Friday Free for All is a regular feature on FilmDrunk in which I post random videos from around the world, similar only in their awesomeness. Send your tips to lance@filmdrunk.com.
Today’s video comes from Cracked. I’m not sure how old it is, but I found it rather humorous. It’s about a guy who creeps out his blind date by telling her about his job making coffins. It really hits home for me, because sometimes the ladies ask, "So, what do you do?" And I get all sheepish, and I’m like, "Well… You’re not going to believe this, but… I’m the guy from FilmDrunk."
"The who from what?" they’ll ask, and that’s when I bust out my clubbin’ stick. Girls love that mushy stuff. -Thanks to Fek for the tip
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fek i need to know more about those blood books that is really fucking creepy-awesome
When the ladies ask what I do, I say, "This" and rape away!
The Mighty One must admit, being a Klingon that is good with money is a big hit with
biker gangsthe ladies."So, what do you do?" And I get all sheepish, and I’m like, "Well… You’re not going to believe this, but… I’m the guy from FilmDrunk."
I do the same thing, only it’s at that point that the ladies underwear come off as they say, " Oh my fucking God. I’ve soooo wanted to fuck JHC for the longest time."
Women seem to love that I’m “chodin” from filmDRUNK, but then when I pull my pants down they guess my other avatar on durden: “toeNAIL_dick13″.
I tell women that I’m Jacktion! That gets me a TON of poon.
Bex-Everything you need to know about Blood Books is in the mind of a retard. A retard that looooooves Shaquille O’Neal.
Truth be told, if the line “I’m chodin from filmdrunk” ever worked, I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t want to fuck Fek’s wife anyways.
hahahaha ok fek that killed the legend
HAZ O MUERTE!!!
When ladies ask me who I am on FilmDrunk, I just wink and say, "Qaplah, baby" and those panties are set to disintegrate.
I would totally go out with a coffin maker. I actually freaked out a mortician once, because of my vast knowledge of the history of his job. I think I really did scare him. oh well
I would totally go out with a coffin maker. I actually freaked out a mortician once, because of my vast knowledge of the history of his job. I think I really did scare him. oh well
I would totally go out with a coffin maker. I actually freaked out a mortician once, because of my vast knowledge of the history of his job. I think I really did scare him. oh well
I would totally go out with a coffin maker. I actually freaked out a mortician once, because of my vast knowledge of the history of his job. I think I really did scare him. oh well
I would totally go out with a coffin maker. I actually freaked out a mortician once, because of my vast knowledge of the history of his job. I think I really did scare him. oh well
I would totally go out with a coffin maker. I actually freaked out a mortician once, because of my vast knowledge of the history of his job. I think I really did scare him. oh well
I would totally go out with a coffin maker. I actually freaked out a mortician once, because of my vast knowledge of the history of his job. I think I really did scare him. oh well
I would totally go out with a coffin maker. I actually freaked out a mortician once, because of my vast knowledge of the history of his job. I think I really did scare him. oh well
I’m just like that guy from True Lies who tries to move in on Jamie Lee Curtis. Except most of my targets are closer to Eliza Dushku’s age in that movie.
Eibz, you should go out with Michael J. Fox, apparently you have a lot in common.
Congrats Eibz, you’re todays lucky winner on “I’m A Douche”.
I told this one chick that i was "Chodin from Filmdrunk" and my Mom totally wanted to bang me
So Eib, would you ever go out with a coffin maker?
Chod-Yeah, well…I coulda been YOUR wife if the dog hadn’t beat me over the fence!
I actually fucked a chick once in a coffin, true story. The worst part though was running out of dirt when I tried to reburying her.
I sure do like looking at all dem titties!
Fek’ – leave my bitch out of this. We’re happy, we’re together, plus we love key parties.
NEW UP!
I
I
I
I
UH I WANT THE KNIFE!!!
PLEASE!?!?
The hardest part about being a coffin maker?
My dick, that’s what, fag.
FEK’LHRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!
I want to be buried in a solid gold coffin so at least I’ll still be desirable to grave robbers.
I’ve never understood people wanting to be cremated when they die!? I mean, how’s somebody gonna’ fuck your jaw off when you’re a pile of ash?
I am so sorry. I dont know what happened. I think my daughter did something.
WHA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!
I want to be cremated when I die and then have the ashes shoved inside of a fleshlight.
Immortality, it’s yours! FUCK IT!!!!!
please dont hate me
Eibz, stop letting your kin use your filmdrunk account. I mean, she says some funny shit, but that multi-post was really fucked up, bro.
I use the "I’m Craptastic from FD, once… once." I didn’t know a tazer to the ballsack could make you get taint cancer.
I want my wedding vows to say:
“…through sickness and in health, and then also when you’re fucking dead inside of a coffin and I’m digging you up to fuck you and smell your clothes, ya goddamn hippy…”
I want to get married in a coffin and then burried in a church.
