In a post on his blog recently, Michael Bay wrote, and you better hold on to your f-n hat for this one, everything you know about Transformers 2 is a lie
“Sorry everyone, everything you are reading (other then we are shooting in Philly) is false,” Bay wrote on his website Shoot For the Edit. “We are going to give so much disinformation on this film to confuse everyone.”
So wait, is he shooting in Philly and this is all an attempt to confuse us? Is Michael Bay even his real name? I can just see him at the premiere calmly cradling his pet bunny and then when the movie comes on shouting, "AHA! It’s about giant robots punching each other! No one could ever have guessed my diabolical plans!" and then taking a self-satisfied bite of his fruit roll-up.
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So does this mean that there will be a plot with at least a shred of goddamn logic? Cuz I’m telling ya, that will surprise the living shit out of me.
(ugh, why does the sleep-deprived version of me turn into a cantankerous gold prospector from some crappy western?)
Shit, too. This movie will be about Shitty LeBarf driving the latest piece of shit car that transforms into the gayest Autobot.
It’s just like writing my resume to special needs hospitals around the country…a goddamn pack of lies.
I wonder if they’ll CGI a new expression onto Shia’s face.
Somewhere, someone at General Motors is plotting Michael Bay’s death.
So, the film will have a well presented coherent story line, top tier non-melodramatic acting, a director of photography that knows what a fucking steadycam is (note Bay’s auto-tripod shooting style, asshole) and visual effects that develope at a pace a normal human brains can process?
What, no? None of those things, eh?
OK, everthing I heard is right.
This Michael Bay post just reminded me that it’s "Earth Day." Let’s explode something.
Michael Bay deserves to die on one of those machine fucking websites.
Bay’s blog is called ‘Shoot For The Edit’, eh?
Mine’s called ‘Shoot For The Eye’, and in it, I carefully detail what happens to bitches who won’t swallow. Boooooooooooo-yah!
I’m guessing that if Shia’s character has to kiss a girl, they’ll bring in a stunt double who, upon completion of the scene, will immediately be euthanized, dismembered and hauled away in multiple bio-hazard bags.
Shia meanwhile, will be safely contained in a concrete bunker wearing a HAZMAT suit and clutching his hermetically sealed copy of the February, 1978 Tiger Beat. Shaun Cassidy is soooo dreamy.
Michael Bay is behind that actor going, “And remember, you’re a- you’re a fucking black soldier! You gotta’ yell shit like ‘Yeah Dawg’ when you’re shooting that gun, alright!? Cause’ you’re a FUCKING black soldier!”
Rot, that was good.
Terminator 4 = dead
JLA = dead
Transformers 2 = <fingers crossed>
Last time I heard about "shooting in Philly" some gang bangers had mowed down a bus stop full of middle schoolers.
Mowing down a bus stop of middle schoolers > any Micheal Bay film
Michael Bay trying to outsmart people is a little like Michael Jackson trying to out-manly people.
Further into his blog, Michael Bay posted:
["In this second movie, Shia fucks a bunch of chicks...hehe, I'm totally not sporting shifty eyes right now, fags! lmao!"]
This post is awesome.
…some gang bangers had mowed down a bus stop full of middle schoolers.
And I can picture precisely how Bay would film it. It’s dusk and the colors are washed in sepia, but are still crystal clear as the camera starts low giving us a bottom-up, three quarter view of the lead shooter as he slowly stands and lowers his shooting arm while squinting into the opposite direction of the sun’s rays that are peeking out from behind his head. In the background and slightly to his right are his two homies, visible from the shoulders up, squinting in the same stupid direction. The music crescendos into a quasi-orchestral electric guitar riff.
Perhaps in the sequel, Senor Bay can answer for some of the ‘loose-ends’ from the first flick, like… "What happened to Barricade? He wasn’t even in the end of the movie!" or "How the fuck can Bumblebee suddenly talk? Does getting chopped in half have remarkable curative powers?"
and what about – - oh fuck, whatever. Giant robots, punch! smash! GRRRR!
PS: speaking of "loose-ends"? Your mom.
The only thing I know to be true about this movie is that I wouldn’t pay $.08 to see it.
Shit, how are we supposed to know whether Transformers 2 will really feature a cameo by Leader 1?
