GRR, TITS AND FIRE
05.27.08
This is the teaser poster for Witchblade, a comic book movie that will be out next year. I don’t know much about the plot, but I’m guessing it involves tits and dragons, tits and aliens, tits and robots, or some combination of the three.
The story follows a specially chosen female who comes into possession of “a supernatural, sentient artifact with immense destructive and protective powers” called the Witchblade. The jewel-encrusted gauntlet gives the wearer extraordinary powers. The feature length theatrical live-action film will take a “more horror [sic]-based approach.” [/Film]
It’s part of a critically acclaimed series of graphic novels whose titles also include Slut Dagger, DVDAK-47, and of course, Lesbotank.
![[avatar]](http://p.uproxxcdn.com/global/images/default-avatar.jpg){kind=avatar}
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2009/04/fighting_terrencehow-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2008/11/bitchslap-150x150.jpg)
If that glove is sentient, and the first thing it tries to do is NOT put itself down that girl’s pants then I ain’t interested. I hear Michael Jackson would offer millions for it.
I’m more likely to fuck the punch bowl, than to let this chick give me a Handy-J on prom night.
And a million geeks have just messed their pants.
Surely you all remember the tv show Witchblade. And yes, I’m calling you all Shirley.
Anyhoo, that woman who played witchblade was a bit of a dude no?
Dude, is that the new Power Glove?
Trust me bros, I’ve dated amputees before, and a girl with a robot arm is pretty fucking awesome for popping beers open!!!! TOGA! TOGA! DATE RAPE! TOGA!
Ten bucks says this makes an awesome game for the Wii.
Finally, some robot fucking.
The only real set back from getting a handski from a girl with a robot arm, is the tetanus shot that follows.
If I were to spooge on her arm, would I get electrocuted?
If it’s like the comic or tv show she’s a cop. I thnk her parents are dead or something. The arm activates a suit of armor around her. I think, orrrr I’ve been drinking again.
I still can’t get past the fact that it’s fucking sentient. What if the chick was willing but the scary robot-glove wasn’t quite as impressed?
Lesbotanks do battle by rubbing against each other.
Sounds like you’d come down with a case of genital hurties Donk.
That’s just a fancy hand buzzer.
Also, lesbotanks are only sleek and shiny and all pretty looking on late night cable television. In real life, lesbotanks are big, clunky, dirty and hate men. Fuck real life.
Michelle, would that be the TNT series starring the legendary Yancy Butler? Her eyebrows were only exceeded by her penis.
Slut Dagger was so great, she’d just let you plunge it in anywhere, anytime.
A Lesbotank is a Subaru Outback, with tie-dye camo and Burkenstocks tied together for the treading.
Lesbotank’s Slogan: I don’t need a big cannon to lick my opponents!
Why yes Burnsy, yes it was. I like to chase my husband around the house imitating her voice. He screams like a little girl. MWAHAHAHAHHHH
The armor from her Power Glove only acttivate when she throws up the "Westside".
*Chodin leans in close*
Pssst, spoiler alert: this movie is going to fucking suck, shhhhh….
I am so excited that I just posted my last comment from my phone in the office lavatory.
Anybody see the previews for Hellboy 2?
Burnsy, the job isn’t finished until the paperwork is done.
NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERDS!!!
How many takers to do have that at some point during this movie, the witchblade guantlet throws up a middle finger at somebody?
Did it Burnsy?
Suggested tagline: Nothing comes between me and my Witchblade.
I think this film has promise becuase the writers obviously think like me. If I were a supernatural, sentient artifact with immense destructive and protective powers, the first thing I’d do is get a hot chick naked.
Not even tits and fire could make me want to see this heap of bat shit.
Witchblade is the new lady razor by Schick.
The only think hotter than a chick with an entient artifact, is a chick with a can of fucking mace.
Hows about tits on fire, Chod?
You guys all know that if Roboslut was sitting on the corner offering two-for-one mouth hugs, you would not turn her down.
Mace that looks like an air horn, Chodin?
Does it count as a nerd boner if its not the movie that brings it about, but just because you want to dive into that chicks ass crack with uncommon zeal and vigor?
Yeah! Witchblade! The hottest comic book movie of 1998!
"Honey!? Can you open this jar of jelly? The darn lid’s stuck again!"
BTK, I can’t believe the kid with the blue paint on his shirt didn’t win for CotW!
Witchblad fever! (tetanus) Catch it!
"Honey!? Can you use that whichykabob to finish getting my new thumb drive out of its package? I cut nicked the dickens out of my finger!"
I can’t wait for the live action version of "Pogs"!
Spoiler Alert:
The Witchblade’s evil artifact nemesis, the Warlock-knife shows up and chooses a guy. The epic final battle is an arm-wrestling competition on par with Sly Stallone’s performance in Over the Top.
Sweet avi Luch
Yer the only 1 who noticed ‘moz.
The real kicker is when she gets ready to use the Witchblade’s ultimate weopon, a comb snaps out of the wrist and she quaffs the evildoers hair.
Thanks to this movie, all I can talk about is titties, getting women…….and that stuff.
Witchblade tells its user to lick its thumb so that it can scrub the dirt off of childrens’ faces.
I didn’t quite phrase that ventriloquist thing with Danny Trejo right, did I? I meant to imply that Quentin looked like a dummy and Trejo was throwing his voice for him.
weird, my RSS feed just told me there was a new post…..and I posted upon it.
my apologies.
Dont ask her for a handjob
I bet that thing smells like the inside of a two month old cast.
But how can a jewel-encrusted gauntlet tell if she’s been sniffing coke? Which is her drug of choice…
If the jewel-encrusted gauntlet does not fit, you must acquit!
Sentient alien doodad my ass, Vince would still kick her ass at thumb wrestling
If it’s that time of the month, two parts of her body taste like metal.
It’s really just the aliens way of flashing that bling, yo!
oh man i hope either christopher lambert or marc dacascos is in this film!!
this bullshit has nothing on SlutCoper:Destroying Revenge