard remake itself three or four times? And I’m sure there are a few other movies out there called "Ouija" or something similar. In short, this concept has been done to death. It’s time for something different in the genre of cheesy horror… I got it! ZOMBIE MOVIES!!!
They should make Risk. It could be just your run-of-the-mill war movie,except in the pivotal scene after a battle is lost, the commander repeats over and over "The fucking dice are goddamned cheating me! Roll a fucking six goddamn you!"
… or maybe vampires?
Donk, quit fucking interrupting me.
Also, most of the action takes place in or around Australia.
you just have a weakness for zombiEs Al, admit it
Hey Michael Bay- Jumangi Called. It wants it’s fuckin money.
Al, I think our conversations have merged into such a terrible hollywood idea that there can be no doubt in my mind that it will be made before the end of 2010.
They should make a movie based on the game "Clue". I think it would be fuckin’ sweet.
I pity the fool screenwriters trying to create drama with Kerplunk or Marble Madness as their source material. Hungry Hippos writes itself, but it involves hippos and hippos are shit.
Tori Spelling in… OPERATION: The Movie.
I shot a movie called "Candyland" in the back of my Econoline van starring various kids i picked up in a neighborhood 50 miles away from my house.
I was going to recommend Chutes and Ladders, but then I remembered that Howie Long movie Firestorm.
These people must be in candy land because they don’t have a clue in their cranium! Why would they risk such a thing when they know that Bay has a monopoly on movies that suck.
Kurg-you have read His Candyland Dumpster Blowjob story, nicht war?
*Chodin leaps the crow’s nest of the ship. Land on deck and shatters both ankles*
ARGH!!!!! Hey, they should make ‘Battleship’ into a movie. It could be about ships that battle and two kids who spend all fucking day shouting numbers at each other.
The only shitty board game movie I would see is "Sorry!" and that’s only if it was two hours of Michael Bay apologizing for being a no-talent cocksucker.
Fek, it was a very touching story…also i’d really like to meet the clown who makes ballon animals with his penis too.
Chodin, so what you’re saying is that they should make a movie that combines Agent Cody Banks and A Beautiful Mind?
I meant to say balloon animals, i think.
oh, stop it. i can’t breathe….
The game of LIFE movie will star Chyna’s click as a little pink piece.
Donkey…you had me at “Chodin”.
Way off topic, but is so stupid and pathetic, I jsut have to get it out of my system:
http://abcnews.go.com/Entertainment/story?id=4949437&page=1
Or maybe a movie with Leo DeCap’s character from Gilbert Grape, and Dustin Hoffman from Rainman fighting it out to the death in a game of Tiddlywinks?
Hot water burn baby! Hot water burn baby! ::bangs hand against head::
Hey Rainman! Huhhuh….::slobbers uncontrollably::
Damnit, Fek. I fucking hate Rachael Ray… thanks for making me agree with her about something, asshole.
Fek, my IQ just shit in my brain.
Also, I’d totally dunk Rachael Ray.
I didn’t know who rachel ray was until today when I asked the wife "Hey, who’s this hotter chick who actually knows how to cook?" And now this.
JHC, they could not make a Clue movie without Tim Curry…. wait,what?
Up until 5 minutes ago, I couldn’t stand the sight of Rachel Ray.
Who else is hoping that the producers of the film are murdered in their grandmother’s attic while researching for the movie?
How about a movie based on Chess? It could be over very quickly or last six months. I don’t care because i wouldn’t watch it either way. Scrap that. I’d like to see a movie where chess is being played but the words "Check" or "Checkmate" aren’t uttered. Instead, one of the players says "Fuck this, fancy a pint?" This is more like it too:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4hA0WjUTR2c
I know Fek. I saw that too. Are you fuckin’ kidding me with this shit anymore? These stuffy cunts need to fuck off. I feel a rage fuck coming someone’s way…..
I’m heading out to booze it up, thanks for your well wishes and I will leave you with possibly the dumbest thing I have ever seen:
http://www.barneyfife.com/
I am going to rip off Michelle Malkin’s head and hatefuck the neck hole…ON BOTH SIDES!
Spike Lee was worried all worked up this film, but he felt better when Michael Bay called and said, "Hasbro’s in it."
Charlie, they can make a movie of the musical Chess, thats what is hot right now. seriously (read with lisp please)
They should make a "Slug Bug" movie, that way, I can drive a VW Beetle through the screen at the theater and feed a knuckle sandwich to every cock-nosed gimp I see.
