FELDMANIA HAIMDOWN PART DEUX
05.05.08
In a turn of events shocking to at least 3 retards playing jacks, Lost Boys 2: The Tribe has failed to secure a theatrical release *sad suck monkey ;-{ *
Fans worldwide could not convince Warner Brothers executives to launch the second coming of the Emerson family on theater screens this summer. Instead, The Lost Boys: The Tribe will make its debut on home video this July. Which is actually better for us fans in some respects. We’ll get to watch it as many times as we want. And the home market grosses will surely be enough to insure a third outing. [MovieWeb]
That’s right, in a way, this is actually good news. Corey’s also noticed that his hairline has been receding – but that means he’ll be able to save up all the money he’s been spending on conditioner and buy a great big house out in the country. He and Haim will be able to move there some day real soon and then they’ll just live off the fat of the land. And they’ll raise rabbits! Red ones, blue ones, purple ones – all kinds a rabbits that nobody’s even seen before. They’ll be so soft and furry, and no one bothers you out there so I reckon you can just pet the rabbits all day if you want to. Oh, it’s gonna be perfect.
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http://fstdt.com/fundies/comments.aspx?q=38738
This guy makes porno sound sexy!
The Two Coreys do everything together, including going number 2.
"Dont you understand man? This spike is a metaphor of my career, it tapers down to an obscure point and then dissapears."
banner cap: "I cut Jews, meng!"
D2V > A2M
If you stick this spike up both nostrils, you can do lines three times fatter than usual. Trust me. When you have to snort rails longer that the Transcontinental Railroad to get high, you start looking for shortcuts.
The third outing, Lost Boys 3: Electric Boogaloo, will be released straight to YouTube and will feature outtakes such as Corey Feldman yelling at the camera operator "C’mon MAMA, keep that shit focused, you know you came highly recommended, but I’ll fire your ass if you don’t get me in frame properly!"
Investors explained, ” Well, considering the movie is a piece of shit, we’re worried that this may hinder certain audiences from going out and watching it.”
But this movie tested so well with fecalfeliacs.
My official statement about this is "Really? Holy shit, I did not see that coming! Also, the straps attached to either side of this red rubber ball make it extra challenging to pick ‘em all up when I’m playing with Daryl and Daryl"
Empty heroin balloon :(
“…The Lost Boys: The Tribe will make its debut on home video this July. Which is actually better for us fans in some respects [because now we can burry the un-opened DVDs near a creek behind my neighbor's house.] “
After fanboyz convinced distributors the Snakes on a Plane should get a theatrical run, execs said of these douchey fucks with three fansite logons talking about how hard "all their friends" are to see this, could "Go jack off to Sailor Moon until there dicks fall off
Meanwhile, this frees Feldman up to star in his sequel project, Stand By Me 2: Not so close…little farther…fuck man, you can’t afford a bar of soap?. Haim has the role of the dead body…twenty years too late.
You have to love the optomistic spin of the story. In related news it’s better that the tumor I have is inoperable as I will most likely develop telepathy and mind reading abilities.
What was that about Tori and Arron earlier?
How is it, that out of the two vampire movies, Twilight is the only one getting a theatrical release?
awww man this is so cool, Iron Man rocked the weekend the Coreys are back! now if only those pesky grain prices would come down, all would be perfect in the world
A studio exec released the following statement, “All your fanboy movie belong to me.”
He then laughed diabolically.
Now, more than ever, would be the perfect time for License to Drive 2: Carpooling.
This should skip a DVD release and go straight to VHS. My uncle will be one of the only people that rents this and he keeps newts.
I’m kinda looking forward to Meatballs 5: Chin Slappin’, Pauly.
They should skip the home-video market and send this flick straight to HELL.
People who pick this up out of the $5 bin at Wal-mart or gonna be pissed when the opening credits roll and they then realize that it’s not the director’s cut version of the original.
The Corey’s careers sleep during the day.
Everyday.
And night.
Especially on holidays.
GRRR…LEMONADE TACOS!!!
(Johnson County fair is only two months away, I am going to take my digital camera and PROVE that Lemonade Tacos exist!!!)
Fek’- lemonade tacos sounds like almost as much of a bad idea as a sequel to The Lost Boys.
"Lemonade Tacos" sounds like what happens when a woman can’t control her bladder.
J! I need you! Back me up on this!
Fek’- lemonade tacos sounds like almost as much of a bad idea as “getting cancer”.
Lemonade tacos only sell in the whitest parts of the country. You want to turn a buck in Compton, you’d better come with the grape drink enchiladas.
Lemonade tacos is what you make for Cinco de Mayo when life gives you lemons and refried beans.
A "lemonade taco" is what you get when you douche with Pledge.
On the bright side… no fingerprints.
