I AM AMBIVALENT ABOUT PHILLIP MORRIS
05.16.08
To the left is the new poster from Cannes for I Love You Phillip Morris [Cinematical]. The movie stars Jim Carrey’s balls and Ewan McGregor and is based on the true story of a con artist who fell in love with his cellmate then conned his way out of Texas prisons four times after his beloved cellmate was paroled. I once had a beloved cellmate. Once.
This movie has many of the things I love: short cons, long cons, prison rape, hottie Ewan McGregor, and gay dudes sticking it to the man . . . And yet I just can’t muster much of an interest in this film.
I don’t really care that much about you, Phillip Morris. Let’s just be friends. - RoboPanda
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I love you Philip Morris, but I am not in love with you. Sorry it has to be this way
If I was gay, I know for a fact that I would NOT put out for Jim Carrey. Maybe Tom Selleck though.
If my cellmate looked like Jim Carrey I’d rape myself.
If Jim Carrey was my cellmate Id be cellibate
Alternate titles:
Can’t we just hold hands Phillip Morris?
Who’s your Daddy, Phillip Morris?!
TAKE IT BITCH!!! TAKE IT!!!
See, the problem with movie ideas nowadays is that they suck. But they suck with a mouthful of Vicks VapoRub, so they at least teach us a valuable lesson.
Think about it guys (and gal) if Jim Carrey was your cell mate you’d need to stick something in his mouth to get him to shut the fuck up every now and then.
Exactly….like Vicks VopoRub.
true, but in my case it would be my fist!
VopoRub is the prison issue VapoRub.
whats with the Vicks, Nom? (oh, by the way, I missed you terribly) It sounds painful and icky
Hahaha, Phillip Morris… because he’s SMOKING! Get it? You get that shit? He’s SMOKING!
I guess you could at least stuff some Michael Vicks VapoRub in there, get endorsement deals and all. Okay, off to work on that flat note. Peas
Nice use of pastel polo shirts to illustrate that they are gay. They should also have a big bottle of mineral water…
I miss you too Nikki…er, um Eib. Eib right? Yeah, miss you too.
PS: Vance is dead, long live Robo-Panda!
I heard that they met as cell mates in Prison and fell in love over talk of movie blogging… HEY!
Jerk. So fickle you are, Nom. I am telling Erswi!!!
PS:
VanceThe Queen is dead, long live The KingRobo-Panda!FIXED
Those anti-smoking Truth ad people are gonna be pissed about that billboard.
Wait, a bill board that says "in production". Shit, Jim Carrey could choke on his own schtick and die before they wrap. Wont they feel stupid then
Wait, a bill board that says "in production". Shit, Jim Carrey could choke on his own dick
schtickand die before they wrap. Wont they feel stupid thenFIXED!
Well he is a contorsionist…
The Truth commercials remind me that God hates us.
gay dudes sticking it INto the man
Am I the only one who thought of that?
The original title was gonna be:
I ♥ Skoal Bandits, but they didn’t want people to think it was another NASCAR movie.
BET is looking into legal action because of its 1998 movie, "I Love You Newports."
Anyone else think that it looks like Carrey is hugging Woody Harrelson and not Obi Ewan Kenobi?
The previews will say "This year’s Atonement, only (slightly) gayer"
Harry Knowles raves, "This film made me long for any physical contact!"
I told Phillip Morris that I loved him. He replied with a note in the mail. It was in a perfumed envelope sealed with a wax stamp that had a heart imprint. All the ‘I’s in the addressing had little hearts above them.
I opened the envelope and little flakes of glitter and heart-shaped confetti fell out.
The actual note was written on the most beautiful linen stationary I’d ever seen.
On the paper was one simple phrase -
"I’m not gay."
Obviously, he was lying Stone.
For some reason "I escaped prison for you" isn’t as appealing a line to the ladies as it is to the fellas.
When I was 16, I told Phillip Morris that I loved him. 13 years later we’re still living happily in flavor country.
NEW UP BTK
I’ll wait for the lesbian-themed sequel, I Love You, Virginia Slim