February, 2009 from Sony Classics Pictures: A man’s hopes at winning a national title are dashed when he’s disqualified for adding the word "Fucker" to the end of "Mother" to make a triple-word score. He explores the roots of censorship and of fair play in this heartwarming tale.
Scrabble. Directed by Wes Anderson
FilmDRUNK keeps eating my comments…what is this shit, a pacman movie?
I have a scarf just like Rachel Ray’s. But I actually am plotting terror on your American asses. The scarf is making me do it.
They should make a "Chinese Checkers" movie. It would just be me, kicking everyone and anyone in the knees, because I hate that fucking game.
DBTI: a thriller about a young man who just wants to skate, but ends up skateing for his life, so as not to fall through the ice.
I’ll stop off at the COTW thread on my way home and nominate Stinky for that one.
No no Al. You are in Canada, therefore your scarf is somehow a product of Frenchy, meaning you with just shout out insults at American whilst smoking an unfiltered cigarette
Anyone who actually pays money for this movie should be cast in the theatrical release of "Smear the Queer".
They should make a movie for the game "Sorry" and just film the reaction of all my old girlfriends the moment I tell them that I gave them the AIDS.
You what game they should make a movie out of:
Stab Your Mother in the Fucking Face
No wait, that’s Parker Bros.
Michael Bay needs to remake Popeye
you with just shout out insults at American whilst smoking an unfiltered cigarette
I already do that.
Actually, I’m doing it right now.
Al, I’d follow you to the gates of hell…
…then kick you in and run.
I shout pleasantries at Canadians while drinking filtered water.
I drink unfiltered Belgian beer while shouting obscenities at the bottom of the bottle.
Who else would pay to see what Gus Van Zandt would come up with if you told him his next film had to be titled Chutes & Ladders?
Right, just me, then.
I’m not fully clean until I’m Zestfully clean.
Didn’t anyone else play "Snakes and Ladders" as a kid? WTF is up with this CHUTES bs?
TRUE STORY: Growing up, my best friend Mario had this dad who fucking loved to drink. We’d play this game called “Night Stalker” where he’d get really drunk and then we’d try to lock him out of the house. It was fucking ballistic.
snakes and ladders was the ripoff version, Al. Your family budgeted away your childhood, obviously.
I prefer to think of the S&L version as the bad-ass hard core version, Nom. You pussies couldn’t handle the snakes.
Snakes and Ladders is what N.W.A. used to play.
Chutes and Ladders is what Fallout Boy still plays.
And I’m sure you’re quite skilled at going down on snakes, far better at it than I could be.
Pssssssst (whispering), Al – quickly say something about his chute !!!!
Lemme guess, Al. The Canadian version of Candyland had nothing to do with LSD either?
or beg me to.
Al, I thought I heard something
"Something about his chute"
^ read that quickly
I resisted the urge to make a crap joke finishing your sentences there. But then couldn’t resist mentioning that I didn’t do it.
im kinda late for this but:
Michelle Malkin is a stupid whore that story pissed me off so much, what total bullshit
Al, are you even allowed to speak right now, seeing as how a hockey player died. Isnt it national mourning for Canada?
Come on everybody, can’t we all just fuck and suck and fuck and suck some more and then fuck and suck again and then get along?
Homos.
As a matter of fact, Eib, we’re all a bit stunned right now, and everyone’s talking about it. It’s worse than when Greg Moore died.
*Drops pants, holds arms out at sides*
somebody gonna start a slow clap for me or what?
Ok Cho
Hey, Fek, this is for you
http://www.towleroad.com/2008/05/shia-labeoufs-d.html
Seriously, if I got caught playing board games, my mom would beat the living fag outta me.
its is sad Al, he was very young. wow
Al, don’t take this the wrong way . . . who? Greg Moore? Who the fuck is that?
I have a special edition LOTR Risk
DOR SHO GAH!!
*Pauly dangles dick between thighs*
I’m getting ready to ring the bell, sounding the start of NPA.
also in socialist mexico, Monopoly is called Turista, and I had a Disneyland version of Turista
Bex, is the Shire the LOTR version of Australia in Risk?
Bex, I have LOTR one ring, that I actually wear. Dont tell, everyone will think Im a geek
wow……the tumbleweeds are back……..
the cool thing about the LOTR risk, is that if the ring is in your power you get greedy and send all your troops to protect it and lose, its weird EVERYONE I’ve played against and has come into posession of the one ring has the same thing happen to them it’s weird and creepy
Where the hell did everyone go, Bex?
