This is the trailer for Vice, starring Michael Madsen, a movie that’s impressive in its total generic-ness.
Let’s see: looking hard-boiled in a leather jacket during a rain storm under a full moon, the anti-hero having an epiphany while staring at a crucifix in a church… what other clichés can we stuff in there? *checks IMDB* Ooh, characters named Walker, Sampson, and TJ – well done, sirs. Oh well, if nothing else, I’m sure it’ll be great material for Madsen’s next book of poems.
Once I was in a movie
Starring ‘longside Daryl Hannah
Frontwards and backwards, her last name’s the same
That’s called a Palindrome!
I nearly exclaimed
And I said, I’m Michael Madsen,
M-squared is my rap name.
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999,986!
While driving to work,
what a pain I had felt.
A tightening, a swelling,
I loosened my belt.
So I took a shit.
It was good.
The older Michael Madsen gets, the less he looks like a grizzled, street-tough cop who would rather shoot you than do the paperwork associated with arresting you and the more he looks like an alcoholic mall "cop" who yells things like "heyyyy, I’m waaatchin’ yooo, don’t try annything or Ay’ll bust yooo" at groups of three or more teenagers.
I’ve seen highs and lows in my career.
But nothing will ever be as bad as Bloodrayne.
Did you see my hair in that?
I’m having fish sticks for lunch.
Micahel Madsen? More like Michael Moore! (BURN!)
Sorry, I don’t do poetry. I can never think of anything to rhyme wiff Nantucket.
Virginia is my Sister.
The State was named after her.
I never got the chance to work with Brandon Lee.
Rainbows are bridges to your imagination.
Gary Busey is weird.
JHC, that was genius
Seriously though, can nobody rhyme Nantucket? Sonofabitch.
I was in Species with Natasha Henstridge.
She showed off her cans in that film.
I must’ve jerked myself raw on that set.
Now I heard she’s a dyke.
Sometimes I read the obituary to make sure I’m not dead.
Dor sho gha! Erswi’s vagina has polio!
I never thought they’d find,
I was sure I hid it well,
Who looks for cameras in a toilet?
I’m going to pervy hell.
I’m high as fuck and can’t understand that poetry.
I have good days and bad,
some happy some sad.
Sometimes I feel like Hollywood’s whore,
I wake up thinking I’m Tom Sizemore.
Red Planet was a fun movie to make.
Holy shit, everyone’s boss must have fish-hooked their ass!
Air has hydrogen and oxygen in it.
So does water.
This blows my mind.
I once ate a fly.
New Post Whitmans
**I have extremely limited internet access right now. There’s some fucking piece of forshak malware on my station that no one can figure out how to erase. Symantec is "working on it". It’s just an annoyance, but that’s what’s keeping me from posting…
Wait, Stone was that you doing Michael Madsen or Stone? I’ll assume Madsen
Looks like Bad Lieutenant but without the laughs. "Show me your ass."
Wait, Stone was that you doing Michael Madsen or Stone? I’ll assume Madsen
That was me channeling Madsen.
Mikeys done it again, hard to beat this lackluster.
His IMDB page reads like the dumpster at Blockbuster.
Super creative, this rap soundtrack sure is hardcore,
My guess is their budget didn’t "let the bodies hit the floor".
His acting superb, no one has expressions like Madsens,
When he shoots off that gun, his face clearly reads "OH NOES, MY DEPENDS!"
Natasha Henstridge is a dyke?
Madsen hasn’t changed his expression since Mr Blonde
His tough guy persona; belief it’s beyond
World weary cops with crosses to bear
Hitmen with a heart and Elvis’ hair
He speaks sotto voce, compelling us to listen
Check it out, a giraffe. Giraffe’s are cool. hehehe
When I was young I had no sense
I went and pissed on an electric fence.
It shocked my dick and shocked my balls,
Made me shit my coveralls.
purple hazed
born and razed
confused and dazed
more than flava flav.
the scary thing is, just the other day, I was standing there in the rain in my leather jacket, brooding, and angling my face to catch the light just the right way to be flattering and hide my double chin, being tormented by undefined ghosts from my dark past. I suddenly found myself in a church, and was suddenly filled with a purpose, and after several periods of writhing around in different locations, fighting my own terrible demons, I heard the calling to take justice into my own hands and start shooting at minorities, mostly while they were slightly below and to the right of me, for the most dramatic angle to onlookers.
its getting kind of scary how often I see my own life reflected back to me on Filmdrunk.
or, I need to stop doing massive amounts of PCP and going to churches in Alabama.
jim get an avatar so I can properly enjoy your post
better?
I had a dream last night where Michael Madsen was in Wendy’s eating a spciy baconator with that same tortured, super serious look on his face.
When I asked what was wrong he just looked at me at me and sighed "Nothing. Everything."
I’m 100% convinced this is how it would go in real life.
if you think that anyone would be capable of having a tortured, serious look on their face or even being capable of considering that anything was wrong, you have obviously not truly experienced a Wendy’s Spicy Baconator.
It is truly a sandwich version of Arnold in Terminator 2… but spicy. and instead of using a shotgun, he is using bacon. and instead of protecting you from from Robert Patrick as an ustoppable killing machine, its protecting you from the memories, the terrible, terrible memories.
The bacony-ness wraps you in its arms, protecting you. The bacon tells you that all those girls in high school were lying whores, that you are a handsome young man, just like mommy said. The bacony goodness tells you to be happy, everything is ok. and that those tramps will pay. they’ll all pay.
also, they have Frostys.