Hey, she also opened up the Happening site. Im not sure which is worse
When I die I want to be liquified and made into a milkshake.
I wanna get packed into fireworks and shot into a crowd at a cancer survivors candle light vigil while "Sexecutioner" by Gwar is played over a loadspeaker.
I tell the boys I’m Eibmoz from FilmDrunk. Invariably, the response is "I thought you had big boobs?"
Crap, taint cancer is no laughing matter. It’s the number one cause of death among pregnant strippers.
I’m getting stuffed when I die. I don’t know whether I want to be on my back with my hands and knees in front of me so you can put a plate of glass on top and make me into a coffee table or if I want to be standing upright so I can be a coatrack (with a peg for umbrellas, of course).
<sad that only Fek could possibly know that song and realize how epic that would be>
…sigh…
I would not drink that milkshake. Sorry Burnsy
When I die, I want to be sitting at a red light and tthen have everyone behind me try to fight when the light turns.
When I die, I want to be in the middle of a toga class and have a note around my neck that says, “Don’t fuck up my concentration” .
Yep, that’s right kids….a toga class. TOGA! TOGA! FUCK YOU! TOGA!
<—- I don’t want to die from an aortic aneurysm.
I want to be mauled to death by a panda when I die, because who doesn’t want to punch a fucking panda bear before they die?
When I die, I hope some chick with cornrows hits me with her shitty car.
I want to die on the toilet, but right before a huge dump, because when they lift me off fuck them.
<sad that only Fek could possibly know that song and realize how epic that would be>
More like Epic Fail!
BONG!!!!!!!!!!
When I die, I want a couple of good lookin’ chicks to treat me like Bernie.
When The Mighty Fek’lhr dies, He wants His coffin to be shot out into outer space, but burn up on re-entry so He can cover the world in one last, defiant taint.
When I die I want to be stuffed and used as a practice platform for virgins.
When I die, I want the whole world to go with me. Fuck you all.
Burnsy, homosexual male virgins?
When I die, I want it to be for a good, and just cause.
I want to find the sexual threshold of the human body.
BOING!!! I didn’t mean stuffed like taxidermy!
When I die, I’m keeping my organs.
Ya, JHC has a problem with the whole, "committing to death" thing.
When I die, I want to be documented as the first human being to ever try and fuck a silverback gorilla. You know, for science.
Wait, you want to die fucking Robin Williams?
At least I’ll be burried with a smile across my face Eibz.
And hair between my teeth.
When I die, I want everyone to piss on my coffin when I’m getting lowered into my hole. Ya know, so I’m not he one that comes off as an asshole.
When I die, I want to take an entire marketplace full of civilians with me…now if I could just finish…this….fucking…jihad…application…
I want to die from Bear kisses.
Tune into my radio show today as I discuss all the ways I’m going to eventually kill all of you. Also, baseball legend Oddibe McDowell stops by toshare his homemade yogurt recipes.
When I die, I want to be looking at a giant red ‘X’ trying to figure out what the fuck it’s for, and then BAM! A fucking piano.
My last words are going to be "I’m gonna fuck that guy up, even if it kills me"
That guy? Jesus during the second coming.
I could hook that up, chodin. The fighting a panda thing, not the fucking a silverback thing. Ah, who am I kidding? I could hook up both. Panda riding a silverback riding a Swayzaur is the way to go, bitches ‘n’ hoes.
When I die, I want to be eaten by a giant pussy with teeth.
I want to be the first victim of the "Gary Busey Bomb" I’m creating in my basement.
i want to OD on weed.
When I die I want VaLince to post it with "1979 to 2009" and all you guys change your avatars to different pictures of me licking asshole.
What do I want to do when I die?
2 chicks at the same time…..
i want to OD on weed.
Can’t be done…trust me…
I want the way I die to be unique. I wanna be stabbed in the heart by a stingray.
No fucking way! Really?
I want to blow up a large group of people using a common mode of transportation, and all in the name of a good cause. You know, like Carrie Underwood’s tits.
I want to be shot down IN A BLAZE OF GLORY!
…By cops after I start euthanizing people outside of theaters showing Sex & the City.
BTK, I will never forget this time I walked in on my sister watching MTV (why couldn’t she just be fucking a black guy like all good white teenage girls?), and they had this fucking show on where people call in and talk about their fucking problems.
This fucking bitch calls in all crying because she says she smokes an OUNCE of weed a DAY.
This cunt is either a liar or misinformed as hell. In my hayday of smoking, where I was high like 24/7 (my brother, too), we could be smoking crazy bongs and lighting other people up with blunts and shit and not burn through an ounce in a WEEK. (We are talking at least two people {usually more like 4 or 5} blazing away on a fucking bag)
Testify, ganja brothers!
