THE FABULOUS LIFE OF TONY STARK
04.24.08
After the jump, I’ve got some fancy new internet video featuring Tony Stark from Iron Man. Courtesy of VH-1, it’s called The Fabulous Life of Tony Stark, and it’s basically a parody of one of those VH-1 shows where they get homeless people they found behind the studio to comment on the latest entertainment gossip. "When I saw them pitchers a Britney? Hot damn, I was like, ‘Wow!’, I mean, I nearly dropped my can a piss! I said to myself, ‘Laserbeam, the aliens in your underpants will never believe this one.’"
Anthony Edward “Tony” Stark, a.k.a. Iron Man, is a genius (went to M.I.T. at 15), a multi-billionaire (runs Stark Industries), an adventurer, a martial arts expert and a philanthropist. Not to mention he has a way with the ladies. Watch the clip above to glimpse Tony Stark’s lifestyle, then enter our contest for a chance to actually become him for a weekend. You could be living like a billionaire in Los Angeles!
Yeah, boy, I mean, I can’t even imagine the amount of hot poontang a guy who went to MIT at 15 would pull. And a lot of it was probably that world famous MIT poon too. Between him and my mongoloid cousin who went to ASU at 27 – well, I guess you could say I know some dudes who’ve banged some chicks, if you smell what I’m layin. PS – Was Ricky Rackman busy, or what?
[Thanks to Bill S. Preston for the tip]
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I bet Tony got as much kitten punched at MIT as Doogie Howser MD got from those nurses on the ward…
[Thanks to Bill S. Preston for the tip]
How do you forget the "Esquire"? He didn’t go to law school for nothing. Or assist knights for that matter.
I had a cousin who used to go to MIT.
Until she was raped and slaughtered on campus.
Rich or poor, you have to do a lot of work revolving around getting in the ladypants. If you’re rich you have to have the ladies clothes dry cleaned and chauffer her around town and buy her ass off after tapping it. If you’re poor, you have to convince her that she won’t wake up stapled to the drywall before you get some.
I’m going to L.A. to live like a Dollar Menunaire.
how come in tv/movies, all successful genius-types go to world-reknown colleges at a young age?
in the real world, successful business-y types all got their way paid for them by their daddies, and ‘geniuses’ like Albert Einstein were social outcasts who flunked math.
The only instance of kid-going-to-college-at-an-early-age that I’ll buy for even a second is Wormser from ‘Revnge Of The Nerds’. ‘Cuz that movie’s legit.
I’m doing that right now Pauly. Want me to give Ben Seaver a message for you?
Well played VH1. The only thing that COULD top Flavor Flav IS a fucking imaginary superhero.
Christ on a crutch, those "pop culture commentators" are nothing but a bunch of hate crimes waiting to happen.
oops, Revenge, not Revnge. stupid ‘e‘ key!! bah! need new keyboard.
Yeah SMB, tell that guy to stop licking that mayo off my fuckin’ Hot and Spicy!
The only way I’m entering that contest is if it comes with the chance to win Verne Troyer’s hat.
who the fuck REEEEEEALLY wants to win Vern Troyer’s hat? You’d need to clean it, and most detergents are completely ineffective at removing the scent of "smelly, washed-up, has-been, novelty act".
He says his reasons for licking the Mayo are his own and that you should go fuck yourself.
Ben Seaver is kind of a dick huh?
Tony Stark rents his tuxedoes.
I once wore Vern Troyer like a hat… and then me and Tony Stark spit-roasted some chick. That was an awesome party!
I couldn’t wait for May 23nd to win Verne’s hat. I mean, that day doesn’t even FUCKING EXIST! I HAD TO HAVE IT NOW!!!!! That’s why I went to Hollyweird and BTK’d Verne Troyer last week. Now who’s hat do you wanna win?
If I win, I’m buying a pound of weed and then I’ll get my head fucked at a local hot-spot. Then end up on TMZ.com fighting a tranny.
Yup, I’m a walking party.
on a more related note, if you win the ‘be Tony Stark for a weekend’ thing, you won’t remember any of it and you’ll just wake up Monday morning covered in piss. Because of the alcoholism.