Erswi:
Greg Moore (April 22, 1975—October 31, 1999) was a Canadian racecar driver who competed in the Indy Lights and CART World Series, where he had great success with several wins in both series and a championship in the 1995 Indy Lights series. However, his promising career and his life came to an end on October 31, 1999, when he was fatally injured in a violent crash on the 10th lap of the CART season finale, the Marlboro 500, at Auto Club Speedway in Fontana, California.
All this “sex talk” must of scared them off.
Speaking of “sex talk” – what the fuck are you two cybering on about?
eibz awesome AV, and do you wear the one ring on a chain like mr frodo?
no, on my thumb.
Cho, dont be sad, you’ll get yours
See look, I told you all Eib had the biggest boobs.
*Chodin sits patiently in corner, spit polishing the head of his dork.*
Thanks for the update on the CART driver there Al. (WTF is CART anyway?)
Next question, which hockey player died and why do I care?
I thought Americans liked racing. My bad :(
AW FUCK!!! The IT nazis have blocked over there. Not that I left more than four comments a month or so at Durden, but my fear is that my FD days may be limited. Iz gonna get Nominused up ‘ere!! What then? Work?!?!
Hey, some people died in America today!? Not quite sure who, where or when, but I’m pretty sure it’s happened today.
I like to wait ’till I really have to take a shit. Then see if I can beat myself to the bathroom in a race. It’s a Win/Win for ol’ Pauly D.
Chodin, I know it happened.
*licks blood-cum off fingers*
Crappy. Two words. Proxy server, motherfucker.
(technically that last word doesn’t count)
BTW, for your callousness Erswi, our Scrabbulous score is at 350 – 125. Guess who’s winning.
Cho, we are trying to further international relations. Please.
true story: I worked for a cell phone company and a customer was all upset because she didnt understand why she was billed international charges for calls in Canada.
Sorry Canada,some people are dumb
wow, Pauly, that made me vomit a little . Bravo
You’re kicking my ass. You started the game off with a 90 point word that used all seven of your letters. Truth is, it doesn’t bother me. You’ve won every game of Scrabulous we’ve played as well as whupping my ass regularly at Scramble, Word Twist and whatever else. But that’s OK b/c only Eibz gets to beat my ass at Attack.
crap check your PM
Thats right Al, I own that bitch.
…Pauly, I think this is the point where we chug that ol’ boot.
Waitress?
Pass that piss. I’m still kinda drunk from last night.
And I was just informed thta I was in a Country Western bar last night singing Karaoke. I don’t recall that at all.
The CART series is now called the Indy Racing League. Just think indy 500. That.
Chod, what was the naem of that piss boot place, where the waitresses were wearing roller skates…..
…something like "The Upturned Stool"?
That’s for the advice guys, but I got nailed w/the policy notice trying both of those. I feel like a turd swirling the bowl.
Crap, just pull that "Ed Norton whooping his own ass" shit from Fight Club.
I call it getting nominated. If that happens just do what I did: Work for the bastards for a minute, then quit on Memorial Day by email when you weren’t supposed to be there anyways. That way you screw yourself out of the holiday pay . Like Me! :&%
Nom, I worry about your dumb ass sometimes.
You mean you’re worried that I might come to find you, right? Cuz that’s what I’d be worried about if I were you.
No, it’s not that. I worry that if you were ever left to your own devices . . . yeah, I’m worried that you might come to find me. You don’t know where I live right?
I’m eating a mango, and I can’t wait to see how my jizz is going to taste.
Nommy, don’t worry, The Midwest 3 has got your back
side.BTK, I just got drunk and watched a chick fuck herself with a gourd online! QAPLAH!
Dammit Fek! URL, mofo!
I would usually say that I don’t care to see a bitch fuck herself with a gourd, but then I realized that I’m not at work, so yeah, I do feel curious about that. Hopefully I’ll get fired from this marriage too, and collect unemployment pussy.
Nommy, I’m man enough to admit that your av is kinda creeping me out. I’m not yet man enough to admit that it’s turning me on though.
Mango makes your cum taste like jizz.
in soviet russia jizz makes your cum taste like mango
But what if your eating jizz flavored mangos?
you’ll cause a rip in the space time continuum
or your cum tastes like grape fanta
I’d like that grape fanta chick to taste my cum…
For the blacks: "fanta" means "drink" in spanish.
naranja bex. puro naranja
and what is wrong with cum that tastes like mango? I had it all week in Houston. YUM!
