Paul Verhoeven, director of such films as Hollow Man, Starship Troopers, Showgirls, Basic Instinct, Total Recall, and Robocop, is planning to publish a heavily-researched, revisionist biography of Jesus in September.
The Dutch filmmaker, who has had a lifelong ambition to make a film about Jesus based on scientific research, claims that Jesus’ father was probably a Roman soldier who raped Mary during the Jewish uprising in Galilee. He also claims that Christ was not betrayed by Judas Iscariot. [Yahoo/HR]
Verhoeven goes on to say that contrary to modern depictions, Buddha actually had three breasts, and that Scientology overlord Xenu is a really just a malformed Siamese twin growing out of Tom Cruise’s side. Scientists are calling it the Kuato Theory.
In retrospect I suppose that headline was a bit sensationalist.
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Xenu is my homeboy. clearly
At least the soundtrack to the Jesus being crucified scene should be killer.
Jesus’ father was a Roman soldier
I always figured that God was Jamaican.
The Mighty Fek’lhr fervently hopes they include the part where Kahless makes the first batleth from strands of his hair…
…
oh…
I can’t wait until Jesus rises from the grave to seek out vengeance.
"Remember, Judas, when I said I’d kill you last? I lied."
I was not aware that Paul Verhoeven looked so much like a Martin Short character. Is there any way to be sure he isn’t?
Verhoeven looks like someone whose stroke favored their left side.
I was not aware that Paul Verhoeven looked so much like a Martin Short character. Is there any way to be sure he isn’t?
He’s still making movies.
I have a custom built Jesus RealDoll you guys can borrow if ya want. Get a taste of the "full Verheoven."
When Jesus returns for his second coming, homeboy is gonna’ have mad residuals.
I bet Jesus is spinning in his grave… no, wait… uh…
Anybody want to take bets on whether or not Bruce Greenwood gets to play Jesus?
choderinsty, the Holy See forwards Jesus’ royalties… right into their pockets. Fucking agents!
Verhoeven looks like Tommy Lee Jones’ "Two-Face" character in Batman Forever.
As long as they put Pontius Pilate in the Robocop costume, I’m cool with it.
He’s Dutch… Iznt dat vierd!
I never stopped to think how much the plot of Robocop mirrored the story of Jesus. Both were killed out of spite by their enemies, rose from the dead to seek vengeance, and can shoot lasers out of their eyes.
“…has had a lifelong ambition to make a film about Jesus based on [futuristic robots, the planet Mars, strippers and Casper Van Dien's chin].”
if Casper Van Dien isnt Christ, I am boycotting this film.
Crap, he’s still got all of video games though!!!
Any word yet on whether it’ll feature gratuitous frontal Jesus nudity?
What? He did Basic Instinct, for fuck’s sake!
Paul Verhoeven screams at other lesbians when they talk to her girlfriend.
I think Verhoeven looks like Phil Spectre on a day with no humidity.
Paul Verhoeven has a text book "dick-nose".
Paul Verhoeven’s smile causes stomach cancer.
It looks like the left side of his face is a Crip, and the right side is a Blood. And the left side is engaging in a "C-Walk".
Paul Verhoeven would look terrifying in black face.
It looks like Paul Verhoeven’s nose is slowly eating away at his face.
Paul Verhoven always had to play the wise man who brought Myrrh to the manger during childhood nativity plays.
After Showgirls, the side of Verhoeven’s face used to look through cameras just kinda threw in the towel.
I raped Jesus once. He just laid there screaming, "AYUDAME!"
The left side of Paul Verhoeven’s face is “going down”.
Due to a typographical error in the Bible, people incorrectly thought that Jesus was betrayed by Judas. In all actuality, he was belayed by Judas. That’s right, they went rapelling one day and Judas held the end of the line for Jesus’ turn.
Paul Verhoeven has a label stuck somewhere on his body that says; made from recycled plastics.
Zog hope movie finally reveal truth about what Jesus eat at last supper. Coyote.
Paul Verhoeven’s face looks like a crayon in the dryer.
Jesus didn’t really turn water into wine, he was just really drunk and turned around and pissed in the pitcher while nobody was watching.
Hey, Verhoven ruined Starship Troopers. He’ll fucking wreck the Bible, man. Don’t let that man read any more books.
Paul Verhoeven’s face is making a left turn.
That’s also the origin of the story of Catholics taking "the body of Christ." While drunk, at the same party, he yelled at some guy "Eat Me, Bitch!"
You know those historical revisionists…
Vagina: Paul Verhoeven doesn’t read books…
…but he loves the fucking covers.
Verhoeven?
There hoven.
Where?
There! Fag!
“The Dutch filmmaker, who has had a lifelong ambition to make a film about [Highlights magazine] based on scientific research…”
PHYSICS!!!
Righty tighty, lefty loosey does not apply to Paul Verhoeven’s face.
Tag line for Verhoeven’s Jesus movie poster;
He had it comin’!
Paul Verhoeven lets MJF comb his hair.
Paul Verhoeven winks with both eyes at the same time.
Paul Verhoeven wants to shoot his next film in 2.5-D.
Fuck paul verhoeven
He is cute. But I am not his fan. It is said he is single now. His photos were seen at millionaire&celeb dating site "RichMatchMaking.com" last week.