I plan to drink myself to death, a la ‘Leaving Las Vegas’, and am therefore an expert on such ‘mornings after’.
MH, if you ever really succeed at your Leaving LV methodology the good side is that there won’t be a morning after. So you got that going for you.
Heath Ledger left Las Vegas.
RDJ is checking The Dude’s oil.
Now who’s hat do you wanna win?
I’ve always wanted to cum in the pope’s hat, Erswi. Any way you can make that happen? By that, I mean, you get me the pope’s hat; I’ll do the rest.
Does the Tony Stark for a weekend thing mean you get to bang Gwyneth Paltrow because i’d rather just take the money.
Is that Jeff Bridges standing with him? WTF happened to the Dude?
jokers: for reals, right!? I
laugh out loud atfeel kinda sorry for the poor fucker who has to clean up after my bloated, boozy corpse. There’ll be vomit, blood, half-eaten hot dogs, porno mags, and empty Seagrams bottles everywhere. ‘Cuz I only drink fruity girl-drinks. It’s a testament to the security I have in my own masculinity.it’s a trick. VH-1 is planning on flying the winner to Afghanistan for the weekend and just leaving his ass there.
that’s right, donkey!! I heard about that… the winner, once in Afghanistan, then must devise his/her own suit of armor and escape all by their damn selves. It really IS a ‘be Tony Stark’ weekend!!
If I were Tony Stark, I’d bang Aquaman and then never call again.
I’d rather be Ghostface Killa. He’s a way cooler Iron Man. Plus he has a gold eagle bracelet.
In related news, the contest "Be James Bond’s Stuntdriver" has not turned out so well.
If I were Tony Stark, I’d leave the Iron Man armor on and bang all the smokin’ hot robot babes from film history… that bitch from ‘Metropolis’, the Stepford Wives… (but NOT Dot Matrix from ‘Spaceballs’; Joan Rivers voice = MAJOR turn-off)
erswi: What do you use to BTK Verne Troyer, a bunch of those twist-ties from loaves of bread and a pair of tweezers?
… on second thought, don’t answer, just consider that a rhetorical question.
Marcus, you forgot about Vicki from Small Wonder.
Oh, that was a sitcom, right…my bad.
I like to think that a drunken Ironman was the inspiration behind the Robot Chicken humping robot.
I don’t know if I can be in L.A. I would just start punching the fuck out of people.
Robot I would most like to fuck:
Tweeky from Buck Rogers!
… What?!
I’d like to be Verne Troyer’s hat for a weekend, but not if everyone is just going to cum in it. Oh, go on then. if it’s for charity. I draw the line at Cleveland Steamers though.
speaking of banging, there’s a link up above for a drunk party girl website that simply states "All Drunk Girls are here"…
to which I reply, "Really? ALL of ‘em? Well then let me just get out my credit card!"
***I’m new to the Internet, y’see, and have no reason to believe that anything I read on here isn’t 100% factual and true.
Drunk Teen Girls?
Hell Fuckin’ Yes!
Galaxina for me.
Hmmm…
Rosy from The Jetsons
Hal 9000
K.I.T.T.
Johnny 5
Oh, Yeah! and that kid from A.I.
robot I would fuck? Jude Law in AI
Donkey: Talk sense. How could you have sex with HAL? Phone sex maybe but that is it…
That’s gross, Eibz.
Hal 9000 is the Barry White of the robot world, Bryce.
Sorry Donkey, my shame is I like them over the age of consent. Dont tell anyone here, I will be an outcast. shhh…
I guess another hot robot chick could be the Loeken (sp?) girl from ‘Terminator 3′, but since I refused to actually watch that bullshit movie, taking her to bed might be kinda awkward… somebody else can have her.
Michelle Rodriguez had her. You dont want to go there.robot cooties
and Eib, the beautiful thing about robots is that there is no law governing the sexual treatment of automatons!! So anyone can just go nuts.