The only time I would order "Lemonade Tacos" is if the only other item on the menu was Dick on a stick.
Cancer Almanac At Grimly Riot!!!
Anagram for…
Anagrammatically Incorrect
Pauly-dick on a spic?
Are "Lemonade Tacos" a euphemism for an asian vagina?
Lemonade tacos go very well with a tall, cool glass of refried beans, lettuce, tomato, cheese, and spicy ground beef.
Fek, that’s what “Chorizo” means.
I’ll back you up on the Lemonade Tacos, Fek, but the fried coke is better. That’s right bitches, freeze a block of coca-cola, bread that shit, and fry the summabitch. USA! USA! USA!
Pauly, you funny bastard. You just added cream to my lemonade taco.
Retards playing with Jack’s what?
OH, I see. No wonder he hasnt been around today. I guess you gotta get some wherever you can
*Climbs on top of a Winnebago, spreads arms out, lands perfect swan dive into a butter cow sculpture*
Yay! Robo saves the day!
I am still taking a picture at the Johnson County fair, though.
OF MY PUBES!
Susie, as long as there isn’t "extra cheese" on said taco.
Fact: Butter Cow scares Him almost as much as clowns.
Is this thing on? Hello?
I swear, I’m posting things that are not appearing…
Hey, you guys know what happened to Stone Soup today? He just suddenly stopped posting like 2 hours ago.
Yeah, the Butter Cow is disturbing. That’s like kidnapping a guy and keeping him in a cage for years while collecting all his feces then making a sculpture of him out of it and saying, "Hey, dude, check it out! I got a third place ribbon and a gift certificate for a Dilly Bar with this."
Ok. This is fucked up. I’ve posted the same joke 3 times now, and it’s not appeared. But, my rambling complaints are.
Clearly Lance has installed a bad joke filter.
Fact: Butter Cow scares Him almost as much as clowns.
:: gives Fek a reassuring pat on the head ::
Then you make the guy watch you have sex with the sculpture of him while you eat the Dilly Bar. Then you make hamburgers and handbags out of the dude.
Butter Cow. July ’09. Rated R. Directed by Eli Roth.
Ok. I have no idea what word is causing a filter to snag my post, but I’m about to flip.
Stone, it’s f@ggoty. Trust me on this one.
Architecture
There’s not even anything REMOTELY racey in it.
M o v i n g v e r y s l o w l y . . . S e r v e r m e l t d o w n i n 3… 2… 1…
I blame Corey Haim.
That may be your problem, Stoney. Try adding a BTK spin on it. This ain’t Lazytown.com.
Architecture
WATCH YOUR FUCKING MOUFF!
I’m gonna try posting it in two parts. This is now a fucking science experiment:
"Architecture has a similar setup."
Uhhh, yeah. I actually gotta agree wiff Robo on this one.
Ok – I tried to post the second half – it failed. I’m going to go word by word.
Good
Feldamania Haimdown is now my new band name in Rockband.
designs
go
to
Stone: let me know when you’re done, I’m gonna nominate it for COTW.
Big Butter Jesus, GIS it.
Holy shit – I found it. The word W E A L T H Y is filtered? WHAT THE FUCK?
It would make an awesome avi…
…IF I COULD CHANGE MY FUCKING AVI!!!!!
It’s to keep all the slackjawedmouthbreather.com dating sites from spamming here. Try using "inordinately well financed".
Stone are you a spammer now?
Finish the joke Stone, the suspense is killing me
Oooohh – from the spam sites…
Here’s the edited joke in its entirety:
Architecture has a similar setup. Good designs go to people with money, bad designs go direct-to-suburbs.
holy shit sotne that is some fucking funny and topical shit!!!!
Jesus Christ – even I hate the fucking joke now.
bad designs go direct-to-suburbs, oh man im fucking crying here
I once made a bird house out of popsicles. It only lasted 15 minutes before it melted.
Robo-ever see that Jerry Springer episode where the guy would get a bunch of Spam, shape it into a woman, and…well…yeah…
Eat it in his trailer?
I used to pretend I was Corey Feldman but I just had too much potential.
Why are they concerned with insuring a third outing, is it going to be done by the same people as Quantum of Solace?
Hell, I hadn’t even noticed that Durst time had come today.
It’s official!
I have syphilis!
Mazel Tov!!
Boy or girl, Jack?
It’s official!
I have
syphilissyphilis!FUCKED!
so what are you all out ther having cinco de mayo tequila shots?
so i was visiting MCS today and waaaaaaay back saw an image about bears that had a link to http://bearsgonewild.com/blog/ I thought this site was gonna be about funny bears, or like our beloved vampire bear… boy was i wrong
empty jenkem balloon :’(
I do not drink tequila. I also do not drink Corona. I’d make a terrible beaner. I can’t even trim my hedges neat and level.
erswi, start taking babysteps toward your beanerdom, like parking your pickup truck on your lawn, you’ve already earned +500 beaner points for having twins,
But you can knock up your woman two at a time, erswi. That makes up for it.