How are my boys this week? i have a date so I must leave in a few.
Just like a gay guy. Come in all fast, suck the jizz out of the air, and leave just as quickly as he came…
Aint down with the 18 and under = dead 2 me
Well here he is, sorry boys, I must run this one is hung like a horse. Love those black boys
Hey if you guys are trying to looks piffy for the next Klan meeting, I recommend my personal tailor….
http://www.motherjones.com/photos/aryan-outfitters/
I’d hit that.
aryan outfitters dursted it :S
First
fag
Wow that felt gay. Now I know how it feels over there
<——om nom nom nom
you have to wait 2 more posts before you can post a First pauly
I’m a dyslexic counter
*Chodin’s radio flyer wagon rolls to a halt.*
Well, I guess I’m all out of gas…
What up you gays!?
Did you build that Radio Flyer cause your Dad beats you and killed your german shep?
I’d get a gold Radio Flyer as a pendant on a fat gold chain. That’s so "baller" of me….
http://www.efukt.com/1850_Orgasmic_Veggie_Fuck.html
That Radio Flyer kid shouldn’t have been surprised about the beatdowns. If I were Elijah Wood’s brother, I’d beat myself.
If I were Elijah Wood’s brother…I’d suck his preciousessessssess.
If I were Elijah Wood I would put my nuts on a dresser, just my nuts… and bang them shits with a spiked bat. Like PLAHW!
If I were Elijah Wood’s brother, I’d legally change my first name to ‘Looks like eight, but it’s really seven”.
If I were Elijah Wood’s brother, I would change my name to "The Good Son was a Pussy".
If I were Elijah Wood’s brother, I would start a band named "Fuck-Start Puppies".
If I were Elijah Wood’s brother, my pick-up line would be “Hey, wanna bump uglies? I’m Elijah Wood’s brother, Noah”.
If I were Elijah Wood’s brother, my incest would be a lot sexier.
If I were Elijah Wood’s brother, my pick-up line would be "Bitch, you aint had wood, ’till you had ‘Wood’ wood"
If I were Elijah Wood’s brother, my dick would C-walk down his throat.
If I were Elijah Wood’s brother, every doorman would hate me.
“Don’t you know who I am though!??! I’m fucking Elijah’s brother!? I mean, I’m not fucking him, but you know, I’m a Wood !”
If I were Elijah Wood’s brother, the song on my MySpace page would be "Lollipop" by Lil’ Wayne
If I were Elijah Wood’s brother, I would only go out at night to avoid meeting cheery people in the morning who think it’s fucking funny to say "Morning, Wood!"
Elijah Woodchuck
how the hell did this get started? awesome.
eelijah wood
Elishark wood
If I were Elijah Wood’s brother, I would get a tattoo of Elijah’s face on my chest and walk around shirtless.
If I were Elijah Wood’s brother, I would tell people he sucked my peen in my sleep.
if i were elijah woods brother id hang out with sean stins brother, and go to E! to score a reality show
If I were Elijah Wood’s mother, I’d show people my cooch, point, and say "this is where Elijah came out!"
If I were Elijah Wood’s brother, I’d punch him in the nuts and ask him why he wasn’t in ‘The Sandlot’ .
If I were Elijah Wood’s brother, I would invest my money into the "Titty Bear".
Then ride the cash wave.
If I were Elijah Wood’s brother, I’d punch him in the nuts and tell him Everything is Illuminated is a steaming piece of shit
If I were Elijah Wood’s brother, I wouldn’t tell a soul about Dad touching us.
If I were Elijah Wood’s brother I’d ask my Dad why he couldn’t wait 7 more years to fuck Mom, so Elijah could be in The Sixth Sense instead of a queer named "Haley" who can’t drive for shit.
If I were Elijah Wood’s brother, I would pierce nipples for a living.
If I were Elijah Wood’s brother, I would get a metal dick. Then go to the spot of town where they have primo robot fucking going on.
If I were Elijah Wood’s brother, I would have a conniption fit if the guy in the drive thru pushed the "other" bubble on my soda lid when I ordered a Dr. Pepper.
Hate to break stride here, but that reminds me: The local McDonald’s soda lids have a mysterious buble for "P" I’m pretty sure it doesn’t stand for Dr. Pepper or Pepsi. The only thing I could figure is that it stands for piss.
Did you order a McPiss, Donk?
Fuck, yeah Pauly. They asked me to leave.