Have a good weekend, you cold pricklys. I’m gonna go get arrested for forcing myself on some warm fuzzies.
In all seriousness, I hope Erswi or his wife aren’t involved with this.
http://www.wdsu.com/news/16437837/detail.html
Fek, she was probably one of those dumbasses you can sell a weak, stemmy eighth to for the price of an ounce cuz she don’t know no foolass metric. Stay in school, kids.
A girl once asked me what I do.
I told her "I kill chicks who ask questions."
She said, "Really?"
So I cut her head off.
Baby coffins? Reminds me of this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tbmf-bo1lDc
This was a very odd series. Brave but not really considered successful. I may have to check it out again
Robo-You just reminded me of this time I sold this fucking 15 year old kid an "eighth" totally weighed down with seeds and stems, and he fucking says to me, "Dude, this stuff looks bunky!", so I got all gangsta and said something like, "Get out of here before I kick your ass!" It’s fun pushing wussies around!
Dude, J, I hope you are fucking right.
Fek, I would go through about 5 blunts a day minimum when I was in my smoking prime (right before probation). I would go through an ounce in about 3-5 days.
I know that coffin maker dude. He has a gift. He put little rims on mine, and I didn’t even need to ask. He just knew I wanted some rims.
I can’t even imagine blazing an ounce in one day (alone). I wouldn’t even have enough time to stop smoking an play N64!
GRRR…QB CLUB 98!!!!!!
Don’t worry J, I’m pretty sure all of Erswi’s clay is impacted.
In my prime hanging with the four regulars at "The Dungeon" an oscar would last a 3-day weekend of committed burning, if it was Mexi Red of dubious quality. We tried that shit with a quarter ozer of some high powered purple haired indo and I was so lit I couldn’t sit up indian style. Good times.
<stares of into space>
I want to die in a hot tub/neon accident. A very very sexy hot tub neon accident. Mwrrawwwllll!
I used to get this fucking hydro from a guy, an eighth would last all week. Fucking by the time you decided it would be cool to smoke more, it was already tomorrow.
Two things I’d like to bring up that are off topic, but, meh.
J, I do the same thing whenever a Klingon comes into my office. First thing that pops into my head is "I bet he knows Fek’lhr"
We’re all a little racist inside.
Whenever I see a greasy yellow slope, I scream "VC!" and start karate chopping the air and pretent to take pictures of them with my air camera.
http://dirtyhairy.blogspot.com/2008/05/my-favourite-weed-story.html
QAPLAH!
J-I work with a guy that looks like Ricardo Montalban from "Battle for Planet of the Apes".
I was in my ’71 T-bird once with my cousin, my friend, and some dude who’s now on my "People I have to kill" list. We were on the way to the drive-in and we decided to smoke out the "Dirty Bird". Well, I get pulled over and the fucking windows stop working all of a sudden. So I pull over, and the cop taps on my window, I have to open the door and billows of smoke fall out right in the cops face. It was like a Cheech and Chong movie.
When ever I see an Asian guy I yell Tokyo Drift and kick them in the chins. I guess I still do that to everyone but mostly Asian Guys.
Which PotA was it where some dude was stuck in an underground BART station with an ape and it kinda went onto an Enemy Mine "we can get along) angle until the ape saw a poster of kids poking sticks at an ape in a cage and then he lost his shit and hated on the human again?
Or did I just get out of "the tent."
MUTHERFUCKING CLOCK DO THAT SPINNY ROUNDY THING FASTER DADDY NEEDS A DRINK!!!
My boss is sitting on the other side of the desk from me. I have five minutes until I get out of here. I am fighting the urge to throw a fucking stapler.
I should have put a line break after each of those sentences and called that poetry.
I would keep mouthing the words "fuck you, pussy" until he looked up at me, Donk.
I’m amazed that I haven’t been caught for only having my middle finger on top of the mouse yet.
Walk behind your boss and start air humping the shit outta him. That’s what I’m doing to our General Manager RIGHT NOW!
Pauly, I do that to my boss all the time and he just threatens to tell our mom.
Whoohoo! I’m free! Time to start drinking!
Robo, I try to air hump whoever, whenever. It lets off steam, like the yelling at deaf people thing.
*tumbleweed rolls by. Pauly, hiding behind a corner, runs and kicks the tumbleweed like a kick-ball*
Motherfucker gave me the stink-eye.
That tumbleweed has been bored out to big. Hmmm… Aha, snatches (hehe) rattlesnake, "Alright baby, unhinge that jaw, and no teeth!"
FUCK! You scared me. Thought I was alone.
/pokes his head back into the room
Did I leave a box of Trojan Jr.’s here?
Yup. I blew them all up and tied them to your birfday dog.
New up, shitbombs.