Only thing is, don’t try to use that argument at Chuck E. Cheese; you will find the staff there particularly unsympathetic to that point of view…
and Eib, the beautiful thing about robots is that there is no law governing the sexual treatment of automatons!! So anyone can just go nuts.
Only thing is, don’t try to use that argument at Chuck E. Cheese; you will find the staff there particularly unsympathetic to that point of view…
C3P0, but i’d get medieval on his ass.
and Eib, the beautiful thing about robots is that there is no law governing the sexual treatment of automatons!! So anyone can just go nuts.
Only thing is, don’t try to use that argument at Chuck E. Cheese; you will find the staff there particularly unsympathetic to that point of view…
holy shit, I posted a comment three times. I am fucking Super-dork, and my superhuman powers appear to include wasting space on blog threads. When do I get a big, Hollywood SFX movie made about me now?
Ooh. Big Trouble in Little China is on. Been awhile.
These are some texts from a
potential BTKeegirl I’m dating:Girl: So we’re going to the Kanye West concert tonight, right?
Me: Hells no! It’s Thirsty Thursday at the ball park. $1 BEERS. We’re going there then we’re gonna fuck, wether you like it or not.
Girl: You mean we’re going to the ball park wether I like it or not?
Me: No. We’re fucking wether you like it or not.
What can I say? I’m no Tony Stark, but I do have a way with the ladies.
Pauly: I tried to use that same line of reasoning on a chick once. But it turns out she was my mom, and so I got grounded. :(
Wesley Snipes gets 3 years !!!!!
There is an Alah!!!!
re: Wesley Snipes — "always bet on black" ("Passenger 57")
…but if ya win, make sure you get the taxes taken out right away, jackass.
Pauly, you have a beautiful soul.
Chodin, think he’ll get the Demolition Man treatment?
I hope he brings a ‘Blade’.
Wesley Snipes’ latest IMDB listing:
Wesley Snipes: “Fucked In the Ass” (2008-2011) – lead role.
I hope he gets sent to a ‘Major League’ prison.
He’s gonna be on the wrong end of a ‘Money Train.’
Some dude is gonna’ snipe Wesley’s butthole…
…with his dick rifle.
The Fabulous Life of Tony Stark : The Shit-Dump That Wesley Snipes Calls ‘His Life’
He’ll find out if White Men Can Fuck.
Hard ass pipe-hittin niggas in the showers are gonna teach Wesley to do The Waterdance.
Snipes is about to learn the Art of wa-FOUR DUDES!
boosh to you Wesley.
He’ll learn to Do the Right Thing when he’s in the pants Drop Zone.
To Wong Foo,
Put money in my books, Dawg
Love,
Wes
Wesley’s newest performance: New Sac Shitty
Some very happy boys are about to find out the Boiling Point of Snipes’ butthole.
From now on, the term Wesley Pipes is going to have a completely different meaning outside of Half Baked.
Wesley Snipes’ shit is going to hit The Fan while he’s Waiting to Exhale.
I bet he’ll deal with some Wilcats in there.
Trumaine, so tru.
He’s gonna give the King of New York Jungle Fever.
Passenger 57? More like Ass-injured 57
I’m right guys? Huh? Awww fuck all y’all.
you’re right pauly
I think my In-N-Out burger is on the way out.
Maybe he’ll make Mo’ Money while he’s The Last Boyscout! We’re making fun of black people, right?
now they can make a prison-breakout film about Wesley and call it "The Great Ass-gape".
or if he did time in Attica, they could call it "Ass-gape From New York".
Or maybe they could go the Lifetime network route and just call it "Ow, My Butt – I Promise To Always Pay My Taxes From Now On; The Wesley Snipes Story".
He’s gonna get it in the ass! Bite that pillow!!!
That’s 3 years Fed time, right? WEEEEAAAK!
Soooo what happens when Lance actually posts an entry about Snipes’ jail-time? All the ‘Wesley Snipes Is Gonna Get Sexed In The Butt’ jokes are gonna be used up already…
I have reserved my "Wesly Snipes: Darkest Motherfucker Alive" jokes until then, Marcus.