Not sure if it was that, or if it was the fact that I was jerking off in the playplace.
we’re you riding the fry guys and jerking off? Because that’s heavily frowned upon in the playplace.
No, I took a dump at the top of the slide, slid to the bottom, threw a shoe at a kid playing on the video games, and then started jerking it in front of the birdie statue.
So you looked like this guy, Donk?
http://linkognito.com/b.php?b=791
"take it on the run, baby…."
More or less, Pauly. He didn’t have nearly as much on his face and in his hair, but the outfit was the same.
CODE BLUE (balls)!
If I were Elijah Wood’s brother, I’d be a short, gay, androgynous Iowan . . . wait. Aw damn it.
If I were Elijah Wood’s brother, I’d be a
short, gay, androgynousfat, loud-mouthed, Klingonian Iowan . . . wait. Aw damn it.FIXED! QAPLAH!
I have the sudden urge to make a comic book called "The Androgynous Android Andromeda"…sounds pretty macho, huh?
GRRR….
NEW ZEALAND SAUVIGNON BLANCDOMESTIC BEER!!!Only 2 boots of piss left for me. I’ll make it work.
Yayeeee Yellow Tail Shiraz!
Harvey Corman is dead. Empty rubber duckie :(
Aw, that sucks, Erswi.
It sucks that Corman is dead, but I still think Tim Conway made that show hum like a hooker on my nuts. Ok, that’s not true, I’ve never paid anyone to hum on my nuts. I have done some work in exchange, but never paid for it.
Walton and Johnson were reporting it on their morning show today and had a great quote. I’m not sure who it was from but somebody said "The world without Harvey Corman is a more serious place."
Fuck me, it’s Korman. I shoulda known that. Here’s a wiki excerpt.
Korman died on May 29, 2008 at UCLA Medical Center as the result of complications from a ruptured abdominal aortic aneurysm he had suffered four months previously.
I don’t know what a ruptured abdominal aortic aneurism is, but it sound hella painful.
Hedley Lamarr = Top 10 Greatest Characters Ever
John Ritter also died from an aortic aneurysm. God, I want to watch lots of the Carol Burnett show now.
Are Brendon and
LanceVinceLinceVance both sleeping in today?shhhh, yes, and they are so cute all naked and in each others arms like that….
Now here’s how you beat a dead horse!
http://www.sarahjessicaparkerlookslikeahorse.com/07.htm
Eib-you fucking slay Him sometimes….
Oh good, Fek
Thanks alot Donkey, now Vance isn’t gonna post it and I won’t get credick for the tip.
Hey Fek. Nice to see you made it through last night too. It was pretty fuckin’ dicey around here, but from the looks of it, not nearly as bad as in Iowa.
Thanks for the tip , Erswi. Next time, I want the whole thing.
Sorry Erswi, when I saw that I got more excited than Russell Crowe and Daniel Radcliffe in Equus combined. I just wasn’t thinking.
Brendon seems to be up and at ‘em and leading off wiff Harvey Korman.
Also, Eibz that was the whole thing. Sorry.
I was afraid of that.
I could really go for some fried clams right now.
Yeah I almost emailed Vance about Harvey Korman. I was shocked that Brendon had already drank his milkshake though…
What up bitches? It’s bee a weird week but some surfing and then some alcamahol will make everything just fine. I only have to get through work… FAPPY HRIDAY!
PS: Does Hasbro make Ouija boards? I like to think that Emos everywhere are contributing profits to a board game maker…
J-yeah, the worst of it was north of me. I reckon Teh Rapture has come for Waterloo, though…
BTK: Does anyone on this site wear American Apparel gear? I went into an American Apparel once. Once!
The Mighty Fek’lhr wears khakis to work, does that count?
BTK, He is still pissed about that Rachel Ray thing
(you know, her not letting Him creampie her).Bryce, if you’re over 21 and you went into an American Apparel store, I’m pretty sure that your picture is now in a government database somewhere; or at least it should be.
The hottest American Apparel models still look like dudes.
What do I know? I’m foreign…
716 year olds are perfectly legal for me.You know, when you cross out the seven, it only makes it look fancier.
The Mighty Fek’lhr would like to do seven 16 year olds at once!
Boys or girls!Oh wait!!!! Backgammon the Movie…
I’d *yawn* watchzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
The first American Apparel here used to have cut outs of unedited 70′s porn laminated and hung on the walls. It was cool except for all the ladies being attacked by what I can only assume were small hairy rodents. Scary. I don’t go there now that they took down their only redeeming feature.
new up btk