Just like a fucking beaner, bex, stealing my thunder like that.
C’mon now Robo, beaners do not steal thunder.
They steal yobs.
More than yobs, beaner steal EBERYTHEEN!
A beaner once stole my heart.
Ok, it wasn’t technically MY heart, but it was my yob to get that heart to the hospital so that little girl could live.
But it made for one sweet wallet, Donk.
I tried to make up for it by killing a hobo; but, for some reason, they said they could tell it hadn’t come from the original donor. Something about not believing that an 18-year old accident victim with a squeaky-clean record would have a heart that looked like it had been stepped on several times.
*knock* *knock* *knock*
“Who’s there?”
“No poon.”
“No poon, who?”
“No poon afternoon, you white mother fuckers!”
Which made the good wallet ualylP? The beaner or the heart? I had to fire my wallet beaner, he kept trying to borrow my Jeep to ferry family members to the ER. Jerk.
Boff, Parc.
20 min until beer and tacos!
WTF are those Lemonade Tacos fek was talking about?
Got me, I ate tacos de cabeza and tacos de langua, bet never tacos de lemonada. *QLV?
*QLV is the Mexican WTF
I don’t have a clue. Is that when you grunt out a piss directly onto some chick’s happy portal?
Que la verga?
Indubitably, Carp
I know man we need to get to the bottom of this lemonade taco bizznezz
Soy be a gavacho pero me sabe mexicano muy shit!
Shitouttacunt! Time to get fucked the fuckinty fuck up!!! woOOOOooooo!!! AH HA HA ha HAYA!!
I wouldn’t eat Fek’s “Lemonade Tacos” if they were made out of pussy.
I’m more likely to snap my tongue on a mousetrap than to ever be caught eating one of those sideways piss burgers.
So you HAVEN’T got your tounge stuck in a mousetrap, Chod?
Once Pauly…but someone laid a dead chick across the trigger, so I can’t really be held responsible. I don’t count “that one time”.
I put a Doonie and Burke bag with a bottle a Vodka and a case of Red Bull on a trap to catch all deez hoes.
If I spelled "Doonie and Burke" wrong then that makes you the fag for knowing, fag.
Get this, I piss on stuff to mark it with my scent.
Worst part is, I pissed all over these tacos once and somehow some retards at the fair ate them and now everyone wants me to piss on their tacos!?
Chod, remind me never to leave my car windows down around you.
The aroma from my nut-sack has more appeal than this movie.
Did I hear someone complaining about architects?
Contractor Mike?
What the fuck are you doing here this time of night? Don’t you have concrete to pour tomorrow morning?Fuck Mike!As a matter of fact I do, Erswi, if only the fucking design wasn’t a hybrid of cuneiform and Etch-A-Sketch. Am I supposed to pour a foundation or a mosaic of lilypads?
I didn’t know you could do a mosaic of lilypads! Lemme get that change order to you 5 minutes before you’re supposed to start working.
I’d be more comfortable if you send me the C.O. once the work is at least 50% complete, as per usual. Dick.
I’ll get right on that. Have it to you
tomorrownext weekwhenever I get tired of fuckin around on FD all goddamned daywhenever.See ya later Contractor Fuck Mike. I’ma go watch my Whore-nets whup up on the Spurns.
LEMONADE TACOS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
fek you better update your blog with that lemonade tacos story
I hop online before work, but no new post. Wake up ManTitties.
Yea. Poo.
Bex-you will have to wait for the Johnson County Fair this July.
Empty Lemonade Taco :(
Wake up, Bitch!@! We need our fix!!
Sid, where’s the wake up drugs? Sid!
Eibz! A Sid & Nancy reference? I love you too.
I’m looking forward to spending another full hour trying to squeeze out one joke today.
Hey, yesterday I heard that architecture was a lot like Lost Boys 2 but I can’t for the life of me remember how that is.
Where the fuck is Vink this A.M.? That site has 2 face pics up already.
That two face picture is pretty awesome. I always wondered what he looked like underneath it all
Hey, yesterday I heard that architecture was a lot like Lost Boys 2 but I can’t for the life of me remember how that is.
It sucks?
Thass gotta be it Stone.
Hey, how can it suck? Architecture is keeping me from being rained on right now. Ok, poorly executed, but it counts.
Anybody wanna play Tune In Tokyo while Venkman takes his time getting here?
Well since we’re not gonna talk about movies let’s talk about the New Orleans Hornets’ complete raping of not one but two Texass teams back 2 back. Nothing personal, Eib.