“Soooo what happens when Lance actually posts an entry about Snipes’ jail-time?”
We’ll just talk about something else?
If he posts it late in the afternoon on the west coast, it will be mostly gay commentary time.
Wow, I got drunk fast today.
Seriously, is that Jeff or Beau bridges?
If I shaved my head and grew a beard, I would not look like that guy.
Just to let everybody know.
Chodin, I get a Ashton Kutcher-esq vibe off you, is that how you look?
If so, I’d still fuck you if you were a guy.
Fact of the day: my wife does not think it’s funny when I introduce her as ‘my roommate’ to the hot waitress at the restaurant.
Fact of the day: Sade wrote the song "Smooth Operator" after meeting me.
Shit, I thought that song was about razors… or was it?
Nope. That’s me alright.
Jeff Bridges plays ‘Iron Monger’ in this movie.
But there were a lot of what I felt were wasted opportunities… Iron Man could/should be fighting the Iron Sheik, The Iron Giant, and/or all the members of Iron Butterfly.
Also, ‘The Iron Giant’ is the moniker I use to refer to my naughty bits.
Her name’s Kristina Loken. And she be Loken gooooood.
Is Gweneth’s character’s named "Iron Maiden"?
I think it’s "Iron Labia"
Really? I nicknamed my naughty parts Michael Ironsides because it’s all bald and hard as fuck.
Tony Stark should be named "Iron Liver". That’s for the comic book fans out there.
Anybody else think the big ‘Hancock’ banner on the right side of the page looks like a chap-stick advertisement?
*slams the half cup of 7 and 7*
I think I should be Iron Liver, or Sans Liver pretty soon.
Seriously though Marcus, there’s a black people/big lips joke there. But being the resident racist, I think I’ll save it for the Klan meeting.
Donkey, I think Mr Ironsides would be proud as fuck to have that as his legacy. Much prouder than having his appearance in ‘Starship Troopers’ as a legacy, anyway.
Iron Man isn’t the only "Shellhead" that needs to wear armor. Seriously, herpes itch.
Yep, Pauly, it’s all you. I’ll stick to just calling the movie "Hand-cock" and not going to see it.
True Story: Hancock was originally titled "Tonight He Comes".
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0448157/releaseinfo#akas
*Chodin gets dropped off by Wesley Snipes*
Hey, I’m back – Pauly, I do look like Ashton, only I’m into banging broads waaaayyyy older than that Demi Moore infant.
I looked at that link, Bob, and yeah… it also seems that it’s getting a big release in Estonia. The flick’ll do HUGE business there, since I’m sure they’re just now getting old ‘Fresh Prince’ episodes on their cable networks…
Chodin – you didn’t tell Wesley about any of the ‘ass-gape’ jokes I made about him, did you?
I heard that because of Wesley Snipe’s sentence they’re retitling that Vampire flick from "Blade" to "Shiv".
He was actually pretty quiet about the whole situation Marcus, then again, we were being escorted by U.S. Marshals.
Holy shit Chodin, did you just set up your own alley-oop?
Bra-fucking-vo.
I totally believe you. In fact, your story is Undisputed as far as I’m concerned.
I heard that "Demolition Man" has an entirely different meaning amongst the prison community.
I spent 14 months in Key West with no problem.
2 days in Ohio and I’m sunburned.
Fucking Murph’y Law.
You see, part of the joke is that my spelling of Murphy’s Law went wrong.
"Hi this is Wesley Snipes, do I have the wardrobe department? Yeah, I’ll be needing my To Wong Foo stuff back."
Snipes is about to get his "Drop Zone" violated.
Wesley is gonna get his Sugar Hill
sviolated.Brown sugar hills, that is.
Get ready to watch a bunch of white men jump Snipes in the prison yard.
Wesley snipes is gonna get ass fucked in prison
Wesley Snipes is going to engage in anal intercourse with another mail in the state penetentiary.
Wesley Snipes is going to get to drink another man’s Juice in prison.
What’d you say? Who the fuck is Omar Epps?