The term "autofellatio" really takes on a new meaning when you’re talking about Transformers.
not that I condone violence, but seeing that I live in philly, for the right price I may be able to
stalk him downclimb to the top of the Peco Building with a sniper riflehappen to run into him and thentell him how much his movies suckput him in a potato sack and take him over the bridge and drop him off in Camden NJ.re: Rotwanchung’s description of how Michael Bay would film a Philly shooting…
yeah, and then maybe Martin Lawrence could be in there somewhere and be all like, "Shit just got real."
Instead of this movie, I’ll be heading to the fairgrounds on SUNDAY SUNDAY SUNDAY to watch some in-bred retards smash cars against each other in what can only be described as the U.S. gene pool giving Darwin’s ghost the finger.
You couldn’t blow me to see the first Transformers…..
unless you were Tyrese.
what you guys dont know is that, that’s the same stance and expression he uses when he’s filming his ‘technique’ on himself.
So, this first Transformers movie that they did. . . . any good or not?
Michael Bay’s Craigslist posting:
4/21/08 *Philadelphia*
EXTRAS WANTED FOR MOVIE THAT IS NOT TRANSFORMERS TWO.
THIS IS NOT MICHAEL BAY 8=D :-)
Bay = Assclown
I was upset that when the robots transformed, they didn’t make the same sound they did in the cartoon. That, and the new Transformers took it up the tailpipe.
Michael Bay is like that kid in elementary school who would walk up to you and say "I’ve got a secret, but I’m not telling." The twist is that you hate the kid because he smells like rotten milk and you could give a shit less about the secret, but he gets off on it because it makes you pay attention to him in a manner that doesn’t involve his head being forcibly held below a toilet lid. Little does he know that you left a crayola box full of shit in his desk during recess.
Bay: Everything you have been able to find out about Transformers 2 is a LIE!!!!!!
The World: About what? Oh…. really? Um… OK?
My main issue/problem with the first ‘Transformers’ was the typical revisionist-Hollywood filmmaking bullshit that went on with it. They’re all like "ooooh, here’s a licensed property that we can take and pretend is our own… we can, for no damn good reason, rename characters like Devastator and make them into giant pussies instead of cool Constructicons." I also imagine they say this in ultra-falsetto girl-voices while pounding huge wads of sticky money up each other’s asses.
If I had a kid I would randomly cunt punch them and then say, "That was from Michael Bay." Just so they grow up hating him without having to sit through his movies. It’s a kindness really.
A true genious like Terry Gilliam can’t get a movie made without it exploding in his face (teehee) but infant fucking hack goons like Bay and Suckhiemer make millions three times a years on formulaic pieces of brain offal…
<sigh> Fuck you God! <drops pants and pisses as high as he can> SHIT, missed.
This thread is like a support group for me. However, I’m so ridiculously over-caffeinated and sleep-deprived that there’s a good chance that, without warning, I will crank open the valve on every man-spigot in here way past the point of "all the way on."
Fuck, I don’t even know what that means. I’m scared to look at what I’m writing on these student reports, but I’m pretty sure that on the last one where it said "Final Grade," I just drew the alchemist symbol for mercury.
Rot- Instead of this movie, I’ll be heading to the fairgrounds on SUNDAY SUNDAY SUNDAY to watch some in-bred retards smash cars against each other in what can only be described as the U.S. gene pool giving Darwin’s ghost the finger.
If that’s yours i would like to be your friend.
The barrel of Hollywood ideas to drum up excitement for a movie is getting dangerously empty. I’m afraid the only trick they’ll have left is to release a completely different version of a movie in Saudi Arabia just to get it banned over there so that Americans will go apeshit with anticipation over such a shocking film.
:::Please don’t read this if you’re a producer:::
"give so much disinformation on this film to confuse everyone"
I don’t care how many times Harry Knowles tells people it’s good, no one’s going to fucking believe it.
Donkey- You should put the warning before the comment…i’m just saying
New up with 100% more Luke Wilson and 63.5% more depression.
It’s ok, SMB, I’m pretty sure that the only words in that entire post that an actual producer would understand are "barrel, Hollywood, trick, and apeshit"
We’ll be lucky if they don’t make a movie based on Donkey Kong after reading that.