TUCKER MAX IS GONNA BE MORE RICHER
04.17.08
Tucker Max is set to write a film based on his best-selling book about getting drunk and banging chicks, I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell.
The film will follow his trip to a friend’s bachelor party, where he ensnares the groom in a lie that threatens the wedding, then abandons him to pursue further carnal knowledge [That's nerdspeak for porkin' - Ed.]. After being banned from the nuptials, Max attempts to get back into his friend’s good graces.
Max will co-write with Nils Parker; Bob Gosse will direct. If you haven’t heard of those people, don’t worry, I’m not entirely convinced they exist.
Max’s road to the screen has been a long one. In 2003, he sold a TV pilot based on his site and book to Fox and then NBC, but rights quickly reverted back to him after a regime change. Three years later he sold the show to Sony, and Comedy Central bought the pilot, but the deal was canceled after a dispute with Sony about feature film rights. [Hollywood Reporter]
Yeah, that sucks, I hate selling the same thing like four times. In related news, I’ve been asked to adapt FilmDrunk into a feature film. The story involves a handsome movie blogger who saves a village from destruction by shielding it from an asteroid with his rock-hard abs. Then, after the hero has pleasured the village’s nubile womenfolk into submission, he chops down the largest tree in the forest with his penis, and gives birth to a litter of kittens that never age. Based on a true story.
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I hope he dies in the end, and in the movie too.
Really? I mean his stories were good but that level of debauchery won’t translate well to the screen in this puritanical society.
I hope I don’t reveal too much about myself for asking this, but, who the fuck is Tucker Max? Honestly, I’m not trying to be sarcastic, I really have no fucking idea who this dipshit is.
Tucker is his middle name. His first name is Richard.
So they can alienate the American moviegoing audience by having Tucker fail to learn his lesson in the end, or they can alienate Tucker Max’s fanbase by turning this into another Wedding Crashers, where he learns that life isn’t all about chasing tail and getting drunk.
I haven’t seen a setup for failure this perfect since Heather mills on Dancing With the Stars
Wait, wait, wait. So we’re to believe that a guy named Tucker actually got a woman to stop laughing at his name being Tucker, long enough to actually stick his dick in her?
Read his stories. Even if they’re pure fiction they’re funny. Don’t know that I’d pay to read his book or see a movie.
Stealing Fek’s Thunder: I haven’t seen a setup for failure this perfect since they designed the original Death Star with a two-meter wide exhaust port that led directly to the reactor core.
Well done Pauly. Nominated.
I don’t know this guy, he sounds like a dick.
I bet this movie stars Dane Cook.
Thank you JEEEESUS!
So really, what’s the difference between this post and the last?
This one has 75% more dick joke potential and the flavor lasts twice as long!
I’d only watch this movie if I was blind.
They should get Sigourney Weaver to play Tucker Max.
I haven’t seen a setup for failure this perfect since Uwe Boll last got behind a camera.
This movie will make HUNDREDS!! HUNDREDS!!! WOAHAHAHAHHHH!!
I haven’t seen a setup for failure this perfect my last blind date.
Oh GOD TOKEN WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY why did I start reading his shit. Holy crap. My eyes! My virgin eyes are bleeeeding….can’t stop.
I mean, she didn’t see that cunt slap coming at all.
The idea for this movie is like breeding a bear with a shark. Sure, it seems great on paper, and teenage boys everywhere would think it was awesome, but in the end, you’re stuck in a room with a bear and a shark that just won’t fuck each other because all they want to do is kill you and eat you.
Don’t worry Michelle, it’ll be over in a few days. I haven’t read these in years and it doesn’t look like he added much. Of course I only read the stories, not the blog or other stuff.
Yeah, thanks token. I decide the first one I should read is his butt-sex post. Obviously the fags didn’t give him all the info. he needed. I suppose that’s their idea of retribution for him treading on their turf.
I saw Tucker Max perform on the Strip in Vegas,
shehe does a mean Liza Minelli.OH JHC! JHC! me too, it was like living it all over again…errr I mean…
If you really want to see funny, visit TM’s Myspace page and spend a bit of time reading through the comments, it’s all girls with severe daddy issues and frat boy retards who either want to fuck Tucker Max, be Tucker Max, or challenge Tucker Max to a drinking contest.
I want to challenge Tucker Max to a drinking contest, then fuck him when he’s passed out. I’ll kill him, then become him.
That’s a way better plot line.
An excerpt from pete(with a little heart at the end of his name)
Hey Tucker!
Did U know that I am one of your intern Assistant’s?? LOL!
Yea that’s my new job is to be just like You! LMAO
When’s our playdate to be genuine assholes like the mafia n hit the streets of So Cal??? I need a buddy in the West, I’m from the East!
CHEERS!
Peter
Okay, I followed the link to his page. He has a message board devoted to himself, to which he’s contributed nearly 15,000 posts in four years. And that, my friends, told me all I ever needed to know about Tucker Max.
i fucking hate tucker max
I swear to FUCK if I ever see this cock-pocket in the streets, I’m going to open a shook bottle of champage in his asshole until Dom Perignon comes shooting out his nose.
