OPENING THIS WEEKEND

Sex in the City
The reviews haven’t been so hot (and shockingly, there seems to be a gender divide).  Like it matters, you’re either going to see it or you’re not, and you probably knew the answer months ago.  One thing’s for certain though - if you used the term "Manolo Blahnik" at any point during your media coverage or review, congratulations on being an unoriginal queefstick.

The Strangers
"Inspired by a true story," they say. The story?  "The movie is inspired by an event from the director, Bryan Bertino’s, childhood. A stranger came to his home asking for someone. Later, he found out that empty homes in the neighborhood had been robbed. With that memory in mind, Bertino created this, his debut screenplay."  I don’t know who gets killed in the movie, but the meaning of a phrase got killed during marketing.  

Bigger Stronger Faster*
WithLeather had the review on this earlier this week.  It’s also tracking 100% recommended on RottenTomatoes, out of 24 reviews, which I think is good.  People often ask me if I’m on steroids, but sadly, my nuts have always looked like this. 

Friday Free for All is a regular feature on FilmDrunk in which I post random videos from around the world, similar only in their awesomeness. Send your tips to lance@filmdrunk.com.

Today’s video comes from Cracked.  I’m not sure how old it is, but I found it rather humorous.  It’s about a guy who creeps out his blind date by telling her about his job making coffins.  It really hits home for me, because sometimes the ladies ask, "So, what do you do?"  And I get all sheepish, and I’m like, "Well…  You’re not going to believe this, but… I’m the guy from FilmDrunk."  

"The who from what?" they’ll ask, and that’s when I bust out my clubbin’ stick.  Girls love that mushy stuff.   -Thanks to Fek for the tip

So Mena Suvari is in a movie called Stuck, based on the true story of a woman who hit a homeless man with her car, then left the man, still wedged in her windshield to die and later disposed of the body.  Naturally it’s a comedy. (red-band trailer after the jump)

Mena Suvari stars as Brandi, a cornrowed retirement-home caregiver who washes asses for a living and has a cheating boyfriend to contend with at home. She suddenly finds herself on top of the world when she is offered a promotion at work, which means she will no longer have to clean up feces for rent and food money. After a hard night of celebrating this new turn in her life, Brandi hits a homeless man and he becomes wedged in the windshield of her car. Afraid to go to the authorities, the girl’s life comes crashing down around her.

Wait, did you say cornrows? 

Mena Suvari: The cornrows? That was about establishing Brandi as this girl from a particular society and neighborhood. The real story took place in Fort Worth, Texas. We felt that maybe our story was taking place in Rhode Island. Maybe Providence. So the hair was about establishing her in this particular world.

Seems like the setting would be something you’d know for sure, but… I totally get Rhode Island – after all, that’s the White-people-in-cornrows State.

Suvari: My intent was to make Brandi look realistic [... -Ed.]. She needed to be involved in this particular world. She’s not a model. She’s not an actress or a beauty queen. That was her life. So if she is living in this particular world, and she has this particular boyfriend, and these are her surroundings, then yeah, she would absolutely incorporate a hairstyle like this. Despite the fact that certain people in society wouldn’t find it that attractive.  [Source]

Waaait, a second, the story this is based on, it didn’t happen to be a black girl, did it?  I think I understand now.  Casting the whitest girl on the planet aside from those guys from Nelson and giving her cornrows makes much more sense than casting a black girl.  I mean, that would just be retarded.  In other news, I hear Tyler Perry’s next movie is about a white chick, played by Angela Bassett in a Blink 182 hoodie.   

The video after the jump is what happens when you combine Kung Fu Panda, Russian, and the “Kung Fu Fighting” song.  It’s a music video by the band Mumiy Troll created for Kung Fu Panda.

Some languages just aren’t meant to deliver messages of joy and mirth - like when the new pope talks.  No matter what he says, it always comes out sounding like Darth Vader.  Similarly, when Russians try to act fun and happy it just seems creepy and unnatural, like a black dude playing waterpolo. 

A racist observation by way of a racist analogy. Sometimes I outdo myself.  

*Jumps through window* 

I Love You, Man stars Jason Segel (of Forgetting Sarah Marshall fame) and was written and directed by John Hamburg, director of Along Came Polly and writer of Zoolander, and both Meet the Parentses.

I Love You, Man centers around a newly engaged guy who sets out to find the perfect best man for his wedding, and judging by this video, at some point he gets into an argument with original Incredible Hulk and star of Pumping Iron Lou Ferrigno (playing himself).  Ferrigno takes Segel down with a sleeper hold, which is a lot sexier and more homoerotic when you call it a rear naked choke.