IT’S MUCH BETTER IN RUSSIAN
05.23.08
After the jump, watch the Russian version of the Wanted trailer. Besides being a lot bloodier, it’s far more effective in Russian because since I don’t speak Russian, I can focus on the awesome visuals rather than the lame, poor man’s Bourne plot.
Basically, its appeal is similar to that of Russian mail-order brides. What’s that, you’re hungry? You want to talk to your family? Your handcuffs are too tight? Hmm, we’re gonna have to get over this language barrier soon. Until then, Daddy’ll be motorboating.
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I have sex like that before work except without the tie and the girl.
Wait, this is that stupid curving bullets flick? I remember the English language trailer having a lot less of the office nerd and a lot more Angelina Jolie. I guess that’s what you get when you lose the Cold War.
Do you know what is better than this?
Movies that don’t suck. DOR SHO GHA!
Whenever I shoot at Angelina, my bullets curve as well. However, they’ve not yet curved around her. Mostly they curve towards her face. Also, my bullets are white and gooey.
The Soviet version of this film would have ended with all of the assassins who could curve bullets being rounded up and executed by the government while a voice over in the background explained that they were unpatriotic and a danger to the mother Russian state because they were not doing their best work for their fellow man.
Nope, no joke in there, Soviet Russia sucked.
In Soviet Russia, you curve around bullets?
If you could curve your bullets and hit your target everytime, imagine the scores of frightening redneck poontang you could score.
Hey baby, lemme open that Natty Light for ya. Turn around and hold it out in fronnaya.
*BAM!*
Did you just shoot at me?!
Shore did
Get over here and fuck me, wild man!
Morgan Freeman’s always helping white guys step up dey game.
Impact Physics (I just invented that field of inquiry, thanks) show that when an item breaks upon impact, much of its force is dispersed, whereas when an item maintains its state, it more efficiently transfers its energy to the target, causing greater damage to the target.
That shit is true, but the exploding keyboard is a lot cooler looking than a bat just going ‘donk!’ and the guy falling down.
I hope that, in the Russian dubbed version, before he smashes that keyboard across the guys face, he turns to it and says "Sorry Keebord, but I must break yoo"
In Soviet Russia, movies suck you
Wait, um….
I like how when he breaks the keyboard on that dude’s face, the letters come at me flying and say "QWERTY" in Russian.
Clever Pinkos.
El Topo, Stranger in a Strange Land . . . nice.
Look, I’m not nit-picking, but since the dude keyboard-pimp slapped the other dude on the left side of his face, shouldn’t the blood be coming from that side of his mouth? Ok, so I am nit-picking, you wanna do sumfin’ about it? Well, do ya tuff guy?
You wouldn’t believe me if I told you anyway, but there is a new post about, ah fuck it.
JHC: I’ve convinced myself he must have had a mouthful of coffee when he got keyboard-slapped. There’s only so far I’m willing to suspend my disbelief, ya know?