Tucker Max is a fucking douchebag.
hitler could come back to life and kill my family and jizz on my pillow and id still hate tucker max more
I don’t really have a problem with the guy. And besides, Seann William Scott needs work, too.
I was sumarily "boo’d" off his blog as a commenter a couple years ago. I arrived, declared that I would soon be honored with some form of top commenting award (see, Lance – I invented COTW), then dropped an admittedly dull story about Glen reheating 2 day old coffee.
At the time, an internet friend was actually Tucker’s roommate, and he begged me not to mention my affiliation with him due to the outpouring of hate I received for my unsubstantiated arrogance.
I stuck it out for a few days – just long enough to take ‘honorable mention’ in a peripheral caption contest held on the board… I decared my victory, and left with my head held high, never to return.
Actually, let me elaborate on that. I don’t really have a problem with the guy, mainly the guy who paid him because he thought we haven’t seen this movie before.
now im even more pissed off cause that damn kate hudson trailer got that mika song stuck in my head
love love me love love me sunnavabitch!!
For what it’s worth, Tucker’s "I’m better than your kids" piece with his critique of childrens’ drawings is still one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen.
That was Maddox, SS.
I thought by now there would have been a mention of him banging Nic Cage because of the picutre. I’m so disappointed.
“Chodin sits down on steel beam to enojy his lunch with the rest of the construction workers*
Can somebody give me a fucking apple or something?
*Tossed Chodin a hot pocket*
It’s all I got.
*Pauly comes back from Port-o-Potty with one boot off and filled with piss*
Here ya go Chod, chug on that.
*Chodin fumbles the hot pocket and the two watch it fall 17 stories*
Fuck…anybody else got something?
And I’m upset because I still can get a green light for my book "Beezus and Ramona, Age 69."
*Chodin grabs Pauly’s piss-filled boot. Takes a chug and then wipes his piss mustache*
Ahhhhhh…..thanks pal!
New post piss sippers
New post, you cat calling, hard
onhat having bastards.That was Maddox, SS.
Shit, you’re right. Then fuck this guy. And Mike.
Holy fuck, so that’s where lolcats come from? Damn you!
I was gonna say, Stone, I tried to have an open mind and looked for that story on this dick jockey’s site, and all I found were dozens or articles about the various circus carnies and gene pool polutes he’s fucked, and all the hilarity that ensued.
I actually find Tucker’s stories really entertaining, in a juvenile way. But they’re only funny from the author’s point of view, and the only way this project could work is with an SLC Punk type treatment, where he spends half the movie talking to the camera. Plus, the production team will probably do something unthinkably stupid like cast Dane Cook as Tucker.
Also, vyjuncg made me crack up. Nice one.
Tucker Max is a pasty shit.
I laughed at Tuckers stories, pureile, banal, contrived, but entertaining in a fart joke kinda way. Once he stopped writting and the whole thing turned into him petting all his little psychophants on the blog, he became a fucking tool puncher.
http://messageboard.tuckermax.com/showthread.php?t=21225&page=2
LETS SAY IT TO TUCKER’S FACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
http://messageboard.tuckermax.com/showthread.php?t=21225&page=2
I see I’ve retained my popularity over there. Yep, I’m the same douche, 2.5 years later and still entertaining myself with my high level of discourse. I was red dotted into oblivion.
And yes, I mistakenly credited Tucker with Maddox’s piece. Oops.
I always found Tucker funny, and thought most of the commenters there were as well – which is why I gave it a go. Wasn’t a match, I moved on.
Carry on, my friends.
Stop in here now and again – there are some funny fuckers here, too.
SS
I see I’ve retained my popularity over there. Yep, I’m the same douche, 2.5 years later and still entertaining myself with my high level of discourse. I was red dotted into oblivion.
And yes, I mistakenly credited Tucker with Maddox’s piece. Oops.
I always found Tucker funny, and thought most of the commenters there were as well – which is why I gave it a go. Wasn’t a match, I moved on.
Carry on, my friends.
Stop in here now and again – there are some funny fuckers here, too.
SS
You can tell I’m serious by the double post.
THEY ARE CALLING US OUT! We really need to all go on Tucker’s messageboard and destroy them.
Because when you’re a Jet you’re a Jet all the way?
My roommate has a sex tape of her and Tucker Max. She says she is waiting for the right time to sell it to the media. How awesome for Tucker, he gets 2 movie debuts haha.
The funniest site to mock Tucker is definitely http://tuckermaxdoucebag.blogspot.com
http://messageboard.tuckermax.com/showthread.php?t=21225&page=3
Sweet! my least funny comment on this thread got quotes over there as an example of FilmDrunks (Sarcastic) high level of discourse.
You love me! You really love me!
deucebag?
(Dick) Tucker Max says: Totally unrelated, but did you guys see this? If this isn’t a recipe for success, I don’t know what is.The link is to the THE THREE HORSEMAN OF THE APOCALYPSE thread which is almost the same premise* for Tucker’s movie.*Don’t really give a fuck about the differences, because I still can’t distinguish Tucker Max from Dane Cook.