OK, I am going to come clean about Lemonade Tacos. The deal is, the carnies in Iowa have these stands they always use in Iowa, one is a stand that sells a little bit of everything. Well, they just have words all over the fucking thing, and on one side all it says is "LEMONADE TACOS", instead of "lemonade AND tacoes" or something like that.
I couldn’t find a picture of the actual, but these should give you an idea of what I mean:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/only-connect/204336668/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/devilsniff/493560571/
Architecture is the kind of thing that’s fun and cool at first, but after a few years, you wonder how you ever thought that…
Oh, sorry erswi – I mean, it’s all sunshine and ponies. You have nothing to worry about.
Second pic Fek. What the hell is an elote?
s’up?
I hate sunshine. And I kill ponies. Should be ok then, right?
I hate when people get my hopes up with euphemisms for peeing and vaginas.
Milk, milk, lemonade – around the back, fudge is made.
God, I hope Vince wasn’t a victim of the cyclone in Myanmar. Even WWTDD has a new Batman post today.
Yeah we kinda covered that already . . . and . . . DON’T EVER SAY THAT NAME AROUND HERE!!!!!!
Candyman
Candyman
CANDYMAN!!!
AHHHHH!!
Sorry jokerswild, I just got to work and didn’t read previous posts. What name, Vince?
Re: the Two Face pic over there; Yikes. I hope Harvey Dent has a Cary Grantesque personality because that motherfucker has got his work cut out trying to impress the ladies now.
You will refer to that other place as that other place, or some equally condescending nom de guerre.
Fuckin A for Vance not getting that Batman scoop.
Am I too late for the rhombus-jerk while we wait for a new post?
It’s a parallelogram jerk today Donkey. Get wiff the times, mofo!
It’s a sad day when I have to go over there for my movie news. still two face looks sweet.
Lanvince can just fire back by posting three consecutive photos of Britney Spears sneezing.
A rhombus is a parrallelogram!
Texas teams suck, so, no offense taken, Erswi.
I wasn’t going to tell him that, Luch.
Texas teams suck, so, no offense taken, Erswi.
Even the Odessa Jackelopes Eib?
Yea Donkey, he’s gonna swear at me now.
Fine then, a trapezoid. Is that better for all you geometry nerds out there?
You cant have any kind of jerk with a chick in the room, can you?
Trapezoid it is.
Architects in Loisianna are not required to study geometry.
After reading Eibmoz’s post, I’m suddenly hungry for Jamaican food.
You’re right Stone. We’re required to study Trigonometry and Calculus instead.
They are, however, required to spell Louisiana correctly
Guys, make sure Bex sees the Lemonade Taco explanation today. he might burst at the seams.
I wasn’t gonna go there Eibz, but I’m glad someone else noticed. Fuckin Jerseyans. . . Jerseyites? Jerseys?
Jerks.
I thought the correct term for people from New Jersey was "Guido"
Shows how much us Kansas rubes know…
You cant have any kind of jerk with a chick in the room, can you?
Get it, chicken? Jamaican? I suck.
Jersaniacs!
Lemme tell ya somethin Mean Gene!
I got Anagram. I just cant beleive I didnt see it before that. What a maroon!
So, I finally watched Dan in Real Life last night. Anybody else seen it/think it was corny?
Jamaican me crazy!
LOL!
*sigh
That’s it, I’ve had it. I’m going to do some work.
Someone call Vince and tell him it’s Seis de Mayo now, so stop eating worms and get your gringo nose back on that grindstone. Piss on a taco, if this post is up any longer I might find myself making "Haim for the stars" jokes.
Do you see what you hath wrought today, Lance? Film Drunkards are actually doing work now. Great. Here comes the zombie apocalypse!
Fuck! He forgot to untie Vinky this morning!!! BRB!
Zombies? Jamaicans? Looks like people liked my joke about "undreds" yesterday!
not too sure about the validity of that two face pic over there. i found a blurry pic of the toy of him from the flick and it looks pretty different.
http://www.movievice.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/02/twofacefirstlook.jpg
My boss just sent me an email. All it said was:
BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNNSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!
Regards,
Russ
My ex wife is from Louisianna. I figure in few more years I’ll have forgotten enough letters in the state’s name to officially erase it from my memory. Kind of like Marty McFly’s hand.
There’s a good Parkinson’s joke in there somewhere… just have to find it. Shit! I’ve already killed the etch-a-sketch-erasing-things-by-shaking jokes…
I’ve got one, but I think I’ll save it. That usually means I forget it by the time it becomes topical.
The toys are watered down so as not to scare the kids
New Post!
No Stone, that means it’ll take you 3 hours to post it and it won’t be funny.